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‘ DICK,’ said a certain Lawyer} to a countryman who was con- sidered more fool than knave, ‘ what should you call the two greatest curiosities in the world’!’ ‘ Why,’ replied Dick, ‘ an honest ‘ jawâ€"yer and a river on fire.’ ISN’T it rather an. odd fact in history that the softest water is caught when it rains the hard- The Printers nail and his Love. LOVE, the most powerful of all human passions, is most. diffi- cult to subdue, even when the object has ceased to be that Which first excited the passion ; but to have that object when he or she is no longer virtuous, would tend to degrade us in our own estimation ; therefore, self- control, is, under such circum- tances, one nr ‘.e highest species of hu .rtue. Pnovmms are tne expressions of the moral ideas of a nation.â€" In high antiquity, when there were not those means of com- munication which after ages in- troduced, these concise axioms, so easy to be impressed on the memory, served to spread moral ideas amongAthe peOple. A goverttimankind are reason,pas- sion, and supersition. The first governs a few,the tWo last share the bulk of mankind; but su~ .ersition is most powerful, and oduces the greatest mischiefs. 3‘ three great things that IT is a pretty saying of Thales, falsehood is just as far distant C from truth, as the ears are from the eyes. A DANDY, who wore a great profusion of diamond rings, was one day flourishing his fingers before Robert Brough, the dra- matist, with the idea of impress- ing him. ‘ I say',’ said Brough, ‘ I’d rather have your hands nu... {our head, I know which could e turned to the best account.’ IF you wish to increase the size and prominence of your eyes, just keep an account of the 'money you spend foolishly, add it up at the end of the year. A GENTLEMAN having a horse that ran away and broke his wife’s neck, was told by a neigh- hor that he wished to purchase: it for his wife to ride upon.â€"' .30, :1 Said the wretch, ‘I intend erlari'y ”again ‘mymlf.’ ‘MY hair,’ said an inveterate diner-out, ‘is eighteen years older than my whiskers, and I cannot understand why my Whiskers should turn gray first,’ ‘ Because you have worked so much more with your jaws than with your brains,’ was the wit’s rcply. A YOUNG lady in Tennessee,’ when kissed, says: ‘You thief, put that right back where you got it.’ Good. A printer’s devil Wis pierced in the heart, With charms of a dear little Miss ; Quoth he to the lass, “ My dear e’er w. pa Let us seal our love with a. kiss.” The maiéen replied, as the imp she eyed, “ Do you think I'll let you revel While others before you have vainly triedâ€" No, no, I’ll not kiss the devil W Yeats rolled along and the sweet little lass Became an old sorrowful maid; She lived like a queenâ€"was rich, but alas! Ber beauty had all decayed. Once again they_met, and the old maid tried - â€"To reccall her'former issue, But he gaily smiled and only replied, “ The devil now wouldn’t kiss you I” I WISH‘I could have seen your great feat,’ said a lady to a gentleman who had met with a hazardous adventure in Africa. ‘ There they are, madam,’ said WHAT means of conveyance by land, and what by sea. are THE man who won’t take a paper because he can borrow One, has invented a machine with which he can cook his din- ner by the smoke of his neigh-v bar’s Chimney, Wi t and [{umaur. gaawai. 'i THE ydfing lady with ‘ speak-4‘ §ing eyes ’ has become "iquite . l. hoarse in consequence of using "Ethem too much. i I WHEN his cousin Charlotte? Dunne was married, Jones said, ‘It was Dunne before it was begun, Dunne whilst it was domg, and 1t was not ‘Dunne when 1t was done.’ 6 AN old lady once complained to her doctor that she could scracely breathe. ‘Donit try, 3 my good soul,’ replied the can- did physican; ‘nobody wants ,, you to do it.’ ladies fondest of?.