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ila . ; - ; RFR / THE DAILY BRITISH WHIG C Edited by on E.Dickey - Editor Intercollegiate ha COPYRIGHT 1925 JOHN DILLE CO. WHICH? Dear Pater and Mater: My eyes are on the blink. The oculist says I mest wear glasses. Soa. Deas Son: You shouldn't study His Friend Shot Him "Why, he's even been filing The great humorist lay dying. His face pale; his her old love letters." breath came in protesting gasps; his pulse fluttered. « were The famous specialists cast significant glances } hg they as rough as --Log. Nervous Woman (to beg- gar)--"If I give you a piece of cake you'll never return, will #0 hard or read so much. you?" Beggar -- "Well, lady, you Mother. know your cake better than I Dnt ut olin ud between themselves. "There's--no hope!" He asked them. Their heads shook sadly and in unison: "No hope." The great humorist beckoned to me. "Jim old boy," he whispered in my ear, "bring me -- my -- shoes, please." pr I carried them to the dying man's side. Weakly 3 horse. . . he thrust his feet from beneath the covers. "Put them Inebriate: "Why not? on for me, Jim," he whispered, growing visidly Wife: "Your ears are too long." weaker from the effort of speech. Wash. U. Dirge. I saw that the end was near. To humor him, I drew the shoes over his feet. He lay back satisfied, Unable to festrain my curiosity even in the presence of death, I asked him, "Why did you have me do that?" "So I wont stub my. toes when I kick the bucket," the great humorist replied. ~--TWest Pointer. Inebriate: "I wanna be a horse!" His disgusted wife: "You can't be " / row seats sad "thea you . wouldn't hes sim your Nal Dad. . : Daye Fa HOPELESS CASE > | quer. * Brother Oculist (hustling man, who has Black end Blue Joy. Just entered, into a chair): *'I see S you want your eyes examined. See 1 that card? Tell me what the first I ] word a." y " The patient shook Mis head. Lanes atia Somwitul The Soulist moved it up closer +» +» Sudden har- but still no word from the patient. fied applivsrion Jor Ne The ooulist gasped and moved it up Thor oder oat until it was adout a foot from his --Yellow Jacket. nose. "Surely," he exclaimed, "you can read it now." | The patient shook Ms head and 'said, "I no can read Eengleesh." --N. Y. U. Medjey. --Utelum. that rotten Customer: "How can T get rid of moths?" Clerk: "Use moth balls." Customer: "They're no good. I threw them all morning and never hit a moth." --Chaparral. DOMESTIC TROUBLES One Cannibal: "S'matter, stom- ach ache?" Two Cannibal: "Yes, my wife disagreed with me." --7Voodoo, Young Man (enter. ing crowded street cer): "l wonder if we cen squeeze in bere?" Blusting Bride: -- "Don't you think, deer, thet aw'd better wait till we Lo Home?" Wash. U. Dirge. Little Sea-Horses-- "Here Comes Santa Claus!" HEARD AT THE BALL 199. "Mary's back!" How'd you know it was Mary's?" --8niper. Young Lady in Distress: "My car's stalled, have you a spare plug?" armer: "Sorry lady, I don't chaw, but I got an old cigar I kin give you." GEOMETRICAL LOVE The Circle and the Triangle both fell in love with the Cone. Said the Circle, "I can't be square with you, Triangle, but be sure of this, I'll always be around!" Said the Triangle, "You forget, Circle, that this is a three-cornered affair and that I am ac- quainted with it from every angle." And so they argued until the Cone said she would have neither of them, as they cut such poor figures without a third dimension !--F/ oodoo. Said the chambermaid to the sleep- ing guest . Get up, you lazy sinner For we Seed the sheet for the table ~-- Puppet. LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP A MAID I ? » I know a maid so sweet and fair Oh boy, she is the "berries," Both Baby eyes and Bady stare And lips like dright red cherries. n I took this dady to a dance She nearly knocked 'em dizsy; She simply dared the men advance 4nd kept the stags all dusy. mr She "knew her eggs" from A to Z, She nearly drove me crasy, What that woman did do to me-- To date my thoughts are hasy! Iw I thought this girl was wondrous wise c And it's almost time for dinner. 1st Inebriate -- Whereja going with that I-stick? » 2nd Prconate SL idhied, I'm goin to a billiard ball. The plaintiff, Sisson by name, was on the Mich. Gargoyle. stand. Unfortunately, he stuttered. "What is your name?" the judge asked. 