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* gq PORY PERRY STAR -- Tuesday, April ¥, 1985 editorial comments Child Alert Parents in the Port Perry and Scugog Township areas will have the chance later this month to fingerprint their children in a "Child Alert" program at the local IGA Store. : The fingerprints will become part of a booklet hand- + ed out to parents which also contains info about the kids such as age, height, weight and so on. The booklets are retained by the parents, and in the event that a child becomes lost or kidnapped, the booklet could very well prove most helpful to police in their search. Cost to the parents for the fingerprinting and the booklet is nothing. The expenses for this program, which 18 province wide, are being picked up by the corpora- tion which supplies products to IGA stores. We would urge parents to take the time later this month to put their youngsters through the 'Child Alert' program. It only takes a couple of minutes to complete. Recent events in this province and other parts of Canada have illustrated all too clearly the utmost need to street-proof or crime-proof young children. The notion that unfortunate things can't happen to children in small towns simply does not apply any more. Parents must take all the precaution they can to ensure the safety of their children. The "Child Alert" program is just one more aspect of this. And who knows? It could make the difference if a child did get into a serious situation. The dates and times of when the 'Child Alert" pro- gram will be held at Port Perry IGA are contained in an ad elsewhere in this issue of the paper. Mark them down and take advantage of this worthwhile project. You have nothing to lose. : Funding Issue Probably the most contentious issue to surface in Ontario in a long time is being debated not on the hustings by the provincial leaders and party candidates seeking election on May 2, but rather in the press in the form of full page ads, editorial, columns and letters to the editor. The issue of course, is the promise by ex-Premier William Davis to extend full funding to Catholic high schools in Ontario. Current Premier Frank Miller says basically that his government remains committed to the promise made by Davis. The two Opposition Parties have long supported the notion in principle that public monies should be available to all grades in Catholic High Schools. That's about all the three parties are saying on this issue, and obviously this is not enough, since several groups are starting to demand some answers on the whys and wherefors. The Metro Toronto School Board, for example, has hired a top lawyer and served notice that it will challenge in the courts any move to fully fund Catholic High Schools. At this point, the Board doesn't know what it is challenging, as there has been no legislation, only a pro- mise made last June in the Legislature by then Premier Davis. Public school boards have expressed concern about many potential ramifications: teaching jobs lost, erosion of funds from the public boards, loss of students, access by both teachers and students to Catholic high schools, further fragmentation of the education system in Ontario, the cost of what would be a duel secondary system, the impact on property taxes. All of these questions and more are being raised, but nobody seems to have any answers. The parties say legislation will be tabled once the provincial parliament re-opens after the election on May 2. That may be fine, but if all three parties support the idea in principle, what kind of questions and debate can we expect? And will there be enough time for a full and proper debate? Funding of grade 11 is slated to start this September. It seems to be the issue that all threé@ parties are simply choosing to ignore in this election campaign. Should this debate be left in the hands of the editorial writers, columnists and commentators, school boards and others? It should not, because this issue has so many far- reaching ramifications for all sectors of society in On- tario. It demands full attention in the Legislature so that (Turn to page 7) 0 7 CARL FAX TEND PoRT PERRY STRR. 95 by Cathy Robb chatterbox IF LIPS COULD KILL I look like the bride of Frankenstein on a bad.day. My bottom lip is fatter than Shelley and Jonathan Winters stuck together. My mouth looks like I did 10 rounds in the ring with Sean O'Sullivan and then chew- ed on the prop of an 85 horsepower Merc running at top speed. I make Mick Jagger look like Shirley Temple. The Rotary Club could forget buying a bandshell if they planted me in the ground and used my melon lips instead. On warm Sunday nights the entire Port Perry High School