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"1 TO OUT SOOTLAHD IN TWO CANAL TO BE BUILT FROM THE CLYDE TO THE FORTH. Engineering Undertaking That Will Involve Great Ex-Scotland is perturbed by the idea that it is about to be cut in two by a canal from the Forth to the Clyde. Since the visit of Lord Sel-borne to the proposed Admiralty base at St. Margaret's Hope a ecuph of months ago, it has been wel enough known that the Government officials have been keenly interested in the question of * ship canal westwards, and it may prove that with definite plans and estimates before them, they will be ready with the guarantee of interest on capital without which none of the schemes could possibly proceed. Acting conjunction with the London promoters le a committee in Edinburgh, who seem sanguine enough that such guarantee will be forthcoming. Meanwhile, all that can be profitably *aid le that Messrs. Stevenson ar now acting upon instructions to pre pare the necessary plans for the con Struction of a canal big enough fo the passage of the largest ship o tho British navy. An estimate of the cost of con Struction of the Stevenson canal ii £10,000,000. It is said that th promoters have the guarantee of thi: figure, and that th« £400,000 dc posit required for lodging the plans before Parliament is also secure. The canal will be designed with S view to commercial trade as well ae tc meet the exigencies of tho wavy, and It will have a depth of some 30 feet. A great featuro of the Stevenson scheme is that it will ensure an exhaustible supply of water from ; Loch Lomond, while the gradual and comparatively slight rise to the loch, which is only 22 feet above sea level, will obviate the construction ol number of locks. In fact, it Is lieved that only two locks will needed, one at Alloa and the o ROUTE PROPOSED. The suggested route lies along the Forth Valley. There is a tract country from Alioa westward within ten miles of Loch Lomond where the surface of tho ground only from 30 to 50 feet above mean sea level, and the strata is alluvial deposit. Betwixt that i Loch Lomond the ground rises rapidly and attains a maximum height of 240 feet above mean sea level, and dips again to the south end of Loch Lomond, the surface of which is only 22 feet above mean sea level. The distance across that higher ground Is about seven miles, li miles of being above the. 20O feet line. Loch Lomond, which has ample depth for vessels of the largest draught, could be utilized as the canal towards the north end of the loch to Tarbct, and thence across to Loch Long there only a distance of 1J miles, t ground attaining a maximum height of 130 feet above the mean sea level. '""Xoclrtang is practically the Atlantic Oceflb, and tho navigation of it is safe and the water of ample depth. The surface of Loch Lomond, which is only 22 feet above the mean level of the sea, is taken as the proposed summit level of the canal, and, having a water area of 21,000 acres and ample gathering ground, It would form an inexhaustible reservoir for supplying tho locks with QUESTION OF LOCKS. Only two locks at either end, Alloa and Loch Long, would by) quired, as the level of the canal only 18 feet end 17 feet above high water level at these places respectively. Both approaches are in smooth water, and free from any danger to navigation. The western outlet into Loch Long is considered -exceedingly favorable, as vessels of the largest class could at once proceed to sea quite free from terruption and liability of grounding which they would meet had the al debouched into the Clyde. The eastern entrance to the canal it is proposed to form about a mile above Alloa, where vessels will be raised to the canal level by suitable locks. From Alloa the canal will pass to the north of the links of, the Forth, and to the northward about half a mile off the town of Stirling, then along the valley of the Forth to Gartmore, and enter Loch Lomond near the mouth of the Endrick, a distance of 28 miles. Near the Loch Lomond end there will be a deep cutting. It is proposed to make the canal throughout with a depth of 30 feot, with a width at the bottom the same as the Suez Canal--namely, 72 feet, and side slopes varying with the naturo of the material. The locks will be capable of passing the largest vessels afloat, or about 600 feet in length and 80 feet in width, with smaller locks alongside for smaller vessels. A canal of these dimensions would therefore not only accommodate merchant vessels, but would prove of the greatest advantage to the navy. NEGOTIATING LOCH LOMOND. One of the engineering features of the scheme will lje the carrying of the canal through the high ground near tho Loch Lomond end. At one time it was proposed to tunnel that ground to the extent of 2£ miles, the tunnel to be not less than 150 feet in height above the water line. But it is understood the idea of making a tunnel has dropped, and an open cutting has been substituted. The distances on the route from the Forth to the Clyde are as follows:-- From Grangemouth to Alloa, 10i miles; from Alloa to Loch Lomond, 28 miles; up Loch Lomond to Terbet, 3.4 miles; and