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THE DAILY BRITISH WHIG TFUMARN NEITUIRIE ON ~ TTI [RAIL SIHIEILIL By Joseph Van Raalte HOW ABOUT MOTHER-IN-LAW'S DAY ? The Mother-indaw Knows Just How Much There Is In the Mother-in-law Joke and She's In With the Jest Makers wife during V.. N he [rSSiinei 4 PR Copyrioht, 1223, by The Nellede Xrumpaper wy ndionio DISSOLVE a Peps tablet in the mouth whenever your chest feels raw and sore or the cough troublesome. The powerful medicinal vapours given off by Peps, are smstantly breathed into every part of the chest and' lungs, They strengthen and protect against the dangers of wet, cold and changeable weather, They soothe and heal inflamed air-tubes, end sorenessand irritation and quickly ~ural life: At her death i... check the 'worst cough or cold. 1 «ipl Involved im this bequest sh. Peps are equally good for sore ing divided share and share alike, am. 3 throat, bronchitis, 2bhildren's chest weak- nin Continued on Page Five. Mother-in-Law Challenges Judge to Debate on 'Two-Mile Limit' $0¢. box nil chemists. SAI. Td Judge had sald that mothers-in-law should be kept two miles away. She YOU BREATHE" said that she headed an association in- ~ A CY FOR L spired by the "pinion oo President ' other-in-law t a na- OCEAN STEAMSHIP oni ay Thou boy ait 5k th honoring of the mother-in-law. LINES "As president of this association," wrote Mrs. Griswold, "I will be glad to Special attention given your family | "#or friends going to or returning from | geet you In a public debate at any the Old Country. Passports arranged The Seven Key-Notes of NORDHEIMER Supremacy Key 4 Key Key C KeyD Key E Key F --------------------ees C2 2" 78 77 4 I) &) rl SAlLWILE. 2 wrong, but it alarmea It has a rich and resonant tone unequalled by any other piano. B It is mechanically perfect--the result of 83 years experience. The Nordheimer is the one piano that really does improve with use. Its beauty of design and finish is beyond comparison, It has an abnormally leap life. Nord- heimer pianos purchased fifty years ago are a joy to their owners today. The Nordheimer is se- lected by all of Canada's A few days ago the troubles of a family named Rousseau were laid before Judge Rosenwasser in the Yonkers City '| Court. Seeking the fount of the Rous- seau's tribulations, the Judge inquired how far away from the troubled pair the mother of the husband lived. She "lived two miles away. Whereupon the Judge said that a mothek-in-law that ved that far away could not be the 'ranging influence in the home of the "en. The Judge was charged or Sed (accordthg to the viewpe t) enlarging upon the subje ' Cd) FB A, time and place convenient to you on the subject: 'Resolved that th mother+'n-law {s an influence for g- in the home.'" The Judge replied saying that Ze, For Information and rates apply to % J. P HANLEY, C.P. and T.A. C.N. Ry., Kingston, Ont. Office: Canadian National Railway, corner Johnson and Ontario Streets, Kingston, Ontario. . Open Day and Night. PHONE 99 or 1433. A AAA siti CANADIAN PACIFIC SAILINGS FROM MONTREAL Oct. 24--Minnedosa ..Cherbours, Southampton, Antwerp Oct, 23s-Matagams ....Helfast, Glasgow. Det. 26--Montrese Liverpool Oct. 27----Empress of Britain®. .. Cherbourg, South hn pton. Nov. 3--Montlaurier® ..Liverpool Nov. 7--Melita Cherbourg, Southampton, Antwerp Nov. S--Marburn Belfast, Glasgow, Nov. O--Montcinre ....Liverpool Nov. 10-=Empress of France *.. Cherbourg, Southamp- IE Nov, 16--Montealm ...Liverpool Nov. 21---Minnedosa ..Cherbourg, Southampton, Antwerp Nov, 22-=Metagama Belfast, Gla ww. Nov. 23-<Montrose ... Liverpool Nov. 3S---Montiaurier *.Liverpeol * From Quebec only. NEXT YEAR THE WORLD AROUND AMERICA Tothe And Two to the West Indies Apply Loeal Agents, H., B. BEAUMONT, Gen. Agent, > Dept. Passenger 1 King Street E., Toronto. 'COMB SAGE TEA IN HAIR TO DARKEN IT 's Recipe to Keep Iler Locks Dark, Glossy, Beautiful. It's The old-time mixture of Sage Tea and Sulphur for darkening gray, streaked and faded hair is grand- mother's recipe, and folks are again using it to keep their hair a good, even color, which is quite sensible, as we are living in an age when a youth- ful appearance is of the greatest ad- vantage. Nowadays, though, we don't have the troublesome task of gathering the sage and the mussy mixing at home. All drug stores sell the ready-to-use product, improved by the addition of other ingredients called. "Wyeth's Sage and Sulphur Compound." It is 4 L nobody can dis- cover it has applied. Simply moisten your comb or a soft brush with it and draw this through your hair, taking one small strand at a time; by morning the hair dis- itehing and burning a throb-sthe lieved and shou soon Tr using Geero. Worm- pleasant nd re- healing and pain Juége Out of Boston, balliwick of blood and blueing, whére Lowells speak only to Cabots and