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Orcno eetlyflmaWede~dy.Sepembr 3, 095-c by Arthur Black The time has corne, my friends to dip once again into the Dumb Crooks File. That is where your obedient scriventer keeps bis collec- tion of recent news reports illustrating the proposition that citizens of the outlaw persuasion are not ail that biight. That felcrnous folk are not evil geniuses or Machiavellian masterminds. That they more often fall into a corner of bistory's dustbin reserved for Idiots, dunder- heads, buffoons and chow- derbrains with a lower col- lective I.Q. than a sackful of turnips. Examples? Just about everywhere you look. Last week's copy of the international Herald Tribune for instance, whicb canried the sad tale of Gerald Lyndeil Voyles. Mister Voyles, a native Floridian, recently turned up before the desk of the Sheriff of Bartow, Florida. He was there to collect a $3,000 reward, be said. A reward that was being offered for the apprehension of a man wanted, for murder. A man by the name of... Gerald Lyndeil Voyles. .That's right -- gormless Gerald actuaily expected to collect the bounty that bad been placed on his own head. 'We beieve be was seri- ous about the reward" oplned the Sherif. "He wlil not be eligible." Proceed dlrectly to jail, Gerald'and don't even tbink of passlng Go. A convict nained Hubert Schurr was a llttle more enterprlsing than Voyles, but not a wbole lot swifter. Scburr managed to break out of a penitentiary on the outsklrts of Hamburg, Germany last month. Scburr made it to the shoul- der of an Autobabn, clam- bered up to tbe roadway and stuck out bis thumb., Scburr was one lift away from disappe'-rn into the, ahem, tenderl9in district of Harnburg -- akld Iook! A car is slowlng downl, puling off to the side of the road! Exultant, Schurr yanks open the passenger door, preparlng to thank the driv- er ... . .. only to find hlmself staring into the unamused puss of one Gerhard Stroh, warden of the j oint Schurr had escaped from.' Schurr got a lift alright, but it lnvolved a U-tumn. Another German crook -- convicted bank robber Heinrlch Kroiss -- escaped from a German maximum security prison at about the same time. He was arrested three days later, but be had a peifectly reasonable expia- nation: he badn't escaped at ail. He'd been kidnapped by space aliens. Beam me up Herr Scotty. There's no intelligent life here. And a case of fumbling felony much dloser to home -_ in Moncton, New Brunswick, where Susan Stokes recently found her- self in the dock. Ms. Stokes had mun afoul of a section of the Criminal Code wblch targets anyone "pretending to use witchcraft, sorcery, enchantment or conjura- tion" to separation gullible citizens from their shekels. Put plainly, Susan Stokes was poslng as a fortune teller and taklng money for ber 'predictions'. It was nt a big deal - the judge only ding-ed ber 25 bucks or one day ln jail. But then, If Ms. Stokes had been any good as a for- tune teller she would have foreseen the impending arrest and spent the day in bed wlth the covers pulied over ber head. So the score is now, what? Justice 4, Crooks 0? l'Il leave you with the tale of 'Steve', a desperado who proves the Bad Guys aren't always as dumb as dirt.' 'Steve' is a cbap who pboned, up the securlty office at Pbiladelpbla international Alrport recently. He was "in maintenance" he explained. He had to do some work on the Automatic Teller Machines for the next hour or -so, s0 they sbould just ignore the security alari If it GOING ON A TRIP??? GETTING MARRIED??? Planning a Special Evening on the Town for Dinner, the Theatre or the Big Came???' I HOURGLASS Li mousi neService wl/I get you there and back in safety, com fort and style. CALL TO RESERVE EARLY mil happened to go off. The alarm went off. . the security guards yawned and worked on their doughnuts. A passlng citizen flnally cailed police and a squad of uniforms eventuaily anrived to investigate. They found the door to the cash dispenser swaylng in the breeze. Fifty thousand dollars was issmng. Steve was toc). Go Iight weight (NC)-Shopping for new wheels? Whatever kind of car or truck you purchase remember that as a general rule, the lighter the vehicle, the more fuel efficient it will be. In recent years, most manu- facturers have in fact been producing lighter vehicles by making better use ofs;pace and materials. High-strength steel and plastics, for example, have both played an important part in the weight reduction trend.