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www.insideHALTON.com | OAKVILLE BEAVER | Thursday, January 28, 2016 | 14 Country living a lifestyle you can `shower' with praise? That's F Life ifteen years ago, we became your proverbial sh out of water when we gave up our urban existence and moved to the country. Talk about oundering. For certain there was an adjustment period. Simply learning the local language took time. Trust me, it's not easy determining where and when to employ words like golly and dadgum -- apparently, used to express mild annoyance, as in: "Dadgum goat ate my begonias." But we persevered, leaned into all the learning curves and now, when people ask about country living, I typically shower this laidback Andy Juniper Guest Contributor lifestyle with lavish praise. Ironically, one of the few things about country living that I can't shower with praise is, well, our shower. DO YOU KNOW YOUR BRA SIZE? www.lineaintima.com really You know when you hear county folk talking about their no-pressure existence? They're not talking about having no stress/pressure, they're talking about having no water pressure. Add a generous lack of steamy water (with country plumbing, tepid is the new hot) and you've turned the appealing prospect of a nice, relaxing shower into torture. I recently saw an ad for a `smart shower'. With the possible exception of American Republican presidential candidates, it seems there's smart everything these days, from smartphones to smart underpants. But this smart shower really caught my attention. In case you haven't seen the ads: smart showers help conserve water by alerting the person standing in the shower singing Bohemian Rhapsody that he's been showering (and, it goes without saying, singing) way too long by changing the color of the water raining down -- eventually, ashing a warning red once the predetermined 50-litre limit has been reached. Brilliant idea. But not at all applicable to anyone living in the country. Honestly, for me to squeeze 50 litres of water out of our shower, I'd have to stand under that stingy nozzle for months. Ah, but I jest. Let me tell you a true tale to illustrate just how frustrated we are with the cold drips that pass for a shower around here: one time my wife suggested we take a road trip to Chicago. Apparently, she'd been fantasizing -- not about the city's gorgeous architecture or great restaurants, but, rather, about the steaminghot, pounding-pulse shower in the downtown Marriott. Honestly, we love our country life, all fantasies of a nice shower aside. But for certain there are a few other drawbacks to the lifestyle. Little things like frequent power outages that leave us cold in the winter and hot in the summer. Infernal infestations -- as I write, our resident rodents are holding a track meet in the of ce walls. E. coli in the well-water (yeah, that happened). Oh, and really bad Internet. And just how bad is really bad? When our son returned from a trip to Tanzania, he swore he encountered aboriginal tribes in the farthest reaches of the Serengeti who had faster Internet in their mud huts. Oh, and friends of ours just came back from Antarctica where apparently there are penguins speedily sur ng both ice- ows and the Internet, while here, in the middle-of-nowhere, we wait 20 minutes for a dadgum email to load. Ah, but I understate, as usual. But, golly, that's what we country folk do. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@gmail.com, found on Facebook www. facebook.com, or followed on Twitter at www. twitter.com/thesportjesters. Join us for our Open House! See how inspiring education can be! Saturday January5th, 23, 10am 2pm Friday, February 9am - 12 noon Students from Preschool to Grade 12 are invited to tour our 10-acre campus in southeast Oakville, and meet our faculty and students. At St. Mildred's-Lightbourn School, your daughter will get the support she needs to become the confident young woman she is destined to be. For more information about our upcoming events and programs, contact us at 905.845.2386 ext. 814 or jmurray@smls.on.ca or check our website: www.smls.on.ca OtherOther upcoming Open House events: Feb. 25, Mar. 9, Apr. 8& 22 | 9am - noon upcoming Open House events: Feb. 5| Feb. 25 | 9am - noon