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I Remembering the final goodbye that changed everything That's Life Andy Juniper Guest Contributor 13 | Thursday, February 13, 2014 | OAKVILLE BEAVER | www.insideHALTON.com Halton.ca 311 t was 15 years ago today -- Feb. 13, 1999. The day I lost my light and lost my way. I can't tell you much about that day. I remember there was bright sunshine bursting out of an azure sky, but I have no recollection of the temperature, or whether the roads from Oakville to my hometown of Woodstock were snow-covered or bare as I hurtled toward a nal goodbye. Honestly, I can't even remember what car I was driving back then. Either my long-term memory -- typically quick to recall even tiny details -- fails me, or I've simply spent so much time building walls around those memories, they can't climb out. Oddly enough, I clearly recall I had The Old 97's on repeat on the stereo, and singer Rhett Miller's voice in my head; speci cally, a song called Jagged: "I couldn't drink enough to make this make sense, but I think I'm going to try. There's no settling down, there's only driving down state, so I drive. I would give anything, not to feel so jagged...." No, none of it made any sense. To me, it hadn't made any sense for years. It was all cruel and senseless. Torturous, to the point where it had effectively dismantled my core beliefs and rocked my faith. It was a senselessness from which there is no escape. My mother had cancer. She underwent major surgery. For four arduous years, she fought the ght. But it was a ght that was xed, that was horribly unfair and unevenly matched. A butter y versus a hurricane. For the nal two months of her life, she withered in a hospital bed. And that's where we congregated to tell her how much we loved her, and to say goodbye. By then, morphine could not touch her pain. All promises that modern medicine would keep her comfortable had long since own out the window. Her nal breath was a blessing, a sweet release. I won't say it took the full 15 years, but it took Public Information Centre Wastewater Main Replacement in the Forster Park Drive Area, Town of Oakville PR-2938 Halton Region is planning to replace the wastewater mains on: a long, long time before I could feel any less jagged. A long time to come to terms with the way she died. A long time before I could hear someone utter the sentiment, "Everything happens for a reason," without biting off their head. Suf ce to say, her death left a gaping hole in our hearts. And an un llable void in our lives. I won't say it took the full 15 years, but it took time. To recover from her death and to come around to more fully remembering her in life. The woman who so loved life. And who had the admirable ability to nd sunshine in darkness, and something good in most everything. It's called `spiritual optimism,' nding a seed of positive in an obvious negative, and using that seed to grow as a human being. I wrote at the time that she was "our light, our love. And she was our glue." I've spent 15 years trying to nd my way without that light, that love, and trying to keep it all together without that glue. Given time, and the love of the sweet souls who surround me, I believe I have indeed found my way in this world. But I tell you that even now, even 15 years later, there are still times when I unwitting reach for the phone to call her. Just to say hello. To see how she's doing. To share a laugh and solve all the world's woes over a cup of coffee and some comforting conversation. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@ gmail.com, found on Facebook www.facebook.com, or followed on Twitter @thesportjesters. R0012448869 - Forster Park Drive from Queen Mary Drive to South Forster Park Drive - North Forster Park Drive from Forster Park Drive to River Side Drive - South Forster Park Drive from Forster Park Drive to Rive Side Drive - River Side Drive from North Forster Park Drive to Oakwood Crescent - Kingswood Road from Queen Mary Drive to North Forster Park Drive - Glenmanor Drive from Queen Mary Drive to North Forster Park Drive A Public Information Centre will be held for residents who want to learn more about this construction project. Please drop in at any time. Halton staff will be available to answer your questions: Date: Wednesday, February 26, 2014 Time: 6 p.m. ­ 8 p.m. Place: Oakville Arena, Kinsmen Pine Room 133 Rebecca Street, Oakville If you would like to learn more about the project and are unable to attend the Public Information Centre, please contact: Martin Larkin Project Manager Public Works 905-825-6000 x 7614 Martin.Larkin@halton.ca Furnace Diagnostic Service only No additional charge for evenings and weekends $ 9 locations to serve you better www.aireone.com A+ RATING 905-849-4998 130214 49 reg. $99 Please contact us as soon as possible if you have any accessibility needs at Halton Region events or meetings.