Cabots speak only to Kabotchnicks, word comes that 'the mother-in-law's deliverance is at hand. Mrs. Clara A. Griswold, aided by 125 matrons of her home town and abetted by the Federation of Women's Clubs and similar bodies, will petition State Legislatures to fix a day to be designated as a tribute to mothers-in- law. June 15th is favored as the date. The flower is to be a pink rose. Hardly had the news of this revolu- tionary project been broadcasted when a judge--a common or garden judge-- int Yonkers, brazenly, not to say rasp- berrily in the first degree, suggested that a Two-Mile Limit be set and moth ers-in-law be volsteaded into obser- vance thereof. Mrs. Griswold's duty was as plain as the nose on the judge's face. "I'll be glad to meet you," she wrote him, "in a public debate, at any time and place convenient to you, on the subject: 'Resolved, that the moth- er-in-law is an influence for good in the home." " Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that the judge's agility and grace in side-stepping thé debate made be at tributed to something other than long practice. The thought of swapping debating club adjectives with Mrs. G. of Bos- ton probably was very repulsive to the Yonkers Daniel. Something in his heart must have told him that he'd have as much chance in that debate as the soft-spoken and mild-mannered Mr, William H. Anderson would have at a bartenders' picnic. It could have terminated in only one way. The judge would have been wal- loped all over the lot. Five minutes after the first bell the judicial ermine would have been looking like monkey | fur. Nevertheless, our personal and pri- vate opinion is that Solomon of Yonk- ers should have stuck to his guns. He would have discovered that he has more of the boys with him than he thinks. His example would have been inspiring and would have acted as a cold, wet towel on the ardor of cer- tain members of the Association of Wise Cracking and Chinless Sons-in- Law, Inc., who, since the judge's de- bacle, have been deluging the press of the country with old lavender and lace tributes to Sweetheart's Mother. Mrs. Griswold and her little group 'to-law, saying that fr va bave too muc! nn for solution "he mother-in-law problem is p~ occasionally " to say that she was ~ a of Serious Thinkers labor under the misapprehension that the mother-in- law has been ruffled, rumpled, razzed and rough-housed out of all shape. By establishing + Mother-in-Law's Day they seck to convey a glorious mes- sage of justice, hope and vindication to what they regard as a universally misunderstood and generally maligned race of beings. . We salute Mrs. Griswold's heart, and and in doing $0 reserve the right to our own opinion with respect to her sense of humor. But it's different with the Chinless Sons-in-Law, who, trailing Mrs, Gris- wold, seek to curry favor with Sweet- heart's Mama by patting her on the back in the Letter Column. It has been observed that the wise son-in-law will never say or can say anything against a mother-in-law who appreciates him. And the son-in-law who, in turn, appreciates his wife's mo ther, is never elbowed into the expedi- ent of rushing to her defense, against imaginary detractors, in the Letter Co- lumn, Maudlin sympathy and tearful pity make a rotten lens through which to view' either the goodness of God or the merits of a mother-in-law. If you love your mother-in-law, re- main silent, and prove your love by re- fraining from touching her for dough. A Chinless Charlie with a Goodyear backbone writes to one of the papers saying: "The mother-in-law joke indi- cates a heartless streak. Let us smoth- er," he says, "these wretched and un- feeling pokes by newspapers and so- called humorists." And right there is wherg we eork our merry, girlish laugh, and put up our dukes. We have, in by-gone days, pulled a pungent paragraph or two in the press touchin' on an' appertainin' to our re- vered mothet.in-law. We think now, looking back in the light of a chas- tened experience that we were guilty of what Mrs. Ford calls "bad taste," But we'll be eternally John Browned to Gosh if we're going to sit idly by and let a lot of goggle-eyed Caucasian and squint-brained sons-in-law make unfeeling remarks about "so-called humorists." Gilbert (Kid) Chesterton, the Mel- lin's Food Baby of Modern Literature and official swatter of the Bug House Renaissance in Life, Letters, Art and Religion, was once taken to task by a fossil with liver spots on his soul for the kind of jokes he made. wA='lon of "If you must make jokes," fumed the Fossil, "at least you need not make them on such serious subjects." Chesterton dislikes criticism the way a chorus girl hates a telephone, "Men talk for hours," said the Kid in reply, "with the faces of a college of cardinals; about things like golf or tobacco or waistcoats or party