â€"â€"â€"Busses and‘lsalt ‘peg'dgy might not be too smacks. A correslmndent of the New York WaVeer' ° * the follow- ing as 0" fly inci- idents the . a” "uoardiug tround’ sch emsmr. i I had been teaching in Mason County in this Sucker State,and ‘this term was boarding round. A GENTLEMAN, just married, told Foote that. he had that morning laid out three thousand pounds in jewels for his dear wife. ‘She is truly your dear wife,’ replied the wit. The Scoolmaster in that Bea One evening after school one of my little scholars stepped up to me and said : ‘Mr. James, father said you would come home with me.’ ‘ Very well,’ replied, and forth- with set out f01 my patron’s house, which was distant some two miles. It seems the 01d gentleman and lady slept in the same room, but I was not aware of that. master’s in your bed.’ ‘ Very well,’ said Sarah; and passing throught the room I slept in, went up stairs. About an hour elapsed, when I heard Judy, the other one, come. She stood at the door a long time, talking with her ‘feller’ then entered the room softly.â€" Disrobing her feet, she entered the room where I lay, in her stocking feet, carefully undress- ed herself, and coming to the side of the bed prepared to get 111. ‘ Now, it happened that I lay in the middle of the bed, and turning back the cloth, she gave me a shake and in a suppressed whisper : ‘ Lay over Sarah.’ I rolled over and whipped the corner of my pillow in my mouth to keep from laughing. w 18 er: ' ‘ n P ()mousâ€"Sow on well pre-i ‘ Lay over Sarah.’ I rolled over and whipped the '; pared ground, 11- v corner of my pillow in my ParSle}’â€"SO\Y~ 11- mouth to keep from laughing. Parsn1psâ€"-â€"Dig for market or In she bounced, but the bed fOI' home use. Leave SUM would squeak. - The old gentle- for SBCd, 01' 59t 011?, ll. ‘ man heard it and called out: Peasâ€"Sow on warm borders, ‘Judy!’ 1]. Place the seed a few min- ‘Sir!’ was reSponded in a utes in water raised to about faint tone from the bed beside l30°to destroy the Weevil.â€" me. _ Prepare brush, ff, m. With one loud yell, and ‘ 0h heavens,’ she landed on the fear, and fled with the rapidity of a deer Up stairs. She never heard the last of it, I can tell you. SALTING SHEER-"Mix about one pint of salt to the bushel of feed, which I give daily to about} three hundred head, ---a qualt of ‘ Girls,’ said he, ‘_the School- ‘The schoolmaster is in that Useful Receipts. Emuch for that number. It is Esugges v’ted 1n the RURAL to keep ’Le Esalt where the sheep can help themselves. Imagine a man eating food without salt-«then EgoingrD to the salt barrel to eat'; te salt! It 1s enough to set a per- d,Eson’ s teeth on edge to think of is it. gE A REMEDY FOR THE SCRATCHES.---Thl‘€e oz. anti- mony; 3 oz. saltpetre; 315 lbs. sulpher-"all pulverized and mixed. Give one tablespoonful in meal,,or bran, once a day,and not oftener. A horse needs no other treatment. ~- CURE FOR RINGBONE.â€"â€"I suc- ceeded in removing the lame- ness ofa ringbone, by making bag ofstrong linen cloth, about two inches broad and eight- inches long, which I fillegl, Abrith 00pperas, tied on the loot just above the ringrbone, and wet tVVlLC a (lay. Kept it on about four weeks. 'I he man that told me of this said he had cured several in this, way.â€"-â€"W. H. CHAFFEE, Bzron Muhâ€"Cor. Moore’s Bum New- Yorker. EYPLANArroxs.