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\ il x h i i> i V )V t s J s i l / . £ v . :< k f , Oakville Beaver W eekend £ 3 ). J j ' £ 3 T ile Sunday October 10, 1999 The Oakville Beaver Ian Oliver Publisher Neil Oliver, Associate Publisher Norman Alexander Editor Kelly Montague, Advertising Director Martin Doherty Circulation Director Ten Casas Office Manager Mark Dills Production Manager Riziero Vertolli Photography Director M etrolancj P rinting. P u b fchng & D istrib u tn g L td . includes: A *ax/P ckering N ew s A cte rtise r, AJfcton H erald/C ourier. B a n e Acfc/ance, B arry's Bay This W eek, B o to n E nterprise. B ram pton G uarden, B urlington P ost. B urfngton S hopping N ew s, C ity Parent. C oingw oodM tasaga C onnection, East 'fo rk M rror. Erin A d o p a t^C o u n try R outes. E to b co ke G uardian, R am borough P o s t G eorgetow n Independent/A cton Free Press, H uronia B usiness Tm es, K in g sto n T his W eek. Lin d sa y T his W eek. M arkham E cnorm st & Sun. M id la n d /P e n e ta n g u ish in e M irro r. M ilto n C a n a d ia n C h am pion. M ilto n S h o p p in g N e w s. M ississa u g a B u sin e ss T im e s. M ississa u g a N ew s. N apanee G uide, N ew m arket/A urora Era-Banner. N orthum berland News. N o rth York M inor, O a kvile Beaver. O a kvile S hopping N ew s. O kjtim e rs H ockey N ew s. O rilia Today. O shaw aA /V hitby/C larington P o rt P erry This W eek. O w en S ound Tribune. P eterborough T h e W eek, P icto n C ounty G u id e . R ich m o n d H ill/T h o m h ilA /a u g h a n L ib e ra l. S ca rb o ro u g h M irro r. S touftvieA Jxbridge Tribune, Forester V b u ig . C ity o f York G uarden RECOGNIZED FOR EXCELLENCE BY: THE OAKVILLE BEAVER IS PROUD OFFICIAL MEDIA SPONSOR FOR: S K \ *zz5 467 Speers R d , Oakville O n t L6K3S4 (905) 8 4 5 -3 8 2 4 Fax: 337 -5 5 6 7 E d ito r ia ls Non-starter You're Joe Clark. Finally everyone knows who you are and that can be a good or bad thing. Anyway, you've just pronounced that there's no way the federal Progressive Conservatives will meld with other right-wingers to offer a United Alternative to the voters of Canada. Now you're wondering what's next. What's next for the aforementioned Joe Clark and followers, is a whole lot of nothing. Sorry Joe, but unless there's a magic rabbit in your political hat, your party is doomed to play second (or third or fourth) fiddle to the ruling Liberals. Clark is trying to be all things to all people, kind of a Liberal in Conservative clothing and that's a recipe for disaster. His latest foray into public policy centred on (here we go again) Quebec and offering the province's separatist premier a kind of olive branch. Mistake. One w onders how m any tim es King Lucien has to hum iliate patriotic Canadians-and we include non-Parti Quebecois Quebeckers in that number-before they get the message. We suggest Mr. Clark take the high road and argue the case for a united Canada that doesn't include Mr. Bouchard. As he showed again last week, Bouchard will not be swayed in his vision for an independent Quebec and any federal politician who would seek to appease him in any way, is making a big mistake. The federal Tories are a shadow of their former selves in all areas. The party owes millions of dollars and its membership list is a closely-guarded secret, despite claims of rising numbers. And if Clark thinks, for one second, that kow towing to Bouchard will increase his chances of furthering the PC cause in Quebec, he's sadly mistaken and again underestimating the premier's resolve. Give Mr. Bouchard an olive branch Joe and you're likely to be hit with it. T h e grea t escape that alm ost w asn't My w ife and I had prom ised ourselves a little rom antic week end re tre a t, ju s t the tw o o f us, away from the house, the hound, the chaos, the kids. To celebrate o u r u m p te e n th a n n iv e rs a ry . W hich took place last May. Okay, okay, w e've been busy o f late, cau g h t in a tsunam i -- th a t's a m o n ster tidal w ave for those who don't watch those neat National Geographic specials -- o f C O W s. T h a t's a h om em ade a c ro n y m fo r C o m m itm e n ts , O b lig a tio n s and W ork. C lever, eh? Anyway, May turned to June, June to July, and so forth and we continued to find ourselves, well, n o t g e ttin g aw ay. N o t g e ttin g anywhere that wasn't home with th e h o u n d , th e ch ao s, and the kids. Autum n arrived, our lives continued to be out-of-control, and our itch to escape became as unbearable as, say, Cher. Although this is a family pub lication, I think my readers are mature enough that I can reveal (w ithout the threat o f letters of indignation to the editor) the real reasons my wife and I wanted to get aw ay. We w ere longing to gaze into each o th e r's eyes, to recharge the batteries of love. We were lusting to listen to a little B arry W h ite, to nim bly pluck each other's love strings, to don h o t-p in k tu tu s and d a n c e the dance of forbidden. Whoa! Sorry, laws cancelled. Dumped us. Left us high and dry. W hile I would probably be the last cynical per son on Earth to ever question the motives of a man who has been hospitalized, in this instance, I had to w onder at the tim ing o f th at p a rticu lar h o sp italizatio n . Honestly, it didn't take any great m ental leap for me to im agine my father-in-law faking a little internal bleeding to get out o f his daycare duties. No great leap at all -- a fte r a ll, he k now s my kids, he knew what he was get ting into! Subsequently, mere days prior to departure, we found ourselves searching for someone to babysit our brood. We called everyone we thought had the appropriate, high-level skill set for adm inis tering first-rate care to our kids. T h en , we c alled an y o n e we could think o f who ow es us in any way. Then I posted a large sign on our front lawn, beckon in g n e ig h b o u rs an d s tra n g e rs alike to take our kids, please! I w as a b o u t to a d v e rtise on the Internet -- my wife had already resigned h erself to abandoning the getaw ay -- when my niece, who henceforth shall be known as Saint Dana, cam e through. A trip saver. A life saver. My wife an d I w ere b a c k in b u s in e s s . Monkey business. T im e, sp a c e , an d C a n a d a 's complex privacy laws (which my w ife's lawyers have duly pointed out to me on various occasions), p rev en t me from d e ta ilin g the events o f that weekend retreat. I can say th at a m arv elo u s tim e was had by all. B atteries w ere r e c h a rg e d , lo v e s tr in g s w ere plucked, ho t-p in k tu tu s w ere... M ind yo u , w hen ask ed on the d riv e b ack to re a lity w h at the b e st p a rt o f the w e e k e n d had been, my w ife sighed and said. "Eating an entire m eal w ithout interruptions from sm all, som e tim e s a n n o y in g an d a lw a y s inquisitive creatures." Boy, I wudda thunk the tutus. I got carried away. Suffice to say, we becam e very determ ined to make this weekend happen. And, honestly, how hard can it be for two people to go away for two days? How hard indeed. We booked two nights at a northern resort. We enlisted my in-laws to over see our offspring. In no time at all, we w ere set. T hen our in Pud W H A T W 6 -, T U A T F O j^ , By Steve Nease ITS PUD. WHEN HEWAS UTTIEHEDTELLME Alt ABOUT HIS DAYAT SCHOOL. NoW HE GOES STRAIGHT To HISSIEREO ORTHETYANDHE Barelysays'hi' ' , AW,Ho N, HE STILL UWSToTfcu,