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wh vm Nina be Be a ES i de Te i Se ASEAN hs cams wh tae lg mr tn Bc Ape Asn tb pin ab tr v -- JUST IN FUN Both Ways Rastus--Sambo, what am de use- fullest animals der is? Sambo--Chickens, sah Rastus--Why chickens? Sambo--'Cause yo' can eat 'em befo' dey is born and after dey is dead. Explicit Looking fondly at her sweet- faced daughter, Mrs. Slowe re- marked. "I know I'm being an old-fashioned mother, dear, but I'd hike to know where you go." "Of course, mums,' said the seventeen-year old. "Well, last night 1 dined with Flight-Lieuten- ant -- well, you don't know him, but he's awfully sweet -- and we went to several places 1 don't suppose you've ever heard of. Then we finished up at a funny little club, but | didn't hear its name. That all right, mumsy!" "Of course, my dear. 1 just hike to know." The Object Billkins: "The fact is, doctor, that my wife does not walk enough. She can never be persuaded to go out without an object." Doctor: "Then why do vou not make a point of going out with her yourself?" Just Modesty Mrs. Smith was vigorously pow- dering her face before going out. "Why do you go to all that trouble?" asked Smith, who was waiting impatiently, "Modesty, my dear," was the re- ply. "Modesty?" "Yes--I1've no desire to shine in public." More Cake Please Tommy Jones came home from school with a black cye. "What have you been up to?" his mother demanded: "I've been fighting Billy Briggs," Tommy confessed. "Well, take him some cake and make friends." Tommy did so, but in the after- noon he came home with another black eye. "Good gracious!" his mother ex- claimed. "What has happened now?" "He did it again," Tommy said sadly. "And he wants more cake tomorrow." ' First Lesson Youthful Father: "Qur baby is beginning to recite 'Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool" Neighbor: "And he's only eight months old?" Father: "Well, he doesn't say all of it yet, but he's got as far as the 'Baa, baa' Gift Horse The dear old lady was telling her family about "er trip to town. "I met a nice young man in the train," she said, "and he offered to give me the winner of the St. Leger." "And did he?" asked one. The old lady beamed and shook her head. "Naturally, I thanked him very much, but [I explained that the chickens take up so much of the garden that it would be quite im- possible for us to keep a horse." Getting Around It An Ulster clergyman was as in- terested in his herd as in his flock. He simply could not resist the sight of a good-looking animal, This was a sore trial to his conscience at times, but he was a man of resource. On his way to take a service one Sunday he overtook a farmer driving a fine- looking heifer. The beast held his eye as a magnet draws a pin. He examined it with interest. "That's a good-looking beast," he commented. "Tt 1s," agreed the owner, "If it wasn't Sunday, what would you be asking for her?" he queried, as if his interest were merely academic. "If it wasn't Sunday I'd be wanting ten pounds," came the reply. "If it wasn't Sunday would you take any less?" went on the minis- ter. "If it wasn't Sunday I might," replied the other. "If it wasn't Sunday would you take nine?" "If it wasn't Sunday, I would not." "Well, if it wasn't Sunday would vou split the difference?" said the minister again. So the bargaining went on--al- ways with the proviso for con- science's sake. Next morning the beast was de- livered at the manse yard. FUNNY BUSINESS f- By Hershberger IV REA REAVER, BC TW REEL © 8. PAT, OFF | ""Butl get more sales when | display the gloves this way" THIS CURIOUS WORLD By William Ferguson ' 20 THOMAS N, WOOD bc iGHICHIN 4 A mechanical marvel of the machine age took a beating recently when, in a contest at the Ernie Pyle Theatre, Tokyo, the abacus, ancient manual counting device, defeated the most up-to-date electric calculating machine. Above, Kiyoshi "The Hands" Mastuzaki manipulates the abacus while Pvt, Thomas N., Wood, of Dearing, Mo., operates the machine, The abacus won three out of four arith- metical operations, making the best time in addition, subtraction and division, The machine's only vic- tory was in multiplication test. VOICE OF THE PRESS Sweet Cheques Sugar beet farmers of of South- western Ontario are richer by $1,350,000 as first payment cheques on the 1946 crop are being cashed, The Canada and Dominion Sugar Company will make final payments as the "value of the trop is deter- mined. That's all money produced from the land and the farmers will be spending it to make life sweeter all around. -- Windsor Star 22-Cent Milk A visitor to Port Arthur from Boston, Mass., tells that the price of a quart of milk there, retail, is 22 cents and for a hali pint of cream, 27 cents. As five American quarts are required to equal four Canadian it means a relative price of 2714 cents for a Canadian quart. Be- side this the Canadian price of 10 cents compares quite favorably, --Port Arthur News-Chronicle And A Six-Day Week The farmer doesn't worry about an eight-hour day; he'd be happy to settle for an eight-hour night. --North Bay Daily Nugget Better Wait And See A fashion authority decrees the return of the walking stick, Let's all wait and see if walking comes back, too! --Guelph Mercury $1 Weiners Hollywood has outhollywooded