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‘What is the matter C” ‘De sorrel waggon has run away mit the green horse, and broke de w...» ~ vaatle-tree of de brick house what stands by de corner lamp post across de telegraph. VVhy is a kiss like scandal? Ans.â€"-â€"Be(‘ause it goes from »â€"m9n1hm mouth- The man finishing the Brick Church steeple observed, “It’s value to a spire.” Why is snuff like the letter S? Because it’s the beginning of sneezing. Labor Lost. --An organ-grin- der playing at the (10010010 21 t3deaf and dumb asy lum. The young woman that was lost in thought, after wandering in her mind, found herself at last in her lover’s arms. Mrs. Partingtou says she did not marry her second husband because she loved the male sex, but just because he was the size of her first protector, and would come in so good to wear his clothes out ! The use of Crinoline. â€"-A lady who began to weary of the criti- eisims on crinoline, exclaimed, “So long as hooped skirts keep foolish people at a convenient distance, just so long will they be tolerated? I put outside my Window a box, filled it with mould, and sowed it with seed. What do you think came up? Wheat, barley, or oats ’! No, a policeman who ordered .me to remove it. “Women are called ‘sof’ter sex,’ because they are so easily hum- bugged' Out of one hundred girls, ninety-five would prefer ostentation to happinessâ€"a dan- dy husband to a mechanic. 1 She till the mi crava'ii Which she so kindly made me; Then smoothed with cure my hat, And with her arms delayed me ; She.bmshed my “ glossy hair,” And said “ it was so curly 1” While going down the stair, She cried, “ Come home, dear, early!” An Irishman, trying to put out a gas-light with his fingers, cried out, ‘Och, murther! there’s mwer a wick in it!’ ‘What is the best attitude for self-defence ?’ said a pupil to a pugilist. “Keed a civil tongue in your head,’ was the reply. The obligations we owe to parents, form a running account which is paid to the next gener- ation. Old maids and bache- lors, of course, in doub‘. Why is Aiison’s History like the prevalent fashion of crime- line? Ans.â€"â€"Because, says an historical critic, it is in a round- about style. If the father is the Head of the family, what is the eldest son? Ans.â€"-â€"Why, the Heir, (hair) to be sure. Why IS a damsel with reddish brown hair like a prisoner in one of the New York State prisons? Ansâ€"Because she is under Au- burn locks. The individual who was ac- cidentally injured by the dis- charge of his duty is still very low. The moon seems the most un- steady of all celestial lumina- ries; she is continually shifting her quarters. How happy then was I , With'all I e’er dwired ; I fortune could defy While thus I was admired! We parted at the doorâ€"- Her smile deserved a sonnet! “ Dear love, but one thing more : I wantâ€"a new spring bonnet ! Wit and IImnour. MY WIFE. 2QE£E§o A fellow was told at a tailor’s shop that three yards of cloth,by being wet, would shrink one quarter of a yard. ‘ Well, then,’ he inquired, ‘ if you should Wet a quarter of a yard, Would there be any of it left ’2’ It is related that Dr. P ,of‘ Boston, was once'invited by a friend to visit the theatre and see a new play. The friend pmposed taking seats near the orchestra. ‘Oh, 110,’ said the doctor, ‘ I have a slight cold,and doubt the prepriety of sitting finear these wind instruments ." When my lady sees master pig munching and wallowing in a ditch, she curls up her nose and lifts up her shoulders at his nastiness. And lo! when the same pig’s leg, fragrant with sage and patriarchal onions, smokes on the board, she sends her plate three times. Such is life! An Irishman, driven to des- peration by the stringency of the money market and the high price of provisions, procured a pistol and took the road. Meet- ing a traveller, he stOpped him with, ‘ Your *money or your life !’ Seeing that Pat was green, he said, ‘I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll give you all my money for that pistol.’ ‘Agreed.’ Pat. received the money and hand- led over the pistol. ‘ Now,’ said the traveller, ‘hand back that money, or I’ll blow your brains out.’ ‘ Blaze away, my honey,’ said Pat; ‘11ary a dhr0p of pow- ther there’s in it.’ The following anecdote is told of a distinguished lawyer of Massachusetts, who, but a few years ago, went ‘ the way of all: ‘~Well,‘ my native place was either there or somewhere else.’ ‘ You travel as If money were plenty to 3:0“ ’9’- ‘I thought so; you’re the sharpest blade I ‘ever saw on this road.’ ‘ Well, I guess I’ll sta}r till I’m ready to leave !’ ‘ I reckon you were born in New England?’ ‘ Well, I might have more, and be richer.’ ‘ Have you anything new ’2’ ‘ Yes, I bought a Whetstone this morning.’ ‘ Hulloo, stranger, you appear to be travelling ’2’ ‘ Well, it mightâ€"if it wasn’t something else !’ ‘ Have you been long in these parts ’I’ ‘ Never longer than at present â€"-â€"five feet nine.’ ‘ Do you calculate to remian here some time ’l’ The following dialogue took place op the Ohio Railroad :â€" ‘ Yes, I alw'ays travel when I’m on a Journey.’ ‘I think I have seen you somewhere ’I’ An Indiana man was travell- ing down the Ohio, in a steam- er, With a mare and a two year old colt, when by a sudden ca- reen of the boat all three were tilted into the river. The hoo- sier, as he rose puffiing and blowing above water, caught hold of the tail of the colt, not having a doubt that the natural instinct of the animal would carry him safely (ashore. The old mare took a;”“ bee line” for the shore, but the frightened colt swam lustily down the cur- rent, with its owner still hang- ing fast. “ Let go the colt, and hang on the old mare,” shouted some of his friends. “Phree, booh !” exclaimed the hoosier, spouting the water from his mouth, and shaking his head like a Newfoundland dog, ‘it’s mighty fine you’r telling me to let go the colt; but to a man that can’t swim,this ain’t exact- ly the time for swapping horses.’ ‘Very like. I’ve often been there.’ ‘Mightn’t your name be Smith ’2’ No Time for Swapping. Retraction. flesh.” He had been engaged in 3 cc 1 cause in Roxbury. Whel if; e believed the jury had dd" ixiijustice to his client. Declaixgfi.‘ g against the verdict he sail s’ ‘ ’I ‘* 1018 of them . might haVe bé~73_ bribed for a peek of beans I f s, Judge. ‘ You dishonor yourself and the court, as well ‘as the juryby such an impeachmenjc.’ "I rheant no disre-spect to the court, your honor; and as for myselfâ€"J ‘ " You will see the propriety, home, of retracting the words.’ EWith all due_ defererrce to your honor I cannot see the pro- priety of unsay ing what 1,3. true.’ ‘ Do you intend to aggravate the offence by repeating it ’2â€" Let me tell you‘ksngLh'as i$ not to be sufferedgunlv. ~<. _ . 1' pa forthwith, we shall deem it ne- cessary to strike you from the rolls of the court.’ ‘ Well, since the court. insists upon it, I suppose I can do no less than retract.’ The parents of all these mis- chievous wo1ms are winged in- sects,which flutter W21 the trees, and lay their eggs either upon the surface of the tender fruit, or puncture it andi deposit the eggs beneath the: skin. Again, most of these winged insects, or millers, are either naturally niglzt fliers, or can be brought out by a strong light. Now, every one has ob- served that millers are so attract- ed by light as to fly directly i11- to the flame of a candle. It is well to take advantage of this weakness, and kindle low fires about the orchard and fruit gar- dens in the evening, and thus catch the tresPasseW 1y part of June is the proper sea- son to commence this war of extermination, which, if vigor- ously entered into by a neigh- borhood, would destroy vast quantities of them in the very act ofprovidingfor thei.‘ progeny. Remember, too, that with every parent moth, from fifty to one hundred little white. maggots are destroyed. Follow this prac- tice up night after night, for two weeks, and an immense num- ber of insects will be cut off."- Tie old rags upon short sticks, and dip them first into tar, and then in saw- -dust or charcoal, until of a large .size. These will burn with a hight . light for a long time, dazling ‘ and attracting the unhckly ‘ moths or millers from some dis- tance around. --- American fign- « cultumst, . an x. . 