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8-The Canadian Champion, Tuesday, August 5, 2003 487 Laurier Ae 878-2881 - -ýVounteermbased group helps*mourners deal with the painful ordeal of losing loved ones By STEPHANlE THIESSEN The Champion When it cornes to rnaking it through a suf- focating cloud of gief, Wendy Dean is convinced that it takes one to know one. Ms Dean, executive direetor of Bereaved Familles of Ontario- Halton/ Peel, bas leamed that often the only person who eau truly help sumebody deal with the death of a loved one is somebody who has gone through it berseif. lt's sumething she discovered first hand about 10 years ago when her teenaged daughter died. That's when she first fuund her- self at Bereaved Families. "I knew the only peuple 1 wanted Lu meet were other bereaved peuple. They were the only ones wbuse eyes 1 wanted t0 look intu," she said. Tuday, Ms Dean is one of those pairs of knowing eyes for the many peuple who walk tbrough the doors of Bereaved Familtes eaeh muntb desperately luuking for help. Her stury is a testament to the fact that cumplete bealing duesn't bave to bappen belure helping thers. In tact, they often go hand in baud. Flealing, Ms Dean said, is a process- a juumey. And the faeî that she's farther alung un the road to bealing allows ber lu belp others navigate as they begin the trek she knows aIl ton well. "Groups dont take away the pain. You neyer gel over the loss. But they belp begin bealing tbrougb the installation ol bope." said Ms Dean, whu was once a mental bealtb nurse. She said that when she first saw other parents who bad gone thruugb tbe death of a cbild, sbe caugbt a glimmer of hope. -Wben 1 saw huw they functioned and were able lu gel on witb their lives, it gave me hope that I migbt be able lu survive wbat flit un-survivable," she said. Humble beginnings Bereaved Families of Ontario was started in 1978 by four bereaved mumrs eacb muuming the luss uf a child. "Tbey realized they bad support before (their cbildren died) but not after," Ms Dean said. The gruup's mission is simple. "We are the bereaved helping the bereaved - bruugb self belp mutual aid," said Ms Dean, wbo bas been the organizatiun's exec- utive directur for tbree years. The non-profit rganization- whieb îs non-religiuus based- bas 13 affiliates aruund Ontario. Eacb affiliate bas its uwn groups, which ideally eacb have six lu eigbt members. Last year. tbe Haltun/Peel branch rau about 14 groups. While the urganization was uriginally created solely lu help par- ents deal witb tbe loss of their cbildren, it bas expanded tu also belp cbildren, teens and yuung adulîs deal witb the luss of siblings or parents. The adult aud young adult support groups are facilitai- ed by bereaved parents who bave gone thruugb a training pro- gram. Tbe kids' and teens' gruups are facilitated by prufessional vulunteers and cu-faeilitated by peers wbo bave faced the death of somebody close. Photo by GRAHAM PAINE Miltons Larry Lloyd, left, receives the Bert Collins Award from the laIe Thelma Collins, centre, at the meent volunteer recognition dinner for Bereaved Familles of Ontario-HaltonlPeel. Looking on are Wendy Dean, left, the organization's executive director, and Jill Hill, program co-ordinator. Bereaved Familles has 13 chapters across Ontario. AIl gruups are supervised by professional vulunteers - peuple wbo bave backgrounds in psycbulogy, social wurking. nursing, pasturing and utber professions tbat deal wîth grief issues. In tbe adult gruups, the professional vulunteer doesn't attend the gruups. but is available luollfer help tu tbe facilitator. In tbe first gruup session. everybody sbares tbeir stories. Ms Dean explained. They sbare pbotos of tbe peuple tbey've lost. As tbe sessions continue and everybudy starts feeling comfuutable witb eacb uther, tbey begin to talk about wbatever tbey need lu. "Ils the freedum luo express ail tbeir worsî feelings. Il's a chance t0 say anyîbing," Ms Dean said. Tbey îalk about things like the myîbs of grief, the auger thaî's usually involved and the tabou subjecîs peuple wu'î talk about. "A lot of il is education about grief' and wbaî lu expeet," Ms Dean said. "Most peuple feel at first like tbey're going crazy. They leam wbat experiences are normnal- the auget, rage. 'whaî ifs' and 'if onlys'. Il's a total sharing experience." Eas.b group session lasîs twu-and-a-balt bours and the weekly meetings go ou for 12 weeks, said Ms Dean, adding that it's au "intensive experience." But gruups aren'î for everyune, Ms Dean said. When a person first calîs Bereaved Families, be's paired une-on-une witb anoîber bereaved persun. "Il may be their first uppurtunity with sumeune wiîb a similar experience." Afler that, if they're still interested in being in a gruup. a gruup is furmed. TMe past decade of helping others deal witb their grief bas been like medication for Ms Deau's uwn grief, shte said. "I realized that belping uthers bas belped me. I didn't need lu be cumpletely well (first). lt's a mutual prucess. This is a lifetime joumey. You dun't gel uver il, you leam luo live again and live aruund the hule of the person's absence, Il becomes a tapestry of (yuur) life."' Bereaved Families of Ontario alsu hulds monîhly share and sup- pout gruups, whicb are open lu anybody. For more information on auy of the services uffered by Bereaved Fainilies of Ontario- Ilalton/Peel, caîl (905) 813-4337 or visit www.bereavedfami- lies.org. Stephtoiie T/iesset <an fie tyaclt<d ut .tt/ttesseit)dtltoýncadi- anthaintpion <ont. Keeping North Haftn tumed )I 'l Programming Schedule - Tuesday, Aug 5th - Monday, August 11lth, 2003 www.cogeco.ca 5, 6 & 7:3Opm Plugged In! 5, 6 & 7:3Opm Plugged In! 5, 6 & 7 3Opm Plsgged In! 5, 6 & 7:3Opm Plugged In. S ,Early Week Editon Early Week Editon Early Week Editon Late Week Edition 8:OOpm Halton Hiln Counçi 8:Opm Milton Counci (July 28) 8 Opm Haiton Region Counci 8 OOpm Main Street -Rockwood Laurier Plaza (JuIy 14) (Aug 5) 500 Laurier Avenue Milton, ON L9T 41R3 f uy L c lf lvso 905-878-9306 7,77M