â€"â€"f indicates the first ; m {he middle; and! the last of the monthâ€"Doubling the letters thus: 1f, or mm, or (I, gives particular emphasis to the period indicatedâ€"Two letters placed together, as flu or ml, signify that the work may be done in either or in both periods in- dicated ; thus, work marked fm indicates that it is to he attended to from the first to the middle of ‘ the month] Front the American Agriculturist. Orchard and Nursery. Pear Trees â€"Choosc stand- ards rather than dwarfs fOr main supply. A fow of the latter will do for the garden. Plant, m, 1. In grafting on wild stocks, be particular to procure seedings, and not suckers thrown up from the roots of Old tI'CCS. ‘55 Effie i'uli supply of young stogkskear- 1v. Plumsâ€"Plant, ll. Examine branches for indications of ‘ black knot ’ and remove with the knife, paring smoothly. Pruning â€"â€"Leave it until late. Summer, except to remove small shoots or doc cz'lying branches. Seeds 0r Pits â€"â€"â€"Plant, H, m,‘ apple, pear, quince, cherry, peach, plum, walnut, and chest- nut, which wcre stored for use last tall. Sow, m, 1, seeds of evergreen and of deciduous trecs, as locust, maple, bllCh, etc. Give plenty of air as the tem- peratme increases, removing the sashes daily except in freezing weather. Sow cabbages, lettuce, radishes, etc., to suceed plants ready for transplanting. Currants and Gooseberriesm Make cuttings, ff, if not already done. Secure improved varie- ties. Put in cuttings and root- ed plants, m, 11. Turnipsâ€" Sow, II, in grounds for early use: If" Hbrced, sow in hot-bedsfi'fi, Potatoesâ€"Plant early varie ties for first supply, 11. Rhubarbâ€"Uncover protected roots, 11, and fmk in plenty of manure. Set out new plants, 1_. Strawberriesâ€"Rake off the Winter covering, II, and top- dress with fine, w‘ell rotted ma- nure, hoeing it in. Tomatoesâ€"â€"Sow in hot-beds or in pots in the house, f, m,and in Open ground, 11. ‘ ~ THE DURHAM STANDARD, DURHAM, MARCH 23, 1860. Kitchen and Fruit Garden Agriculture, (6°C. CURE FOR HEAVES IN Honsns.â€"â€"Common tar, mixed with a teaspoonful offgingér, made into a ball, with a little shorts; Given daily. The very worst cases have been cur- ed by this simple remedy, and the cure is of a permanent char- acter.---P., Richmond Hill, C. [From the Journal of a Canadian Farmer.) ‘ Never put off till toâ€"morrow what can as well be done to- day.’ Our short working sea- sons and variable climate ren- der this absolutely necessary. ‘ Never occupy more land than you can cultivate thorough 1y. One acre well tilled is more profitable than two acres Sloven- ly managed. 1 1 . ”241- J ‘ Never contract debts, with the expectations of paying for them with creps not yetb orrown.’ There are so many liabilities to failure, that we seldom realize what we anticipate. ‘ Never keep more stock than rou can Winter well; nor less than will consume all the fod- der you can raise.’ To sell hay or straw is unwise and unprofit- able. ‘ Never errpose stock of any kind to the inelemency ofa Ca- nadian winter.’ They require, at least one-third more food,and are poorer in the spring; be- sides, it is cruel and shiftless. ‘Never nearleet getting Up a year’s supply of wood in the lei- sure of winter.’ It is unprofita- ble to cut wood in summer, when wages are double, and ev- ery hour is required on the farm. 1 v- J‘ Never spend your labor and] waste your seed, in trying to raise grain in ‘ dropsical ’ lam .” It is better to spend the price of the seed, and the labor of piOw- ing and harrowing, in drains at the first; them your capital is preperly invested, and you will be likely to get a handsome dividend. ‘ Never plant an orchard withl the eXpectation of its thrivingl unless you first prepare the land well, then plant Well,stake well, fence. well, and cultivate well---' hoed crops are the best.’ ‘What is worth doing at all, is worth doing well,’ must always be borne in mind in the raising of fruit trees to anything like per- fection. ‘ Never let your tools and im- plements be exposed to the. de- caying influences of the sun. rain, and frost, except when in nse.’ ‘ A place‘: for everything and everything in its place,’ will pay at least twenty-five per cent per annum, in this resPect. ‘ . ‘ v-v ‘ Never iiepend upon a neigh- bor’s grindstone to sharpen your tools on.’ It is a waste of time; and time is a farmer’s capital, when rightly employed. This might also apply to borrowing in general. A ‘ - ‘ ‘ Never trust b0} 5 to plow, un- less yon are frequently in the field.’ A man’s wages may soon be lost in careless plow- ‘ 1 0| 1 l .11 "fivNever trust children to milk the cows, unless some compe-; tent person follows afier to se- cure the most valuable part of the milk.’ A cow is soon Spoil- ed by bad millg‘i 11g. 1'11- by {he forelockZ’ Lead the work, rather than be driven by ‘Never let the farm absorb all your attention, to the total exclusion of a garden.’ There is more profit and real pleasurel than from any other acre of the farm. A good farmer ,sbould also be a good gardener. ' , ‘ Never;,1biink‘of doing without an agricnftural paper, even if i YQq_‘.ljt;8:_.thrée:0ri four political ‘pap’elgar.’ ' 'rThey do not meet the . {8" of an agriculturist. _' everbelieve all .you read, ev‘j. ‘in‘ an agricultural paper ;’ bdtfqpro’veall things,’ and prac- Maxim. tice that which suits your posi- tion and circumstances best.--- WOOdstock, C. IV; R. W. s.- LANDS FOR SALE. FIVE acres of excellent land, sitpated on the Bar ham Gravel Road West, 16 rods frontage, one mile from Allanpark P. 0., and is an excellent situation for a tavern or country store. Clear Deed can be given for the above prop erty. Applications, with reference to the aboc if by mail, (post-pmd) to FREDRICK RICHARDSON, 103., Bentinck P. O. HE PUBLIC ARE HEREBY CAUTIONED against Cutting timber or otherwise tres- passing on Park Lots 1, 2, and 3, North of Sad- ler Street west. in the Village of Durham, as they Will be prosecuted with the utmost rigor of the ‘ are now doing one of the largest Hardware trades in Canada, which is rapidly increasingâ€"they aztribute their astonishing success in business, to their having brought down the prices of ‘Hardware in Guelph. Now Hardware can be ‘purchased of Horsman Brothers, as low, if not lower, than can be had in any town in Canada. law. ‘p place 1mmcdntufla: the following list of a few articles sold by them 11 ill shOW. â€" |Cut nails 1n quantitiesâ€"10 lbs. and upwardsâ€"â€" I EAVE just received large additions to their Stock of Hardware“ and will continue to receive supplies during the winter months, from the British and Continental markets, by Vessels discharging at Portland thence by Grand Trunk Railway to Guelph. would draw attention to the fact, that a further reduction in the price of _Hard_war_§ will take Bentinck, 24th January, 1860. 4 cents pér 1h. Wrought. nails, 10 cents per 1b. Axes (warranted) $1 each. Glass 73 9 and 8 v.10, 118 3d per box. Glass 10 v.12, 123 per box, 10 x14, 123 Gd per box, And other sizes proportionally cheap. Putty, 3d per lb. Shot, 10 cents per lb. Smoothing Irons, 6 cents per lb. Barn Door Hinges, 4d per 1b. Paint 0i], (raw) $1 per gallon. Paint Oil, (boiled) 1 dollar and 10 cents per galloh. First quality \Vliite Lead, 153 per 1b. Best Refined Imp, 1736(1 per 1001b8., and all other goods cqally cheap. Tu give a 1151; 0! Hardware, :ept on hand by HORSMAN BROTHERS would fill a newspaper, suflicc it to say, that anything required can be purchased of them and their prices warranted to give satisfaction. Feb. 23, 1860. ANY QUANTITY OF OATMEAL FOR SALE or in exchange for oats. at Chaffiéy’s Mills, Glenelg, or at J. Miller’s Store, Durham. S. B. CHAFFEY. Blacksmith IS PREPARED TO DO Mill Work, Horse Shocing, AND In the BEST STYLE and at Moderate Price-s HORSNIAN BROTHEB§ ploughs. E” Mill Picks Made and Sharpened. 113’ Axes Jumped and Tempered. £13” Any person in need of a. Farrier it to their avantage to call on him. Durham, Nov. 25, 1858. Dec. 22, 1859. 