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Alone on Valentine's?. It's' not so bad By IRENE GENTLE The Champion Love is grand. It's a many splendoured thing. And it's enough to drive otherwise sta- ble people over the bend if they happen to be single on St. Valentine's Day. Sure, it was probably a good ides once, sesting aside a day to show that special someone how much they're loveti. But then the flower, candy and jpard industry gos wind of it and left us with just one more holiday where the expectations outstrip the reality. Especially for singles. "We ive in a society in which the expectations for these types of holi- days are wildly exaggerated," aaid Peggy Grail, a counsellor with Kobsa, Grali and Associates. 'Being alone may have heen okay for the paat few months antd then it's flot aIl of a sud- den." And it starts young. Flash back to, grade achool where popularity is mea- sured by the number of valentine cards received. And even the well- adjusted aduit can be tempted to hide under the covers until the day of wine and roses dissolves inb a new sunrise. Shopping, eating and drinking too much are popular ways to get over the 'hump, but they aren't exactly effec. tive, said Ms Graîl. Instead, taking a good look at what's going on is a better option. "Look as your expecta- tions. What are you allow- ing this to, mean," said Ms Grall. "If we could just stop for a minute and realize this isjust marketing anyway." In other words, keep per- spective. Februaey 14 is juat a holiday. And not even an important enough onc for the goverfiment and banks so take off. ("Our lufe becomes what we focus on. A day is com- ing and everyone's in love," said Ms Graîl. "We can buy into what we think we're supposed to, be doing." But it docsn't have to be that way. With society now engaging in a kind of serial monogamy where peo- ple drift from one long-termn commit- ted relationship to another, hcing sud- denly single is uncommonly common. "In fact, there's a whole lot of peo- pIc who don't have someone," said Ms Graîl. "This isn't about bcing a loser because no one loves thcm." And there are gooti reasons for peo- pIe to be alone by choice. But even if some cad of a patner dumpcd his or her sweetheart just daya before thc monser St. Valentine createti, it isn't the end of the world. "You get to decide how you feel about it," said Ms Graîl. "Choose so feel about it the way you choose. Do aomething special for yourself. Or nos. It's up to you." If self-pampcring only feels self- indulgent, share the pain. In other words, get togcUier with similarly situ- ateti pals for a singles night out. But fun may flot be on Uic agenda for those shattered by a fresh heartache such as divorce, separation or bereavement. tnstead, "spend time with people you know will understand what you're fac- ing," said Ms Graîl. "It may juat be good friends. Then it's not in your face, every- one elsc's cxpcctations." Or decide to focus else- where. "Volunteering, putting yourself in the service of others, la always a good idea," saiti Ms Graîl. "Oct yourself invested in some- one else. Go andi visit an older person, a relative or a ficnd." And remember that romance isn't what makes thc world go round. Love is. "Vcry few people arc without any- onc who loves thcm," saiti Ms Grail. "There arc brothers and sistera, chul- dren, frienda and coworkera. tt's a gift to know there are people you love Who love you.", Andi if none of thcmn are sround, there are stili compassionate people to talk to. According to Judith Rasenen, exc- usive director of thc North Halton Diatress Centre, phones don't sudden- îy ring off the hook as Valentinc's *Day approachcs. But Uic sati may fccl more sati. "Those who are already lonely do mention it," she said. "Ant hey caîl a little more often." Another thing to keep i n mind is that Valentine's Day isn't always a bcd of roses for couples, cither. The pressure can foldti he unwary like a cheap tent "What do you expees? Witt this make or break your relationship if they don't buy you flowers," sketi Ms Graîl. Instead, couples shouîd look at suh- tIc ways to celebrate Uic annual day of love. "I woulti check with your mate and ask that question. Valentinc's Day is coming up, how would you like to celebrate it. It coulti be give me a back nib, or rent a chick movie. Hiighlight it *s.. LOTS on page 17 (30bO reût, Zi.mes. !l 5penè, Vaientines '45 Cbiebolm Dir. 876-4731 ~ bic~,.,Celebratiug a SealOccasion? C1&. boolk our Upstairs 189 MMI Street 878-680 "The j~Fnencfly ^1Day Breakfast *Daily Seil *Chlldren's Menu Sal. & Sun. Eggs Benedici f &»Vg Votaa. Dogi V 525 Ontario. St. 875-3222 1