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\ VoL, XVI, NO. 81. . wl nad St medi i Hoty Ontaria: Ghar, wi a Te ; PoLImIOAL, smovTURAL, FAMILY NEWSPAPER |E] in rubussmp Az PORT PERRY, { irfwii! Ui v EVERY 'THURSDAY MORNING, of & phasis. eT Invmattblonnd A S31 per annum, if d in ad- $1. wh will be charged. No ton for less than six months; _ "dre 'paid. mtinued until all arrears RATES OF ApvenTisive. 6 lifies, BR annum , containing money; when ad- oF Tou Office, pre-paid and regester- . ed, willbe at our risk, Advi nts measured by Nonpareil, ,. and churged charged acoording to the space they ac-- cupy. an glosald 1 Advertistety received for publication. and' beak al y. advertisment Will be taken out until paid for. A liberal d d to M and others who advertise by the year or half-year. BE" These terms will in all cases be strictly adhered to. Job Department. , Hand Bilis, Posters, Pro- grammes, Bill Heads, Blak re pay ipt Bogks, C 8; Books, Circulars, Business * Cards, Ba of every style and olor, executed promptly and at lower rates than any other establishment in the County. B&F Parties from a distance getting hand bills, &c. printéd can have them done to take some with hem, J. BAIRD, Pham H. PARSONS. Protessional Cavs. RS, JONES & MAL Sargedns and: Accouc icheurs, k Port Perry. Office, over Allison's Drug Store, Queen-st. ®. JONES, M. D., CORONER, | A: E: MALLORY, County Ontario. M.D.,C.M, Physiclans, R. BRATHWAITE, ort Perry. R. WARE, Coronor for the County of Ontario, Physician, Sargeon and Ac- coucheur, Prince Albert. PHILP, M. D,, late of Newburg, ont., . Physician, Sturge on & Accoucheur, Port Perry. Residence at the house of the Rev. Sen., South of the School House, Prin Albert. WN. MGILE, M.D. § Wi PRANCIS RAP, ¥.D. F. MCBRIEN, M.D.,.M. R. ( , Guy's Hospital, London, En; land. Tin 'liye R. Oshawa, E. MARTIN, M. D.Simcoe St., T d North of the Central Hotel, Oshawa. ® FAREWELL, TT. . Bi, County Crown Attorney for oh, Barrister, Attorney, Solleitor, and Notary Public. Uflice lawely oc- eupled by 8. H, Cochrane, Esq., Brock street, Whitby. YMAN L. ENGLISH LL. B., Solicitor in Chancery, Attorney, Conveyancer, &c. Oshawa. Office--Simcoe street, opposite the Post Office. IouNe SMITH, LL. B,, Barrister, At- rney-at-Law, Solicitor in Chancery, and' Pe Notary Publie, Omce--MeMillan's Block, Brock street, Whitby, PORT PERRY, PROVINCE OF 0 HENRY ( GRIST, PATENT SOLICITOR AND DRAUGHTSMAN, OTTAWA, CANADA, 3 Transacts business with the Paterit Office and other departments of the Government Copyrights and the Registration of Trade and Designs procured. Drawings, ie 'and other Documents neces- sary to secure Patents of Lovato, Drchaded on receipt of the model of the Auctioneers. W. M. WILLCOX, LICENSED AUCTIONEER, FOR THE COUNTY OF ONTARIO, pone PERRY HOUSE, PORT PERRY, country, Fare $1.00 per Day, ENISON'S DOMINION HOTEL, At the Railway Station, FORT PERRY. Every attention given to the Sion an and comfort of ie Seat har Wppliat with Sie Tag fords. Choive Liquors + Excellent: commaodation, and attentive ostlers, D. B: DENISON, Fropristor.. 1 HOTEL, PORT RERRY. JAMES DEWART, - PROPRIETOR. AND TOWNSHIPS OP MARIPOSA & CARTWRIGHT, EGS to thank his many friends and the public generally, for the liberal patron- age bestowed upon him for the past five years. Having now given up the business of Collecting, &c. It will be my endeavor, by prompt and careful to , to give full satisfaction to all who may favor me with their Sales or Collecting. Bi'ls draughted and Blank Notes furnished free of charge. Also Bill Stamps always on hand. Arrangements can be made for sales &c., at the Osserver Office, and at the Standard | Office, Port Perry. W. M. WILLCOX, Prince Albert, Oct. 25, 1873. Licensed Auctioneers for the County of Ontario, | RE prepared to conduct Sales anywhere | in the County, Parties placing their Sales in our hands may rely on the utmost attention being | given to their interests. Agricultural