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4 - Orono Weekly Times, Wednesday, January 29,2003 ) '"i" I Places I've Done Time by Clifford Francis Hawk dies, despite efforts of shopkeepers A Cold Day In January Some years ago a girl I dated occasionally, asked if I would like to go to a wedding in North Bay? We would travel up there Friday morning morning and attend the wedding Saturday afternoon. We would get a motel room for two nights. "Think about it and let me know?" she said. Instantly evil intentions ran through my head. Would I go she'd asked? Would I! "It would be a pleasure," I said, and it was done. The wedding was of a distant distant relation. Her stepmother's stepmother's great-aunt's cousin's sister's sister's daughter. The trip to North Bay was enjoyable and uneventful. Knowing me, she warned me not to act, do, or say anything anything out of the ordinary. I quite agreed, all the time thinking about the two enjoyable enjoyable evenings I would have. We stopped at the motel, dropped off our luggage and went to the bride-to-be's home There was a wedding rehearsal and my date wanted to see if any help was needed. The dilemma had already started before we arrived. The maid of honour was unable to attend, she was caught shoplifting and was spending 10 days in jail. "Would you be my Maid of honour?" the bride asked my date. That problem was solved. The best man who was the groom's brother, arrived looking looking a bit bashful and sporting a black eye. The night before, the boys had got together for a bit of a time and the best man had made mention that the bride was starting to show and her dad had "straightened" him up a little--hence the black eye. Everyone called the best man "Ross the Hog" I'm not sure why but I liked that name, it's catchy. The rehearsal went off quite well and I was dumped off at the motel while my date went back to the bride's house to alter the dress she would wear. She wasn't as plump as the previous maid of honour. With great expectations I awaited her return. I woke in the morning alone. The alterations alterations had taken longer than expected and she had stayed over at the bride-to-be's house. The wedding was set for 2 o'clock at a small church a few miles outside the city. Things went well right from the start. The bride was late and everyone was starting to squirm and get impatient and thirsty. The bride arrived and things started to move along. The ceremony was going nicely and I heard "Ross the Hog" swear. He had dropped the ring and it had rolled down a heat duct. Another delay while the minister called a janitor who came from somewhere and took the heat pipe apart and he and Ross retrieved the ring. With the soot on his hands and light coloured suit "Ross the Hog" looked the part. The T do's' were said then another dilemma arose. When the happy couple left the church the photographer's camera wouldn't work. The bride refused to leave until the pictures were taken. The photographer photographer rushed off to North Bay for a camera and everyone everyone waited and waited. After an hour and no photographer everyone except the wedding party were told to go to the hall for the reception. The bride would wait till someone took the pictures. The bride's mother had given strict orders that no booze was to be served until everyone had arrived back at the hall. Several people stopped at the liquor store and bought bottles that were quickly poured into the nonalcoholic nonalcoholic punch at the reception. reception. When the bride and her entourage arrived at the hall several hours later, everything was in full swing. The punch bowl had been emptied and refilled several times. We were to learn later that the photographer was involved in an accident while rushing to get another camera causing the delay. The bride's mother was outraged about the drinking and soon words began between the bride and groom's families. Ross took the brunt of the complaints because of him being the best man and not staying at the church for the picture taking.' The bride!s father slapped poor Ross, sending him spinning across the floor where he upset the DJ's table spilling his music all over. All hell broke loose and I picked up the microphone microphone and it was just like the World Wide Wrestling shows. The bride's mother got what was left in the punch bowl poured over her head and someone knocked over the table with the wedding cake on and it fell on the floor. When the police arrived j everything was nearly | destroyed. The maid of hop- i our ' snatched the mike from me and that was pretty well the end of the night and the date. We drove home from North Bay that night and talked very little or not at all. When I got out of the car I asked her about another date. "It'll be a cold day in January." I thought about that today. It is cold and it is January. I wonder wonder if I should phone? Downtown workers tried in vain .to revive a large hawk which was found Monday afternoon lying near a Main Street snowbank. How it met its end on a village village sidewalk is something of a puzzle as these birds of prey are most commonly found in rural areas and open fields. It was Sandra Topper, of Natural Sense Aromatherapy on Park St., who spotted the fallen hawk while she was climbing the snow-covered curb in front of the newspaper office. Steve Torress at the Orono Weekly Times moved the bird indoors because the temperature temperature was well below freezing. Colleen Cochrane, who recently opened Anicara Holistic Health Care, a business business specializing in animal well-being, was called over from across the street to check for vital signs. Although the bird was still warm, she could detect no pulse ; in the chest or wings, and could see no obvious sign of trauma. And while big birds have been known to fly into city skyscrapers, Orono's main street can only boast two and three storey structures. West Nile virus is doubtful too, as that disease has been narrowed down to affecting blue jays and crows. Jean d'Agenais of Orono Durham Regional Police Traffic Services Branch coordinated coordinated a region-wide R.I.D.E. spot check this past weekend and continued to arrest drunk drivers. Officers concentrated their efforts in high traffic areas of Clarington, Oshawa, Whitby, Pickering and North Durham. Some checks were done near the snowmobile trails in conjunction conjunction with the Snowmobile Trail Officer Program (S.T.O.P.). The results are as follows: • 1,137 Vehicles were stopped by R.I.D.E. • 30. People given Roadside Screening Tests • 8. People issued 12-hour Suspensions for Registering a WARN • 4. People charged with Exceed 80 milligrams • 3. People charged with Refuse to Provide Breath reports having seen a bird being chased by a flock of crows in the vicinity earlier that day. Ms Cochrane , figures the victim, which measured 18" from head to tail, was a sharp- shinned hawk. How it died is anyone's guess. "Often they will hit a hydro line or a vehicle, but this is a real question mark," she said. -LM The unusual discovery of a downed hawk in Orono drew several bird lovers to its immediate aid on Monday. However, the bird did not recover. Its body was claimed by a naturalist who plans to take it to a taxidermist. taxidermist. Sample • 2. People charged with Drug Related Offences The S.T.O.P. officers stopped 280 snowmobiles and issued 32 cautions and five charges under the Motorized Snow Vehicles Act during the weekend activities in North Durham. Members of the Durham Regional Police Traffic Services Branch and frontline patrol officers continue to see examples of aggressive and dangerous driving on our streets. The bitter col cl snap engulfing southern Ontario doesn't appear to be slowing down the aggressive nature of Durham Region motorists., Please slow down and obey all traffic laws. The Traffic Services Branch Officers are on patrol enforcing driving laws. The Regional RIDE program program is continuing throughout the year, so remember to "Think Before You Drink" and "Don't Drink and Drive". 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