poli- tics. But all the gravest things in the world are the oldest jokes 'in the world-being married; being hanged." It's so with our old sparring part- ner, the mother-in-law, whom Mark Twain called a "root joke." Of the two mothegs-in-law that go with the average marriage it is always Her mother around whom is twined the customary and consecrated wag- gery old could have done better in mar- riage." That is a light idea; and because it's light it is regarded with fitting solem- nity. It was Her mother who introduced the honeymoon bridegroom as "our husband." It's a solemn and substantial thing for the mother of .a man's wife to re- fer to him as "our husband." And be- cause it is solemn and substantial it is becomingly razzed. But when all's said and done, the mother-in-law joke is not a joke on the mother-in-law. It's a joke on everybody else in the world except the mother-in-law. She's pictured as "butting in" As {a matter of fact she "butts in" less than anyone else this side of eternity. She knows that; and the sadeyed boys who run the joke factories are aware of it. Why, Lord love you, the Mother-in- Law has been working hand in glove with these same funereal jesters for years and years and years. They call hér "Maw" and she refers to them lovingly as "Sonny." * Long hefore "Kid" Chesterton dis- covered it, the mothers-in-law of the world knew that a joke may contain the whole earthly sense, not to men- tion the whole heavenly sense of any situation, It was through the medium of the mother-in-law joke that mankind learned that the only side to take in a family row is the outside. Mother-in-Law's Day? Fudge! Ev- ery day is Mother-in-Law's day. JEERING ON THE LINKS IS A GRAVE OFFENSE "| Ohicago Judge Recognizes Sanctity of Nation's Popu- lar Game of Golf. Chicago, Oct. 19.--Judicial cogni- zance has now been given to the sanctity of the game of golf. "Let the links be looked upon as sacred," ordered Judge Labuy yes- terday, when I. B. Ploard was ar- raigned before him chatged with laughing at the efforts of players on the Lincoln Park links and otn~ erwise "giving them the rass." "A golfer," the judge explained, "of all persons, must have conditions and surroundings such that he can soothes concentrate on his stroke. Laughing good druggist can" Supp! Sure dnd get genuine: aloud at a player is a most grave of- | fense under the circumstances. Jt is liable to induce blasphemy on the saered " : d green. { it was his first offense ------------------ 2 Radio Gives News of Murder. Belfast, Oct. 19.--While lsten- ing in recently at Cookstown, Coun- ty , to wireless news from London, relatives of Colonel Will Favorite Rabbit Dish _. Barred at Heidelberg Heidelberg, Germany, Oct. 19.-- Heidelberg is passing thicugh = "poisoned rabbit" scare. Stewed rab- bit, formerly a popular dish at the students' boarding houses and also among the professors of Heidelberg university, is for the time being banned everywhere, and rabbits hereabouts are feared more than rats, | . All this results from the act of hungry thieves who broke into the medical laboratories of the univer sity the other night and made away with two cages of rabbits which had been fhoculated with typhoid and other germs. The police have been instructed te shoot at sight any rabbit seen at large. rn. DYE MAKING SECRET CARRIED TO GRAVE A London Pauper Dies and Valuable Process Lost to the World: London, Oct. 19.--A secret for- mula for making dye by a method which is said to have required but a fraction of the usual cost has been carried to the grave by a London pauper. The pauper, Robert Calver, learned the secret from a German relative many years ago and hrought it to Englahd where he organized a company for manufacturing dyes. The company, however, failed through dishonesty to some of the officials and Culver was reduced to poverty. He continued to live in the hopes that better fortune would one It is His mother who goes to her | grave convinced that "perhaps Har- | Our Weekly Specials 1 Large Size TABLE PHONOGRAPH with 30 RECORDS Special $50.00 hin master musicians and used in concert and home. G If you should ever want to sell your piano, a used Nordheimer commands a higher price than any other T. F. Harrison Co., Limited 233 Princess st., Kingston. - IY: Key 8 80 HL EET EE EEE. A X: BUY ADVERTISED GOODS Know Where To Buy And When To Do It Get Expert Advice on Your Heating . Problem USE the type of fur- nace that will heat your home at the low- est cost. If you are building a-house or putting in a new furnace, we have some information which may save you a lot of money and a lot of trouble. PIPE AND PIPELESS Jt may be that your house EER: - ig designed so that you can use a Banner Pipeless. This Furnace is ideal both for ' heating, for appearance and fuel consumption. 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