Implements. All orders addressed to G. Crothers, Epsom P. 0., will receive prompt attention. | Wm. Gordon, Licensed Auctioncer, Valuator, &e. {OR the Township of Brock, Uxbridge, Scott, Thorah, Rama, Mara, Mariposa | and Eldon, i + p@y™ Parties entrusting their Sales to me may rely on the utmost attention being given to their interests. WM. GORDON, | Sunderland BY ck. Ip ICENSED Auctioneer for the Township | I of Brock, Thorah, Mara & Rama in| North Ontario; Mariposa, ete, in the County of Victoria. Residence--Canningtoh, Brock. THOS. H. WALSHE. © | Orders left at this office, or at his residence will be punctually attended to, Debts. col- lected in Cannington, or otherwise, and prompt remittances made. Remember-- -- WALSHE, the North Ontario Auction- eer. L= OF DIVISION COURTS FOR THE County of Ontario, FOR THE YEAR 1874. ONNELL, Barristers aM RON & vias at Law, Hy County ouncll, Ontario. Offices : Gourt H 'Whitby. mJ. MN MM. CO, CAMERON, HURD, At at Law, and Solicitor P x ua tO ae in the Royal Arcade, Saul Port Perry, ; # AMES LAMON, Attorney at Law Solicitor y nveyaace! ot yr Oh \b Parish's Block, &c., Uxbris treet, Uxbridge. I OHN ' BILLINGS, Basrister, Auomey, -- ee at ov. Solicitor atoms fiancesy otar; ary Public ile, a w. Maurice Cochrane, INEY-AT-LAW, Solicitor in Chan- AS * Notary obi, be, oe tosrm Plc bote I pg iy cent, on all ides. ©. Qmee; BigeTow's Royal 'Arcade, PORT PERRY. auni0N. VARS, L. D. 8. EETH iaserted ou all ie test prinel of the and as cheap as the cheap- Fhuiotiienti, the best, Teeth filled with. Gold and Silver. Teeth extracted without pain by producing local anwsth- on Cowan's new a) Pie Soy ee JOIN 5. M. iG, | Ror Whitby, has , OFFICIAL ASSIGNEE for thd Lorri Obtarto, | Any Uusiness entrusted & to his charge will be sarefslly at- RRNA % rk of the ping Tam Div. le CHAS. THORN, V8, | MRE 1 rae he thas | Loans al 2 Port Perry, and is, i the Medical Hall'| On Sh didn prompt attention. = ny eo Veterinary tables may be found on = troet, 'opposite Cossitt's Factory. | * | Peterhead all cases entrusted to | oll case and scientific | 80m | May cwae ~ | April bo) 1: 1m Geo. H. DarrxeLy, Junior Judge. Whitby, Jan. 1, 1874. Marriage Licenses, [BY AUTHORITY.] | ped, Port Perry, Office, the Scugog i - "HENRY CHARLES, R. RICHARDSON, SSUER of Marriage Licenses Office-- Lot 10, in the 1st concession of Brock.' yi f Bailiff, I intend, in future, to devote my | whole time to the business of Auctioneer, Li CROTHERS & WILSON oi TC G. Crothers is also Agent for all kinds of o The Subscriber having: the hospitality of the Queen's. Stables punctually attended to. The Queen's is conveniently situdted a few rods west of the Post Office, JAMES DEWART, Port Perry, Nov. 11, 1873. LAT -AMERICAN HOTEL, PRINCE ALBERT, ONT. Br EZRA BATES, The comfort of guests carefully attended to. 'The Table and Bat well supplied. gars, ; Good Stabling and attentive Ostlers. EZRA BATES, July 15, 1874. ) NION HOTEL, MANCHESTER. JAMES T. HEARD, ProPRiETor. Good accommodations, Anglo-American Hotel Cigars. Good Stabling. Manchester, July 15, 1874 | Cotes HOTEL, GREENBANK. R. McRAE, PROPRIETOR. The above botel has undergone a thorough renovation, and has been fitted up with a view to the comfort and convenience of the Suict attention paid to he Comfortable stables Pr ne traveling public. the table and the bar. | and an attentive ostlor, Greenbank, March 3, 1874. AF. E IIOUSE, UTICA. J. DAFOE, PROPRIETOR. Good accommoda.ions. and cigars. Good sts bling Soin HO! TEL, SAINTFIELD, J. JENNINGS, - PROPRIETOR. ALBION HOTEL, WHITBY. A. MASON, ~ PROPRIETOR. This Hotel has undergone a thorough re- novation and been fitted up with a view to the comfort and convenience of the travel'ng paid to the table and bar, while obliging and attentive public. Every attention Ostlers will have charge of the stables. Whitby, June 20, 1870. fF REvERE HOUSE, MANCHESTER, J. TENNYSON, - PROPRIETOR, careful Ostlers always in attendance. Now FoR FIRST CLASS wl LIVERY RIGS. W. H. PARK, Jr, ie terms. W. H. He Jr, Propristar, Port Perry, Jan. 22, 1874. TORONTO. John M¢Donald, MARBLE DEALE "NEWCASTLE, ONT. ONUMENTS, Tomb-Tables, Hegl- of great variety, with A pon Bl Wo ph wre eteries, supplied ab: short 'notice, Aberdeen Granit rties will find it to thei my |e Furies I orders until called ol bs ¥ 3. 