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in si de ha lto n. co m O ak vi lle B ea ve r | T hu rs da y, M ar ch 2 2, 2 01 8 | 2 V i s i t i n s i d e h a l t o n . c o m f o r m o r e c o v e r a g e Documentary filmmaker who interviewed past abuser shares her story Says intervention by others probably saved her life DAVID LEA dlea@oakvillebeaver.com An abuse survivor, who made a documentary in which she interviews her past abuser, is calling on the public to help prevent stories like hers. Toronto-based feminist and longtime counsellor for abused women and chil­ dren Attiya Khan spoke be­ fore a crowd of around 170 people during the Halton Women's Place (HWP) ninth annual International Women's Day Celebration March 8. HWP operates two shelters in the region. Khan talked about the making of her documenta­ ry, A Better Man, which premiered at the 2017 Hot Docs Canadian Interna­ tional Film Festival in To­ ronto. In the documentary Khan interviews Steve, a man she fled after endur­ ing two years of abuse 22 years ago. In one incident Khan de­ scribed being punched re­ peatedly, dragged over bro­ ken glass, head-butted and finally choked into uncon­ sciousness. In the documentary Steve, at first, says he has little memory of the abuse he inflicted, but later re­ members the details as Khan describes them. He listens as Khan speaks, wincing at times as she describes the things he did to her. "Steve and I lived to­ gether for two years until I left him. I was 16 when we met and he was 17. We lived on our own. We often didn't have money to buy food or clothing and we were con­ stantly worried we wouldn't be able to pay rent," said Khan. "While with Steve, I ex­ perienced physical, emo­ tional, psychological, sexu­ al and financial abuse and I suffered this abuse on a daily basis. After I escaped from Steve I would run into him in my neighbourhood in Toronto every few years. At first I was terrified. Over time though I became less afraid and more curi­ ous about him. I wondered if he had been affected by the abuse he used against me. I also wondered if he thought about how he had treated me." Khan said she wanted to tell Steve exactly what he had done to her and even­ tually asked if he would be willing to talk with her on camera about their past re­ lationship. Steve agreed. "He said that if he could change just one man's path by telling our story, then it would be worth it," said Khan. Khan said she made these recorded conversa­ tions into a documentary in the hopes others could learn from her and Steve's experiences. In the documentary Khan talks about being afraid to look up as she walked the halls of her school, fearing someone would talk to her and that Steve would see it. Steve talked about how there was no real trigger to him becoming violent, stat­ ing it would just happen. He said he felt shame af­ terward and would try to make up for it. In those moments he said he believed he wouldn't do it again, but al­ ways would. Steve said at the heart of the violence was a desire to keep Khan in the relation­ ship, noting he didn't un­ derstand how else he could do that. "I used violence to keep you," he said in the docu­ mentary. Khan said the experi­ ence of sitting and talking • See CULTURE page 55 SAVE! SAVE! SAVE! PUT O N YOUR FRIDGE! SAVE! SAVE! SAVE! FREE FAMILY & FRIENDS PASS! NEW!Use this pass for FREE admission for up to 4 adults! Invite neighbours or family. It's your "treat". Kids 12 & under FREE! 29th Annual Oakville Lifestyle Home Show, April 6-8,2018 at the Glen Abbey Community Centre, 1415 Third Line just North of the Q.E.W You w ill see • hundreds o f new products and services for your home • terrific, one time Home Show Specials • lots o f prizes & free draws ---------------- . a great family outing C j ! ree ParkinQ • local, reliable companies Show Hours: Friday 3 pm to 8 pm Regular Admission $5 Saturday 11 am to 5 pm Children 12 & Under FREE Sunday 11 am to 5 pm ENTER TO WIN $1,000 CASH! 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