1; ‘And in very ample. terms, too.’ ‘Certainly, your honor; and on second thought I do it with great pleasure. I am convinc- ed, now, that I-xvronged the jury in saying they could be bribed for a peek of beans); and thus Openly and pnblidy, ,1 retract the assertion. I b )1): . re conr" and jury are satiehw‘“. They expressed themselves in the aflirmatlve, when the law- yer rejomed : ‘ But may it please the Court and jury, had I said halfa bush- el instead of a peck, I would have been hanged before I would hav e letraeted. ” ity of their multiplying, “by pick- ing up and feeding out, or cook- ing the punctured fruit, and thus destroying the worm lodg- ed in the heart. This is a tedi- ous Operation however, and hardly practicable with peaches, plums and cherries. Owing to the decrease 0" birds and perhaps to other causes; in- sects are now alarmingly on the increase. Their miSchiei is usually discovered too late to do more than prevent the possibil- ? ans: 3" . . ‘What is that ’1’ said the 'i‘HE DURHAM STAN I»: 1., DURHAM, JUNE 3,. 1859. 140011 out li‘o'it Insect: Agriculture. ‘ As the season is at hand when pleasant summer drinks, free from undue alcoholic influence, are frequently brewed by the housewife, or the well-brought- up daughters, who are taught a little of everything in the way of household dutiesâ€"we append the following receipts, whiCh are claimedto be excellent :â€" l 2 Those who prefer mead ave only to substitute honey for the molasses named above, and for one-third the ginger use allspice. Half the quantity ofl yeast will be found sufficient, and the bottling should occur the second day instead of the next morning. It will be fit to drink in four days after being “bottled, and will keep for many weeks. A small quantity of al- cohol is formed during the fer- mentation,and this prevents the acetous fermentation so com- mon to spruce beer. The es- sence of Spruce is of course left out it the making of mead The alcohol formed from the fermen- tation of honey, resembles that found in metheglz'n, while the alcohol from the fermentation of molasses is rum. Those who imagine that they can make ei- ther spruce beer or mead with- out forming any alcohol, are mistaken. 1. Take three gallons of wa- ter, of blood warmth, three half- pints of molasses, a table spoon- ful of essence of spruce, and the like quantity of gingerâ€"mix well together With a gill of yeast; let stand over night and bottle in the morning. It will he in good condition to drink in 24 hours. It is a palatable, whole- some beverage. So of flowering plants, raised from seed. They are too often left to grow in a dense jungle or bunch, Where they crowd each other, become Weak and spindl- ing, and never attain their na- tive beauty. Annuals may sometimes be grOwn in masses, but even then they are much fin- er if the individual plants stand Several inches apart. Where it Most persons allow their plants both vegetables and flowers, to grow too near together. Beets, onions, carrots, .parsneps, etc., should be thinned out very soon after they appear above ground. Cucumber, squashes and melons need similar treatment. Three plants left to growin a hill are sufficient. ' Get on quickly now with the plantingâ€"rolling the dry corn in tar till each grain is coated slightly, and sprinkling with gypsum or dry ashes to separate the giains. . The preparation of the corn ground will now be pushed on as urgently as possible. Bear in mind the necessity of closer planting than 1s usual, to give you a full crOp of corn. While five feet square will give about 1, 700 hills, four feet each way, will give 2, 700, and three and a half feet each way, more than 3,700 hills. < With manure enough and proper working,this number will grow as well with- out firing and burning as that first named. But you tamust not put off working it until July ~- You cannot go with plough or cultivator into corn six to eight feet highâ€"the roots branching through every inch of the soil, without doing it irreparable damage. We say