0. WILLIAMSON, AgExr. Satisfaction guaranteed, and sll work war ranted. 'January 10, 1872, 3-yr MONEY ! MONEY! tov lol, MORE "MONEY | cessuivens President....,.. Vioo-President. J Secretary .. En John McMurrich: ~ THE ONTARIO FARMERS This Loita 'is now fully organized and. accept risks on Farm Buil and Churches, thereby support a, Home I Co have now an oj he iad o of ng g to, e by spplying 4 0 local Agents of the 3 Ee ee) rus JAS. V. THOMPSON, - PROPRIETOR, excel- lent Hotel and fitted it up Jisy to the comfort of guests and the tion of the general public, will be Hines to welcome old friends and new to take part in The Table carefully supplied, Choice quors and Cigars in the Bar, the Yard and Choice Liquors and the best brands of « Proprietor, Carcful attention the requirements of travelers and guests. The bar supplied with the best Liquors and 30 Careful attention to the requirements Of ffavélers and guests. The bar supplied with the best wines, liquors Having purchased the above Hotel, has d the Bar with the choicest liquors and cigars, Every attention paid to guests. stages to and from Uxbridge call daily.-- AS fitted up a Livery Stable opposite [Bost Office, Port Perry, where: first Livery Rigs can always be had on WESTERN ASSURANCE GO Capital - 8400.000. Mutual Insurance "Company. | and a contents, country School Houses Those wishing to insure and to any of | Station eave | doen Orders promptly attended; to. i Mutual Insurance Company in | Ca % HOES--Turnip and Field. #TFORKS--Hay and Matare. SPADES--Long and Short Handle. SHOVELS ie and short handle. . Port Perry, July 7, 1874. Put.up 1n the latest syle and very Cheap. CALL AND SEE MY STOCK. Y, JULY 28, 1874. WHOLE NO. 860 Foust RECEIVED: Ee nada . 70 Bk lt i ii 4000 Ibs of my own i White Lead... 20 Barrels of English Boiled and Raw Linseed Oil. A large Stock of Locks, Butts, 4nd Screws. A large Stock of all kinds of Harvest Tools, SCYTHES--Cradle and Grass, W. T. PARRISH. PoE. WHITBY "s ABT PERRY EX- TENSION RAILW TIME TABLE No. 8. Takes effect on Wednesday, the 22, April, 1874, | Z®~ Trains run on Toronto Time, which is 22 minutes slower than Grand Trunk Time. TRAINS GOING NORTH. AM, P.M. Whithy Junction .. ..Depart 8.00 7.00 Whithy 9.08 7.08 Prookii 2 7.28 7.46 Ai: 7.55 cheste 8,05 10.15 8.15 10.25 8.25 TRAX GOING SOUTH. PA Port, Perry. 230 Prince Albee, 2.39 Manchester 2.48 Summit® 200 Tyrile 3.01 Brookiin 3.30 Whithy . 8.56 Whithy Junction. . . ation Stations--Trains stop on signals on a ecting at Whitby Junction with the G. T.R., Last and West; at Port Perry with the Steamers, ii mah and V totors, for Lindsay, Fenelon Falls and Bobcayge JAMES HOLDEN, Managing Director Director PORT PERRY LIVERY STABLES, C. MKENZIE, PROPRIETOR 'HE Subscriber having now fully équ! T his new and extensive Livery Stables he 2 poly of superior Horses and Carriages, 1s pared to furnish first class LIVERY RIGS On Moderate Terms. C McKENZIE. Port Perry, Aug. 6, 1873. GINNING AS IMPORTED | HENRY CHARLES | H* Received a further supply of TENN NA NT SX XX | X. PORTER HENNESSY'S JULE ROBIN & Co. and OTARD'S BRANDY. KENTE'S HOLLAND and OLD TOM. PORT and SHERRY WINE. ALSO ALD. WELLS' TORONTO ALE, WALKER'S Extra MALT and RYE. WITH A general assortment of Teas, Sugars Oodfish, OCan'd Fruits, Fish, &c.,&c Port Perry, Sept. 8, 1873. FIRST CLASS TAILORING. 