'S-g-8-5-8-s-sis-s-sis-s-ah-s-s--" He was grow- ing red in the face. . "What is this man charged with?" the judge demanded of the bailiff. "Sure and I think it must be soda water, Your Honor,"--Blue Baboon. Hobo: "T see you have your golf sox on today." ' Boho: "What do you mean, golf sox?" Hobo: "Why, they holes, haven't they?" ~--Miami Hogan's Alley, have eighteen Mrs. Gossip: "Oh, Doctor, I feel so ill!" AY bo Do and Path d Doctors, our, temperature See oung Man Starting on the ww; n normal. our pulse is exact." Horyes may Sire with oll City v "Well, Doctor, is my tongue coat- --8niper. ed?" Phrenologist--This bump on your head shows _ "No, madam, one never finds % i y moss on a race track. that you are very: curious. CL --Octopus. Chent--You are right. I got that by sticking my head into an elevator shaft to see if the lift Victoria, Maris An. Was coming up and it wasn't.--Georgia Tech. " "Has your brother come home toinette, and Cleopatra." Vollaey Jacket. rom college yet Ta: "Enough from "I s 30, or else the car's Deen Kepey VII Co 17. WATERING THE STOCK stolen."--8k4.U-Mah. roe whos! Pus "Where are you going with that goat, little the pot and se Rickem, roy Prof.: Pat OBrien." "Down to the Lake. Come along if you wanter and women are equal. T THEY : ny « see some fun. This here goat has just et a crate "Oh, you're bragging." is I thought she was a "dlister," But imagine my dismayed surprise She was my preacher's sister! Sniper. their might B But they can't bite with their mane. wBlue Baboon. . "Thoughtful fellow, Jimp- son." "In what way?" "He has a bicycle strapped on the side of his car so the Fa sows have to walk ~B8un Dial, fy i & iF i DON'T POKER Tit: "Well, beee's BIGNS i? WE SHED A TEAR i i got but only took one trick." "I maintain that men "How come?" » "His partner led an ace, he professor, Sringed it, anid bs partner shot - "Adam! Quick! The baby just swallowed a safety pin!" And Adam laughed and laughed, for he knew safety pins hadn't been invented yet. and soll it out 08 hia little baby trina nket. An looks so content- in hi SAY THAT POKER IS ed lying there with his bottle in his THE AMERICAN NA- of sponges, and I'm goin' own to let him drink." month. He is #0 like his father, =Sniner, --Yale Record, FROM MY GALLERY. 8. W. Dyde, For Private Circula- » tion. Jackson Press, Kingston, On t. Dr. Dyde, whose collection of "War Verses" 'was noticed in these columns last year, has now assembled | group of somewhat more miscellan- jous poems, many of which deal with natural beauties of this portion of jo, and with the sentiment that ty inspire in those who know and them. As in the previous col- tion, the most successful poems are hose in which a clear intellectual con- cept, deeply realised, strikes 'out its n expression in an effective figure h. There have been, for ex- , many poetical tributes to we , but few of them prove a "richer feeling on the part of the aun- "thor, or stir the reader to a keener sympathy, than this sonnet: walls, ts moat and fortalice with curious glance, a "Its scarps and battlements the poet scans; at his behest the drawbridge falls he is t within its lofty hill master of the revels, catch an dance; By smoking cresset taken from its stance 'Guided, with pity in his heart, he " or he den where evil things Are prison'd far beyond the light, > of noon; Nig where martlets build in, tower or Of heron, chant of whip-poor-will; by creek And lake and shore and falling waters rover. s You thread the wooded wilderness afar, : Or skim in: birch-bark canoe, Or scan the nest aloft on fronded spar; Tracking the wild with moccasin and shoe, You light your camp-fire "neath the Northern Star; O strong believer, I believe in you' the river TALES OF TALBOT HOUSE. By P. B. Clayton, Longmans, Green & Co., Toronto, 90c. Many men in 1018 entertained the idea that that certain species of hu. man brotherly relationship which was not altogether difficult of attainment in the common perils and common sufferings of the Flanders Front might be continued in the peace-time world. Some of them made the mistake of thinking that it could be continued more or less automatically, without effort or sacrifice, merely as a result of the "lessons" supposed to have been learnt in war. They have been long since disillusionized; the world is clearly no more brotherly a place in 1925 than it was in 1913. Some oth- ers have spent much time puzzling over the precise kind of effort and sac- rifice which might be necessary in cr- der to carry on the wartime brother. hood into the conditions of peace, and the precise kind of organization most suitable for it. Among these the most successful, at any