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\] -- - "14 CHERIE, LET ME TAKE you Away From ALL 7t15 ! * fa 2 ~Chatte rBox by J. Peter Hvidsten Keep Fit. Now there are two words that make hundreds of Scugog men and women shudder with embarrassment. Young men who look down and can't see their feet because of the beer-belly hanging over their belt. Or, couldn't touch their toes without doing a deep-knee bed, and then probably needing help to get their back straightened out again. \ Well, not wanting to fall into this category I recently joined a basketball team. A group of dedicated atheletes who have decided to 'keep fit". Have you ever heard of the '"'Scugog Misfits?" Changes are if you haven't, you never will, for I can think of no reason why anyone would want to. The Misfits are a basketball team (and I use the term "'tea ely), that converge upon the halls and gymnasium of Port Perry High School once a week with high hopes of keeping their failing bodies in some sort of shape. Fat chance! Until you see these fellows you would not believe that the human body could deteriorate to such an extent in so short a time. You know....pot bellies....flat feet....bad backs... weak knees and minds, etc. etc. But there they are, trying to overcome their ailments, yet more times than not, ending up with more aches than when they began. Anyone walking into the gym during the first two " minutes of play might think to himself, "Hey, these guys are in good shape, look at them streak up and down the court" but, if he didn't turn around and leave in short order the opinion would quickly change. Five minutes after the game commences, the ,years of sitting around on butts starts to show. Heavy breathing, wet armpits and sheer exhaustion begins to - set in and there is still an hour-and-a-half to go. - But as the game progresses, the seriousness of the first few minutes dies out and it becomes nothing "more than an unorganized mass of bodies stumbling around the court. There's "Terrible Tulloch" who has a habit of pulling at the shorts of "Gary the ar', as he is about to make one of his famous jump shots, knocking his deadly hot off target. And we can't forget "Dangerous Doc Hammett" who takes re-bounds off the heads of opponents, and then sinking the blood stained ball with a sw-0-0-sh"'. " Then there's the "runt", Crafty Cottrell, who tries to make up for his size by yelling obsenitites at the knee-caps of such brilliant play-makers as 'Stilts Stewart, Elbows English and Bash Burnett", but it's allin vain, as they step over and weave around the little shrimp. By now, about an hour into the game, there is beginning to 'be a regular line-up at the water fountain. Only the most physically fit person (and few of these lads fall into that category) could endure a 2 SR ao another hour of this slow torture, and the line-up on. the sidelines becomes greater than thhse competing e court. . After about "two "hours, the over-the-hill gang rétires to the dressing room. In they hobble, chests heaving and knees scraped all in thé name of keeping fi V But....this is the part of the evening they have all been waiting for. A nice warm shower, if you're lucky enough to get thé water set right, gets rid of the sweat and washes away the blood, before you get dressed. Then it's a quick trip off to '"Frenchies'" Bar and Grill for refreshments. And boy.... losing weight. Oh well! The general feeling'is that we were all out for an evening with the guys, and if you can't have 'a couple of beers afters slugging it out on the 4 basketball court for two hours, what's the sense in playing. After all, refreshments are a big part of any athletic function. Anyway, most of the guys don't really need to lose # weight or get into shape. They just use that as an excuse to get out for the evening. But, they'll have a hard time explaining that to themselves the next time they catch a glimpse of their sagging figure as they pass by a mirror. After reading an article in the November issue of Macleans magazine about the lack of jokes and fun involved in politics today, it makes me wonder if the upcoming municipal elections in Scugog Township will follow the same trend. If in good taste, why not poke a little fun at the Let's make a few of those stern faces in the audience crack with a: opposition, or at politics in general. smile as the candidates poke fun at each other. It was reported that Lady Astor once said to 4 Churchill, "If I were your wife, I'd put arsenic in your § coffee", to which Churchill replied, "If I were your husband, I'd drink it." Adlai Stevenson was once approached by a man after he had spoken, who said that it was the finest speech he had heard in a lifetime, and it would garner "That won't the vote of every thinking