'Work made up on the shortest notice the latest styles and at moderate rates. good fit guaranteed: . Remember the lacs, opposite Cook's Hotel. BOGOR. Prince Albert, April 2, 1874, LUGGAGE TAKEN TO AND FROM THE STATION ' AND AROUND TOW er - The Subscriber is prepared Chests, Tinks Suset sng -- seription of or or. anyWw around 4 wr eaten) | Charges COOK, 3% | As manufactured by Brown Jr class Tailoring in all its depart ; AT HUGOE'S, PRINCE 'aLBERb ; AGRICULTU IMPLEMEN We 0B PIBRT Wik rt Johnton Self-Raking Reaper, Cayuga Chief Mower, lows, Fanning Mills, &e. & Patterson, of the the Whitby Agricultural Works, and all . REPAIRS for these Implements, AN ACENCY ' Has been opened by Brown & I'atterson AT PORT PERRY. For the regular supply of all the above at the same prices as they are sold at the Works. All Repairs for the Johnston Reaper, Cayuga Chief Mower, Plow Points, Land Sides, and all other repairs kept con- stantly on hand, WM. JONNY Remember the place, East of f Thomp- n's Hotel, Port Perry. rie established the above Agency, so as to be fully represented in North Ontari we have lately appointed Ed. Walker, of Utica, ds our Agent, who, with our present Agent, H. 8, Johnston, of Port Perry, will call upon you, soliciting your orders for the coming season. BROWN & PATTERSON. Oct. 1, 1873 4] MONEY TO LOAN ! MORTGAGES WANTED. [VHE Subscribers nave | 8 of mi ey placed in iL Suels ands for HY m proved I Tavostarom: on gEstee= s on ers candep nd on tting their money with 'he Ieagt possibl le dele v WANTED TO. PURCHASE, A per of Mo: es for which the high est will be allowed. prajsers for the Canada Per- 'Weare also aj Jhanent Butialeg Society, the chea; and titution in t Monstary Insti oa from 2 to'2) years. Payable, Lands Bought and Sold. Several good farms for sale. B= Santor soversTHitig class Fire In- aS0llections made and a general, agency bust- #9 DEBENTURES BOUGHT."Gx '*, JOHN & DAVID J. ADAMS, General Agents, Offi in Mr, Roa Ontario Bullings, Port eto. Oct, 1, 1872, Toney. Nit 10 LN The undersigned has an; apoRti an 40 lend upon Farm and Town Property, or Unusually Low Rates of Interest ! Loans can be in an; er. to suit Ws wlint. repaid in any manner 'Also several Improved Farms, Wild a a, ap ane Investments made in Municipal Deben- tures, Bank and other marketable Stocks. Apply to $ i JAMES HOLDEN, Official Assignee, Broker, &c. Orrice--Over the McMil- lan's Block, Brock st., Whitby. Whitey. Whitby, April 10, 1873. MONEY KITTY ? RYAN, It was a sultry a afternoon in July and Kitty Ryan was growing drowsy J Jover her sewing when her mother came briskly 'up the box-bordered walk and entered the cosy sitting room near one of the vine-draped windows at which the young girl was seated, Mrs Ryan and her daughter were asunlike each other as smotfis and child could well be. 'The widow was tall and angular in form, with flinty black eyes, and hair of the same. color; glossy snd straight, and always combed from the low, broad forehead with eritical precision. While Kitty was short in statute, slender," sylphlike in form, with deep blue eyes full of melting ten-|. dernerness. ; ; Then she had the curliest auburn hair and lips that in their smiling curves bespoke a yielding disposi~|] tion. tals! Kitty," said Mrs Ryan, as 'she took off her sun-bonnet and wiped the perspiration from her hested faco 'the geese have all got into Ralph Homer's wheat, and you will have to go and get them out. If young Homer should find them there they would all. come home with broken bones. Ralph is just such another as his father was be- fore him. 'There never was any good in any of the Homer stock. ' Sorun along and get the geese home before he sees them. Strange that George and Will always happen to be away just when they're wanted at home.' Soon Kitty was walking down the maple shaded lane which ran be- tween the two farms. The wind murmured musically through the leaves of the trees, and the little brook, which skirted the Rr curled over 1ts stony bed in LL and harmonious responses. §itty heard, and, naturally RT way to the musings quite foreign to her errand. But though the geese running riot in Ralph Homer's grain were for- gotten, the