across the neck of land from Tarbet to Loch Long, 1} miles. Loch Long is 15 miles in length to its junction with the Firth of Clyde. The total distance, therefore, from Grangemouth to the Firth of Clyde is QOi miles. It would have been very desirable to have proposed a CAnaJ of sufficient width to allow two of the largest vessels to pass each other at any place on r»ute, but it was doubted whether such a work would in the meantime prove remunerative. Frequent passing places, however, will be lade at suitable intervals. WHAT CANAL WILL SAVE. Apart from the question of strategy, an indication of the saving distance that would be effected the canal will be gained from the following list:-- (1) From the Clyde to ports on the east coast of Scotland, northeast of England northwest of Europe, the dists saved would be from 529 to miles; (2) From the Forth to ports on the west coast of Scotland, northwest of England, Ireland, America and the Mediterranean, the distance saved would be from 487 to 141 miles; (8) Tyne ports to the St. Lawrence Paver, the distance saved would be 150 miles; (4) west of Britain and northeast of Ireland to middle western ports of the continent the distance saved would be from 377 to 98 miles. GOBBETS THAT ARE DEAR VERY EXPENSIVE MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS. Anto-electro Folyphone Worth. $25,000--Organ Which Cost $50,000. Kubelik aays that there is rnontry enough in the world to buy his Btradivarius violin from him. It was a birth-day present to him from his friend Mrs*. Walter Palmer, and cost $7,500. Old violins by- such makers Strodivarius and Guarnerius have acquired their greet value partly because their makers had secrets both in the seasoning of the wood and tho manufacture of varnish which modern makers no longer possess. Yet many modern instruments- ol musical rival in price even the masterpieces of the eiglrteenth century. The Tsar of R:is«ia posses-ses a cornet for which $10,000 was paid. It was made to the order of his father, the late Tsar, who was a performer on this instrument, Is of solid sili and has its "bell'- set with rubies and emeralds. The Imperial are beautifully worked on the body of the comet, which is richly clmsed from one end to the other, believed to be the most expulsive wind instrument-apart from organs --in the world. The Shah of Pcrsi complete set of very valuable wind instruments. They are all made, so far as possible, of silver, and some are inlaid with gold. The set which was made in this country worth a little over 515,000. Another Eastern potentate who spends a great deal on musical struments is the Rao of Dutch, buys them all in London. A set costs $4,500 and he spends about $20,000 a year in renewing those which are worn out. The aggregate value of the ii ments used-oy Mr. 'Souaa's arches-tra must be something very large. It is probably not less than $<20,000. Not content with the ordinary wind instruments, this clever musician is constantly inventing others. The Sousaphone looks like a huge bass. It weighs 331b. It is of brase with a very narrow bore. Another novel ty is a double^belled euphi which has a contrivance for using two different sound outlets according to requirements, one having a baritone, the other a tenor voice. A third novel instrument is the Sums-sophone, and there are besides the cornet bassetto and cornet Anglais. The experiments necessary to perfect these new nessarily very costly. Among the most valuable of all the curious instruments of n made nowadays are orchestrion! Craig-y-nos Madame Patti had orchestrion stated to be the largest in the world. It was equal to combined efforts of an orchestra sixty performers, and its cost i §15,000. It had a repertoire imething over eighty different op-lit ic selections and airs. A somewhat similar but even more elaborate dexice was shown at the last. Paris Exhibition. It is called ■polyphone." Its builder is an Italian, Antonio Zibor-who spent fifteen years of work upon it. Two petroleum motors the dynamos which furnish its e power, and light up its vast ir. It contains no fewer than 800 different and independent musi-:nl instruments. It has two separate sets of cylinders which can be tvorked singly or together. One is perfect string orchestra, the other resembles a military brass band of 30 different pieces. This unique instrument was not for sale, being intended as a present for the Queen of Italy, but its value was estimated $25,000. The auto-electro-poly-phone was made in Milan. It took large luggage vans to convey it thence to Paris. The greatest organ in the world as just been installed in the Cathedral at Seville in Spain. Its divisions ' are tremendous. Four metal flute stops are each sixteen length. No other organ has stops. Nor can any organ produce such low notes as this pride of Seville. It has bass bourdons which give deeper tones than the boasts of milted to inspect the interior of this unique instrument Sydney, Austral: largest organ in the worm. it- is the great Town Hall, has 142 stops, and combines every labor-saving 'device known to the organ builders' trade. But it did not cost quite so