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Page 32 I zda:,- u1\1_m; 4/ o I 'ij-i-l!',.,, Designer, Iii: l AFFORDABLE FASHION FOh 'I,.;’-=~ f THE STO. b-"-', m f: 40-7(P1 I r/iris a iif PRESENT T, f}, Sf OFFANI :<:-:-:-:-:-:-:-.-::, i I " 'rt)'.), 1:515:59 nah/(sign L_g::_§_'~I_-:~_____fi.___ -ort_Cy---' I decided to get started on my garden this week. I figured it was safe now that the May 24th long weekend - which, naturally, being Canadians, we celebrated on May 22nd - is over and all fearof frost is gone. (Although I think that adage may have had more validity back in the old days when there was actually an intact ozone layer around Earth instead of a great cosmic hairnet. Back when Spring used to be a season between Winter and Summer instead of 10 minutes of mud between frostbite and heat prostration.) My specialty is Prize Tomatoes. No, Idon't win trophies for them. The salesperson who manages to unload the most pathetically wilted and disease-ridden bunch of seedlings on my every year gets an award from the Nursery. Last year I grew zucchini for a change. The problem with zucchini, of course, is it wants to take over the world. With hostages. Right now in thousands of households all over the country, whimpering husbands and crying children are being force- fed fried zucchini, baked zucchini, stuffed zucchini, flambeed zucchini, zucchini bread, cookies, pie and zucchini ice-cream. And Jhaa'suguitattau'gaaucchinuleftu1satfrsm, the It's something I do every year about this time. Take out a small bank loan at exorbitant interest rates so I can spend the entire summer groaning, getting sunburnt sinuses and pro- viding daily sustenance to a hoard of blood- sucking insects, in order to grow my own vegetables, thereby not only engaging in a very pleasant and rewarding pastime, but also saving money on my grocery bill. crop of "trd.' Around about Kirguslvwl'gn the new crop is in, you’ll notice the entire popula- tion of the city taking on a slightly greenish tinge - and it has nothing to do with swimming in the Humber - as everyone gets hooked up to their zucchini I.V. drips. I came up with a rather novel recipe last year though. I sliced them very thinly, floured them and deep fried them until crisp. And then 1 sewed them all together and made curtains out of them. Sure beats eating the stuff. I decided to go totally organic this year. No sprays, no pesticides, no chemicals, no poisons. "No tomatoes!” said the nursery man. There was one variety he suggested, which apparently is totally indestructable; 'Genus Supermarketus': Compact Hardy plants producing rock hard pale pink Styrofoam-textured fruits with wooden cores. Caution: Totally Inedible.' Nah, I said, I guess I'll stick with the Bonnie Best. My little tomato worms seem to enjoy them most. Hate to disappoint the little critters. So, off I went to the Nursery to buy my six flats of tomato plants and a 50 pound bag of dirt - you can call it topsoil, gumus, peat, or whatever you want - in my book, it's still dirt. I've gone totally organic Why, gardening/s so pure that they sterilize the dirt! LIGHTSIDE June 1989 xiv v _')..L.i..t.,, AFFORDABLEFASHION FOR MEN, WOMEN& CHILDREN The Villager Designer Discounts DRESSERS' THE STORE WHERE YOU CAN SA VE 40- 70% OFFREG ULAR RETAIL ...... AL WA YS! PRESENT THIS AD & RECEI VE' AN EXTRA $5 OFFANYPURCHASE OF$25 OR MORE I actually buy this dirt (stop laughing), even though the entire planet is covered in the stuff and nobody had to grow it or manufacture it or invent it. It just is. Lying there, waiting for some idiot like me to pay money for it. (And to add insult to injury, they expect me to shovel it up myself! 'Bag your own!' the sign in front of the dirt pile cheerfully orders. And ldo. All I have to do now is lie back and let Nature take its course - plus fertilize bi- weekly, prune out suckers, water daily, stake and tie, dust for caterpillars, spray for beetles, fog for slugs... and Voila! In two and a half months time and for a mere $327 a pound (not counting the $12.69 for the case of Absorbine Junior and the $23.50 for Solarcaine, 'Off' and Calomine Lotion), I will have myself one heck of a salad! I i Oh, but this is sterilized dirt, the nursery man tells me. Oh, sure, sterilized dirt! Right. Excuse me, but isn't that a contradiction in terms? Isn't that kind of like saying 100% Pure Filth? Think about it. I mean, I may not have a green thumb - my ring finger's still a bit mildewed-looking from that solid gold ring I bought from the Yonge Street vendor for $8.69 plus tax), but sterilized dirt? Just how gullible does this guy think I am? Pretty gulli- ble, I guess since I'm the one with the shovel in my hand, stooping and scooping. But I'm kidding, of course. I had a very pleasant time - digging and hoeing and tamp- ing and picking bits of dirt (unsterilized dirt) out of my knees; letting the warm rays of the sun gently beat upon my brow and gently broil my brain. It's a very healthy pastime, garden- ing. Imagine spending the weekend up to your elbows in something that smells suspiciously like what comes off a pig farm - and I'm not talking about bacon - while your nose turns a rather shocking shade of scarlet and proceeds to shed its first three layers. Very rewarding. There really is nothing quite so rewarding (ever notice when anything is described a 'rewarding' is always involves a lot of sweating?) as picking tha first red ripe tomato still warm from the vine, not to mention all those hot little creepy crawly bods in their string bikinis and Foster Grants who've been using it for a summer resort. Anyway, I digress here..The whole point is not the fact that I am aying hard earned cash for dirt (when I iisi;T)iiii'ii?,r'oi, of bushels just lying there under ll? pare bed which could probably produce mahiv-etty good crop of potatoes but the pure joy of gardening. The sheer satisfaction of watching some tender lit- tle seed sprout, develop, but, bloom and bear fy-lit-tc?-,).-?',:-.)'.,:.;,..)):,,))),);) bye hoard of obese little green slugs with radar detectors tuned to the 'Tomato Channel'. 305 Roncesvalles Ave, 531- 7356 "JUSTSOUTH OF THEREVUE" by Susan Lloyd I'm paying cash for dirt Open till 9pm every night, Sat. till 7pm. _ 'tstat xx 'set, if:,,t(i5ririt),iei. _r'iiiR,'ts: "r'ii?ijt'rsr,'i'ti SINCE 1974 oBeauty Therapist oAromatherapist "Trained in London, England Single Box Spring 00 fl12ltet,tltfr.r."l1...........s99 unit Double Box Spring 00 & Mattress js.'.".l.nfl........s139 unit Queen Size Box Spring 00 & Mattress 'j'ex..tfl'.".P.....s149 unit Open an account with us - NO INTEREST Brass Beds . Sofas . Bed Sofas Wall Units q Coffee Tables . Bedrooms Guaranteed Same Day /rv,-si.") ;”/’ Delivery or Unit FREE! 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