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YOU CANNOT HAVE AN EXCHILD Decision whether to have children said biggest in any couples life NEW YORK APFirst comes love Then comes mar nage Then comes baby Maybe sa Dr Elizabeth Whe an demographer and epidemiologist who has faced the pros and cons of paren thood as both woman and researcher Its the most fateful decision of couples life an irrevocable decision she emphasizes You can have an exwife exhusband ex job but you cannot have an errchild Her investigation into the sychological and practical factors that might influence the decision to have child began when she and her husband of five years lawyer Stephen Whelan found them selves approaching 30 and on the spot in deciding whether to have children at all KEBIWAITING We had always assumed we would really thought we should but like many other couples today kept waiting postponing Dr Whelan ex plained in an interview We are among the first generation to have the ANN LANDERS Nosy parents are compulsive Dear Ann Lenders Will you please say word to overly concerned parents am young man 23 years of age who recently pur chased home have very good job pay my own bills am responsible person and quite happy with my lifestyle If two days go by and dont call my folks or stop by they automatically assume died They phone me or come to my house and bombard me with questions about my health my appetite my sex life my bank balance and they insist on an hourbyhour account of my activities love my parents very much and appreciate their in terest but Ive earned my independence and resent their nosiness How can put stop to the prying without hurting any feelingsIts My Life Dear Your Life Its awfully difficult to retrain parents but do try see no reason for 23yearold man who lives in his own home to answer questions about his sex life or his bank balance Just tell Mom and Dad youre in good health and enjoying yourself and the rest comes under the heading of private business As for the daily contact its neurotic compulsion and oure stuck with it So be pleasant keep the conversations ief and tell them only as much as you want them to know Dear Ann Landers You really blew it when you advised that poor woman whose husband drank sixpack of beer every night and fell into such deep sleep he couldnt wake himself up enough to know where the bathroom was Hed get up at three oclock in the morning and relieve himself in the dresser drawer and soak all his socks and underwear Why did you suggest that he join Alcoholics Anonymous What she needed was immediate help You should have told her to put chamber pot under the bed on his side Then he wouldnt have to try to figure out where the bathroom was hope you will print this letter and apologize for not com ing up with more practical advice in the first placeAnns Helper In RJ Dear RI Thanks hon but dont consider your help very practical Any guy who gets as zonked as that bird does wouldnt have the chamber bathroom presence of mind to look for pot If he could find the pot he could find the Ive said it before and Ill say it again His problem is alcoholism AA has higher success rate with alcoholics than any approach know of My original advice still goes Dear Ann Landers Several people have aired their pet peeves through your column Please print mine Ill bet Ive got lots of company Im 24yearold female who hates it when people call me by my last name Hey Smith My given name is very sirn le one not difficult to remember How should reply to let em knowBngged In Bethesda Dear Bugg ed The direct ap roach is always the most ef fective Just say Please ca me by my first name Its Mary If this doesnt work simply play deaf when so meone yells Hey Smith Theyll get the message Confidential to Am Bad Mother havent the slightest idea but youre bad novelist That problem comes to me at least once week and your literary style doesnt compare with most Former Nun teaching carpentry for children TORONTO CPA for mer nun who found the order of Franciscan Missionaries of Mary in Toronto too con templative has returned home from the cloistered life and is giving carpentry lessons Aila Linge is using her par ents basement to teach neighborhood children Parental permission is gained and safety stressed through instruction but it is the psychological benefits that interest Miss Linge more than technical skill She joined the order after her aunt missionary nun made return visit to Canada fromAustralia She had been working with the aborigines she said and was fascinated by her experiences and her faith Miss Linge said she had left high school 12 years ago and joined rinting company proofrea ing editing and doing occasional art work It was an uneventful life but was far from unhap she said At the back my mind however was this feeling that should be doing more JOIN ED AT 21 feeling became con viction in her let year and it was then knew that wan ted to work for the poor and the sick to become nun in the same order Miss Linge finds difficulty in expresing her thoughts