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4 -- PORT PERRY STAR -- Tues. November 13, 1984 editorial comments ------------------ NEWS ITEM: Provincial Government legislates teachers back to classrooms cay. Prey veel Conv frafy sna. fu chatterbox by Cathy Robb BUBBA'S JUST BIG BONED The first time I met the world's fattest cat was two weeks ago, when I locked myself out of my apartment. "Not bad," I muttered after searching hopelessly through the sack I call a purse for the key I knew I wasn't going to find. "Not bad for a total spaz." The key was INSIDE my apartment. On the kitchen table. I knew this, even as I stood OUTSIDE my apart- ment. Keyless and clueless. My only possible recourse, I figured, was to seek out my landlords, Tom and Daphne Mitchell, and bor- row their key. I was assuming, of course, they had a key. The Mitchells live in that nice little blue century home on Lilla Street, you know the one, and when I ar- rived in their driveway the house was dark and deserted looking. As it turned out, there was no one home. No one, that is, except for Bubba, the fattest cat known to man. This cat, this mammoth miracle of motion, was hunkered down on the Mitchell's front porch like a hip- po in a mud puddle. This baby wasn't moving anywhere. For anyone. Just picture a bowling ball with a pin head. That's Bubba. And although I did eventually get into my apart- ment that night, I've never been able to shake the im- age of Bubba. I love cats, especially fat furry cats, the fatter the better. So when I saw Bubba, it was love at first sight. Actually, Bubba isn't her real name. Ten years ago the Mitchells named their pudgy little kitten Daisy, but when Daisy grew into a grotesque parody of cathood, she was abruptly nicknamed Bubba. "She was slim until she was a month and a half old," sez Tom Mitchell. " But Bubba did have one more svelte period in her ife. After Tom ran over Bubba's head with the family car. Any other cat would have been creamed, el-splatto. But not Bubba. Bubba (nee Daisy) merely had her jaw broken, which meant she had to have her jaw wired shut for a while. The ultimate torture for a cat who lives for food. Poor Bubba, couldn't eat for weeks, and eventual- ly faded away to a mere shadow of her former large self. "It was her slim period," sez Daphne. Once the wires came off, Bubba began to eat in earnest, making up for lost time. She designed a special weight-on program for herself including a strict diet of Purina Cat Chow in the blue box (nothing else will do), consumed at regular and constant intervals all day long. The Mitchells help by making sure her food dish is ped up at all hours. Bubba also sticks to a fat building exercise regimen, which calls for as little movement as possible. "The only exercise she gets is guarding her food bowl," sez Tom. Years later, Bubba is a model fat cat. Around Port Perry High School, where the Mitchell's teenaged daughter hangs out, Bubba is a legend, and for some, a sex symbol. The Mitchells received a love note from one adoles- cent who vowed to do anything for a cherished weekend alone with Bubba. From a wee kitten who weighed less than a pound of butter, Bubba has built herself up to an amazing 16 pounds -- and although it may not sound like much, let me tell you, it is. Bubba is basically a small cat. What she's got is all blubber, although Tom Mitchell claims '""She's just big-boned." From a mere ounce-ling to a 16 pounder. Bubba tru- ly is the Arnold Schwarzenegger of cats. Everyone is real proud of Bubba's accomplishment, except her veterinarian. "The vet says all that fat is hard on her hips,' sez Daphhe. But knowing Bubba, the vet's threat will be ignored. Bubba will never diet. She knows who she is and what she is. And that's fat. Really, she has nothing else to live for. The Mit- chells fixed her years ago so she's not interested in cats of the opposite sex. In fact, she's not interested in other cats period. '""She's jealous," sez Daphne. "She's selfish," sez Tom. But mainly, she's fat. FOE A Keeping The Promise Conservative finance minister Michael Wilson didn't pull any punches last Thursday night when he told the nation the federal government is in an even worse economic mess than the most pessimistic observers imagined. The government will spend $34.5 billion more than it takes in this year and the on-going deficit is now ap- proaching the $200 billion mark. So Mr. Wilson, noting that Canadians voted for change back on September 4, said that is just what they are going to get. He announced spending cuts that will amount to $4.2 billion, including symbolic reductions in pay for the Prime Minister and Cabinet members. The CBC, Via Rail, and industrial incentive programs will have to get by with a lot less government money. The consumer will be hit immediately with a 2.4 cents per litre hike in the cost of gasoline and heating fuel. UIC premiums will be going up for both employees and employers. The list goes on and on. And Mr. Wilson gave some very broad hints that when he brings down his first budget in the spring, there will be more tough medicine in store for Canadians, in- cluding the possibility of change in the universal social welfare programs like the baby bonus, child tax credits, . pensions, Ul and maternity leave benefits. He wants a dialogue to begin among all sectors of Canadian society, but if last Thursday night's action is an example of what's to come, we can be sure that big changes are coming, and soon. A lot of people are going to feel the pinch from last Thursday night's announcement, especially the hike in energy prices and certain premiums. And we suspect even more will feel the pinch when the new budget comes down. Obviously, some belt-tightening at the federal level was long overdue. If one can believe Mr. Wilson's ex- trapolations, federal spending on the same course without any changes over the next five years would have left the country more than $400 billion in debt. Of course the Opposition Parties did not like what they heard from Mr. Wilson last Thursday night saying the measures will add to the unemployment roles and generally hurt those who can afford it the least. Probably, they are right. Still, we have to applaud the new directions taken by the Conservatives. The orgy of federal spending simp- ly had to stop. While he tried to re-assure Canadians that the measures would not happen over-night, there was more than just a hint of extreme urgency in his message. What will make the pill so hard to swallow for many is that this country over the past decade or so has fallen into the easy trap that there is no limit to what the federal government can do: whether it is bailing out flounder- ing companies with millions, spending billions on an oil company, or opening the Ul coffers to just about anybody who could work a few weeks and then walk through the doors of the nearest Manpower office. Clearly, somebody had to say stop. That somebody was Mr. Wilson last Thursday night. What remains to be seen is how Canadians react over the next few months and what further measures will be brought down in the spring budget. Canadians voted for a change in a big way and by gosh, they going to get it. Courier Drivers There are certain times of the week when traffic along Queen Street in downtown Port Perry comes to a virtual standstill. Friday afternoons are bad, so are Saturday mornings. There are several reasons for this. The natural growth of the community has brought more residents and visitors here. The parallel parking on the street itself, means a driver must stop and jockey the car into the parking spot. For some reason, drivers seem to want io "'cruise" Queen Street waiting for a parking spot, rather than using the off-street parking. The laneways on either side of the Post Office building continue to be a trouble spot as drivers leave their cars and dash off to get the mail or a jug of milk. We have also noticed in recent months what seems to be a staggering increase in the number of courier vehicles (vans and small cars) picking up and dropping off parcels at Queen Street businesses. For some reason, courier drivers never have any trouble finding a parking spot: they simply park wherever (Turn to page 6) NT aires ii