rate in the Old Country, would seem to be the men who have adopted the form and tra- ditions and spirit of "Toc H," or Tal- bot House, a Church Club which: car- ried on nobly for several years at Poperinghe and Ypres, and has be- come the pattern for a new type of |' social centres all over the British Em- pire. The present volume, a series of sketches of the life of the Poperinghe establishment. was first printed in 1019, but has been found so useful as an. inspiration for the work of the e ime Talbot Houses that is now reprinted in 'was a- of popular form. Its aurhor "of the House nz | Sniper, PG Toronto, and including Merrill Deni- son and the late Britton B. Cooke. Several of his plays have been per- formed at the Club's rather famous festivals, but this is, we believe, the first time that any of them have found their way into print. The title «is oi course due to the fact that it takes three such plays to make an evening's entertainment. These plays are con siderably less professional in techni- que than those of Mr. Denison, and less subtle in signification than the late Mr. Cooke's, but at least two of them seem to have the necessary life and self.assurance to be successinl on the stage. Of these the first in the book is easily the chief. "Autumn Blooming," which was 'played last year by the Arts and Letters Club, depicts the late-developed realization, by the widowed mother of two high- ly successful sons and a successfully married daughter, that she has sacri- ficed herself throughout her life for this family and is not getting any gratitude from it. The characters are well drawn, the quarrel among the family is amusing, and the whole piece moves with speed. "Man's World" is based on an idea contributed by Mr. Cooke shortly before his death, and also shows a considerable sense of stage requirements. "And They Met Again" is a satire on the type, not uncommon among males and probab- ly still more common and well deve- loped among females, which in mid dle age is fond of sentimental remin- iscences about the supposed flirtations of its glittering youth; a man and woman of this type meet at a country club and talk over a sentimental epi- sode in which they were concerned twenty years previously, while in the background "himseli" as he thinks --Belle Hop. Carolina when the time was ripening for the American Revolution, and men were torn between two loyalities. Although probably written mainly for the American reading public, the tale is pleasantly devoid of heroics or in- sults for either side in that painful struggle; but then Mr. Sabatini is es- sentially a historian. RECENT PUBLICATIONS. "The Tangles of Talkington" is de- scribed by its author, Mildred Rogers Haley, as "a farce based on the eter- nal triangle." We are glad to have of- ficial information on the point. We have read it all through, and without the author's word for it we should ne- ver have known what it was. It is pub- lished by Hunter, Rose & Co. Tor- onto, and is evidently Canadian in its locale. Professor Ray Palmer Baker, the well-known historian of Canadian lite- rature, who is head of the English De- partment of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in the State of New York, has written a small volume on the his- tory of that institution, which he calls "A Chapter in American Education." The Polytechnic was one hundred years old last year, and was obviously therefore one of the pioneer schools of modern science; but throughout it has been distinguished by its profound realization that all true education must be "humane" in character. The volume is. much more than a mere record of notable graduates, and should form a part of every library dealing with edu- cation. The March issue of the Round Ta- ble contains an able exposition of the views of those Canadians who experi- ence "reluctance to co-operate in for- eign affairs," which is printed, not because the Round Table agrees with the views expressed, but in order that the position may be understood. "The Inflammation of Sectarian Passion in India" is another extremely interest. ing article. The Ottawa Department of the In- terior has issued "The Natural Resour. . ally 'valuable account of business cou. | ditions in Canada, has been reprinted in pamphlet form and is being distri- buted by the National City Company Ltd, Montreal, the Canadian organi- zation associated with the powerful National City group in New York. Copies may be obtained by addressing 112 St. James street, Montreal. BLEMISHES