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THE COLBORNE EXPRESS, COLBORNE, ONT., THURSDAY, NOV. 10, T932 Owl Laffs Two Overheads Get Together First Overhead -- "Did you hear about my operation?" Second Overhead--"Your operation! Let me tell you about my operation! whole department taken out at o » Urn First Overhead--"That's nothing had two vice presidents and a sales manager removed at one time, that was only a month alter I had lost eight of my clerks and half a dozen stenographers." Second Overhead--"You don't Well, I have been on the table three times during the last year. The doctor made pretty deep incisions every time, too. They say that I may have to have another operation soon; there is a swollen condition in one department that ought to be reduced." First Overhead--"Isn't it sickening Now when 1 had three of my salesmen taken out, I thought I'd never get over it, but I feel fine now. It is a dreadful nuisance, but I guess it's all for the best." Second Overhead--"I suppose so. Did I ever tell you about the time they cut off my branch office?" Glory Be! ' How blessed is he who beauty sees In clouded skys and leaf-capped tn And foaming wave and lazy stream And berry pie and home-made ice Three fellows--a doctor, an architect and a bolshevist--were talking together, and each claimed that his kind was the oldest and most important. The Doctor--"When Adam's side was opened to take out a rib to make a woman--that was the first surgical operation." The Architect--"Yes, but when the earth was made of chaos, before Adam's time, there had to be building plans,--and an architect had to make The Bolshevist--"You are right, but who supplied the chaos?" Joseph--"I envy that fat woman when she laughs." Harold--"Why?" Joseph--"There seems to be so much of her that is having a good biggest money problem confronting [ __ women these days is how to extract j it from their husbands. Another good j mental test is to figure out what be-1 comes of the money you save since living costs became cheaper. Emotion of Ice A sign-over a theatre in Reidsville, North Carolina, read: Emil Jannings in "Passion" Cooled by Refrigeration. Herbert--"You are the most beautiful woman in the world.' Janice--"Oh! How quick you are at noticing things." Doormat Domesticity -- When a woman takes in washing for two dollars a week, that's labor. When she does it for nothing, that's Love. Backfire One thing you can say about a bicycle is that you don't have to crank it ,and the thing rarely backfires. The Judge--"How did you come to cause all this disturbance?" Woman on Trial--"Well, it was like this. John and I were sitting at the fire. John was reading his newspaper and I was thinking. Then I turned to him and said: 'John, sheep are awful stupid, aren't they?' And John said: 'Yes, my lamb'." Bride--"I tried a cooking idea of my own, and my husband said I'd better try it on the dog first. Wasn't that Friend--"Very! And I thought your husband was very fond of dogs." An Epitaph Beneath this sod lies Horace Bigger: The gun wasnt loaded, so he pulled the trigger. Inland Village This is their world; this portion of the earth Means much to them--nay, do not mock nor jeer; This spot has held the things them most dear; Their earliest dreams, their sorrows and their mirth. Who enters it must never count the worth Of homes in terms of gold, lest he appear As one whose heart is sadly out of gear-- Who holds no reverence for their place of birth. Evenings come gently, housewives tuvn to light Their lamps and spread the table's simple fare; Then comes the friendly clicking of a gate That marks the day's soft blending with the night, And all the little houses seem to wear peace unknown to mansions of the great. "The Will Hint of a Heavy Boot was approaching midnight and lg man still hovered around the door. The stillness was suddenly shattered by a lord crash up-stairs. "Gracious, dear,".said the timid fain, "what could that be?" "Oh," ;plied the miss, "that's just papa dropping a hint."--Pele-Mele. Dissolution of Partnership Little girl, all excitement after Sunday school, says to her mother. mother, we've been learning the books of the Bible and there's an Amos in it but no Andy!"