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K3~ono Wekly Ti e-~Wdnesda, May 13,198- i Arthur Black BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS The power of movies to make us want almost any prod- uct is a life-style development that says something about us. New York limes 1 know 1 must be the last one on my block, but I've jusi seen a movie called Tomorrow Neyer Dies. Correction: I've just seen a video advertising catalogue called Tomorrow Neyer Dies. t stars Hollywood Pretty Boy Pierce Brosnan as James Bond -- and more brand name prod- ucts than you'd find in the West Edmonton Mail. 1As Bond, Brosnan drives a hyper-gadgeted BMW. His martinis (shaken.. .not stirred) are made with Smirnoff vodka. He tells the time by looking at his Omega wristwatch. And so on. As a matter of fact, the most enjoyable way to watch this otherwise forgettable spool of celluloid fluff is to play "Spot the Tie-in". -- See how many brand names you can spot and speculate with your date about how many mil- lions they paid to have their products appear in a Bond movie. But it's not just movies. I read in a New York magazine that Kurt Vonnegut, one of my favourite authors, is now in the beer business. He's putting dut a vanity brew with his mug pasted on the label and called "Kurt's Mile-High Malt". What next -- Farley Mowat opens a bakery to market his new line of stone-ground bread -- Farley's Barley? Advertisingis everywhere you look; and if's there whether you like it or flot. There was a time when you could choose to avoid ads by closing the magazine, switching off the television or throwing a book at the radio, but alas, flot anymore. 1In New York, advertisers are using light beams to cast images of logos and ads onto Manhattan sidewalks. Advertisers -love it because if's cheap and inescapable. Critics hate it for the same reasons. "This is colonizing your cornea for advertising" says author James Twitchell. "What' s the advantage youre>-getting from somebody mucking up your public space?" Would that it were only sîdewalks. 1 read also that there are plans afoot - "though not approved, so far - to have NASA launcli what amount to huge discs înto orbit around the earth. Discs which would, for those who could afford the rates, become giant floating bilîboards, exhorting us to .Wear Nikes! or Drink_ Sprite! - 24 hours a day. "Jsn't that a beautiful full moon tonight darling?" "Yeah.. .and that Windows '95 ads pretty nice too." You have to wonder when, if ever, human beings are going to turn on these relentless, money-grubbing eroders of peace and quiet and snarl "Get the @%*& outta my face!" Perhaps if's already happen- ing. Recently, Mike Cameron, a 19-year-old high school senior in Evanis, Georgia was suspended fr-om school by the principal. His cie Living in "Evans, Georgia, really. Evans, you see, is o1nl\ an] hour or so east of Atlanta, Georgia -- and Atlanta is the world headquar- ters of Coca Cola. The staff of Greenbrier High Sehool -- good corporate forelock-tuggers that they are -- decided to have a ( 1 am not making this up) Coke In Education Day, in which they would honour Coca Cola exec- utives by among other things, having -the entire stuident body wear shirts with the Coca Cola emblem emblazoned on them. At the conclusion of the cel- ebrations the student body was to swarm en masse on the school football field in sucli a way as to speil out C O K E for the visiting. Atlanta poobahs. Which is where Mike Cameron threw a bottle cap in the works. He showed up in a shirt that featured -- gaspl -- the Pepsi logo. Cameron was immediately hauled off to the principal's office, told by the principal that lie "miglit have cost the school ten grand," and sent home under suspension. 1Mike Cameron may be per- sona non grata with the princi- pal of Greenbrier high school, but he's a hero to me. A trail- blazer for the faceless flocks of consumer sheep that seldom utter a bleat. A guy with the gonads to stand up and say 'Tve had enougli". Stephen Leacock once defined advertising as "the sci- ence of arresting human intel- ligence long enougli to get money from it." Perhaps were seeing the first signs that human intelli- gence is getting sick and tired of being under arrest. pjich PARLIAMENi HILL NOTEBOOK by Art Babycb Liberals need transfusion?... The controversy over com- pensation payments for ahl hepatitis C victims lias left Prime Minister Jean Cbretien's government bruised and bleeding. "Wlien comnered like a rat you come out flgbting," opined Reformer Grant Hill, slamming bis liands togetber in the House for effect (no props, please). He