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PAGE 6 â€" WATERLOO CHRONICLE, WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 16, The Chronicle welcomes | |. The Chroficle is proudofits letters to the editor. %:‘; 1ey | | tradition of accurncy and fair . | should be individuaily signed | | play but does acknowledge with name, address and tele | |the possibility of human Tone td Te chrosicne re. | | Gathall omptane earige [ _ _ _ ____] [@ptarie Press Council, ith s t _ ism _ Smiley‘s column was syndicated through Argyle Communications to dozens of Canadian newspapers and in 1976, he received the Cadogan Award from the CCNA for best column in a weekly newspaper. It was an honor that came too lately, too infrequently, but nevertheless, it was one richlyâ€"deserved, even if the son of a b... would trade it in a minute for a humanâ€"interâ€" est yarn to tell his readers. Second Class Mail Registration Number 5540 Anyone who has been a longâ€"time reader of the Waterloo Chronicle will understand what we mean when we say the true measure of a newspaper columnist is not only the reputation he makes, but also the one he leaves. If that is the case, then Bill Smiley, in the eyes of community newspaper journalists and readers, ranks among the top in his profession. Smiley, who wrote a weekly newspaper column of humorous but often biting comment on personal and family life, has died at his home in Midland, Ont. at the age of 67. "I always saw it as a compliment when people compared Smiley‘s column with mine, some people label me an urbanized Bill Smiley," said Chronicle managing editor Rick Campbell. "How well was Bill Smiley‘s column received? My father said he loved reading my columns â€" right after reading Smiley‘s every week. There isn‘t â€" and likely won‘t ever be, another like him." A veteran of the RCAF, Smiley spent several years in a prisoner of war camp in World War II. After graduation from University of Toronto, he spent 11 years as editor and publisher of the Wiarton Echo. It was there that he began writing a weekly column Sugar and Spice . His widelyâ€"read column was published in more than 130 Canadian community papers from 1960 to 1985, and was one of the most popular features in The Waterloo Chronicle for many of those years. His greatest strength was his loveâ€"meâ€"orâ€"leaveâ€"me style of writing, never pulling punches, commenting on human nature as seen through the eyes of a grizzled veteran. Because of his downâ€"home style, he was muchâ€" loved by older Chronicle readers, many who kept inquiring about him long after Smiley stopped his syndicated column in 1985. Smiley. Good man. Great columnist. Giv‘em hell upstairs, Bill, as only you know how... * Address all correzsrondem'e to Waterioo office, 45 Erb St. E., Waterloo, Ont. N2J 1L7. Telephone 886â€"2830, News and Sports line 886â€"3021 Waterioo Chronicle office is located in the Hane&. White law office building (rear entrance, ufir floor). Parking at the rear of the building. Open Monday to Friday 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Publisher: Paul Winkler Waterloo Chronicle is published every Wednesday by The Fairway Group Incorporated Publishing address 215 Fairway Rd. S., Kitchener, Ont A great one Display Advertising: Helen Smiley, Paula Hummel, Gerry Mattice Classified Advertising: Maureen McNab Senior reporter: Melodee Martinuk Reporters: lan Kirkby (news) Circulation: Jerré' Fischer Typesetting and Composing: Fairway Press Editer: Rick Campbell : Bill Karges :m.-ger: Greg Cassidy Mark Bryson (sports) established 1854 1987 This is beautiful. Just when I thought lamebrain excuses had become a dying art, I came across an article in a Toronto newspaper Saturday explaining that kids are missing school for strange, strange reasons these days. Of course, having been an excuseâ€"maker myself in school days past, I found it most intriguing to discover how the fine art has made its ways into the 1980s. Concordia Lutheran College senior students surveyed 1,500 Texas high schools this year in search of the most creative excuses given for absence, tardiness and missed homework, and boy, did they ever uncover. some dillies. From the over 300 responses they received, the most popular centred around the line "my garage door opener broke and I couldn‘t get the car out of the garage", or "my waterbed leaked and I spent two hours mopping up water." Beautiful. At one time, a