5’ Q 533 E 535 '21-: £13 @- LE 53 Commission Merchant and GENERAL AGENT, HAS on hand a GOOD ASSORTMENT of FAMILY CROCflERY, Which he is prepared to Sell at the Very Lowest PRICES FOR CASH ONLY. 53"" The Store is opposite Mr Miller’s 01d Stand. Pkwblic are hereby cautioned against purâ€" ’ chasing or negociating four joint Notes of Hand against Alexander McLean and William Derby, in favor of Archibald McLaughlin and the late Thomas McLaughlin, all Of the township of Bentinck, and hearing date the of January, 1859, as no value has been receive for the said notes. The first three'nOtes are due the 2nd of January, 1864, 1865, and 1866, for the sum of fifty dollears each; the fourth, on. the 2nd of Janury, 1867, for the sum of seventy dollars. ALEXANDER MCLE AN, WILLIAM DERBY. _,__ _ HORSM AN BROTHERS, Dec’r 15, 1859. £13” Wrought Iron Shares made for any kind of Bentipck, PM? 13% 186°; 13" Terms extremely liberal. .55 Horsman Brothers, Advertisements. CAUTION. Saddler 5! root, H ORSM AN BROTHERS, I)°0n7720ngers, Guelplz . tfâ€"55 Rev. J. HISTON. will find THE Imam of School Section Ho. 3. Glenelg, are m want of a teacher to ”to charge of the School on the first of April next” Apply to S. B. GHAFFEY, GEO. STAPLESpg Trustees. SAMUEL EDGE, Address, Bentinck P. O. ,O. W. . Glonelg, February 2nd, 1860. =1 , 61â€"8 7%“ r AMILTON SPTECTAOR.” POLITICAL, Commercial, and General Newspaper, is published at Hamilton, C. W., by the proprietors, WILLIAM GILLESPY and Ann- ANDBR Ronnnrsox. It is issued daily, semi-weekly, and weekly, and has the largest circulation of any Canadian paper west of Toronto. From the particular attention paid to Commer- cial intelligence, the Spectator has acquired a rep- utation for reliability, which has secured for it the Patronage of the Mercantile Community of Wes- 24__ 2 AL- L “I’Lvanunhu v- -.__ tern Canada. The geographical position a the City of Hamilton, with its superior Railway con inection, affords great facility for the Speedy trans mission of the Daily Spectator to the numerous thriving towns and villages between the Niagara and Detroit Rivers,-â€"â€"an advantage of which the preprietors have not failed to avail themselves The Senzi-chckly and H’ccklu editions (made up from the reading matter in the Daily) containing a great amount of news, at an extremely low price, enjoy a large and extended circulation among the agricultural classes, and those not immediately engrossed with the cares of politics or commerce, to whom the stimulus of a daily iraper is not a necessity. .‘v\'vvw-'J ' The Spectator (Daily,Semi-chk ly and Weekly) is therefore an excellent medium for advertising. The rates charged are the same as the published rate, generally adopted by the Canadian press, except for the weekly edition, for which double the usual rate is charged. on account of its large circulation being confined almost exclusively to the farming community, thereby admitting only the profitable publication, in its columns, of ad- vertisements suited to this particular class. -wâ€" â€""____ __ “33" The rates of subscription, payable in 1d- vance, are: â€" Dail3, per annum. ...$5 00 per cepy. Semi-\\ eckly, “ .......... 3. 00 “ Weekly, “ .......... 1. 50 “ Postnmstera and others acting as Agents will be allowed a handsome commission from the above mentioned rates, and parties sending the namoft four new subscribers with the cash, will be enti- tled to one copy free. CLUBS. The success of the clubbing system as a means of supplying the public with CHEAP NEWS has already been tested by the Spectator. The plan, which was at first only applied to the IVeekly has now been extended to the Semi-Weekly edition, and the rates payable in advance are, Semi- H’eeklyfi or more copies,$2 a year per cOpy IVec/cly, 10 or more copies, $1 a year per copy £13" When Clubs are sent to ONE ADDRESS