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A8 THE OAKVILLE BEAVER Wednesday July 28, 1999 * Oakville not immune * from domestic violence Recent case saw beaten women sent to hospital B y Sandra O m a n d SPECIAL TO THE BEAVER Domestic violence -- it knows no boundaries, crosses all strata of society and does not discrimi­ nate based on economics, education, ethnicity or age. The vicious beating of a local woman as report­ ed in the Beaver on July 7th, served as a reminder that Oakville is not immune from domestic violence despite the affluence of its inhabitants. The assault on the woman left her in serious con­ dition in Oakville Trafalgar Memorial Hospital after undergoing emergency surgery for internal abdomi­ nal injuries. She also suffered a concussion and bruises. Police have charged her husband with aggravat­ ed assault endangering life and aggravated assault wounding. He remains in custody awaiting a bail review. Police have not released his name in order to protect the identity of the victim. "We don't recognize that abuse happens in all areas of our region. Instead it is often thought of as something that happens only in families where poverty is an issue," said Theresa Greer, Executive Director of Halton Women's Place. Detective Sergeant Ryall, of the Halton Regional Police, who is handling the case of the unnamed Oakville woman, describes abuse of women as "an equal opportunity employer." "What you are dealing with is raw emotion as opposed to rational understanding and the affluent are not protected from raw emotions," said Ryall. Carol Oosting, a therapist with Halton Family Services, who counsels women experiencing abuse and lives in Oakville, said she is often asked if we really need that kind of service here in Oakville. Part of the problem, said Oosting, is that women abuse is invisible for the most part and many stories go untold because they lack the drama of the very violent stories. "The story in the Beaver is a story about physi­ cal abuse, but what you never read about is emo­ tional abuse," said Oosting. "Yet the impact is just as serious and just as powerful." Greer also took issue with the limited portrayal of women abuse in the media that focuses primarily on the physical side. "We are always looking for the worst case, but there are a lot of women who are forced to live in dangerous situations although they may never have their jaws broken'," said Greer. "We assume that physical abuse is the most dangerous, yet any abuse can led to dangerous and very violent situations." Like physical abuse, emotional abuse also leaves its mark on children. Greer said witnessing emotional abuse is just as damaging to children as witnessing physical abuse because it produces the same emotional trauma evi­ dent in children who live in homes where there is physical abuse. The children of emotionally abused women develop unhealthy ideas of what a healthy relation­ ship should look like, have poor problem solving skills, poor self-esteem and poor conflict resolution skills. According to a fact sheet from the Ontario Women's Directorate, children exposed to the assault of their mother are at risk of being assaulted themselves, of developing adjustment problems during childhood and adolescence and of continuing the cycle of violence. Oosting said she often hears the question, "Why don't the women leave if it is that bad." "There is a lot of misunderstanding about why they don't leave," said Oosting. "There are many things that make it very difficult to leave." Some of those things may be not wanting to break up a family; becoming isolated from friends and families by the abuse; fears for her own and children's safety; dependent on partner's income; the loss of self-esteem that accompanies abuse; hav­ ing nowhere else to go; a partner threatening harm if she leaves or-worried about her immigration status. Another myth concerning abused women is their appearance. Mandy Shewfelt, also a Therapist for Abused Women at Halton Family Services, said: "They look just like you or me." Shewfelt said they see every economic and social class in their practice, which is offered free to all. There are women using foodbanks as well as women driving luxury cars, women who have dropped out of high school on through to highly trained professionals. The goal of abuse, said Shewfelt, is to have power and control over the victim. The man, for example, may control where she goes, who she sees or what she wears and there is always a consequence for not complying that can be either physical or emotional such as yelling, put downs or intimidating behavior. For women living with abuse, help is available through the counseling offered by Halton Family Services and shelters run by Halton Women's Place. There is no shelter operating in Oakville, but one is located in Milton and another in Burlington, offer­ ing a total of 34 beds, that are available to Oakville residents. According to Greer, 20% of the shelters' population base comes from Oakville. Greer added, however, that they receive many crisis calls and information calls from Oakville. "A lot of families in Oakville have other options," said Greer. "If you have access to money you can do better planning, but it doesn't mean that we don't see women who are coming from fairly affluent backgrounds and we are also seeing an increasing number of working women coming into the shelter." Halton Family Services can be reached at (905) 845-3811 while the Halton Women's Place (Shelter) 24-hour crisis hotline is (905) 878-8555. ~ O N C E A Y E A R - S ummer I # Pi SAVE T O 300 OFF* On Kingsiey~Bate Patio Furniture • Elegant Outdoor leak • Plantation Harvested • Exceptional Comfort ' O ff M .S.LP. Selected in-stock items only. AYM ENIS UNTIL THE YEAR 2000oAC STORE HOURS Mon-Thurs. 8:30-6:00 FH 8:30-9:00 Sat 8:30-5:00 Sun 10:00-5:00 Closed Civic Holiday Aug. 1 & 2 8 4 4 -4 9 8 5 490 Speers Rd. Oakville H O M E O F THE CHAIR DONT PAY "TIL LABOUR DAY! W e C are A b o u t 0AC Your C om fort Central air conditioning will help the ones you love keep their cool this summer. today for your free in-home estimate. A I R C A L M CLIMATECARE. 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