male student claimed he was a victim of morning sickness, while another had an "unconâ€" trollable" stomach. Still another said he was suffering from jet lag. A female student passed on an assignment, claiming it was too difficult for her mother to do, and another female said she missed school because of "hot contacts", leading school officials to question whether the excuse was socially or medicallyâ€"reâ€" It is obvious that the old reliables we used to trot out are no longer viable in this day and age. I mean, who could get by on such stalwarts as: 1. The dog peed on it. 2. I left it by an open window last night and it blew away. 3. I mailed it by mistake to Aunt Myrtle and I can show you the letter I wrote to her if you want. 5. I was babysitting my 17 little brothers because my single mother had to go to work on a 12â€"hour shift so she can afford to put food on the table. _ 4. We had an assignment to hand in? I thought we were just supposed to read the chapter. e 6. My grandfather/grandmother/aunt/uncle who lived in Switzerland died and that‘s where we had to go for the funeral the day before the long weekend. 9. I didn‘t understand the assignment and thought a man of your prestige would be far too busy to concern himself with my insignificant problems. _ _ 7. My brother, such a practical joker, he switched my pen with one that has invisible ink. â€" 8. I did it on the rec room floor and when I went upstairs to get a sandwich, my mother vacuumed it up. 0_ â€" s o _ 10. A car drove through a mud puddle. It splashed up, ruined my homework, and my clothes and so I went home to change, that‘s why I‘m late and don‘t â€"It is written ‘"I think we should make some public statement about the type of employers who would do that type of thing. Mayor Marjorie Carroll, angered at the news some older employees fear for their jobs should they reject working Sunday hours. â€" SEE PAGE 1. Chronicle Editor Rick Campbell Reasons why 1. I did my homework in the garage and a pit bull terrier came along and ate it. The whole garage, not just my homework. No, it appears those type of alibis just can‘t cut it in these hard and fast times. I admit, it would be tough around here to top some of the excuses those Texan students made, but let‘s try. The cardinal rule of course is, go down fighting, if your first excuse doesn‘t work, try, try again. Don‘t ever give up just because someone scoffs at your first attempt. However, if you run through nine or 10 and still aren‘t making any headway, it‘s time to reâ€"think your list, shifting the emphasis from quantity to quality. have the assignment with me to hand in. 2. I‘m late because I was watching the U.S./ U.S.S.R. summit in an attempt to understand the various philosophies that could conceivably mesh to result in world peace in our time. I promise, it won‘t happen again. 3. I got locked inside the racquetball court up at the club. 4. I went to the Kiss concert in Toronto last night and my mother‘s stupid car broke down on the way home. It‘s OK now, yes, but do you think we could get it to start at 2 a.m.? 5. One of my teachers, I forget which one, said that all football players get the day of the game off. He must have been mistaken, or maybe it was a she, I can‘t recall who it was exactly. 6. I was buying my little sister‘s Christmas present Saturday, she wants a Fisherâ€"Price kitchen soo00000 much, and the only store that had it was in San Francisco. 7. My grandfather/grandmother/aunt/uncle who lived in Aspen, Colorado died suddenly and we had to go there for his funeral the day before the long weekend. 9. I did my assignment on my brand new home computer that my parents spent their life savings on, and it crashed before I could save the file. There, that should do it, kiddies. Just remember one thing, though. If you get grief over a bad excuse, take it like a man, don‘t say that Rick Campbell told you to lie and cheat your way through life. Because if you so much as hint that, I will have my father‘s legal counsel sue you, your parents, your school, this newspaper... 8. Madonna said she never did homework, and look how successful she is. 10. If you so much as hint about giving me a detention for being late/missing three weeks of school/forgetting to do my assignment, I will have my father‘s legal counsel sue you, the principal, the school, the board, and the entire city for harassment causing undue emotional pain and suffering.