much as the one in the Cathedral of St. Bavon at Haarlem. For this, which took three years and a half to build, $50,000 was paid. Pianos have been constructed of the most amazing value. That which was made for the Empress Josephine in 1808 by the order of Napoleon has five pe'dals, one of which works a drum ami triangle attachment. It is made of rosewood--and ormolu. The keys are of moth-er-ofpearl and tortoiseeshell. It is not known exactly what Its cost was, but it is believed to have been about $10,000. The piano owned by the celebrated Belgian artist Jan Van Beers cost $25,000. The wood of which the body is composed is tinted green. The elaborate ornaments are of bronfee chiselled by a well-known French sculptor. Beautiful skete-hes illustrative of the four seasons appear or. the panels. The pedals are made in the form of the owner's initials. The music frame of bronze glides forward on a spring, and is lighted by two delicate electric flowers. The cover is of plaques of ivory set in bronze. They are intended for the autographs of great musicians who will play upon this most magnificent of pianos.--Pear son's Weekly. SOME QUAINT PHILOSOPHY. A man will write yards of poor verse about his sweetheart's little slipper, but swear like a trooper if he stumbles over his wife's shoes some ni'fne gruff growls the dark, an with kind eyes and a like the dog that and wags its tail--you are never sure which sign to believe. Don't be afraid to scatter the sunshine of laughter about you; it often helps revive somebody's faith in the sweetness of things. The cynical man is amusing at times, but, like nitro-glycerine, apt to be heaird from most, inopportunely- It is only the dyspeptic who uses his stomach as an ante-chamber to his heart. If you would keep a man's love refrain from being too nice to him. The man who is too busy to go shopping with his wife will spc-njd any amount of time coaxing hfs new stenographer to go out to dinner with him. Few people seem to realise that vices are but latch keys to Limbo. Lots of misery could be avoided by regai'ding romance as a cocoon and selecting the variety desired. The man who has never written a compromising letter has the qualifications for an ambassador or a The man who treats his inferiors with insolence hajessjtJM the breeding acet'uljj^j^jiti-ougii' '•-ejfsaHB the breeding your happinesP^C i get twflfealK Do not trust your happi practical joker; they are spoil the finest effects in I: An artistic temperament interesting, but a bank lore practical. You must not expect the author of cook book to try all the recipes r a doctor to take his own mcdi- It is impossible not to believe ir transmigration after hearing the bray of a donkey and the converse Man some men think suited feu /omen. So i always FAMOUS PEOPLE BELIEVED IN SIGNS AND STARS. Napoleon, Bismarck, Wolseley, Lincoln, Grant and Nelson. It is a mistake to imagine that Superstition is a weakness confined persons of feeble and uncultured mintts. Men possessing strongest intellect* have been swayed by almost childish credulity egard to the supernatural. The great Napoleon was a firm believer in plresentiments. Once, when he was anxiously awaiting news from Egypt, he heard that a Nile boat had nun ashore and that the crew luad been put to death. This boat bore the-name of "L'ltalie." Napoleon was much concerned v. hen he heard this last piece of news. He looked upon it as an omen that his hopes of annexing Italy to Franco were to be shattered, says United Service. Nothing would induce him to believe the contrary. "My pre- said; "all is mined; I am satii that my conquest is lost." The presentiment in this case ceitainly became true. A famous writer has siaid of Napolj >n ' NAPOLEON'S STAR. "He was all star and destiny." Certain it is that Napofrdn had faith in his star, and it appeared to be the ruling omen of his entii career. General Rapp, who for long period was Napoleon's aide-de-camp, refers to the subject in his interesting memoirs. Rapp had just returned from the siege of Dantzig, and seeking Napoleon's presence, found him gazing intently through the window, his eyes fixed upon " heavens. It was some time before the Emperor noticed ';he presence of Rapp, when, suddenly seizing him by the arm, he exclaimed : "Look there; up there I" I see nothing but the pale, twinkling sLurs," replied the astute aide-de-camp quietly. "What 1" exclaimed the Emperor, excitedly, "is it possible that you do not see my star, the fiery red one, >> large atr the moon ? It is before you now, and ah, how brilliant." Then, warming up at the sight, he fairly shrieked as he tried out : "It has never abandoned mo for a single instant. I see It on all great occasions; it commands me to go forward; it is my sign of good fortune, anjd where it leads I will follow." DTSMARCK SUPERSTITIOUS. The estate Bismarck was superstitious, the number 13 having a very deep mtjaning for him. He vould never sit down to table when he made the thirteenth. Bohlen states that one day in 1870, at Rheims, when the Chancellor gave a dinner, one of the invitations had to be countermanded, because otherwise there would