The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

2 Friday, February 16, 2018brooklintowncrier.com Brooklin, 2043 - When Brooklin attained province- hood status in 2034, newly minted Premier Rhonda Mulcahy proudly pointed to the community's crime-free history as a Whitby sub- urb. Even her opponent in that first election, Lorne Coe, admitted the fledgling province was off on the right foot. Major crimes were practically non -ex i s ten t . While some Brooklin resi- dents had been charged with crimes outside the area, none had been arrested for locally crimes committed. One young man serving time for a mi- nor drug charge confessed that committing a crime in Brooklin was like robbing your grandmother. Be- sides, he said, there were just too many cameras and too many peo- ple who knew everything about ev- eryone. "I'm not the smartest bulb in the drawer," he said from his cell. "But I know there are much lesser and fewer risks stealing some- where else." Then, seem- ingly randomly, petty crimes increased. By 2037, graffiti started to ap- pear on trees. Stop signs were painted yellow. Barking dogs were secretly snuck fatten- ing treats; the picturesque streets had desperate owners trying to get their rotund woofers to walk off the weight. Recycle bins were moved to adjacent streets, pitting neigh- bours against each other. No one can pinpoint exactly when the trouble began. However, a Brooklin Provincial Police (BPP) behaviour and historical data ana- lyst (BEHIDA) did submit a report in late 2038 that suggested the wave of petty and "really stupid" criminal activity actually had its genesis 20 years earlier. The report, which was ignored, was recently unearthed by an intrepid Brooklin Town Crier re- porter who'd just returned from an assignment covering the secession of California from the United States. The report stated that in February of 2018, a series of attacks on snow- men in Brooklin were not investi- gated by what was then Whitby police. Despite video evi- dence, police didn't seem motivated to address the crimes. One officer, wish- ing to remain anon- ymous, cracked wise that the snow- men would have died anyway in the spring. Hastening their demise, how- ever violently, he added, just saved everyone emotion- al trauma later on. For some years after, Brooklin re- mained relatively quiet, although every couple of years, attacks on snowmen (and igloos and forts) re- sumed. No one was ever arrested and the crimes remained unsolved on both the Whitby and BPP books. The analyst, now retired, still be- lieves that had the snowman at- tacks been investigated and solved, the later crime surge would not have occurred. The Day the Snowmen Died Less than Half the Picture By Richard Bercuson "Proud to be a Brooklinite" Founded in 2000 and published 24 times per year. Editor, Richard Bercuson 613-769-8629 • editorofbtc@gmail.com The Brooklin Town Crier is locally owned and operated and is a publication of Appletree Graphic Design Inc. We accept advertising in good faith but do not endorse advertisers nor advertisements. All editorial submissions are subject to editing. For advertising information, contact: 905.655.7642 Email: mulcahy42@rogers.com Next Issue: Friday, March 2, 2018 Deadline: Friday, February 23, 2018 A Brooklin snowman is approached by its assailant whose flying sidekick leaves the victim with just a third of its former self.