young master of the do- main himself was not. Kitty's memory carried her back to the days when,as schoolmates,she and Ralph Homer had been all in all to each other, and the time when the boy, then grown to manhoood, came home from the academy to set her childish heart fluttering with his lover-like atttentions. Then came one of those hors which often destroy the harmony 11 and good-will of long-tried friends. Mrs. Ryan and her husband con- sidered themselves the injured par- ties, the "former declaring that henceforth neither she no hers hould have aught to do with the Homers. And old Homer, equally ready to lay the blame on the Ryans, forbade his family ever to renew the ac- quaintance, now virtually atan end. Several years have passed since then and the heads of both families were mouldering back to dust, and yet the neighbors kept aloof from each other. All this and a great deal more came to Kitty's mind as she walked Paid) and she wondered with a little sigh whether Ralph remembered her as she did him, and whether they were always to be strangers to each other. Bat the great flock of geese were doing mischief "surely, and Kitty soon forgot ber cogitations in pur- suit of the truant bepids. A goose has cither less brains, or more obstinacy--or both, than any other creature, and these either could mot or would not see the broken board through which they had en- 'tered ; and Kitty's patience was bo- coming exhausted when her foot caught upon a stone, causing her to fall to the ground. She attempted to rise buta violent pain in her ancle rendered it im- possible. In another moment Kitty was ly- ing upon the groung in a dead faint. When she recovered she found her- self in the shade of a huge maple, which overhung .the brook, with somebody who was bathing her head i | with water from his hat. And some- body's eyes looked tenderly into her 3 own as she opened them ; and then, Sf : : © [Private Funds,) r seeing she was so pale a stout arm 1G Subscriber would Informa all 1h want Brn Bt. 6 the Royal, Hotel, | Port p, Jon. 1, 1074, To Loan on good Farms, at 8 per cent. fn encircled her waist for support. or do EE i eguate | 1110 iy PARBAES I, an Prof dl I ie, va. LYMAN ENGLISH Kitty was in the cgre of Ralph Toronto, for any amount of miney from| ary, 10 essonal 0 = ee Homer. TP ARDS, mit li Sey, X t wa,| And with 'his arm still about, and r on Hongs ; tity on, Town or Farm ~~ MONEY ! MONEY | mwas fen free op: Novem : N, 1808. 241 his face so close to hers that their perty. The interest is only 8 per cent. public general tha wishing | J © § ISTIE, bair: almost mingled, Mrs. Ryan ae and Lowns_pro- MOE 10 QZ pe cnt bis out ill WE ih Bort Bay a Towxsure duiax, found them as she came in quést of without BATE I Hy 8 Marriage Licenses--Con : JomN- TAYLOR. Bia veidcnce, Princo, Albert SEE se pa " "4% | Kitty, whose protracted stay had J Nov. 12, 1878. or pot he, Vorsh ion. 3 il eect ho & Officem-Manshester." 'somewhat alarmed her Manchester, Nov. 4 ; § . : <2 -- rT - - rr 1 = EL » oF The widow's face grew dark with passion and her eyes had a ferocious gleam in their black depths as they rested upon the frank though now slightly flushed tace of the young man. «Kitty, I am utterly astonished at you; and for you, sir, your presump- tion is only equalled by your stu pudity, Never dare, sir, to speak to my daughter again.' ' And why, madam ?' You know very well why; if you do not let your memory of the past help you to the kuowledge. Never attempt to span the gulf that years ago came between us. Come, Kitty, what-ails you? Get up and come away at once.' Then Kitty found the use of her tongue, and stammerecd forth the 'cause of her accident. "Well, I can carry you home," said the widow, coldly, her pity for her daughters suffering lost in her anger in finding her in company with the young man she considered her bitterest enemy. She was bending over Kitty and endeavoring to lift her when Ralph