The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

"WhtbFPts*dis ' I I Olympie a d medallists Now the Olympies are over, truly over., it may be time to pry your columnist here frmbis favourite chair. There, that's it, just lift those fingers one at a Ure ... you may have to pull out the nails, he grips so well in a couple of Places. There. He's out, We¶njust prop hlm in the corner for a moment or so, his, glassy eyes fixed and unfocused. He'l corne around. He does-this every four years. Always worse the last day, with the marathon. Meanwbile, dear reader, we'li let you in on the gag. What we're going to do iserim the toughest competition. ever: The Olymnpic Commercial Oype.Ltsg now to the anchor desk.-Take it away, Brain William: ANCHOR: Thanks. And before we start let's make one thing jerfectiy clear. This competitionis about one tbing: poor taste. Notbigelse, matter. SECOND ANCHOR: 'ibat'. rigbt, Brian. We cidn't even ,include Amierian commerciales unless- they' ran on Canadian telev«ision. rm sure the Americans would have blown us ont of the water on most categories. BRAIN WILLIAM:, Notý only thbat, but ail hese examples twere gathered fr-om CHEX-TV, Channel 22. Because in this area, no matter where you turned your cabl.e channel, selector to, you got CfEEX If you wanted Channel 5, Cable 6, iToronto, you, really got Channel 4; CEK SECOND ANCHOR: Which means you got to watch all the local ýcommercials, made for Whitby,- Oshawa _and Peterborough, at no extra cost. Many of tonfight's prize winiiers corne fr-om this group. Let's hear it for local talent. Alright!. BRAIN: Here's our prize winners:. -Most incomplete: TheOlympic sailor who gives up aînedal to rescue people. Of course, he's a Canadian. Only we don't get enough recap information ta really understand the story. A bronze medal for efirSt. Really incomplète: The fool . nhi bis pyjamas9. I don't recall this fm the 1976 Olympies. I would like ta know how this guy placed, and what he's do ing now. aeèarl1y, the silver winner. There's no gold. Dumibest: Air Canada, who for some reason had Donovan Bailey sprinting down a runway. A bronze. Sony (I tbink), video recorder,-for, our rowing tearn pulling down the.runway, di ggiýng-up the tarmac, asphalt, etc. or blowing the competition out of the water. Dumber than Bailey racrng a passenger jet. Gold. Most pointless: The IBM series, of 100 Olympic moments. The'idea muet'have sounded good i the boardroomn: 100 bits of Olyrnpile bistory. 100, 99, 98, 97, . 1 got lost after 31. Silver. It sure put the boots ta the Kodak moments. Most frite: Ail the institutional spots aimed at creating an ernotional moment ont of past glory. Good try, but.the only real moments come on the field. Toc> bad we can't pu those resources uInta sponsoring athletes i training, or better coverage. Maybe someday we'l have multiple channel coverage: a channel for eacb sport., Cut out» the' anchor. (Sorry about that, Brian.) Worst local: There's this guy, see, I don't know what be's selling. But ini bis fantasy life he tbinks he's a comedian. So he goes onair, tells jokes, ("You're two tente"), ends up calling. whatever busiess he represents, the "bestbestbestbestbest." A silver medal. *But,"ortwrswrswost as ta be the'denture cliic spots now running on CHEX. You know, Grandad iready ta bite ito a steak,, Grandad holdig up bis, false tee th, WOLJKNENMID JwR SmmARNE wOS 1RJNi1Ag 8STEMMrEAST, 0CAM7 This building waa consftrutod in 1865 for the -manufacture f tomb atones and fireplaces, and was destroyed by Amein October, 1877. It was located where tii.former Toronto'Domimion Bankle now, bouide the Oonotaph. In the. 18709, vwhito marble wsthi. most popular type of atone for inarking9grave. in cemotories. 10 YErS AGO froin the Wedneaday, A.ugust, 6, 1986 edition 'of the WHTBY Fi=E PRSss * A group of Whitby rosidents has formed a ahadow cabinet to monitor the town council. 0 Community mail boxes are being installed at 55 alto, in Whiby. 0 Margaret Annan ham donated a table and chairs tO Fairview Lodge. * Lake Ontario will,.b. stocked with Atlantic Salmon tobopad or by the sale offlighing licences. as YEARS AÇO froin the Thuraday, August 3,,1961 edtion of the WHriTBY WEKy NEWS *Whitby-born -William Hewi, will celebrate hi. 96th birthday on Auguat 8 * An 18-month-old baby was kIlled when a car backed over horini a Whitby apartinont parking lot. *Whitby i. spray ng trees to stop Duteh Elm Di"es,,but it it too 1ate InMMy, * Whitbyrunner-Tom Tushingzham will compote intho CanadianchminipatR n, inSasILsis tReia 100 YEARS AGO froin the Friday,. Auguat 7.,ý1896 editdon of the WEfTIBY CHONICE *Doge woring sheeP are, a big problem for Whitby Township farMera. *Downtowni electric street lights will ho kept on for an additional hour, tiR extra cost of 15 cents per night. *The Whitby Junction Hotel, a landrnark for' 40 yeara, was doetroyedhby ru * 3.MJ. Cressell, a midwifeand trainod nurse for 23 yer, le offexi te Whitby-resi«dents. SPARKY, the Whitby tire department',-- dents,0f, the importance of having a mascot, talks to (from left) Jennah working detector on1 every- floor. T he Cheesman, Mogan Hoffman and Lind- -Whitby, Lions Clu b donated the money say Armstrong abot theImportance of to buy the Sparky costumie, -which is havuing .workuing mo detectors 'in' usedi prde n 'nthe'depart- homes.' Members of the-department ment's Lamn Not To Bum program. are going door to door alerting resi-, Photo by Ma"kRu«. *hlthVFr..Pmss tw