have been thirteen at table. General Boyer, Bazaine's envoy, arrived at the German headquarters, at Versailles, on Friday, October 1, but Bismarck would not see him till the next day, saying *hai he T^ould never do anything of importance on any Friday, much less on a Friday, the date of which coincided with the armivtrsary of Horch-kirk, Jena and Auerwtadt. He was talking one day of a defeat the Germans had experienced in tho course of the campaign of 1870. "I beg you to observe, gentlemen," he said, "that that happened on a Friday." Bismarck did not belmve in a lucky day, but believed that his life was iOMsly influecced by a mystic num- y people forget that life ii only hold its fill and crowd it th cheap trivialtiee, leaving no room for more valuable thoughts interests. sense of duty is the name some people give to a lack of proper Most men object to a visit f ither-in-law until baby tin the whooping Men admire a slender til against lacing. A FATAL JOKF* A young man, riding on a tram-ax in the Boulevard Hassmann, Paris, noticed a friend passing along a cab a few feet beneath him. As e cab came alongside the tramcar s friend yawnefl, and the young am, for a joke, tossed down a good :ed walnut, which fell squarely in-his friend's throat. Lnmediately e latter's body writhed in pain, 3 face grew purple, and his hands Idly clutched the air. He was choking to death, the nut having lodged far down his throat. Cab tramcar were stopped, and the est doctor summoned. But it too late, and the victim died in w minutes. The perpetrator of the grim "joke" has been asked to hold himself at the disposal of jus- INFECTION BY BULLETS, lady physician has proved that infection may be carried a bullet from the clothing to a lutred. Using a Swiss military le, shots were fired--before and after the gun had become hot-- through cloth saturated with cul--organisms, | and in every case the sterilised bul-a, hitherto deepest-toned let took UP germs from the cloth. organ in the world. There are 200 different stops and five bellows, worked by electricity. Under circumstances the $32,000 which paid for this superb instrument does not seem by any means an extortion- The great organ of the Church of St. Nicholas at Freiburg, Switzerland, is another very costly instrument. It has the most wonderful vox humana stop of any organ in the world. Many attempts have been made to igsiftate this masterpiece of Aloise' Mooser, but none have ever proved successful. Mooser hims/lf was often asked to build others like it, but always refused. No tuner or other person is ever per- J ohnson always . THIEF TO CATCH A THIEF Unique Plan to Advertise Safes-Publishers' Offer to a Criminal. Believing in the old principle of setting a thief to catch a thief, the directors of one of tho largest banks in Chicago recently made a proposal to a well-known forger and coiner which is probably without precedent. After he had served five years' penal servitude for his misdeeds he was offered a situation in the banking house, his duties to consist of examining bank-notes, cheques, and letters of credit, in order to detect those that were false. Tho ex-convict immediately accepted this situation, and now earns a comfortable livelihood in a place which in former days he did his utmost to rob. With a view to advertising the merits of their manufactures an enterprising London firm of safe-mak--ers resorted to a unique plan a short time ago. They offered a notorious time-expired burglar $250 if, in the presence of witnesses, he would demonstrate his safe-breaking capabilities on one of their patent burglar-proof safes. He agreed to this curious proposal, and on the day appointed attacked the locked safe with his various tools, a numbor of newspaper men, as well as the managers of the firm, being interested spectators. After working at the safe for nearly three hours, and resorting to all the tricks of the safe-breaking profession, the burglar failed to open the safe and was obliged to CONFESS HIMSELF BEATEN. Needless to say, his feat was boomed very largely, and proved a sensational advertisement for the firm which conceived this unique idea. About three years ago an American firm of publishers made a remarkable offer to a criminal lying under sentence of death for robbery and murder. Providing he would furnish an autobiography of himself, including- all tho most interesting features Of his career, they offered him a large sum of money, which, it was explained, could be settled on his wife or other relative. But the criminal treated the offer with scorn, and refused to enlighten the world regarding that part of his life of which tho police had no knowledge. A certain showman in Illinois owes no small amount of his success in the particular business in which he is engaged to the kindness of a convict who some time ago was executed for a series of cold-blooded murders. While the criminal was awaiting execution this showman conceived the idea of obtaining a phonographic record of the murder's voice, and for this purpose sought an interview, and, strange though it may seem, the showman's request was granted by the