liad just been ordered by, the PM 'to "Go and read the (first ministers') statement before opening your mouth." Cbretien's outburst prompt- ed B.C. Reformist Randy White to observe "Mr. Speaker, this is getting scary." And wlien it's scaryv for White, you know it's 1 REALLY scary. The tag-team duo of Chiretien and bis polit- 1 ically unhealtby Healtb Minister Allan "Allan" Rock spent mucli of the week figlit-i ing off an all-party assault on 1 tbe government's refusal to 1 compensate pre- 1986 victims. j At one point, Chretien 1 cbarged that Reformers were ..acting like a buncli of hyp- ocrites.'" That assessment brouglit a warning fromi Speaker Gib Parent for all MPs to "stay away from words that incite either one side or the other." Alas, the-warndng came too late. In a scrum minutes later, Liberal caucus chair Joe Fontana, obviously stili incited, was heard to say repeatedly before the nation- al news media 'Tliat's maie bovine excrement" -- or words to that effect, Mike from Canmore?... Whio says Premier Lucien Bouchard of financially embarrassed Quebec doesn't bave a sense of humour? Afterjoining Ontario in a flip- flop over the hep C compen- sation agreement, Bouchard offered an explanation for agreeing to pay compensation to those infected before 1986. According to Soutbam backess Joan Bryden, Boucbard talked it over with Ontario Premier Mike Harris and the discussions "made himi realize that compassion and justice must prevail." Comie on, Mr. Boucliard, wlio were yo u talking with, really? Schmoozing in Margaritaville... Reform MPs are making the most of the mariachi band tbey bired to ridicule tbe absenteeism rate of former Senator Andrew Tbompson. The party's fun-loving snack packers threw a Mexican- style party near the Hill. It included the rented band and invited guests, including their "friends" in the press gallery. A -adu F Hill -backsdi shows bad taste tbat tbe "Duff' is going to court. He dlaims in the transcript of the pre-trial exammination for dis- covery tbat Frank was the reason lie hasn't been named to tbe Order of Canada. Sure, Mike. And tbat makes two of us. An Officer and a Lady... Singer Celine Dion bas begun ber duties as tbe newest Officer of tbe Order of Canada -- wbatever tliey may be. She was invested at a media circus, er, investiture ceremony at Rideau Hall on May Day. Dion was given the royal treatment that even included a regal "walkabout" witli some of ber loyal sub- ject. Unfortunately, your columnist was unable to attend the event because of a previous commitment to watcb a re-run of Adrienne Clarkson 11Presents. Nevertlieless, we suspect. My Heart WiII Go On. Manning Goazed... Toronto Star coiumnist Carol Goar took a sbot at Reform leader Preston Manning's voice this week. Slie clalm'ied Manning is "as pleasant to listen to as a pneumatic drill." Because we believe lier Insult is too vicious to repeat in. print we're onfly stating it once. KIM LITTLE (905) 933-051 Competitive Term Life - Permanent Insurance Disability Income - Group Plans- Mutual Funds GIC.'s - R.R.S.P.'s -R.R.L.F.'s CONFIDENT FINANCIAL SERVICES (1969) LIMITED TFN 1 a Complete Car & Truck Repars - eDiesel Engines a Cummins, Detroit & Cat a a Radio Dis patched Tow Trucks a e Mobile Mechanical Service Truck-- FIA 1,Orono4 Miles North ~.R.1,Oono 83-151 of Hwy 401 on LOB iMO (0)98-11 Hwy 35/115 NEWASTLE FUNERAL HOME iTuneratrrrrector -~ Car(qGood *Personal, Professional, affordable service. Genesis Bereavement Resource Centre on-site to serve the community. Informatve funeral home tours are welcome. 386 Mill Street South, Newcastle (Vus t norTtf of 401 -1'arkilig cffIRobert Stree t) (905) 987-3964 evening of food, fun and frol- ic but -- we suspect -- it was the free booze-not friendsbip that brouglit tliem. Unless tbey really wanted to see Medicine Hatter Monte Solberg sporting a sombrero. "Franlcly, my dear"... .Frank, tlie gossipy satini- cal magazine that no one on Parliament MEI admits to buy- ing but that everyone rends, may be peering over the abyss of bankçruptcy thanks to press gallery cobort, Mike DufJfr. The "Puffster" as Frank calls. hlm, bas launclied a lawsuit against tbe abusive mag andpundits say if lie's successful Frank could go belly up ("A mishtake, shure- ly"). Miraculously, tlie maga- zine bas managed to survive many lawsuits and threats of lawsuits over tlie years and should be eligible at any time now for inclusion in to tbe Guinness Book of Records. Duffy is frequently "Franked" in cartoon strips depicting bim as - bow sbould we say? circumferentially cballenged. But it wasn't because Frank m 0