--Funny TOO MUCH ACID 0 The right anti-acid offsets the harm otherwise done by excessive eating, drinking, and constant smoking, anything causing an acid condition. When "sunk" from such indulgences, Phillips' Milk of Magnesia will always straighten you out. A joy and comfort to hearty eaters, constant smokers. Get the . gp-.iuine; substitutes don't act the same. At SO IN TABLET FORM: Phillips' Milk of Magnesia Tablets are now on sale at drug stores everywhere. Each tiny tablet is the equivalent of a teaspoonful of genuine Phillips' Milk of Magnesia. "John and Mary and Tommy," a book of verse for children by Lady Eleanor McLaren Brown, and which is just being brought out in this country, will deservedly attain and hold a very distinct place for Itself in the affection of Canadian children of all ages from coast to coast. The book is published in Canada by the Oxford University Press, Toronto. The book is the story of John, age eight, Mary, almost six, and Tommy, two; three Canadian children, and how they spent a summer holiday in England." The voyage across the broad Atlantic, the delights and wonders of London, and the gallant adventures enjoyed during a month's stay by the sea at Hove, are all described in delightful verse written in easy story form. Eleanor McLaren Brown,' authoress of this entertaining new work is Lady McLaren Brown, the brilliant wife of Sir George McLaren Brown, European General Manager of the Canadian Pacific Railway; and the book, apart from its lively message to children everywhere is-a further feature of the patriotic and imperial work Lady McLaren Brown is continually engaged in towards the closer and kindlier relationships of Canada with the Motherland. The illustration shows the authoress and a few of the sixty delightful drawings by that admirable artist, P. A. Staynes. Apple Maggot Reduces Export of N. B. Crop Saint John--Eighty-five per cent, of that portion of this year's New Brunswick apple crop which would normally be available for export, will be unable to gain entrance to British market because of the wide prevalence of apple maggot in the orchards of this province. A statement to this effect was made last week by W. W. Hubbard, of Burton, N.B., president of the^New Brunswick Fruit Growers' Associa-and also president of the recently formed New Brunswick Orchards ted, a co-operative marketing body. Between 7,000 and 8,000 barrels will be affected. "The situation is decidedly serious" Mr. Hubbard said, 'and is particularly to be regretted n view of the fact that this year, owing to organization and proper grading and packing facilities, New Brunswick growers were on the threshold of establishing a valuable >xport business." While there is a complete embargo n effect against United States ap-)les until November 15, a special arrangement exists between Canada and Great Britain by which Canada may export from certified maggot-free orchards. 'I believe that immediate steps should be taken by our Provincial Government to deal with this matter," Mr. Hubbard said. "In my opinion the growers will do everything possible to carry out any regulations imposed." GIRL OF 20 WHO WEIGHED 196 LBS. Tells How She Took 50 lbs. Off AND IMPROVED HER COMPLEXION : the young lady of whom people are remarking, "How she is filling out!"? (That's a good-natured way of saying "getting fat") If fat is slyly and stealthily distorting your youthful figure, you should grapple" with it at once. At 20 years of age this girl was in its toils. Read how she unburdened her young body of 50 superfluous pounds. "About 12 months ago I 1 siderably overweight, being small side and weighing nearly 196 lbs. at 20 years of age. I was also troubled with headaches and pains in the small of my back; heaviness on rising, with a very poor complexion which broke out in spots every so often. Since taking Kruschen Salts all these conditions have disappeared. I have now gone down to ..ormal weight, being 146 lbs., have a lovely complexion, and rise in the morning with no heaviness whatever."--(Miss) H.P. The formula of Kruschen represents the residual salts of those famous European Spas whose waters have been taken from time immemorial for excess fat. These salts ensure a perfectly natural clearance of undigested food substances and all excessive 'atery waste matter. When this wastage is allowed to accumulate, the body's chemistry is liable to store it ui of the way in the form of fatty, tissue. Once Kruschen gets into your blood, dis.:^uring fat commences to melt away from your ankles and calves; your double chin commences vanish, hips become slender; yoj. n't lose 4 or 5 lbs. a day or anything foolish like that, but almost before you realize it pound by pound disappears--until you finally have the fashionable figure you have always desired. Kruschen Salts is obtainable at all Drug Stores at 45c. and 75c. per bottle. I had to quit reading about Got so interested that I found it s interfering with my regular Horse Xoses Battle in Chile Santiago, Chile.