The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

rt ON py, Beare " sn Eo ------ Cutie lit ONS AN U,SAA CROSSTOWN By Roland Coe Es ie J nH "She sure knows how to put two and two together!" LIFE'S LIKE THAT DRUGS By Fred Neher sez "My doctor says I should go South for my health . . . Delbert --, says go to another doctor." THE SPORTING THING Hardly Dumb A Red Indian of considerable culture was engaged to play a part in a Hollywood film. One day, while he was in the studio awaiting instructions, a film star approached him with the idea of showing a little consideration to "the poor savage.' "Well," he said kindly, "how do you like our city?" "Very well, thank you," replied the Red Indian; "how do you like our country?" Keep It Dark - Ghe was notorious as the village gossip. There was little she did not see or hear, and she knew the inner history of every resident. One morning she met the local builder in the grocer's shop. The builder remarked to her: "I saw the nave in the chutch this morning. ' The gossip nodded her head gravely, and said: "No need to mention names -- I know who you mean!" " Answceed A doctor who was superintend- ent of the Sunday School asked one of the boys this question: "Willie, will you tell me what we must do in order to get to heaven?" , "We must die," said Willie, "Very true," replied the doctor, "but tell me whaf we must do be- lore we die" "We must get sick," said Willie; 'and send. for you." Not At All One man was buying some meat ¥ the butcher shop when another tered in a great hurry and. rudely 'nterrupted, "Give me some dog meat, qick,"" he said to the butcher. Then, turn- ing to the other customer: "I hope you don't mind my cutting in?" "Not at all," said the other, acidly. "Not if you're that hungry." HOLD EVERYTHING "He takes his bath willingly since I started calling it am- phibious training!" Unscientific Report The great scientist scanned the heavens through the huge tele- scope. He studied his tables and maps, then he remarked to a col- league, "It's going to rain!" "What makes you think so?" "My corns hurt!" No Doubt About It A man was giving some advice to his son. At the end of a rather stern lecture, he said: "Now, my boy, you understand perfectly what I mean?" "Yes", replied the. boy, "what it boils down to is this: If Ido well it's because of heredity, and if I fail it's my own fault", Naughty The young husband had just ar- rived' home from the office. . "What's the matter, darling?" he asked, "You look flustered." "Oh, I've had a dreadful day," his wife answered. "First baby cut his first tooth, then he took his irgs step, and then he féll' and mocked out his tooth," "Well, and then. what happen ed?" asked her husband." "Oh, datling," she answered in a shocked voice, "he said his first word!" Plenty of Space Two Canadian soldiers stopped a Civil Servant in London. They pointed to an impressive building and asked what it was, He told them it was the Ministry of In- formation. ; "1 thought the Ministry must lie about that size," said one, " to store up all the information they never give away." | SILENT-FILM STAR HORIZONTAL Answer te Previous Fezsle 12 Plant, 1,5 Pictured C 13 Lease. actress, ---- |: = "+--{ 18 Snakes, ' --_-- A 1; RIAITIE 19 Having pedal 10 She was a JOEIL ISPALIEIT C digits. ---- in silent |EINIDE E si S 22 Crowns, films. 25 Gives 14 On the lee [ALRA credence, side, - HOPE 217 Direction. 15 Island off S 28 Bustle. Scotland. CREWS 29 Fowl. 16 Wan. 32 River barrier. 17 Limb. 33 Be indebted. 18 Opposed to. AlT 38 Deaden. 20 Male child. 40 Knocks, 21 Burdens. 1 42 Makes more 23 Standard 42 Australian fat. _ comfortable. (abby.). bird. 64 Footed vases. 44 Diner. 24 Group of 43 Detest. VERTICAL 45 Gossip. eight singers. 45 Abyss. 1.Cloak, 46 Rabbit. 26 Part of mouth 47 Was seated. 2 Oleum 47 Move. 27 Withered. 50 Sacred song. 28 Exclamation. 53 Possesses. 30 Like, . 54 Lees. 31 Lyric poem, 57 Beverage. 32 Accomplish, 58 Extent. 34 Lifeless. 60 She starred. 35 Sketch. ' in many. 36 Upon. silent ------, 37 Half an em. 61Rip. 39 Three (prefix) 62 Try. (comb. form). 48 Scandinavian 3 Pertaining mythical king. to law. - '49 Volume, 4 One (Scot.), 51 Thin. 5: Horsey 52 God of war. GAges.: 55 Removed. 7Sand, 66 Manuscripts 8 Cut into strips (abbr). 9 Inches (abbr.). 59 Near, 10 Spain (abbr.). 