The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Edelbert Versus Merry Milly (S.S.) As you }mow in preceeding issues we dealt with a lovely young chick named lierry Jviiily. And you will remember that iierry billy lamented that there was no eligible bachelor to be found ·on t he reserve. And you will recollect t hat as a result of her lamen:t,ations she found herself literally overwhelmed by all sorts of iron workers, office boys, and con artists. As a result of these unfortunate experiences, h erry r:illy promised her:.. self to have nothing further to do i,Jith men. For as she told herself "I am a women, I am beautiful, I am intelligent and I am considerate of other people, furthermore, I have a job, I have money and I have freedom to travel. 11 And she asked herself: 11\Jho needs men? who wants men?" After all she reasoned: "If I want to get beat up by a drunk every Friday ni ght all I have to do is go t o the Prince Zddie and if I need ath- lete 1 s foot all I have to do is go to the Turkish steam bath in Hamilton. 11 Poor Nerry h illy, she had just adjusted herself to twenty-six and one-half blissful years o:f spin- sterhood when over the horizon appeared Edelbert. Adelbert was -just the right age - twenty-two years of age on the button - with ·a gut full of spinach, corn soup and ground hog meat. Edelbert had just the right looks - a lipful of smile, a toothful of snap and an eyeful of kindness. In fact Edelbert was· · slich a nice guy- that poor Merry Lilly could hardly resist the urge · to draw him into her big motherly arms and hot -let him go. And as for our young here, well it was all he could do to prevent himself from hitting her over the head with a lacrosse _stick and carrying her off to the nearest Justice of the Peace. One day when they were destroying hamburgers at a nearby Black Cow Carry In, Edelbert dropped his bomb: ·11Jlierry 11.iilly, 11 he said, "I must either marry you or blow my brains out, 11 and he ·added ; . "you will be happy to }mow that I have decided on the fir_st method as being the best way to end my life. 11 Naturally 1'-i:erry 1-~lly' s first, last and in be- tween reaction to. this outburst was rage. "Why you good-for-nothing, low minded , snake bellied varmint, you 1 re just the same as all the rest of them. 11 And with these tender expressions of her love for him, she jumped out of the car and called a taxi to take her home. Edelbert however was not to be outdone. He had made up his mind that Lerry Lilly was the best girl in the world for him and he was pickled fish if he was going to settle for second best. He accordingly therefore ·the very next day went to see his love - having first taken the precaution of. putting a board under his shirt lest she attempt to stab hin). in the entrails with a knitting needle. Eeanwhile herry hilly had repent- ed of her ·unladylil<;e language of the previous day and decided to treat the whole in- cident like a lady _should. -~ 1. !hen Edelbert appeared therefore., she handed him a long list of questions -and said to him - "If you can pass this test with a 100% - (and I know you can 1_t ge_t more than 5% ) - then I'll marry you. 11 And with t his tender greet- i ng sh_e sla.mnled the door in his face. Undaunted by such a strange request, ~delb.ert decided to take the test • .. Here are the questions and the answers that Zdeloert wrote to them: nuestions 1. What is 2 anct ·2? 2. Why don l t many . young men go to church? 3. Uhy do parents send ,t heir kids to school? 4. "\riJhy do men get .drunk? 5. T1fuy do women wear narrow shoes? ., 6 .; \'filY is the cound.l .like _· a dog 1 s tail? 7. 1-Jhen is Arthur Laing goi ng to put the development of people ahead of the development of capital? 8. When are ministers of religion going to start treating peopl e like adults.? 9. When are parents going to have a say in the education of their children; 10. "\rJhy should you marry me? 11. ·why should I marry you? Answers 22 Because Because Because Because they are afraid of what p,eople will say. it's easier than leaving them at home. · they think it's unmanly to .cry. oxford shoes don't make goo~ corn soup corn. Because it would rather follow than lead . At the next election. When p eople start treating ministers · like people. 1'Jhen are parents going to have a say in the education of the teachers. Because I need somebody to take care of me. Because you need somebody to tell you if your nylons are on crooked _. After Edelbert had finished the answers t o these questions, he slipped this exam- ination under the door for her to mark. Yes folks it I s true. :i!:delbert a..'1d ll·ierry Nilly got married. Did t hey live happily ever after? Friend., if you still ask quest- ions like that you're either not dry behind the ears or else there's a little man in a white coat just waiting to see you.