therefore a- gain work your corn before it is planted, and work it immediate- ly after it is planted-,plant close- ly, and ‘lay by’ early, if you ex- pect to make a full cr0p. 3. Prepare a five or ten gal- lon keg, in proportion to the size of the femiiyndmw a piece of coarse bobinet, or very coarse book-muslin over the end of the faucet that is inserted into the keg. to prevent its choking, a good tight bung, and near to that a gimlet hole, with a peg to fit it tight. How to make Spruce Beer. Thin out the Plants. qun Planting. is not wished to mass them, such. flowers. as ‘Candytuft, Phlox Drummondii, Asters,Bal-' sams and Stocks should stand at least one foot asunder. We now recall the sight of a single plant of White candytuft grown in our garden last Summer, which was shaped like a .bee- hive and covered with a profu- sion of flowers in every part,and looked much better than ifmass- ed. It sometimes requires a ’good deal of courage to pull up vigorous young plants and throw them away, but it must be done if one would have a valuable garden of vegetable or flowers. ~16. NEW Goons.â€"â€"If you have new goods t9 sell, let the people know ‘itâ€"Advertise .’ Having seen it stated that dri- ed mullen leaves smoked in a common pipe would cure bron~ chitis, my wife concludedto test the matter, and after a few mon- th’s use 'she thinks she is cur- ed. For several years past my po- tato cr0p has been an almost entire failure. I had planted} the same seed year after yea1, and on old ground. By reading, studying, and attending discus- sions, I was induced to try a difierent course. I procured my seed 15 or 20 miles distant, and planted without manure on dry pasture land, broken up in the Spring. When the potatoes were in blOom, I sowed broad- cast on the tops three or four bushels of ashes, with one-tenth part lime, per acre, repeating it in six or eight days This was done during damp weathel An- 'other piece was old mowin0 ground bloken up, with straw manure applied in different ways. Both produced good cr0ps, while many pieces in the neighborhood were nearly de- stroyed by rot. Sheep shearing should be at- tended to in due time, to avoid loss "of fleece, and to relieve the animal from the oppressive cov- ering-as warm weather advan- ces. It is made a question now, as to washing the fleece on the back of the sheep, whether it is not attended with much more injury to the flock, than advan- tage to the fleece. Give careful attention in shearing, to prevent clipping and gashing the flesh, as well as to have the wool neat- ly and carefully taken off. On the other hand, if straw or coarse manures are used, which do not rot quick enough todoree a rapid growth of teps, and increase the absorbing pow- er beyond a proper equilibrium ; or if old pastures are used, and the animal and vegetable man- ure's do not exceed the mineral, does not the bulb keep pace with the top in growth, and need all the moisture absorbed by the tops in order to produce a heal- thy potato ’! Will not ashes and lime, sewn on the leaves, make an alkali which, being absorbed by the leaves and carried to the roots, neutralizes or prevents the acetous fermentation, which otherwise would take place and destroy the potato ’lâ€"C’or. Amer. Ag. We know the potato vine is a greatabsorberof moisture. When other leaves are wet, those of the potato are often dry. Now does not this absorbing power, Which the potato possesses in so great a degree, cause a super- abundance of water at the bulb in wet, fogg wea.,ther stepping the healtl1yg1owth of the tuber; and does not the action of the heat which frequently follows, produce the same effect that moisture and heat would on any other vegetable . matter, viz., cause it to rot" Do not strong: manures, , by increasing the growth of - the tops, extend the surface of the leaves, and conse- quently- the absorbing power, and thereby Increase the liabil- ity to rot ’! - Questions about Potato Bot. Remedy for the Bronchitis. Sheep Shearing. THE proprietors of the Saturday Evening Post > would call. the attention of the public-10 their lbng-es'tablishefi sheet, and especially. to their brilliant arr ;_ ments for .the coming year. The 11--.; :___- _ .1. The Durham Standard Is Published every Friday [Morning by S.L.M.LUKE, AT HIS OFFICE, DURHAM. RATES OF ADVEfiTISING.