authorities. Accordingly, two days before the execution the showman drove up with his phonograph, and having been in-traduced to the prisoner a record of his voice was duly taken, the condemned man exhibiting a keen interest in the proceedings. This phonographic record, of course, proved an exceedingly valuable addition to the showman's properties, thousands of people paying to hear the tones of the notorious murder's voice. Such is the curious fascination of crime to persons of a certain class many notorious criminals have re- YERT CLEVER BROTHERS Lord Kitchener of Khartoum Over* shadows His Clever Brother. Any young man of ability and an> bition should lay to heart the foi* lowing piece of sound advice : Neve*! have a clever brother. It can easiljp be shown that you are quite liable to be kept out of the world's eye by him; and, in short, while he becomes distinguished, you merely become extinguished. Look at the case of Major-General Kitchener, a brilliant soldier, withl a career of sound merit. Seeing much service in the Afghan War of 1879-80, he was mentioned in despatches for his conduct therein, was director of the transkgrt in the Dongol expedition of 1896, and for. his share in the smashing of the Khalifa in 18&8 was decorated with the Osmanieh Order (fourth class)* Finally, his clever work in Sout/n Africa gained him a well-d*s»rv«l promotion to Major-General. But what does, the name "Kitchener" cail up before the mental vision of the man in the omnibus t Nobody else but Kitchener of Khartoum, tho organiser ot victory, the coo-cpieror of Omdurman, the avenger, of Gordon, the pacifier of South Africa It is only with an effort that one recalls that "K." has A brother who is a useful soldier, nniJ renderejd him much aid on both the Nil* and cm the illimitable veldt. As in aims, so in literature ant* politic*. The fame of Mr. David Chri ic Murray as novelist, playwright, and journalist somehow eclipses that of his talented brother, MR. HENRY MURRAY. The latter, however, has written some excellent novels*--"A Game ol Bluff" and "A Song of Sixpence" among them--and his name mey be found signed to much illuminating literary criticism in the magazines and reviews. He has also collaborated with his more famous brother In certain novels and plays. Mr. David Murray, the distinguished artist, is no relation to the literary brothers, though Mr. David OhTistie Murray has put it on record that his favorite recreation is "land.Kape painting." Agai i In | two brother prominently Doubtless Mr. GcraM fU.U^i is a most able administrator, but he made the mistake of laving Mif. Arthur Balfour for a brother; and It is of the Prime Minister that one thinks when the name Is mentioneU and not the statesman who was responsible tor much Irish legislation, including the act which gave local government to the Emerald Igle. "If you must have a clever brother, see that he takes a different name. Mr. H. Beerbohm Tree and Mr. Max Beerbohm are both the sons of a Mr. Julius Beerbohm, a merchant. But, on adopting a stage career, the elder tacked another name to his cog-i, while the lively "Max" de- OFFERS OF MARRIAGE and art is which his Tiie prosaic Dir counted his steps place, so as to arrange that right foot should always precede his left; or, again, touching every post which he passed along a certain route, fearing that, if he missed one, some misfortune would Wall him. WOLSELEY, LINCOLN, GRANT. Lord Wolseley writes :--"I not only believe in many superstitions but I hug them with the warmest affection. They link me, if not with a spiritual world of which I know at least with a glorious ous criminal ic and picturesque past of have been ory has told me much. I again if justice had'not iefve in ghosts and in amulets- I the halter for the altar, re worn out the rims of several Apart from such cases, ts since I have been in Dublin occasionally happens that •ou-gh my salutations of single marriage is made to a criminal wtio; gpies. That mystic bird abounds more sinned against than sinning, ex-Ireland, and I would not. on any cites the genuine sympathy and in-ount walk under a ladder, etc.; terest of some member of the pub-fact, I am prone to adopt any lie. Last year, for instance, a poor Superstition I am told, of which I young woman was charged with the find others believe in." murder of her child under particul- The Shah of Persia is supersti- arly sad conditions, as well as with tious. He always carri, - with him attempting to commit suicide. Her when he travels a circle of amber 'case aroused the deepest sympathy, which is said to have fallen from I and the surrounding circumstances heaven in Mohammed's time, and ! being taken into consideration, she which renders the wearer inrvulner-i was leniently dealt with and only able; a casket of gold which makes I sentenced to a few months' impris-mvisihle at will and a jewelled i onment. While undergoing her sen-potent to make con- ; fence the chaplain received a letter confess their | from a man in which the writer of- MAKE ANY CHANGE. Thus the younger can draw Ma car- icatures and write his sparkling articles without any dread of being mixed up with tho able actor who runs His Majesty's Theatre with snioh brilliant results. There Is a delicious story abouti the two. Mr. Max Beerbohni oncfl announced that he was writing some biographies of great men's brother*. "Let me see," said the lafdy to whom this was confided. "You are a from unknown sympathizers and ad- i Mother of Mr. Beerbohm Tree, aren't ilrers. The unfortunate Mrs. May- you ?" 