pushing her gently aside, and with a low spoken "Permit me," addres- sed more to the daughter thau the mother, he lifted the suffering gicl. in his arms as though she had been a mere child, and bore her home- ward, Mrs. Ryan following close in his path, silently anthematising both the young farmer and the unlucky accident which had made his assist- ance necessnry. cottage, Ralph deposited his burden on the sota, received Mrs, Ryan's formal and insincere "thank you," pressed Kitty's hand in a way that sent the warm blood in a rosy flush to her pale face and departed. But if Mrs. Ryan flattered Lerself that here the affair would end, she was doomed to disappointment, for every morning during Kitty's con- finement to the house, Ralph was with her, and Mrs. Ryan, though very angry made no open apposition to his visits, but muttered something about " farmers leaving their work to take care of itself, while they forced their company where their room was better." But gradually as she saw the more of thie young man whose daily visits always brought such a happy light] to Kitty's eyes, Mrs. Ryan, almost unconsciously to herself began to like him, and as this new feeling grew upon her, she often found her- self glancing with admiring eyes down the maple-shaded lane to rest on the broad stretch of meadow and upland beyond. : It was the finest farm around, the widow began to acknowledge to Lor- self. And then came more tardily a second acknowledgement, viz : that if Ralph was a Homer ho was not so much like his tather after all, but more resembled his mother, against whom personally Mrs. Ryan could remember nothing evil. The widow was standing doorway overlooking the estate when the conclusion settled in her mind. Probably the undulating stretch of the well-tilled acres had its in fluence in bringing about this deci- sion, Be this as it may the pext morn- ing when Ralph called as usual to learn how Kitty was doing, instead of sending the little maid to admit him, with injunction to stay with ber young mistress until Mr. Homer left, Mrs. Ryan, herself, met him at the door, and conducted him with encouraging smiles, and pleasant words, to the cool parlor where Kit- ty was reclining. Of course after such a generous and unlooked for reception, the the young man's visit was longer than common ; and before he left he was made app y by the assurance that Kitty's love and her mother's consont to an. early union were iven. And all this through the preda- tory proclivities of a flock of geese. in the Homer became A short time since, a little com- mercial "drummer? chanced to get into the same railway carriage, in England, in which the dukes of Ar- gyle and Northumberland were trav- eling. The three chatted familiarly until the train stopped at Ainwick Junction, where the duke of North- umberland got out, and was met by a train of flunkeys and servants.-- "That must be a great swell," said the drummer to his remaining com. panion. "Yes responded," the duke of Argyle, ' he is the duke of Nor Wien they reached the widow's |- ---- How Tom Roused Her. ? The wife of Tom Gordon is a. yic. tini to imaginary ailments, and is neverso content as when living gac- cording to the directions of her medical adviser, Dr. Valentyne, now understands her whims and od-- dities so well that he humors her in every caprice, If she im rheumatism' is her complaint he agrees with her, and prescribes some helpless portion; if she thinks her appetite decreasing some bread pills* keeps her in good spirits until the fancied symptoms of some other disease induced her to send again for him. ; During the last four years Tom had often wished she would fait down stairs and break her foolish head for the reuson thatthe physic- 1an's and apothecary's bills make a serious inroad upon his income. About three months ago she com- plained of a pain in he side, and 'as usual the doctor was summonedi--- After prescribing two or three bot- tles ot