OF THE SKIN Are Proof the Blood is in a Weak and Watery Condition. One of the surest signs that the blood is out of order are the pimples and unsightly eruptions that break out on the face or body. The same condition is indicated by an attack of eczema of scrofula.' You cannot get rid of these troubles by the use of purgative medicines, as so many peo- ple try to do. Purgatives merely gallop through the system and leave it still weaker. What is needed when the blood is shown to be out of order is a tonic which will restore its miss- ing elements and leave the blood rich and red. For this purpose there is no other tonic can equal Dr. Wil Hams' Pink Pills, every dose of which helps enrich the blood, drives out im- purities, and brings a new feeling of health and energy. Mrs. R. KE. Bish- ~Bear Skin. oy Our Railway Situation Ottawa, April 17--The promise which January and February gave of rising railway traffic disappeared in March. In its place came four weeks, every one of which showed fewer car- loads of freight handled than in the corresponding month of last year. The adverse difference amounted to 22,046 loaded cars for the month, This peculiarly bad month had the effect of cutting away all the gains up to the end of February and substitut- ing an unfavorable balance for the first three months of the year of 4,615 car: loads. There is little comfort in the fact that American roads had pretty much the same experience. Whatever the cause may have been it was gen- eral. Of course, the lower grain move- ment this year accounted for the great- er part of the decrease. It amounted to a difference of 20,039 carloads. Among the other commodities which have scored losses since the com- mencement of the year are pulp and paper, lumber and miscellaneous. The decreases in these three classes amount ed to 12,050, which with grain made up a total of 33,089 carloads. On the other hand, the gains this year over last amounted to 27,473 car- loads, made up as follows: Live stock, 1,482; coal, 4.377; coke, 692; pulp- "| wood, 303; other forest products, 2. 124; ore, 2,966; merchandise, 15529. The gains were made largely in the East, although the West had its share. It is encouragingly significant oe merchandise should have shown stich a substantial betterment. The fact .| that 15,520 more carloads of that gen- eral commodity were moved this year permits of no doubt as to the sugges. tion of improved wholesale and retail business the country, There has scarcely been a week since 1st January that, both in the East and the West, more carloads of merchan- dise have not been in motion; and at this moment there is every prospect | that the movement will continue right the. spring months. The four western provinces in 1023 contributed but 33 per cent. The pro- portion of gross earnings on traffic originating in the two central provin- ces would work out at about sixty per cent. American roads are feeling acutely the pinch of automobile competition and the rising volume of taxes. Cana- dian Railways are ina similar position. Under a recent decision by. Govern- ment the Canadian National will con tinue to pay taxes to the varjous pro. vinces. The legal right to do so 'was not raised. A return made to Parliament shows that the Canadian. National Hiauled grain from the West eastward last year at less than half a cent per ton mile. The average for all commodities making up the total traffic. was over one cent. As an illustration of the adjust- ments which are constantly being made in rates on the downward side, potatoes will be carried henceforward from the Maritime Provinces to the West at 10 cents less per 100 bs. The difference will be between $40 and $50 per carload, ide The province of Quebec is resisting the right of Ontario to tap its Rouyn goldfields. The legal right to' build such an extension is not raised; but Premier: Taschereau takes the d that this 'development should re on Montreal and Quebec. Such an is- sue has never before arisen. In order to offset the loss of pas. senger business from automobile com- petition, American railways are urg- ing the restoration of the right at one time en; by them of being able to run peri | excursions at specially low rates to summer resorts. Plunging into his burning home on East Nissour! township, Wallace Smith succeeded In bringing his three children to safety. The house was completely destroyed. ¢ Pleading guilty to a serious charge, William Madi, ¢ butcher, was sentenced to two years in penitentiary. a