The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Getting steamed and smelling like a fragrant flower That's M Life y skin is wrinkly like a raisin. Some days I smell like heavenly honeysuckle, other days more like musk magic, or Polynesian paradise -- if you can even imagine. Suf ce to say, I've taken to water like a sh. I'm practically growing gills. Around here, I'm known as "Amphibious Andy," proud owner of a new hot tub. Oops. That is, the large tub lled with hot water formerly known as a hot tub; according to industry insiders, hot tubs are now known as spas. Who knew? Further, who knew that my wife and I were hot-tub types? Honestly, we weren't. As a teenager, my wife got into a hot tub and barely got out alive -- apparently, she just about steamed herself into a coma, to the point where she was seeing stars. Indoors. As for me: I once got stuck in a hotel hot tub beside a boozy tourist who kept telling everyone within earshot why he loved hot tubs: "Because they dehydrate and then I can get drunk faster and with less alcohol." Who knew? Suf ce to say, we bought a spa. And I'm really not sure why. My sister asked us that very question and we looked at her blankly, neither of us able to recall what prompted the purchase. I think, I eventually replied, we were trying to nd an antidote to winter. Or... one of us had a 23 | Thursday, March 24, 2016 | OAKVILLE BEAVER | www.insideHALTON.com Andy Juniper Guest Contributor hot bath and it felt nice, so.... Since its installation on the downstairs deck, we're spending most of our nights in the tub, under the stars. While I'm used to being in hot water, this is an altogether new experience for my wife. Hot-tubbing -- er, spa-ing -- in wintry weather is a treat, the shocking contrast of the icy air outside and the spa's steaming water. Trouble is, you have to venture outdoors to get into the tub. Talk about having to go through hell before you get to heaven. But once ensconced, it's truly heavenly. Dry gin, wet water. Heat soothing sore muscles. Pulsating jets massaging all that aches. The scent of aromatherapy mixtures making me smell like the fragrant ower that I truly am.... The view of the sky, the moon, the stars, and the assorted UFOs that dart overhead (not as scary as one might think; I've actually made friends with most of the aliens in the area). Sleepy conversation, music in the background, and the sound of the dogs' tags jangling somewhere out in the yard in the dark. Next thing I know, the three dogs are right beside the spa, a posse of pooches, playfully nipping at each other. Suddenly from somewhere deep in my waterlogged brain, a thought surfaces. Hey, dumbdumb. You don't own three dogs. You only have two. Yikes. Rocky Raccoon has joined the party. Sans invitation. I let out a manly little scream and stand, fully prepared to abandon wife and dogs and race into the house. But then I'm seized by a brilliant idea. I grab an empty plastic cup and hurl it at the masked party crasher. Rocky takes the cup off the head. But, instead of running scared right on out of our lives forever, he boldly advances upon my position. I bolt, shouting: "Every man for himself." Even the manly man who's wrinkled like a raisin, growing gills and smelling like a fragrant ower. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@ gmail.com, found on Facebook www.facebook. com, or followed on Twitter @thesportjesters. Earlybird Spring dEal! Must bring this voucher with you at time of redemption. Not valid with any other offer. One time use only. Offer Expires Hair Studio 1 BRING IN THIS AD TO RECEIVE March 26 2016. 30 %off ANY REGULARLY PRICED SERVICE Oakville Hair Studio 1 Hairstudio1mn 2368 Lakeshore Rd. W, Oakville (back entrance) To book an appointment please call 905-469-0344 www.hairstudio1.ca Vacancy on the Halton-Hamilton Source Protection Committee ­ Industrial/Commercial Position There is a vacancy to fill on the Halton-Hamilton Source Protection Committee. Eligible candidates interested in representing the industrial/ commercial sector and having knowledge of local watersheds and drinking water issues are invited to submit their application by Friday, April 29, 2016 to sourceprotection@hrca.on.ca or fax to (905) 854-9220. The Halton-Hamilton Source Protection Region comprises the areas of the Halton Region and the Hamilton Region Conservation Authorities. A Source Protection Committee was established in accordance with the Clean Water Act, 2006 and has developed a locally driven, science-based source protection plan that aims to reduce the risk of contamination and overuse of the sources of our drinking water. being taken into account. The Source Protection Committee is comprised of 9 members plus the Chair, who act as liaisons for their sectors, and regularly attend committee and public meetings. The member composition is as follows: · 3 members representing municipalities · 2 members representing the agricultural sector · 1 member representing industrial/commercial sector · 1 member representing environmental interests · 2 members representing the public interest at large A job description, eligibility requirements, application forms and other information about the Committee and the source protection program are available at www.protectingwater.ca or by calling 905-854-9229 extension 223. We are all responsible for protecting drinking water sources for present and future generations. 4052 Milburough Line, RR#2 Campbellville, ON L0P 1B0 905-854-9229 Fax 905-854-9220 As seen on SAVE NOW *Cut out this ad and save 10% on your food bill ONLY VAILD AT 1011 Uppermiddle Rd East, Oakville ON (DINE IN ONLY) This coupon is only valid at 1011 Uppermiddle Rd E in Oakville ON. This coupon entitles you to 10% off your food bill before tax. Only one coupon per table. Taxes extra. No cash value. Expires on April 1, 2016. DINE IN ONLY The role of the Source Protection Committee is to guide the review and updating of the source protection plan using a science-based approach and to ensure that all relevant information is www.protectingwater.ca R0013750978