itself. One of its hot-dog stands is selling its weinery wares at $1 a throw. And some people in Canada keep clamoring for the removal of all price controls! -- Brantford Expositor Their Real Fault At Nuernberg, investigators seem to be getting nowhere in the mys- tery of who gave Goering the poi- son and why they waited thirteen years, --Winnipeg Tribune Style Dictates All restrictions on styles for both men's and women's clothing have been removed in Canada. The only restriction now is that the litlle man will still have to wear what the fashion arbiters decide, " --Windsor Star FUR MAKES A BOW Boy, will Frankie Sinatra be jeal- ous! Michael Roberts, Detroit de- . signer, has contrived some ducky , bow. ties made of fur. He's pic- tured inserting clips on a lively Russian ermine and black seal item that you can pick up for $100, in« cluding tax. The tie he wears is a, conservative number. in Manchurian ermine. Combat In China Goes Back Decade The continuing struggle between nationalists and Communists in China shows few signs of termin- ating. Meantime many valuable Chinese lives are being lost as. the war wages back and forth, spread- ing destruction in its wake. The combat goes back a decade. It was in 1936 in Nanking that the Kuomintang announced that a National Constitutional Assembly would be called for November 12, 1937. That would be Sun Yat-Sen's birthday anniversary. There were to be 1,2000 delegates from all parts of China. The assembly was to take the place of the one-party khuomintang of President Chiang Kai-shek. The Japanese invaded China and spoiled that plan. Last January there was a confer- ence of different parties at Chung- king. This arranged a new assem- bly to: which delegates from various groups would be sent, Last July it was announced the rally, would be held on November 12. But that date has come and gone. Both the Communists and Democratic League decided not to attend. Now, instead of getting together to fashion some sort of peace at Nanking, the Communists LA pre- paring to do battle to the bitter end against Chiang and the Na- tionalists. While the factions fight, Chinese people: die. Business As Usual Vincent Massey says anyone who considers that Britain is fin- ished as a world power is sadly mistaken, The same sort of talk has been heard on many occasions in past years, but John Bull is still doing business at the same old stand. --Brockville Recorder and Times, Flying No Safer "Pilot Weds Girl Five Hours Af- ter They Mect" -- headline, Who said aviation was becoming safer all the time? --\Windsor Star - Farmer Saved Buckets of Money Strange things happen at Post Office counters. One of the strang- est was when an old farmer in England handed a bucket-full of money over the counter with the remark that there was a thousand pounds ($4,000) "for the Bank and National Savings". The somewhat dazed clerk, more used to bags than buckets as money containers, counted the money and found only £900 ($3,600), The farmer assert- ed that he had counted the money only that morning, and he was sure it was £1,000 ($1,000). The clerk made another count and still it was only £900, The farmer then had a brain-wave: "The wife has given me the wrong bucket." Defuzzed Peaches The Food Machinery Corporas- tion, Los Angeles, Calif., has con- cocted a unique machine designed to remove the fuzz from peaches. It's done simply by means of con- veyor belts and small horsehair brushes, operated by a one horse- power motor. An exhaust fan then sucks away the down. Still a. prob- lem: What to do with the fuzz, "CHEST ColP d aET Fasten Penetrating, WHITE RUE ° oo re HN. HANSEN & COMPANY. 300 Bay Street TORONTO Presents a Weekly Review of News, Economic Trends and Items of Current Interest By John Collingwood Reade Columnist, News Analyst and Radio Commentator This comprehensive survey will be embodied in the regular service which provides detailed information on mines and mar- kets prepared by our statistical department. The combination will prove entertaining, informative and invaluable to all who seek to improve their status by the intelligent investment of funds. We will point to the pitfalls as well as the opportunities of market speculation, If you would like to receive this service without obligation fill in and mail the attached coupon. Investments, 300 Bay Street, Toronto. Gentlemen: Name H. N. HANSEN & COMPANY, Kindly send me without obligation your weekly service. I I I I I I) FN SP | 49 5 t ALMOST A RECORD -- 346 EGGS IN 365 DAYS "Red Lady", prize hen owned by Arthur Brunton, Port Perry, is close to world's record in production: of eggs. The bird has laid 346 eggs in 365 days. Barbara Ferguson displays the Rhode Island Red, and a basket containing the bird's annual produce at the Royal Winter: Fair QUICK, SAF 'Y GENTLE RELIEF. PIUCKLEY IT 1S CUSTOMARY TO THINK OF SHEEP WITH WOOL. AND WITH HAIR, , BUT THE BIGHORN SHEER HAS AND THE MOUNTAIN GOAT HAS AN UNDERCOAT OF THE REG'LAR FELLERS---Unappreciated: Wealth By GENE' BYRNES A " cAN'TCHA ~ FIGGERIN' A a | ay or on) Ke Via NEY LET US HAVE. \ ; --WE. CAN' A EMPTY OLE Tr , ' j 1A RIGHT AWRY? . i LEAVE. IT HANGIN' VAULT JUS" FOR our i gH9H iH AROUND LOOSE A FEW DAYS? AVERABE PERSOM LEARNS ONLY ABOUT" - I FOURTEEN NEW WARDS ANYEAR, & hus AS po rn RE id 23