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a stop light, then run scré;t;lit;g' to the doctor and claim you heve a whiplash and collect bags of mowing lawns. And if she‘s decrepit, i@‘ure her heavily No? How about some blackâ€" mail? Know anybody who‘s runâ€" ning around with somebody who showldn‘t be running around with anybody? sell them door to doorfiv o Come on, you can figure out a gimmick. Send your kids out mowing lawns. If you have no hids,_send your motherâ€"inâ€"law out Arrange with a friend to bump your car gently from behind at Have a moving van come in the middle of the night, remove all your furniture, then you set fire hrowing a martini party, at $5 a rattle, on the Monday of a holiday weekend, when everybody has run out of booze? You‘d clear not refer to your wife. _ If you haven‘t any old junk binge party. Chickenfeed, you say? AH right then,. how about our own trip some thought. I‘ve discarded one or two of them for various reasons, but it‘s every man to his own taste, and one or more of them might be jrst the tecket for you. auction sale and get rid of a lot of that old junk you‘ve accumuâ€" lated over the years. This does to it. Anybody who can‘t make some fast money in this ridicw lous world deserves to starve to death, let alone not go to Expo. I have a few suggestions. In #act, I have quite a few, because I‘ve been giving the matter of Put your wife to work. K she‘s already working, and you still Yeah, you say, but what about !fl'egd, loot, gelt, money? Nothing What‘s the most common ques tion being batted about the coun try these days? That‘s right. It‘s "Are you going to Expo?" Well, are you? If not, why not? You can‘t afford it? Of course you can. You mean you can‘t afâ€" ford to miss it. WATERLOO SHOE SHOE REPAIR SUGAR AND SPICE some veterans‘ calendars 134 KING SOUTH WATERLOO PICKâ€"UP AND DELIVERY by Bill Smiley Ask about convenient departure and return times 743â€"0070 For information, phone the local CN Passenger Sales Office TRAIN 10 _ "73, TORONTO your arms, and Take pen in hand SHINE bheard of it. haven‘t written were not publish ed by McLellandâ€"Stewart and Prenticeâ€"Hall. This handsome award (so I‘m not J. P. Morgan) will be suppleâ€" mented by the Telegram News Service, 440 Front St. W., Toronto 2B. They wil either double or triple the cash award depending on their attitude when they read Topic: _ anything â€" you _ like. Length: about 700 words. Send al entries to above address. And there you are. Cash. W you win, you can take your choice. You can hitchâ€"hike to Expo and blow the whole bundle on high kving. Or you can bet it on a horse, fly to Montreal ';n(i rough it at the Queen Elizabeth. This is real. Get cracking toâ€" day. I bhaven‘t written for MacHiBélâ€"n Here‘s the deal. We‘re going to have a contest. Now, we all love contests, don‘t we? I have been writing this column for about 14 years, without missing a week. I want a week off to go to Expo. Still with me? I have a great many faithful readers (and no doubt a fair smattering of unfaithful ones, too). Many of them write very well, as I know from letters reâ€" ceived. For the best guest column subâ€" mitted, I wil personally send a cheque for $25, along with an autographed copy of my latest Well, you and your danged prinâ€" ciples have forced me into it. Against your principles? Well, all right, all right, but it shows the depths of depravity to which 1 can sink in the middle of the night, as | try to figure out how we can afford Expo plus all the redecorating my wife is doing. All of these are too coarse, or common, or complicated for you? My, you are an old poke. So run a bookie joint, sell pot, hold up a bank, if you want something Speaking of moving vans, how about pushing your wife, or husâ€" band, in front of a moving van, provided you have a joint account and mutual insurance? to the house and claim insurance for it and the furniture. You could clear $3,000 on this one. Toronto Telegram News Service which is the first they‘ve CANADIAN NATIQNAL Kitchener _ Ontario & Duke Sts. JESSOPS cleaners 32. m * (ki"""ler) One Way, Win, r. ?,45 %E\Tn'z""- ro Things have never been better for the 287,000â€"member Legion. Membership has climbed 30,000 in the past four years, and it continues to increase. The scope of Legion activities today would astound some of the founding members who sat at the Unity Conference in Winnipeg in 1925. The Legion‘s interests > span continents, ranging from a track clinic in North Bay to a scholarâ€" ship program in Nigeria Whethâ€" er it be a widow‘s allowance in Kenya or a hearing aid in Panaâ€" ma, Canadian veterans and deâ€" pendents the world over turn to the Legion with problems. And through its service bureau they get free, professional help of the highest caliber. In those days the Legion â€" necessarily so â€" was oriented exâ€" clusively towards veterans and dependents. There was a great deal to be done. While veterans and dependents remain the Leâ€" gion‘s prime concern, in the past decade it has made phenomenal strides in community service. The Royal Canadian Legion is aging gracefully. As it celebrates its 42nd birthday this year, memâ€" bers will toast an organization which is mature in years yet young enough in spirit to attempt bold new programs; old enough to have played a role in Canada‘s last century, young enough to play a further role in the next. Legion‘s Interests Range From North Bay to Nigeria For instance, its lowâ€"rental how THESE KIDS were among a group of 80 students from grades one and two at Empire School that toured the Doon Pioneer Village. The Legion‘s most imaginative program in recent years is now known around the world. It inâ€" volves the training of track and field coaches at an annual natâ€" ional clinic which has become recognized as one of the world‘s greatest. To date some 950 courâ€" As a centennial project, the Legion has embarked on an equalâ€" ly ambitious program: it is raisâ€" ing one million dollars so that it can continue to provide a high standard of service to Canadians. ses have been given to coaches, and 50,000 young Canadians have benefitted. In addition, promising young track and field athletes â€" toâ€" morrow‘s international stars â€" get top training at a yearly natâ€" ional clinic. Eacsh provincial command adso has an extensive track and field program. The programs of the next decâ€" ade may be even more far reachâ€" ing than those of the past ten sing projects for elderly Canaâ€" dians now exceed $15 million in value. Youth is served through $160,000 a year in scholarships and bursaries, and some 13,000 boys belong to Legion sponsored scouts and cubs. Thousands more are accommodated through hocâ€" key, baseball and other team sports. MARY E. McCARTHY As a safety measure, plan and rehearse a fire escape routine. Make sure that even your youngest knows it‘s imâ€" portant to get out of the house quickly and go to a previously arranged meeting place. Too many people have died poing back into a burnâ€" img house to rescue someone who was already out. Make it a special project to plan alternate escape routes, so no one will be trapped. your safety by your representative: l cA If you had a fire in your home, would your family know what to FAMILY FIRE DRILL 262 Erb Street East Waterloo â€"â€" Phone 742â€"9624 The Waterioo Chronicle, Wednesday, June 7, 1967 9 Makers of Quality Fireside Furnishings Since 1947 366 King North Waterloo 742â€"9594 odd yearsâ€"olds, the Legion feels at home in either situation. In the council of commonâ€" wealth veterans, the Royal Canâ€" adian Legion is looked to for leadership just as it is looked to on the corner sandâ€"lot or the local cinder track. Like many 40â€" years. Already the Legion is deâ€" veloping a pilot scheme of scholâ€" arships for children of Nigerian veterans. It contributes" over $12,000 a year to the British Commonwealth Exâ€"Services Leaâ€" gue, most of which is earmarked for welfare amongst veterans in developing countries. 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