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< 22 The Canadian Statesman, Bnwmanvillc. January 25. 1989 Calligrapher Adds Flair to Students 9 Writing Handling It... Lloyd Scott People shopping for marriage marriage counselling don't usually usually know what to expect. Talking with friends who have been in counselling may be helpful. However, counsellors provide help in different ways to different clients. Therefore, one client's experiences in counselling counselling aren't necessarily useful useful to another prospective client. Many people mistakenly tnerapy straightforward Calligrapher Alf Ebsen spent the day at Vincent Massey Public School in Bow- manville on Tuesday, January 17, teaching junior students the basics of his craft. He also stressed the history of writing and his conviction that the hand can execute whatever the mind can perceive. Getting some pointers from the expert are young calligraphers Kate Barrie and Kevin Barclay, both of whom are in grade five. Club Helps Build Confidence Since the first Toastmasters Toastmasters Club was formed in 1924, more than two million men and'women have bene- fitted from the communication communication and leadership programs programs of this organization. New programs, including the Advanced Manual Series, Series, a series of speech projects projects for those who have completed the basic speech manual, help Toastmasters develop their skills to a high degree. The chairman for the Bowmanville Toastmasters meeting of January 10 was Toastmaster Trish Eyman. Her theme of "building confidence" confidence" was carried over into her introduction of the head table, General Evaluator Evaluator Randy MacGillivray, Toastmaster Nancy Barnes, and Table Topics Master Nellie Van Veldhuizen. Toastmaster Byman introduced introduced each of these toastmasters toastmasters with ai reference to his or her degree of confidence confidence in specific areas ofj Toastmastering. The grammarian's word for the evening was "hyperbole" "hyperbole" meaning great exaggeration. exaggeration. Each week an effort effort is made by the members to use the new word correctly correctly throughout the meeting in an effort to expand our vocabularies. vocabularies. Tabletopics Master Van Veldhuizen continued the theme of confidence, asking us to speak with assurance in a one minute impromptu speech. Last night's topic was movie titles. A good deal of imagination and humour prevailed. Toastmaster Barnes pro posed a toast to confidence as it is this magic which carries carries us through life. Speakers were Toastmaster Toastmaster Carson Elliott on The Hunger Project and Toastmaster Toastmaster Don Slemon on How to Deal with a Salesman. The Best Speaker Award went to Carson Elliott. The Spark Plug was won by Irene Kon- zelmann. The Table Topics and Best Evaluator Awards were given to Margaret Kropf. It you would like to gain self-confidence in an atmosphere atmosphere of warm fellowship and good will, please come and join us. Bowmanville Toastmasters meets every Tuesday at 7:30 p.m Sharp at the Lions Centre, 26 Beech Ave. Bowmanville. For further further information contact Toastmaster Helen Bryden at 434-8397. (The """ Irresistible RRSP What makes our Special Bonus* RRSP hard to resist? In addition to our competitive daily published rate, you get a one-half per cent bonus on an RRSP Guaranteed Investment Certificate that matures May 1,1990. This bonus applies both to new and transfer deposits. There are no administration fees. And you receive an instant tax receipt Just cut out this ad and present it at your nearest National Trust branch. Ask us about our complete range of RRSPs. If you're thinking along the lines of a Self-Directed or Mutual Fund RRSP, talk to our knowledgeable staff. At the branch or on the phone, you'll find them eager to help. expect therapy to be a procedure, in which they will be given advice to take home and apply apply to good affect. But, as we all know, advice is available to us everywhere and usually usually makes little or no difference difference in how we live our lives. Good counsellors don't operate operate on the basis of advicegiving. advicegiving. There .are much more effective ways of helping helping people get unstuck. It's understandable that many individuals new to counselling maybe nervous. Much of the outcome of the counselling process, therefore, therefore, depends on the counsellor's counsellor's ability to help clients feel comfortable (emotionally (emotionally safe) over time. It's very important that clients, throughout their work, feel accepted, understood and supported. Feeling at ease, they can