about the 512 years she spent inthis order It was not lack of faith that made me leave It was the lack think of the type of work that had been hoping for She said she found she was staying very much within our own communit when wanted to go outsi and be active Since left the order has changed in direction Com munities have been opened in small and remote towns to work with the poor and native people Returning home from cloistered life she required an interlude for re aientation Music has always been part of our family life she said Ive played the guitar since was 15 and continued to do so as nun but the con stant musical atmosphere of home was missing It was good to hear my fa ther at the piano again and that helped in my ad justment So did carpentry Before long knew was ready to go on to something else FOUNDED BY VANIER The world wide or anization LArche the Ar to help the mentally retarded ap aled to Miss Unge throug its example of wactical Christianity Founded in France in 1964 by Jean Vanier son of the late Canadian Governor General Georges Vanier LArche has been likened to Noahs ark in that it rescues those who might drown in the turbulent waters of modern life Offering permanent family setting for the retar ded LArche operates 11 wmmunities across Canada Miss Linge helped LArche pen community in Strat ford 0nt then went on to help the mentally retarded in Quebec and Edmonton In Edmonton taught car pentry for six months helping the handicapped im prove their skills giving them hobby That is what would like to do here as per sonal venture freedom to choose but we find the freedom carries with it quite burden talked to lot of people and found an un believable number had the same uestions we did So began seeking the answers interviewing single married widowed and divor ced men and women the un decided the confirmed non parents and confirmed paren ts Since the publication of book resulting from her re search Baby Maybe Dr Whelan reports that she ins been overwhelmed with letters and calls from couples who desperately want advice She has established service which counsels couples to help them decide whether or not to have children Contributing to the present dilemma are number of fac tors Dr Whelan said in cluding the alternatives today for women who have found they can have fulfilling and satisfying lives in careers as well as in mother hood ECONOMY FACTOR close second is the econ omy It is relative ex pensive now to have an raise child Third is the new free tobe philosophy relaxation of social pressure People can strike out and be different The highly effective and relatively convenient con traceptive methods available today have also had their im pact she noted And then theres the popu lation explosion though people use it to confuse the issue risk my membership in the Population Association America but can un derstand why some couples with two children may want more Dr Whelan suggested that enough families will want only one child or none at all to balance the scale The nonparenthood decision is more difficult for the woman She has gone st the point of no return the man can father child at90 START EARLY Start talking about it early she advised Dont postpone the decision as we did sug est you make your mind up ut you dont have toactonitrightaway totally endorse the Rat Suuu Reta Butter Dish Cap lb Round Sauce Bowl Ladle can 20 oz Hound Tray dia 12 Roll Tray 12 $1195 995 1195 1095 HURRYlSALE ENDS MAY 311976 decision not to have child if thats what the couple wants but the only answer is within yourself what you want to five and get in life jits very personal decision and advise ople not to commit themse ves publicly Dr Whelan 30 with long blonde hair and ready smile is acting on that last bit of advice herself would bias my efforts to present both sides of the issue in the book if told her deci sion will say we are more decided now than before The research helped me balance the positive and the negative The cons have always come on pretty strong did get some insight into the pes of commitment paren thood can offer in life and little understanding of what the good parts are about gloInt know if it has been help Dr Whelan has masters degree in epidemiology from the Yale School of Medicine masters in demography from Harvard and received the first doctoral degree ever awarded by Harvard in population sciences The new executive of the Barrie Progress Club was installed Friday John Vanderwaardt third from the left the clubs new Eighteen new members were welcomed to the Bar rie Power Squadron Satur day at the annual com manders ball They were esented their certificates or successful completion edident is congratulated deputygovernor Al Christie centre Other members from left Bob Iiick director Paul Mon CAREFREE STAMZEgg QERVllG PECEQ northland stainless from Great for gifts entertaining any occasion lt Reg Sugg Retail Covered Casserole 12 qt Beverage Pitcher 12 qt Salad Bowl dia Servers Rosewood 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