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y3 6 _ Waterloqo Chronicle, T However, I have a good reason for not having a picture taken for a couple of weeks, at least. I have a black eye. That is, it was black. Then blue. Then purple. It‘s now a sort of mauve, shading into yellow. Ray Argyle, the chap who syndicates this column, has writâ€" ten for about the fourth time askâ€" ing for a new picture of yours truly to head _ up the column. For worth the powder, I haven‘t got around to having my ‘"portrait" But I don‘t blame him. The old one does not do me justice. There‘s scarcely a hint of the bags under my eyes. There‘s little suggestion that I‘m gray as an old billyâ€"goat. The deep lines of sufâ€" fering nearly 25 years of domesâ€" tic warfare just are not there. THE SWITCH IS ON TO ... ..IAIRnXu@ ET NEW TREND SPORTS LTD. OR RACING ENTHUSIAST: Visit our I haven‘t had such a dandy since SLEIGH‘S Sales â€" Service â€" Parts Hwy. 85 & Conestogo Rd. SNOWMOBILES NEW & USED SNOWBLOWERS ON SALE NOwW oniy _ § 1 z 495 OPEN 7 DAYS a WEEK CLOTHING 20% OFF 1970 SNOWâ€"JET G.T. 2 â€" 28 H.P. 1970 SNOWâ€"JET Telescoping Antenna, with Bright Red Flag a real umt for safe snowmobilers HIGH SPEED SHOP AT 15 HP 1970 SNOWâ€"JET SUPER SPORT 35 HPâ€"634 CC_ 1971 SKiâ€"D00 340 Tâ€"Nâ€"T Mon. â€" Fri till 7 p.m Sat & Sun. till 6 p.m ST. JACOBS Phone 664â€"2351 To Serve You Better while they last USED COLLISION ELIMINATOR Reg. *149" impudent. That time it was both eyes. In fact, the first time I got a look in a mirror after the beatâ€" ing, I could have been mistaken for a fairly scruffy rainbow. There‘s nothing quite so emâ€" barrassing as a black eye. It arouses the worstâ€"in other peoâ€" ple. Loud and clear, "What hapâ€" pened to you, Smiley? Wife beat you up again?"‘ And so on. Those inane remarks‘! To people who ask that, I reply tersely, ‘"Yes.‘"‘ They don‘t know where to go from there. But to those who seem genuinely concerned, I try to find some more exotic reason, something to make them think I‘m a devil of a fellow. This one happened during the holidays. To the first few who came sniffing around, looking for scandal, I tried this gambit: ‘"Do you realize that the cork from a champagne bottle can penetrate the plaster of a ceiling?"" Next time you open one, be sure the cork is pointing at someone else‘s eye."" That shook them a bit, and they went away shaking their heads in admiration. Or someâ€" 1944, when some German guards To the next few curious, I reâ€" marked offhandedly that I‘d had a fight with a cop on New Year‘s Eve, that he was still in hospital, and that I had to face charges as soon as he was released. They didn‘t really believe me, after a scathing look at my 142 pounds of pure suet, but they weren‘t sure. "He was just a little cop," I added. "I kicked him right in the gall bladder." H.K. 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"He‘s a big paper hoy.‘"‘ For the ladies, 1 used a different gently, patting her back and tryâ€" ing to quench her unrequited pasâ€" sion, when her vicious, jealous husband hit me right in the eye, eyebrow, sometimes two, but I can hear them muttering together and sneaking glances at me from the other end of the room. To others, I relate that I was armâ€"wrestling with my daughâ€" ter, and when she found I was cat when we were both crwling around under the bed, looking for her. * But I will never, never resort to that oldie about running into a door. I‘ve run into plenty of doors, and other objects, in my life. But it‘s a pretty cheap way of acâ€" counting for a black eye. I swear my wife didn‘t do it. She was so ill through the holidays she couldn‘t have given a goldfish a . black eye. What‘s your version? technique. I tell them that this lady took a violent crush on me at a party, thatâ€"I. was holding her shovel when I had my first coroâ€" alaghve Lo P.:. w* E3 0 Maaavie e it ho wl aurtetre .| my yoga, French, social dancing to and SAVE s( e wm w HEARTH Ssd sales & service VoAmiae /7 66 King S. 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