speak with increasing honesty honesty and insight about their thoughts, desires, expectations expectations and needs. By this process, process, the basic issues become more openly acknowledged. In certain circumstances in marriage counselling, it may be desirable for each spouse to be seen separately. One or both may be more comfortable initially talking alone to a third party. However, However, for effective marriage rebuilding or for effective separation counselling, it will eventually become important important for both partners to attend attend sessions together. It's fairly common that an individual will seek marriage marriage counselling alone, explaining explaining that his or her spouse refuses to join. The partner who won't attend often often considers him or herself blameless in the marriage problems. Most such people who initially reject the invitation invitation to participate, eventually eventually agree to do so. Then both can discover the ways in which each is involved in their problems. Both can also begin to learn the importance importance of shared participation in solutions. To the extent that the therapist listens only to onesided onesided accounts from one spouse, he may be disqualifying disqualifying himself ns a source of help for the one thing on which he's being consulted, namely the relationship itself. itself. A marriage counsellor can, in many ways, help couples couples get unstuck. Once they nave a clear understanding of their difficulties, breaking the impasses becomes much easier. A counsellor can assist a couple in looking at their marriage in various ways that may not have occurred to them. For example, he can help them assess the strengths and assets of their marriage, something that most couples find difficult to do when they're in the middle middle of problems. He can intervene and help them understand their recurring interactions that are causing friction, whether there is fighting, silence and withdrawal, or too much analyzing analyzing of each other. We all get caught in destructive behaviors behaviors that become habitual, habitual, behaviors that are harder and harder to change the more rigid they become. This is what I mean by being stuck. The counsellor can serve as translator and facilitator in improving communication, communication, in speaking in nonblaming nonblaming ways and in learning learning the crucial importance of careful listening. He can serve as a mirror, reflecting back to clients, objectively objectively and non- judgementally. their characteristic characteristic ways of relating to each other which may be causing trouble. He can help each spouse take fuller responsibility for his or her part in bringing the marriage to a low point. As those steps are progressively progressively taken, positive changes changes flow from tnem. The most reliable way of locating a good counsellor/ therapist .is by shopping. Shoppers can't always be certain whether this or that therapist is suitable for them until they've seen him or her once or twice. On the other hand, a couple who've seen several therapists and found them all unsuitable, may be avoiding avoiding their real problems, while at the same time creating creating the impression (perhaps for each other's benefit) of working to improve their marriage. Those who are genuinely seeking help and are willing to work toward improving their relationships relationships (or ending them amicably) amicably) can usually find the help they need. Lloya Scott is a marriage and family counsellor in private private practice in Oshawa and in the Orono Medical Centre. He welcomes letters from readers. Write to him in confidence confidence at The Canadian Statesman, P.O. Box 190, Bowmanville, Ontario LlC 3K9. A loan could be a smart move. Get the most out of the tax benefits of an RRSP by depositing as close to your allowable maximum as possible. If you don't have sufficient funds available, let us show you how a National Tmst RRSP loan can be a smart financial move. The smartest financial move you can make. Whatever your RRSP needs are, come in and let us look after them for you. NATIONAL TRUST 68 King St. E., Bowmanville 623-2504 "Rmie & Conditions: • Offer cannot be used with other offers • Offer expires March 1, 1989 • Applicable to contributions and transfers in • $500. minimum deposit • Maturity May 1,1990 • Non-cashable prior to maturity • Will be renewed for 1 year term automatically on maturity, unless advised prior to maturity • Bonus is added to nnr published GIG rate on the day you make your deposit fier to retail clients only, not through brokers. S6e Canadian Statesman