61 Tungsten 41 Myself, 63 Cooks' in hot 11 Flavor, (abbr.). I rE EE 5 Jo 17 8 1 P TE C3 [5] is 13 AY . : [7.02 wii] Led 2 0, r™ 2 i 35 TR ir AE iad 1s) [52 7 Ts? i fii 58 59 60 él " 62 « J63 [ 8 Too Careful --_ The editor impressed the young reporter with the dire conse- quences of making ill-founded 'statements. "You can't be too careful," he said, then sent him to report a church bazaar. The sub-editor later on was handed this bit of copy: "The bazaar was apparently opened by a Mrs. Johnson, alleged to be the wife of Councillor John- son, commonly supposed to be a more or less highly esteemed tradesman of this town. She was dressed' in what some might de- Poor Workmanship The small boy went into the lounge to see a visitor who was with his father. "Well, my little man," said his father's friend, "why are you look- ing at me so hard?" "Why," replied the boy, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man, and I wanted to see what you look like." "Quite right," said the gratified guest, "I am a self-made man." 'But why did you make yourself like that?" said the boy with sur- prise. VOICE OF THE | PRESS -- BRITAIN'S ONLY COURSE From a New York editorial: "With her back to the wall, Bri- tain's lot is a hard one. on the one hand she "is opposed by Russian communism, and on the other by American capitalism." Which just about leaves her the same old way to travel. namely, forward. --Toron.o Saturday Night TOO STRONG A FOE Operation Muskox, planned to demonstrate that man with mod- ern equipment can conquer Arctic weather, is succeeding in its pur- pose, except on those days when it is held up by weather, « --Windsor Star BARELY COVERS 'EM Nylons are: now said to be on many "receptive!" legs. That is to . say, on fat, lean, straight, warped, shapely. and "otherwise" legs-- covering, with sheer loveliness, a multitude of shins. -- Stratford Beacon-Herald. DREAM CAR Without steel, it seems, Detroit can turn cut no cars. What ever became of the wonder vehicle which was to be constructed en- tirely of soybeans, and other for- eign matter? --Detroit News, STILL FIGHTING The war is over now in most parts of the world except for some fighting. , , --Quebec Chronicle Telegraph TOO EASY A psychologist suggests that it is possible to reduce weight by mental concentration. Wishful shrinking, this is called.--Peterborough Ex- aminer, IF EVER That good time that is coming, now that the war is over, looks as if it will be a good time coming, --Stratford Beacon-Herald. SELF-DEFENSE "Cops picked up a vagrant wear- ing seven shirts, four pair of pants and three overcoats." That was no "'vag'--just an average citizen protecting himself from his wife's yen for giving his wardrobe away. --Ottawa Citizen, TOO GENERAL IDEA Apparently the contention is that everybody should get more for what he produces and pay less for what he conswmes.-- Brandon Sun, YOUR MOVE The greatest trouble with a checkered career is that it's always your move. ¥ -- Kitchener Record. al! Instantin 12 pio a25¢ PL. J = \ Sweet and cool in any Pipe CANADA'S STANDARD PIPE YOBACCO. 1e ESS H "But Murgatroyd -- you don't have to wait until morning before you eat your crisp delicious Grape-Nuts Flakes." "I don't? Then pull up a cake of ice and we'll sit down to a couple of bowl- fuls of these malty-rich, honey- golden Post's Grape-Nuts Flakes!" "Son, you'll be able to wrestle a wal- rus on all that grand nourishment in Grape-Nuts Flakes: carbohydrates for energy; proteins for muscle; phos- phorus for teeth and bones; iron for the blood; and other food essentials." "Two grains -- wheat and malted 'barley--are the double-barreled rea- son for that Grape-Nuts Flakes good ness. They're specially blended, baked and toasted for golden-brown, de- Hclous crispness and easy digestion." "I'm going to fill up the sled with some giant economy packages of Grape-Nuts Flakes next time we're down at the trading post!" scribe as fashionable attire, and 1 _---- wore a hat of nondescript appear- ance, She was -supported on the MUTT AND JEFF -- AS FOR THIS ONE, NO CROSS EXAMINATION PLEASE By BUD FISHER i platform by a clergyman, alleged to be the vicar of the parish, and TLL TEACH YOU THE WELL, WHAT {~ WHIZZ? You BooBH COMES AFTER | WELL, WHAT LETTER by other reputed ladies and gentle- s COMES AFTER WHAT CoMEs \ | 8! ow WHAT comes 5 pip A COMES AFTER men said to belong to the church.' G7? ---- J | AFTER WHIZZ? Cw AFTERH ? . 7 go uty RR Having received from his tailor NERS ress a bill and a note reading. "Please WHAT HAVE I ON THE remit by return -- 51st notice. Sto- SIDE OF MY NOSE? "ney "Broke replied; "Dear Sir, -- Y I do not remember ordering a suit such as you mention. If I did order it iyou certainly neyer made it for me. If you did make it I never got it. Furthermore, if 'I got it I must have paid for it. And if I didn't, I I can't." 4 i : 1 REG'LAR FELLERS -- Very Practical Arithmetic By GENE BYRNES My WORD! EN LETS SEF, NOW FIG ONLY FIVE BANANAS @ : To © o CASTOR. OIL. FROM fi Ss - : Nadi -{ POP -- Long Tail By J. MILLAR WATT WHAT 1S IT "CHOP OFF IT'S TAIL IT'S AN ADDER! CLOSE LP