The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

WAl l-itl (I) (leanCu: - Wednesday. Math 15. £009 ' 9 . . .. . . ) . , . , , ‘ ll. l llzlth l() [HE CHRONICLE versiti'es from a city that has been they find their profits dropping, A matCh N.0 luCk Of the “Sh named the world's top intelligent they will be forced to take action. In Student ghetto community? Put a limit on the number ofvio- O T lations. How about three strikes and made In ell ‘ . . _ erry Dorseht me again this line weather and Waterloo you are out? OSt. Patrick's Day has brought S. Moore ouzfiifif: gstmflgnt Sterileaxour- Ci needs stricter Waterloo It's a match made in hell. A gloriously mouth~burning eye- around thegunizefisitvtneighbour- e enforcement 1“ ’ ' "‘ ”3 ~ 1 ‘ ‘ ' , ' watering, “PM”c he“ , hood and ou could find some kind . - “ Blair's Death Sauce and guitar god 7akk Wylde have part- of party go)ing on “U honk and we uch has been written about 53 § of; ; ._. _ nered in a unique line of'Berserker Brand hot sauces. and l'm dn’nk ” read the signs. Mthe student 'ghettos‘ in Water. 41. 3 ‘ "r": "V "Z ' m heaven Since discovering they Ye armed at my favourite with all the hootin and holler» loo residential neighbourhoods but f?- ‘ ' ' "e'ghmurhm‘j hm sauce emp‘mum' Tam ‘“ 5“ lambs in oin on th ili g nd byl w _ f h h bee l . ‘ » . I love hot sauces. And l'm not talking about Tabasco, Frank's g g g e pt C? a . a.) 50 3” ere as} n no 5.0 ution. ' . _ - _ , Red Hot or other supposedly hot (but actually tame) sauces were kept busy. What is the City s Our once qu1et. established area. 51 . ”If , ' ' ~ ‘ answer for this neighbourhood? is now seem the infiltration of stu- , ‘ ' ' ‘ from the grocery store. I in talking about concoctions that Build rental units on the nodes dents g , .._ scald the tongue and release a rush ofendorphins that leave . .< . ' . me begging for mercy. . . and for more. ’ and comdors and this Will draw the The City ofWaterloo should , I'm also a hu f t” . . . .. . . ge an 0 Zakk Wylde. lead gmtanst for Ozzy students out of the centre of the never have allowed this to happen , , - neighbourth and then families and now must take res nsibili ' Osbourne for the last 20 years. and head ofhis own rock and will locate back in for their actions po ty 1 - roll band, Black label Society. It was 20 years ago this summer It has one be ond brin 'n fam~ These ro rties are licensed .: . at my first Ozzy Osbourne concert in Toronto that l made my ilies backgto this ayre Th c? innst d h P hpe d fth l d g a , way to the front ofthe stage during the encore, just in time for . . a. e . ty ‘ an t e city as recor s 0 e an ' “ . Wylde to whiplash the crowd into a sweat-soaked frenzy. as realize this and put a plan in place lords .. h rf ed C Thai d Pa "d before it turns into a true ghetto. If this man - bbin venture t ey pe orm razy ii an mom ' ey gra. g ~ . ... . Nenty years and several Ozzy “â€" There have been lots of sugges- would be less attractive to the own . . Osbo ~ . . . . ume concerts later. I jumped at ) tions put forth by the residents as to ers ofthese properties. we could .-< » . y the 0 rtuni this tweek to \ ] \|\\l l \l I what we would like to see happen in expect to see a resolution. . 7 fl " . .‘ ppo ty pas . . . . , _ ,~,. .,..; ~ :-,\3- speakwrchakkWyldeashemakes \l l\ this area but to no avail. let 5 make them responSible for .. x ’» , . ,~ _ his wa a 55 Can da 1h \ is this the kind of neighbour- their misbehaved children. Fines "' f l“ “2&ka . ’ 351147. 9» "l y cm a 'w' . an hood we want surroundin the uni~ id be] ed ' t th Wh “4" i so "" it: ~’~¢"”i‘.l~ ' upcoming Black label SOCiety show g cou ev1 agains em. en "‘ ' “ ’ ' ’ ’ " " coming to Toronto on April 4. “Blair’s the friggin' man!" Wylde Os said of the hot sauce magnate. Blair * "' thi d th ° . 0 Lazar. who commissioned Wylde's ‘ w - Smoo ng an $00 mg the wrinkles wiidmsteubdmcmretheBerserker - Brand. “Blair‘s Death Sauce has taken It's comforting, in these troubled times to have the sputtering of a steam iron. It is a workhorse first position in my rack of flavours for something you can depend upon to bring you which asks nothing. except for a drink of water. and a while now. and it’s been my go-to ‘ some peace. quiet and perhaps a moment of Zen. in retum can provide a great deal of pleasure. sauce for anything l cook. grill, or But it's also important for you to know that you I started to iron when I was a teenager. Not have recently killed that needs that MARSHALL are not alone. Perhaps even that you are not crazy. because I wanted to but because