senior band could play on my bottom lip. So could the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for that matter. I am so ugly even my cats won't kiss me goodnight. Never mind Mr. Right, who I will no doubt run into. I'd never run into him when my hair is clean, my make-up is perfect etc., etc. But let my bottom lip swell to obscene crusty proportions and Tom Selleck will come knecking at my door. I know this to be true. And when I answer that door, his beautiful eyes will focus on my incredibly swollen, iuicredibly festering, in- credibly ugly bottom lip. And he will faint at the sight of such cherished awfulness. And I will simply die. Oh, God, I ask you, what sin did I commit in order to suffer such torture? What have I done to deserve the wretched wrath of the Killer Cold Sores? Was it that time I flung a spoonful of chicken noo- dle soup and zinged it right between my brother's eyes" Was it when I was in grade three and Lisa Nicolson spit at me in the schoolyard at recess, missed, and I rubb- ed her face in it on the sidewalk? What did I do to deserve these pesky cold sores, that grow like fertilized weeds on my lips every spring and every fall, without fail? More to the point, why have I got them worse than ever before? I mean, I've been growing cold sores since my mother was growing me, but I've never had them so good as I've got 'em right now. Like if these babies on my bottom lip were cases of beer, I could have supplied every restaurant in On- tario during the brewer's lock-out. If they were potatoes. there wouldn't be any starving children in Ethiopia And if they were dollar bills, I could trade my La-dee-dah in on a car that actually runs. Unfortunately, my cold sores are cold sores Just great big zits in disguise. What's more, they hurt | feel like somebody put out a cigarette on my bottom lip. and then walked over it with golf shoes. I can think of nothing else but these THINGS on my face. People ask me how I am (like, 'Hower ya doin" "but all I can do is moan. It hurts to talk, it hurts to smile. but mostly, it hurts to eat (possibly the only good think about these THINGS) Even worse, when people talk to me they don't look into my eyes, as per usual in conversations. Oh no, they can't help themselves. While they're talking about the weather or something equally important, their eyes in- advertently stray to my mouth. And stay there. "Whatsamatter with you?' I feel like snapping. "You read lips?"' . The other day I went to pay the rent and the lady behind the counter said, "You get cold sores too, eh?" Like she didn't even bother saying hi. And my boss, the illustrious Peter Hvidsten, my - own boss for gosh sakes, does nothing but make cracks about my face. Last Monday his wife Nancy and their new baby Matthew dropped by the office for a visit. So there I am, goo-gahhing at the tyke along with the rest of the Star staff, and Peter says to me, quite snarkily I might add, "DON'T YOU DARE KISS THAT BABY." It's a good thing I'm not running in this upcoming election. A candidate who can't kiss babies is like Anita Bryant without orange juice and homosexuals. I feel like a leper without a colony. Actually, I do have a colony. A whole colony of puffy bumps. When they sing about lips like strawberry wine, they're not referring to me. Unable to bear the stress any longer, I rang up Dr. Ralph Price at the Medical Associates building for a lit- tle heart to crust talk about cold sores. According to the good doctor, cold sores are a - member of the herpes virus family but they're no closer to being the nations's favourite social disease than ~ chicken or small pox. Herpes, he says, is just a broad name for an entire spectrum of skin diseases. Including cold sores. So no jokes about herpes, okay? And have you ever noticed how some people always seem to have crusts on their lips, and others never do" What's more, more women suffer cold sores than men. It's true. Either that or men just grow beards to hide the darn things. And how do cold sores grow (mine grow just fine. thanks)? Dr. Price says the virus can live dormant in your skin for ages and all it takes is a little stress. a menstrual period. the wind or hot sunshine to bring out "those tingling sensations that inevitably break out into legions Best thing to do 1s catch the cold sores at the tingl Ing stage Once they break out it's tough to zap them And although there are cold sore products on the market. I personally don't think any of them are worth the plastic they re stuffed into. As a longtime crust suf- ferer, my advice is to see your doctor and get some Good Stuff. some real prescription firepower to blast those cold sores into oblivion. (Turn to page 6)