Readership Survey For 135 years, The Canadian Statesman has prided itself on giving the community the news and information it needs. We listen to all opinions and advice concerning ways in which The Statesman can be improved. But, our town has grown to the point where not all our readers know who we are or how they can contact us. Therefore, we are seeking your opinions through a survey. We're inviting you to tell us your views on the quality of our content. Let us know what you like, what you don't like, and what you hope to see in the future. The information we receive will be used as the basis for continued improvements in our coverage of community events. And, we're offering an added incentive to ensure that we get a wide response from our readers. Win $135 If you include your name and phone number on the coupon at the end of this questionnaire, your name will be entered in our Readership Survey Contest. Should your name be chosen, you'll win a prize of $135 in "Statesman Bucks" -- one for every year that The Statesman has served Bowmanville and area. These can be used just like cash at any participating merchants. Second prize is $65 in "Statesman Bucks". Third prize is a 3-year subscription to 'Sfie statesman. Of course, you are welcome to submit your replies anonymously, but in that case we will not be able to enter your name in our draw. 1 The Statesman Readership Survey will appear in each edition for the next four weeks and the draw will take place on Friday, February 10, based on the number of replies that we have received as of noon on that day. Tell us your views The following is a list of features appearing regularly in The Statesman, Please rate them according to the chart and add your comments, if you wish, in the space provided. How often do you read the following regular features appearing in The Canadian Statesman? Always Sometimes Seldom Never : - Agri News □ □ □ □ Around the Town □ □ □ □ >; Bits and Pieces □ □ □ □ >: Community Correspondence (eg. Orono News) □ □ □ □ Editorials □ □ □ □ Dim and Distant Past □ □ □ □ Letters to the Editor □ o □ □ Lloyd Scott □ □ □ □ • Obituaries- □ □ □ □ ■ Outlook □ □ □ □ • Sportalk □ □ □ □ Tidbits from Around the Region □ □ □ □ : Wedding, Forthcoming Marriages □ □ □ □ Please include, in the space below, any additional comments on how the regular features listed above may be 3 improved. While the following topics are not covered in each edition of The Statesman, they comprise a large part of our week-to- Town/Regional Council School Boards Political Elections Service Club Coverage Church News School News Police and Fire Dept. Reports Farm News Sports News Cultural Activities (i.e. library, museums) Guide/Scout News Feature Articles Business-related articles Real Estate What suggestions can you offer for improving or altering our coverage in the above areas? ADVERTISING How often do you use The Statesman's advertising to help you shop? Always Sometimes Seldom Never " ! □ □ □ □ |i Have you used our classified advertisements to buy or sell something? In the past year In the past month Every week □ □ □ Do you prefer using flyers inserted in the newspaper or advertisements printed in the newspaper. Flyers Ads printed in the newspaper What newspapers do you read on a regular basis? ^^ I--I Bowmanville Canadian Statesman I I Oshawa Times I I Oshawa This Week I I Orono Times I I Toronto Star I I Globe and Mail I I Toronto Sun I I other on the following subjects? Always Sometimes Seldom Never □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ nuk, □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ PHOTOS How would your rate our photos? Excellent! iGoodl I Fair! I Poor I ! What comments or suggestions can you offer concerning the quality, variety, and subject matter or number of photos appearing in The Statesman? ARE WE MISSING SOMETHING? Is there any subject matter not currently in The Statesman which you would like to see in the future editions? (The following list is intended to serve as examples of these subjects. Feel free to add others). Some examples might include: weather forecasts, horoscopes, movie or book reviews, recipes, editorial cartoons, puzzles, comics, helpful hints for the home, contests and automotive reports. Thank you for taking the time to complete our Readership Survey. Please fill in this coupon if you wish your name to be entered in our Draw for $135 in Statesman Bucks. Name: _ Address: Postal Code:. Phone No.: Please mail or bring this survey to: Canadian Statesman P.O. Box 190,62 King Street West Bowmanville, Ontario, L1C 3K9 623-3303 Fax: 416-623-6161 Your Community Newspaper for 135 Years