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6-Th.e Canacoian Champion, Friday, March 27, 1998 SOPINION Looking Back..H Box 248, 191 Main St.E, 'tIuIInrioit1t91fIN) (905) 878-2341 Fax: 878-4943 Classified: 875-3300 Ian Oliver Publisher Neil Oliver Ass.ociate Publin/her David Bus General Manager Rob Kelly Editor Karen Huisman Circultiown Manager Teri Casas Office Manager Tim Coles Production Maniager The Canadian Champion, pubished every Tuesday and Saturday at 191 Main St F Mitron Ont LgT 4N9 (Box 248) oý oneo f The Metroierd Prining Publisiing & DistiiOoing Ltd. group of sutionari conipanes whicinîciudes Ajax / Pickering News Advertiser, Atiston Herald/Courier, Barrie Advance, Brampton Guardian; Burlington Post; City Prent, Collingwood / Wasaga Connection; East York Mirror; Etobicoke Guardian, Georgetown Independent/ Acton Free Press; Kingston This Week, Lindsay This Week; Markham tconomist & Sun; Midand / Penetanguishene Mirror; Mississauga News; Newmarket / Aurora Era Banner; Northumberland News; North York Mrror; akvitte Beaver; Orîtia Today, Oshawa I Whitby I CarinigtonI Port Perry This Week; Peterbor- ough This Week; Rchmond Hitt I Thornhitt Vaughan Liberai; Scrborough Mrror; Ubridge / Stouftvitle Tribune; Today's Seniors. Advertising is accepted on the condition hat, in the event ot a typographical errer, hat portion et the advertisiog space occupied by the erroneous item, together with a reasonable ltemance for signature, wîtt sot be charged for, but the batance ofth8e advertisement witi be paid or t the appicabte rate, The pub- isher reserves the right te categorize dertisemonts or decine. You can't stop them dating My 13-year-old-daughter will always be my littie girl. At least that's what I thought. That special relationship was threatened last week when she told me she has a boyfiend. I decided to investigate. I nonchalantly asked, "Do you kiss?', to which she responded, "Du-a- a-ad". That did flot answer my question. I appealed to her sense of justice. saying, "I share things with you, why can't you do the same with me?" Her answer was, "It's private.y Anyway, yesterday I asked you how muchg money you had and you said that was private. Can't I have private thoughts too?"a Justice is overrated.t 1 looked for another button to push: "Part of my role as a father is to guide and proteet you. 1I need to know what a 'boyfriend' means to you ifr I'm to do my job as a father."1 That did the trick. I was so pleased witht myseif that il took a minute to register her answer. She said, "Yes". "Yes" to what? She can't "Par'ents hiav mean yes to kissing this facts. Chldi guy? I blurted out, "Do you kiso him on the lips?", to start datllg a which she replied, "Oh, 15. At thal yeck." Thank God... my gnrl daughter was back. e m) While there was nothing SIid to worry about this ime, it ......... did bring home the point OH.ARM that I would soon be dealing with her sexuality and dat- ing, a very difficuit concept for most parents to handle. The literature is help- fui though. It clearly points out common mis- takes that parents make, and those mistakes con do a lot of damage. First, parents have to face the facts. Children usually start dating around 14 or 15. At that age, sex generally meons necking. Boys tend to start having sex a bit earlier thon girls. By the age of 17, haîf of ail boys and over one-third of girls have had sex. By age 18, about three-quarters of boys and one-haîf of girls have had sex. Your girl will eventually be 17... What if your child wants to date early, or even at 15, yet you simply don't think she's ready yet? Be very careful here. You have to let lods go at their own pace. If you want to delay it, do it by talking, negoti- ating, explaining, compromising, but do flot tel them they connut date. If you restrict a teen from dating, you are teaching your child to be deceptive. Try to remember what it was like for you at 15, how much a special boy or girl dominated your thoughts and feelings. ve to face the Iren usualiy around 14 oi at age, sex ly means i mcovm This stage of develop- ment is bigger than you are, there's no holding il back, and you are only making it more mysterious and important by saying n0. It is hetter 10 let your daughter develop at her pace, but with supervision and boundaries that allow you 10 feel safe. If she wants 10 date, offer 10 take them to the movies or the school dance. Welcome