one copy for every five ScIIzi-H’cckly or ten W'cakly will be given FREE to the getter up of the club, but Where each paper is addressed from the office of- publication no free papers will be given. THE CASH SYSTEM In announcing to the public the adoption of the Cash System as applied to subscriptions, the pro- prietors of the Spectator may remark, that it has already been approved by all, and adopted by many Canadian newspapers. with mutual profit to the publishers and the public. The Credit System, however advantageous in other departments of business, has nothing to recommend its application to Newspapers, for while the individual Subscrip- tions are so trifling that neither hardship or diffi- culty can result from payment in advance, the aggregate amount is a matter of serious conse- quence to the publisher, and the expense of collec- tion and losses form a heavy item which he is compelled to levy on the honest subscriber who. takes the benefit of the erédit; hence the public can understand why newspapers cost 20 or 25 per cent. more at the end than at the beginning of the year. The abolition of such a system will no doubt meet. with the approval of the public, and while we will give every subscriber now in our books reasonable time to pay up arrearaga, we shall not in future receive any subscribers but those who pay in advance. Complete arrange- ments will be made for notifying subscribers before the expiration of their terms of subscription. N. Biâ€"Letters containing remittancés, properly addressed and registered, will be at our risk. GILLESPY J; ROBERTSON, Publishers and Proprietdn. We also beg to direct public attention to the other branches of business carried on by us at the “S aviator” Establishment, Which is one of the largest. and most complete of the kind in Canada, ; comprising the following Departmenistvizi _ Book and Job Printing, including the publica- tion of the National Series of School Books, as we! as the execution of every variety of plain and fancy letter press printing ; Book Binding, (this depart ment carried off the first. prize at. the Provincial Fair in 1857,) including Blank Book Manufactur- ing, and ruling and paging by the most improved machinery; Lit/zographing, and Copperplatc Em, gravingand Printing, embracing Invoices, Ca dg Maps, PLans, Autographs, c., c., with every variety of Mercantile and Blank Forms; Stationery, embracing a select. and varied stock of British, American and Canadian made papers, c. GILLESPY ROBERTSON. SPECTATOR OFFIGE, 2 - Hamilton, C. W., July, 1858. I LIST of unclaimed Letters remaining in Ben- tinck Post Office, March 2, 1860. Coax, Wm. McDonald, Niel Cameron, Angas McDonald, James Carroll, John McPherson, Mrs. Claborne, Henry McArthur, Donald Cameron. James McMillan, Catherine Connors William McIntosh John Green, Owen McTagne, Mrs. Mary Kennedy, Donald McFarlan, John Kitington, Thomas McFadden, Ann Lawrence, John Murchison, Alex. Lennon, Emeley E. Morrison, Neil Laverty, Michael Morrison, Peter Little, John Muir John 2 Little, Thomas Mason, Joseph ALEX. '3. gen}, against negociating or purchasing TWO NOTES of HAND, against George Henderson, Normanby, in favor of James Scott, Dundas, for the] sum of £3 58 each, drawn on or about the 23rd Decemb r, 1857, at one and two years afier date, respectively. - stun A Note of Hand against Thomas Oliver, Nor- manby, in favor of James Scott, Dundas, drawn lst December, 1857, due on the first {lay of Jan- A -- ._. @AIEIEDEQM Q . THE PUBLIC ARE HEREBY GAUTIONED against negociating or pumhaging'l‘WO 18L U‘UUmWI’ LUV I, uuv v.- vuv mwv v- v...â€" uarv, 1860, for the sum of £3 53. -â€"-said notes be- ing lost. D. DEWAR, 1300K JOB PegITNG -- -â€"â€" lunnau alumna“. -_-/ Durham, 29th Feb. 1860. LIST: QE LEE'EEBS. LOST NOTES. NOTICE. Post Minter.