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JL L»JL r WJMX-WJc3ýTT iiOINMM 10 aurLl M, ~ lmI1 AU5i à WI-rrR I»E!! IWQQ PTIZPQlA-Umar&w.£ People bave been phoning recently te asic important questions. Like, how do you speil«'acconimodato? Do earwigs enter tho humas bdhtrough the ears or through the nose? Why is there Pa er's Day? These are ail important questions. Let',s work backward. There is a Father's Day because card manufacturera long ago recognized that no oeehad birthdays in June. Florists discovered about that same timo that brides no longer got married in June. Thon they both discovered the third instailment of their property taxes was due ta June. Presto! Father's Day, a nice, neat littie markcet. Are we a marketing socety or what, eh? About earwigs: they enter the body neither through the nose nor the ears. Scientiste are still unoertain about this, but now feel that earwiga hatch INSIDE the brain and exit only - fio= both the ears and the naoe. The mistaken idea actually came fiom the second Star Trek movie when a monstrous earwig look-alike' ate the brain of Zulu in one of the moat grotesque movie scenes ever te get by Ontario movie censors. (They stili had real censora in those days.) That error gave earwig a bad name. But how the earwig egga get musid.e brain is still a mystery. Somne experts have *apeculated that watching too much news on television can release sensitive hormones that turn certain parts of the bramas inte earwi'g pupae. To *prove the thoory, one expert has been looking for one hundred Osbawa residenta te b. part cf a controlled experiment. 1 So far he's got no takera - partly demolishing bis parallel thesis that Oshawa residents are atupid enough te try atnytbing once. On the spelling cf 'accoenmodate': researhera have evidence cf several, variations frgom recent publications: acommodate, accomodateacomd;e, ocomadate, accommidate, acommatoos, ad acmodate. WITH OURF FEET UP by Bill Swan Ask Bih Modern achlars sem tp pref the simple;, 'fix Up.' Whiàch means they canot ajell it, either. But te continue with thi version of Asic Bill: wo live in an era of unending! questions Who il; Sheila Carstairs? Does money grow on trees? Who is David Peterson? 'Those wbo follow the Msech Lake soap opera on TV news will b. familiar with the figure of Cafratir. She now leads a political par. iManitoba. But Caratars, actually four hundred and thirty years old, had at leait a speckled career in entertairnent long before getfing invoived in politia., ý One of ber firat rolea was in the 1939 movie, The Wizard of Oz, in which Cairtaira did the speakcing rôles on 105 MunchIcins. Much later, she starred as an Ompah-Lompah in the dreadful Gene Wilder flick, ' Charîie and the Choclat., Pactery.' Again, no liv. acreen apaacs u a youý dony that voice? Of course, her role in Meech Lake may be lber moet dreadful to date, turning as it now does into a horror flick with Brian (The Lyin') as Prankenstein. If Munchkins ever came back te, the shadowy world' of movies, Carstairs just may have another chance at stardom. Meanwhile, she's stuck in that shadowy world es 1lithtat shadowy world, of course, that money does grow on trees. The tree ini question is a flowery deifenbachia,, once valued at ninety-two point five cents,' but of late years turned rubbery at anytbing from seventy-odd cents to eight-four or five. The tree bas proven to be a mule, which mneans its seeds are sterile.! Attempta to graft the flowery doifenbachia on a loaded platform root have resulted in the abundant wondrous deficit. Horrorticuturiste dlaim the deficit net oniy refuses to die, but in fact grows each year even when deprived of food, water and sex. Thus the answer: yes, monoy does grow on trees. Not positive money, however, only negative money, or delicits. if you underatand that, youfre in worse sap than I thought And last but not lest, who ia David Peterson? David Who? Seriously, David Peterson is a politician froln London, Ont., who once had the reputation for being a boring politician with no hope of winning an éection. Yoars of experience have proven