him over 10 your house 10 watch TV with her. Talk 10 hia parents to find out how they feel and see if you trust them (their values, how they brought him up, their degree of supervision). While you can't stand in the way of dating, sand ready 10 put limita on il, for judgment goes out the window when a teen fails in 'love'. We have 10 realîze that lods will choose their pace and their paninera. We help steer a bit, rein in a little here and there, teach about morals and values, and moat of ail we should be there for them when their hearta gel broken... And that will happen, t some point, for moat teens. The Khan famlly from Pakistan in Milton ln December, 1976 were Moslem and didln't celebrate Christmas. However, they observed toasts such as Eld-UI-Fltar and Eld-Ul- Fuha, which taught patience, perseverance and sacrifice. From left to rlght are Hlwa, Abdus Samad Khan, Saadia, Farazana, Amin, Shahzi and Raanâ. It's the same old, usual dii Ah, Sunday. A day to sleep in late. Stuy in bed a little longer and read a book. Take it easy. Noon on Sunday, it suddenly hit me. Visitors - four, live, maybe six women - were coming to our house on Monday and the place was a mess. We don't usually encourage company of the formaI variety so on any day clutter reigns and the fur is flying. You know, deep down 1 consider myself a neat person. As a seven-year- old, I happily spent Saturday momningo cleaning out my toy cupboard and rearranging cherished possessions. And in residence at university. you could draw a line between my spartan, super-tidy corner of the room and my roommates chaos. If 1 were totally honest with myself, however, 1 would have 10 admit that perhaps my house- keeping standards have dropped a tad over the years. Naturally, I attribute the ongoing mayhem to the fact that 1 live with pets and people. They're ail 10 blame for my descent into disorder. As the realization came 10 me on Sunday that 1 needed 10 gel the house ship -shape, I had only one other individual to tum 10o for hclp - the 1l- year- old. Hubby had escaped 10 the cottage Friday and the 14-year-old was enjoying her- self in Toronto. Thankfully, our youngest did flot protest 100 loudly about his indentured service. He took ran- dom potshots at his delegated hot spots - the uptairs bahroom, the livingroom and the stairs leading 10 the basement. The sink in the bathroom feil under his attack and he polished it up, t the same lime hiding al signa of his sisters existence - hair dryer, pins, toi letries. At one point he carried up a hammer from the On the Ho mefron t workshop. I don't know why and didn't ask. He wasn't moved to, îum lis attentions 10 the tub, toilet and floor, but instead, gathered up the hundreds of pairs of boots and shoes (how many people live here anyway?) dangerously strewn about on the stairs and landing. He then vacu- umed the area. (I dont wanî carpets; hubby does. One day two summers ugo, he laid this carpet while the rest of us were ut the cottage - the sneak.) After that he headed for the livingroom, bend- ing down on his knees to pick up the million of pieces of Lego his mercenary brother has sold him on on irregular basis over the years. What was left for me 10 dlean up were the kitchen and the entire basement, because that was where the Monday crowd of females was planning 10 congregate, more specifically in hubby's office. (What we were doing down under will be revealed on day soon ... ) Like my son, I practised a hit-and-miss approach o 1 this domestic undertaking. Needing special attention were the silver bumner trims and dr ip plates on the stove. They were almost black, especially the bumner trim of one of the elements that had only the day before been tumned on without the bumner cover first being removed. Oops. Bad idea, those covers. 1 won't use them onymore lu conceal the grime. Unfortunately, even after soaking the metai trims and plates for 12 hours did flot totally loosen the gnange. Weil, you know the oest - sink to sSour, fluor 10 mop, downstairs bathroom te spiff up, even laundry room 10o make presentable. At eveî tum I found something else tu take care of. The cats, meanwhile, perched on high places like gar- goyles and observed the silly humans toiling away. They made themselves scarce, though, when the vacuum started roaing. Oh, what we do for appearance' s sake. I sure con think of better things 10 do on a Swnday.