American. do," Stevenson replied. "I need a majority." Now that is the type of wit we need. Sure we have to sit through the facts, figures and promises of each of the candidates, but it. at the same time they could add a little. humour, I'm sure the voters would be more apt to listen to the messages that the candidates have to deliver. Come on fellas, dig into your hats and pull a few smiles out for your voting friends. God knows....we all need a good laugh! does that first bottle of suds go down smooth. Even the second and third taste pretty good, but they sure take care of any chance you had of # J Ld Scugog skinflints There was some question at the Scugog council meeting of the appropriateness of using taxpayers money to finance a township staff Christmas party. I've worked for some crummy outfits in my time. Tightfisted and frugal most of them, yet not one has, ever failed to melt a bit q Yuletide. 'So as a taxpayer and employer of my local government, | do hereby happily offer to contribute my share! to. the said kitty with full thanks and appreciation for not quitting enmasse during another completed year of dealing with a sometimes abras- ive, abusive, demanding, unreasonable, argument- ative and misunderstanding public. The Editor Questionnaire Candidates figuring an easy time--of it in the upcoming municipal election got the first shock of the campaign recently when they found a somewhat tartling piece of correspondence in their mail. The sender was the Scugog Ratepayers Associa- tion, the subject was the election, and the demand was for an_answer to 14 questions that the rate- payers feel are important and must be answered. The idea is the brainchild of Howard Hall who, forgetting the old saying "A Closed Mouth Gathers No Foot', suggested the questiohnaire at a recent Ratepayers' meeting. > Hall, a candidate himself, suggested at the time that copies of the questionaires could be circulated at the meeting, thereby avoiding the long processi of speeches from the dias and allowing the bom ol to ask more questions based on information before them. The idea is basically sound, and the Ratepayers wasted no time in approving this unique method of conducting an all-candidates meeting. But while the idea is certainly commendable, its practical application has revealed a vital flaw: A questionnaire is only as good as the questions it contains, and some of the questions included in this case are enough to give any politician a cardiac arrest. There is, for example, what we call I-bet-you-don't- know-how-1"m-going-to-answer-this question. Histori- cal questions of this type include 'Are you in favour of motherhood?' or "Do you require lower taxes?". And then there's the "|-dare-you-to-answer-this" question. F ample, how would you answer the question "Do you want your arm broken at the elbow or the shoulder?' There are some obvious, straight-to-the-point questions as well. | One asks candidates to outline ways of expenditing| development applications, a part of the local council process that taken up too much valuable time But there are too many questions that are almost unanswerable. Questions that couldn be answered without in-depth clarification. One question, for example, asks Regional candid- ates if the Region Is "too big". A One Is tempted to ask "What's too big?' Another yes and no question asks a question that an entire community couldn't answer. It asks If candidates™are in favour or opposed to a federal reception centre, and there is no room allowed for qualification. Another 'yes and no question asks if candidates are In favour of modular homes'in the township, another asks about mobile homes. Surely, questions like those cannot be answered with a simple yes and no. It would be ridiculous for any level-headed candidate to declare blanket oppos- ition or support for such issues (or non-issues). There are, obviously, circumstances and qualificat- ions to be made. Expecting a black and white answer from a grey question is not only unfair, it is downright dangerous .to both candidates and the public. Another question asks if being a councillor is a full-time job. One wonders how many candidates will circle the "No. It is reasonable to expect any job 'will be done better, given more time, yet the job ha i pays enough to make a career of-it. ps the most leading question is the one that Ss candidates how they feel about referendums. In a community that has recently been fired up by an emotional issue that included demands for referen- dums, we wonder if such stions are only candid- ates to equivocate. The only question the authors missed is: you feel about this questionnaire? ° We'll bet there might have been.some good answers to that one. How do J LY} '] b] LS rE [ ¢ ] * ¢ 2 R ° > ¢ * [J » [J , ~ [) L 2 J