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6 - Orono Weekly Times, Wednesday, April 3, 2002 Orono Pharmacist Tino Montopoli and former Orono physician physician Dr. Mohinder Angl were featured in Pharmacy Post -- a national Pharmacy magazine in an article titled 'Physicians and pharmacists: Working together for better patient outcomes'. BASIC BLACK Forget Osama - Watch out for your pants! by Arthur Black It is a hazardous and unpredictable orb of rocks and gases that you and I inhabit, old chum. Never mind the omnipresent threat of rogue meteorites, runaway floral delivery Vans, or raving nutters toting home-made thermonuclear devices in Kids R Us satchels on the cross-town bus - never mind all that. Have you considered the threat of... Tea cozies? Toilet roll holders? False teeth? I thought not. According to this report from the U.K. Department of Trade and Industry which I'm holding before me in asbestos mitts, there's been an 85 percent percent increase in hospital admission injuries over the past three years from human encounters with.,.tea cozies. (Tea cozies, for those of you too callow and untried to have experienced the entire spectrum of tannic beverages, are little woolen thingics that one puts around teapots to keep the tea warm. Folks have been doing it for eons. Think of them as Iron Age thermal blankets.) Tea lovers have been unaccountably unaccountably tripping, slipping and otherwise maiming themselves themselves on tea cozies more often in the past few years- and that's not the half of it. Toilet roll holders have laid 329 innocent bystanders (okay by-sitters) low since 1999, treacherous encounters with false teeth incapacitated a further 933 souls. And a mind-bobbling 16,662 British citizens required medical assistance after going toe to toe with...sofas. Or davenports. davenports. Or chesterfields. Instruments of the Devil, by any other name. But tea cozies, toilet rolls, sofas, all of these societal snakes-in-the-grass pale before the truly most treacherous treacherous and unpredictable enemy of modern humankind. I am referring, of course, to men's trousers. According to this British Department of Trade and Industry report, there were an astounding -1 can barely type this - 5,945 personal injuries attributed to 'trouser incidents' in one year, alone. Why, even chain saws accounted for a mere 1,207 injuries! What kind of 'trouser incidents'? incidents'? I quote verbatim: Patient had just filled his car with petrol, spilt some on his trousers, went to a friend's house, lit a cigarette and his trousers caught fire. Rushing downstairs to rescue rescue the shepherd's pie cooking cooking in the kitchen, caught foot in wide leg of trousers, fell whole flight to hall floor, landed on wrist. Playing on pavement outside outside house, trying to be Sporty Spice, doing a high kick, fell onto kneecap on road surface. Patient ironed trousers whilst still wearing them. Gluing son's toy together with ultra-bond superglue. Tube of glue burst, patient glued ring onto finger and trousers to leg. Oh, there is no end of deviltry deviltry that a pair of trousers won't wreak on an unsuspecting unsuspecting male. I once knew a forest ranger, one of whose sad duties it was to haul drowned anglers out of lakes and rivers each year. "Know what they almost always have in common?" he asked me over a beer. "Open flies. Most of them were trying to pee out of their boat, lost their balance, fell in and drowned." A cautionary tale. I've car ried a tin bucket in my boat ever since. Reminds me of the most accident-prone would-be burglar burglar I've ever heard of. Back in 1978, a chap by the name of Christopher Fleming decided to break into a Chinese restaurant in Devon, England. He broke a kitchen window, crawled in, and was making for the cash register when he lost his balance balance and fell into the chip flyer. The chip fryer was full of grease, the night was cold. As the grease congealed, and the burglar alarm pealed, Christopher filled his pockets with change from the cash register and attempted to sprint to safety. Alas, the grease was getting really hard. His sprint turned into a trot, then a canter, then a slow-motion streeeeeeetch. When the coppers put the cuffs on him, he was all but statuesque. One can only hope his fly was up. MONDAY NIGHT EUCHRE RESULTS Mon., April 1st High Scores Marie Couroux -101 tie Gladys Greenwood - 82 Alice Hooey - 82 Lome Hardy - 79 Helen Couroux - 77 Clara Meuleman - 73 Draws: Helen Couroux, Joyce Cowan, Grace Coatham a 1 ' Little Musicians (ages 0-3) < v Messy Hands (ages 2-3) 0 Artists Without Borders (ages 4-12) & Cartooning (adults & teens or kids) «,•>' Drawing for Fun (ages 6-12) & Papier Mache & Clay (adults & teens) Call 905-261-1657 to register or visit www.korenscreativearls.com in The Armoury, 6 Park St., Orono Tell your teen the facts of life. Tell them the facts of Emergency braking. life and death. £ \ The SeCretS ° f collision Tell them the number j avoidance. And so one killer of teens in f much more. Canada is car crashes! \J Kids are always Collisions! Bad driving! jjjPHhnj* |\ thrilled to get Young Then tell them you're / 7 J JT L Drivers as a present, giving them the Young ^ But as a P aren L y°f Drivers of Canada pro- know you could be giv- gram, the most demanding driving them the gift of a lifetime! course in North America. Young Drivers of Canada They'll learn risk perception. .. That's what parents are for. 14 Division St, Suite 203, Bowmanville ~ NEXT COURSE - • MONDAY, APRIL 8th FOR FOUR (4) WEEKS • (fcxtiliccttct /Ivaitafite Call 623-7017 For Information