--The "back to th horse" movement in Chile has met with a reverse. Replying to a tion from the Horse Cab Association, which dreams of a comeback now that motor buses are being driven from the streets by lack of gasoline the high price of accessories, Mayor of Santiaga declared that he could not permit the establishment of horse-bus line between the centre of ie city and the suburb of Quinta Normal. This was a reversal of the policy of the municipality which recently stored 230 modern American garbage trucks and substituted horsedrawn ve-s, thus increasing employment and helping to reduce the country's gasoline bill. At present the Central Bank holds i few drafts on foreign countries that has been forced to touch its greatly diminished gold reserves to import gasoline, which is still being sold normal prices, in order to pacify ts buses now survive in Santiago < of a total of 1,200 existing two ye; ago. Oil From Ship Kills Gulls Trapped by oil from a passing steamer thousands of sea gulls i found dead along the beach for ne a mile near Birdington, England. Turkey Issues Import Quota List Turkey has placed more than 1,00 rticles on its import quota list. Father Time, Gay Deceiv very handsome womai Mrs. Miller.' "You ought to have si teen or twenty was ten years younger. (Vienna). ago, when she1 YOUR LIVER'S MAKING YOU FEEL OUT OF SORTS Wake up your Liver Bile --No Calomel needed When you feel blue, depressed, sour on the daily two pounds of liquid bile into your bowels. Men are seldom underrated; the mercury in a man finds its true level in the eyes of the world just as certainly as it does in the glass of a thermometer.--H. W. Shaw. What's Wrong Puzzle minarp's ^!<iilJJJ^i:k»- LinimemT Classified Advertising A N OFFER TO EVERY INVENTOR. ^\ List of wanted inventions and •'ull information sent free. The Ramsay Com- REMEDIES FOR ALL SICKNESSES. Write Mrs. Anna Penner, 30S Burns St.. Winnipeg. Man. PULLETS. YEARLING HENS cockerels, Barred Rocks, \ Rocks, Wyandottes and Leghorns. C EACH. WRITE EEMAI.E HELP LADIES 1 sent SchinS LIGHT I Manufac- GROW MUSHROOMS EARN ?30 AND UPWARDS WEEKLY growing-mushrooms in your cellar or outbuilding. We buy. Write for free booklet. Pioneer Mushroo Co 32 Orchard View Blvd., Toronto MANUFACTURER business. Write for particulars. Managrer, Dept. 3, 2249 Yonge Street, Toronto BRONCHIAL TROUBLES Checked and soothed with Vitamin-rich SCOTT'S EMULSION e, of Norwegian 0% Cod Liver Oil 11 Bund, Kesi stance Easy to Digest Look for the Name D?l PERFECT PIPE The name is stamped on the bowl of every genuine Dr. Plumb's Pipe and the word "PLUMB" is impressed in white on the rubber mouthpiece. There are from fifteen to twenty mistakes in each of the car hich will appear weekly on this page. See if you can find them and then compare with list which will be published next week. Answer to Last Week's Puzzle. Electric lights burning in daytime. Automobile parked on wrong side of the street. Automobile wheels are not alike. Wrong end of canoe is tipped up. Man's newspaper is up-side down. Sun casts shadows in opposite directions. Tree has two different kinds of leaves. Man's pants legs do not match. Boy is standing on grass where sign says "keep off." Tree is growing out in the water. Chickens do not perch in bushes. Men are loafing where sign says "no loafing." Word "hear' mispelled on sign. Tree trunks are thinner near the ground than where they branch. Cat has wrong kind of tail. ISSUE No. 45--32 CERJAINTY^COMFORT ,i for HfALTHS SAKE BE REGULAR ' DONrrAKEWX/0(/Sl>WGSi A GUARANTEED REGULATOR ABSOLUTELY HARMLE5 OYSMENORRHOEA AMENOR'RHOEA WALTANNE REMEDIES DEPT. W. 2 College St. - Toronto Ont NERVOUS WOMEN Take Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound s as though I "i "were dead" . . . heard these expres* nd run-down that her nerve* _____itfer stand the stral No won _rlft Into mis condition -- _-herself. She should give Lydia E. Fink' v often have v should allow herself to drift Into this condition If she can help ill. She should give Lydlr » *"-*" ____'s Vegetable Compound a ______ nearly sixty years women have taken thla wonderful tonic to give them renewed strength and vigor. 98 out of every 100 women who report to us say that they are beneflted by this) medicine. Buy a bottle from your druggist today . . . and watch the results.