'Yes," replied the genial brick, for ins! time to time subject of matrimony. One eccen-" 'dual wanted to know if she would marry him providing he obtained her release, while another offered to wait until Mrs. Maybrick was released, no matter how long that might be. Neill Cream, Deeming, Fauntleroy, and many others of the most notorious criminals of modern times might have been married over and over stituted Max, with superb assurance. "He'll be in the book." One might also note that, thanjui to bearing different names, the two clever brothers Viscount Cranborne aad Lord Hugh Cecil, can pursue their separate careers without fear of clashing. Choice of different lines has perhaps prevented the two Irvings--H. B. and Laurence--from confusion. The elder has elected to follow in the footsteps of his mighty father, and is even now acting with great success in a play by Mr. Barrie at a West End theatre. Laurence devotes himself to literature, and is already responsible for several acted plays, including "Bonnie Dundee,"* "Peter the Great," and the translation of Sar'dou's "Dante" in which Sir Henry Irving makes his :atest ap pearance.--London Answers. star which spirators insti always v person. Abraham Lincoln, fore his death, had hich he beheld hi in state. The i groat imprest' rallied < account of i few days be-vivid drea.m, own body ly- by his his /sses Grant would not have been litary man had it not been that -al for a West Point cadetship had been found each foot Instead of five. Nelson always kept a nailed to the miztzennrast sfhin Victory. fered to marry the young her release. He was a total er to her, but explained that case appealed to him so that he wished to offer her in which she might find some happiness and comfort. The proposal was communicated to the young woman, with the result that on her release she was met by tho writer of the letter, whose wife she became few days later.--London Tit-Bfte. A LAKE OF MANY WONDERS. Lake Chad, in Africa, is reported by two French explorers to be 183 miles long and 89 miles wide, or, somewhat larger in area than Lake Erie, yet it is only 25 feet deep in | its deepest place and only 5 feet ia \ letter , jtg eastern side. It has 80 islands, iter of-ig^ujg barren, others only pasture man on j land> and sonle covered with forests Strang-1 aml r;1-iiet plantations, and havmg her sad < a total population of about 50,000. trongly | storms arise with surprising quick* home | ,lfvs(, on tne lake, nnd the shallowness of the water forces up big waves at short notice, while treacherous gusts and puffs of wind about the islands make navigation danger- horseshoe )f his flag- TO TAX FAT PEOPLE. The project of a tax on fat people is being considered in Sweden. The advocates of the tax argue that when a man is above certain weight he is in a well-fed and consequently prosperous condition, and so in a position to coAtrihute easily to the public funds. It is proposed that persons weighing 1251b. and less will be exempt from the tax, but that persows weighing more than 1251b. Shall be slubject to a graduated tax, which would be doubled for those weighing more than 1801b, Fish is said to be excellent brain food, but it seems a pity in some cases to waste the fish. "My boy," said the old gentleman in a kindly tone, "there's only one thing that stands between you and success." "And what is that ?" asked the youth. If you worked as hard at working," exclaimed the old gentleman, "as you do at trying to find some way to avoid working, you would easily acquae both fame and fortune*,'* Brown had a habit of keeping late hours, and although his better half made it uncomfortable for him at times she failed to cure him of his nocturnal homecomings. At last sire hit upon a plan to frighten him, and so when he came in one night at his usual hour he saw a white shrouded figure gliding towards him along the passage in the moonlight. "Wh--wh--w--what's that ?" gasped Brown. "I am the family ghost," a sepulchral voice replied. Brown heaved a sigh of relief. "Great Scot I" he said. "How you frightened me I I thought it was the missus." Then the sfctem broke, "I'm a plain, every-dny sort of a business man," said the middle-aged person, with the scanty hair, "but I'm nothing if not practical. Miss Wiserly, will you be my wife ?" "I admire your frankness, Mr. Hustler,* replied the auburn-haired beauty, "because I'm inclined to be some.' what practical myself. How much s you rth V The Eskimos were very angry with the Arctic explorer. "What did he do?" asked the member of the relief expedition. "He petted our dogs," explained the native. "Is there any harm in petting your dogs?" "Yes>their tails were frozen stiff, and whan they went to wag tfeeni they broke off,"