that oid allage wrong. Experts now concede that. David Peterson is a VER? boring politician, with no chance of losing the next élection -- unlesa ho does something N OI boring.' Oddly enough, he could do that by finding one of bis Falkiet miniaters who have NOT been involved in aloction fraud or patronage scandais. Security measures taken against 'plaingciknntak B3yTrudieZavadovioe Secriy bas been atepped u by Caaan Pacifie Railway off- cialis -on train routes thr-ough Oshawa and Whitby ti an effort stevandaliam and avoid poen- "Young.,people are playin chickéifwith the train at 'thé lraee Creek brid<t7 between Gar<den St. and lé<~ St.,"sasys Don Jones, a 20-year veteran with CanadianPcfi Olice.* H. aay t hildyén play on the trc= ~ wait until trains Whitby Kinsmen earned severai honora at the Association -of Kin Clubs' annual district convention in Orilia recently. Jim Pirie of Whitby Kinsmen and Paye Wynistorf of Wbitby Kinettes both were named out- 3tanding bulletin editors ta their GaHrd of itby Kin was lionored with the Kin Quill for rntsta2nding writing. Whitby [Kinttes were recognized for top .7atic fibrosis donation. Whitby YKinsmen were named .7stie fibros 'Club of the Year.' Marj Rempel of. Whitby Einettes was recognized for out- tanding zone coordination. More than 100 clubs wero elig- ible ta compote. are almoot upon them before they flee off the tracha. Hé asys that on May 10, chil- dren damaged an eastbound train by throwing atones at it. There is also fear t the emp o ees of the train will be bit 4yde=îiflung by kjs t the faut travelling trains. As wellyoungsters are aiso activating the gates at Garden St. Tampeinwith te wire causes Tra r test go down, stopping adtrains. <e are applying extensive Members of the rocently elec- ted 1990-91 executive for Whitby Kinsmon ore: Don Gartabore, president; Bryan Williston, firat vice president; Ray Chapman, second vice president; Marc Renaud, secretary* Jim -Pirie, Alex Benedek anc1 Lee Perry, directors; Hans Rempel, bulletini editer-, Tom McTeague, trea- surer; Gary Hird, registrar. During the Whitby Kinsmen awards nigbt. pas t president ryan Ch ilderkouse was named 'Kinsman of the Year' for Whitby. Mike Barsam, outgoing pre- aident and deputy-governor of Durhamn zone 1990-91, presented the award. coverage te thia area now,-ays Jones. 'There is an increase of patrols. This ares in now being monitored on a continuous basis. "It seems it has been a full moon since August 1 (1989). OccrrecesinOshawa and Why are up by 30 per cent." Jone systhat people are aIso "Mafily,. we are conoerned about aafety, Baya Jones. "We bad a 9-yeaýr-old youth struck by a train in Cobourg. Ho lest part of ie17ue , we got a eall that there were three kida on the (Pringle Creek) bridge. The kids were playig on the bridge. For- tunately the train was goiag slow enough to atop. "There are alwaya ongigpo blema,» ays Jones. WeTey seem te b. worse this year.n Sa far Jones ays that there have been 96 reported incidents this year, the majority of in- cident (90 per cent) in Oshawa and Whitb. About 11 trains paso througb Durham Region per day. «On June 5, four trains were held up, over an hour off ache- dules, bec-ause of kids fooling around with the 4-ais" ays Jones. Ho aise noei that Borme trains carry dangerous cargo which is another potentially dangerous situation. «AMake sure parents know that train tracks are a danp»erous playground,» Baya Jones.,me ays ho wants ta it the message acroas baud andcélear before any- thingreafly tragic happons. Wooden;:Outdo1e Furntlure. *YTEF- -,e» aHexagoi 6 -I amwoie Chaise HICKSoN Hadn Crall sanded,.1 Co655«8558 S We Delive B er 'BuilttoLast as, Octagons, Benches, ide, preassembled, ready to 1e staied 'olid Cedar construction Enjoy FRESH hot and cold food (including a Lunch Salad Bar) in cdean, comfortable surroundings. Add friendly service, the best cýoffee in town, and receive a warm welcome at... *BU~ICI ~1S K«~SJS (mmêm lii DUNDAS CENTRE MEDICAL BUILDING 220 DUNDAS ST. WEST, WHITBY Corner of Dundas St. W. and Centre, St. N. 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