my mother told me extra kick.” WARD Which, sometimes, is why I think I might be here she wasn't going to handle my shins anymore. (This Wylde's larger-than-life presence ' to reassure some of you that no matter was before the days of fabric which did rings loud and clear over the phone from Saskatoon as the how bad it might get there's someone ) not need to be ironed.) Viking-like axeman cusses with enthusiasm about working close by who is quite likely more bizarre l l l ( l l l I So there. Some days you will find with Blair. famous for their variety of extreme hot sauces with than you are. I“ N] R l\' l me camped in from oftheTVwith my titles like Pure Death, After Death and a personal favourite cur~ So, dear maidens) lwill. for that rea- ‘ pile ofshirts and my iron. And ldiscov- rently in my refrigerator. Sudden Death. son. give you a little peek inside my cred there was something to be said for “They're in the friggin' Guinness Book of world Records!" fevered mind. Back in the day, as the kids ‘ that activity â€" attacking those wrinkles. Blair's 16 Million Reserve, 1 learned through wyide, is officially like to say, I didn‘t have time for such triv- w- making everything look better in an the hottest product ever made. ial ideas as taking a few minutes for ' instant. I'm sure some psychiatrist Yakk Wylde's Berserker hot sauce line includes four vari- myself. we were always running from ' .. somewhere would have a field day eties: Original Berserker (mildest). Sonic Brew (moderate). one place to another for some child. remarking about my need for instanta- Stronger than Death (hot) and Shot to Hell (hottest). l pur- Now though. there are just the two of neous feedback. but whatever. chased a bottle of Sonic Brew and have been thoroughly enjoy- us in our nest. Those other people are . ‘ I went from ironing my own stuff to ing it on crackers. On the side of the bottle, Wylde suggests try- gone. At least for the most part, unless " handling some of the other items my ing it with "Fish, tacos. fajitas. eggs. salmon. chicken or ANY- they're hungry or need to borrow some- k. 4,5 x mother wanted taken care of. Then. I THING THAT GOES WTTH BEER!" thing. Or perhaps they need something got away from it after I was married. “i wanted to introduce a recipe of flavours geared towards fixed. They are well aware that if anything BRIAN There were, pardon the pun. more my fan base, the Berserkers.‘ Wylde said of his worldwide needs to be repaired Dad is the guy. BOURKE pressing concerns cadre of loyal headbangers. “I've been a long-time Death Sauce I have not developed any great repair in the last couple of weeks though. fan and knew Blair was the company to work with. He goes to abilities but i have_ like almost all fathers. I'm back at it again. this one region in Mexico to bring back the hottest friggin' pepâ€" ‘ refined my ability to make them think I can fix some- And I can now admit that I like ironing. I don't pers on the planet!" thing I even have a very serious "Yes. that certainly think it's that weird. Some men like to garden.( I just As Wylde and his band tour the country, his Berserker Brand appears to be broken," look which can usually put do what I'm told.) Some men like to cook ( i don't sauces are available for purchase at the concerts Wylde and l them of! for a couple ofweeks By then. i hope, they mind it. but my wife is so much better at it.) concurred: loud. brash and hypercharged rock and roll goes will have forgotten or someone else will have 1 like to iron. great with hot sauce. “Uke our music â€" if you're gonna be stepped in to be a hero. I don‘t even mind when people look at me funny eatin' (my hottest sauces) â€"â€" you're gonna get your ass kicked Anyway, the point is, | now have a little more time because the crease on my shin sleeve is 90 degrees and get a full sweat goin'.” Wylde warns his fans. to devote to myself and some quieter pursuits that l opposite of where it should be. I didn't say I was any i thanked Wylde for his time. and said l can't wait to sample have recently rediscovered This will come as a sur- good at it. his hottest sauce. Shot to Hell. He laughed. "Don‘t hurt your prise to those of you who consider me among the ‘“ 98". boss! “manliest of men“ (I recognize no one who hm Brian Bourke. a memberofrhe ”5.3 KUOI. FM with me thinks that way), but i like to iron. morning emu can be reached byemallat Marshall Ward is a visual artist and independent/71mm: Yes, it's true. There are few things as peaceful as blxmrkefikmlfinmm. Email Lt whom;- at mmhallfwardOhotmallfom.