‘ Six lines and under, firs: insertion,. . . . 0 2 6 Each subsequent insertion, .......... 0 0 7 § Six to ten lines, first insertion, ........ O 3 4i 1 Each subsequent insertion, ........... 0 O 10 t For each line above ten ............. 0 O a , Each subsequent'insertion, ........... 0 O 1 Cards, per year", .................... l 0 0 {13? Advertisements, unaccompanied with writ- ten instructions, will be insermd Vuntil forbid, and éhaxged-according-xq .. u _---- _-- ,-_v vu‘l‘ibub JWL. Luv Past ispecnliariy adapted to the wants of Country Families, as it contains weekly, not only a large amount of the Best Literature, but the Latest News, Agricultural Essays and Information, Domestic Receipts, Accounts of the Markets, c. one. Are. In its Literary Department mmsnres have been ta- ken to render the coming year one of Unusual Inter- est. Determined to obtain for the Post the very best talent that could be procured, we have made ar- rangements with thedistinguished author G. P. R. JAMES, Esq., for the aid of his brilliant and fertile pen. We design opening the year with an His- torical N ovelet by this gifted author, to be entitled THE EAVALIER; *‘ BY G. P.‘ R. JAMES, ESQ, Author of “Richelieu,” “ Mary of Burgundy,” “ Th- Old Dominion,” c. To show that we have hesitated at no reasonae ble expense to procure the very best talent for our readers, we may be allowed to state that. we pay Mr. James for the above Novelet the sum of an amount which though mtg? is amply in ac- cordance with the usual rates thztt‘1111..k111cs. high reputation enables him to mmUIand. may further add that Mr. James will write exc sively for the Post. In addition to the Cavalier, we have alrealy secured Three Stories from MARY Iâ€"IOWITT; a lady Whose name and literary abilities: are pro- bany known Wherever the English language is Sppken. . _ ~ â€" We may further state that. GRACE GREEN- WOOD, the popular American authoress, will contribute regularl)~ to our columns. A Series of Articles from her brilliant and graceful pen ha. been arranged for, to be entitled j TVhile the Post thus 1) sents Literary at (metit n3 lof‘ the very highest afierâ€"designed for a mme [jntelligent class of readers than those who take i delight in the “ bleed and murder" and “ saw‘lust” literature of the “ flash weeklies,” it does net neg- ;leet these departments that the Family Circle 5 equally requires. It publishes weekly, AGRICUL- jTURAL ARTICLES. THE NEWSâ€"FOREIGN, DOMESTIC, OUNGRESSIONALâ€"RECEIPTS useful to the Housekeeper and the Fawnâ€"many of them wo’rth more than the cost of a year’s sub- lscription ; RIDDLES and PROBLEMS, TH; EMARKETS, BANK NOTE LSIT, c. c. c’: Every family should take a city paper in addi- tion to the 100.11 newspaper. The latter is neces- sary, on account of the local intelligence it gives, whilst the former is valuable for its general infor- mation. All letters, orders, and remittances to be ad- dressed, post-paid, to . JOHN DOUGALL, Proprietor“ Moxrsmn erxnss,’ Mo ’ntrcal Advertisements, not at variance with the char~ actergof the paper, will be inserted in the semi- weekly at 7 cents per line for first insertion; in the weekly, the charge will be 20 cents per line for each insertion. City Sights and Ww-ughts ,- BY GRACE GREENWOOD. In this Series, which will probably run through the whole year, our readers may antrcipate a. lit- erary treat of no common- character. A Novelet, by T. 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PROSPECTUS FOR 1859. Advertisements. Letters from 1’0. ris, $1,680,09, 6740 14.10 2030000 00.00001... 0 o o o O c o o I H o O o I O O O H W O O O O o O O O 0 om O O C O O t o H D o I a O I, O O O o r O O O s, o 0 O O O .m .,i . . . 1;..." l, . l, o I‘HanP week; i li’ $2 .00 :1 paid . EYE Tisha? For my All 0: :lSS VO in the ra tcs. fort of Su' mm: I ha! on ham which TI' the p: TIE he Tin HYS‘ DI 6 let Dec. Dar} Durl GE‘ .ufl's