different compounds--harm- less but expensive,--he said ; "All you want to assist medicine in effecting a cure is a little rousing. Althoug your ailment is serious, it is not dangerous. Assume a little energy and you will recover. Re- member, rouse yourself.' After the doctor had retired, the patient fancied that at last some serious disease was beginning to manifest itself and like a fool she went to bed in dispair. Tom understood the case thor- oughly from long experience, and said mentally, 'She wants arous-- ing does she? Well I'll give her a surprise that will startle ber." Mrs. Hake, an attractive widow was engaged to act in the capacity nurse to MrsG. The widow was a young, buxom amiable woman and Tom thought her atéractive qualiti-- ties might be made available in giv-- ing the patient the necessary rous- ing. * A short consultation with Mrs, Hako resulted in the arrangement of a plan the execution of which was to induce Mrs G. to forever afterwards throw physic to the dogs. Late the next evening while the patient was fretting and groaning, and announcing her intention of giving up the ghost, Tom called Mrs Hake and said to her in a pre- tended whisper, but loud enough to be heard by the invalid : 'Poor Fanny! she is about to die at last, and so you and I may as well.arrange for our marriage.' Tom threw a glance over his shoulder as he said this, and observ- ed the dying patient ceased her groaning and began to rouse herself. Arising quickly "to a sitting posture in the bed to catch os ery word of the conversation, she stared ut them with eyes as big as small onions boiled. ¢ "Twill be a relief to her,' continued Tom, ¢ for she has always been an invalid. I too have suffered as well as she; but with you the pictare of health as my wife, happiness will be complete.' The widow threw herself upon Tom's shoulder, her arms about his neck, and be- gan to chew his vest in mouthfuls tosmother her laughter. ¢ How soon shall we get married after she is dead ?' asked Tom. "I suppose you will be willing to wait a week or two,' simpered Mrs Hake, as she leaned her head on his shoulder and took another mouthful of vest. The invalid uttered an exclamation and landed on the floor, ¢ You think I am going to die, do you? she exclaimed. ¢ I'll live to spite you both | and for yow'--she turned and grasped Mrs Hake by the hair--¢ out of my house you de- signing vixen | hereafter,' From that day to this Mrs G. has enjoyed ° good health, and Tom "has enjoyed geod spirits, because he has not had a doctor's bill to pay, He knew how tc cure her; sho needed rousing, and Tom roused her, I'll act as my own nurse Detroit Free Press: A Virginia sherlff asked a murderer if he wanted to make a speech on the gallows, and the man replied : + Guess not, it looks like rain and I don' want to get wet ; go on with the hanging.' We find the following in au Illinois paper * Mr ----, who bas been in retirement for a tew weeks after marrying and burying three sisters, came up smilingly to the altar again' yesterday, having begun on a new fanaily. » An Irish post boy having driven a gen: tleman a long stage route during torrents of rain, the gentleman civilly said to hiw, *" Paddy, are you not very wet?" " Arrab, 1 don't care about being very wet, but, Plas your honor, I'm very day." A Hartford man koopa space close hy:Hily Kitchen door, and whenever a tramp comes' along and begs for a dinner, he is requested ta earn it by digging four feet square in' the garden, but the tramp invariably refuses, to' vay this price. i The Troy Times says: © Recently at a chiro flr om Tia Hill, a large 'and thumberland." "Blesss my eyes I" exclaimed the drummer; and to think that he should Lave been so condescending to two little snobs like us' cake was/wffered to the person who guess nearest to the correct wel cents a guess. The pastor om ify lawyer to invest a dime. The pin | replied : "I'll pl 5 see who gets dont stand the other gu