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WH1TBY FIREE PRESS, WEDNESDAY. JANLJA]Y 4,1989, PAGE 5 The scene: a self-serve g as bar, within cursing distance of the Expressway. A dm-witted kind of day, dark but not y et clark; light but not yet light. Two hours before dawn or two hours after, the day is so vague. And cold. Not ordinary cold, tough enougli to be self-respecting. This is a just-below freezing cold, raw wind from tbe east, the- edge-of-freezing-rain-in-your-face cold; the ind of cold that can only corne from standing forty-five minutes beside the air hose in a self-serve gas bar. The cast: He .- medium heiglit, greying hair, suave, sopisticated looking gentleman,> wordly but gentie and kind. (Note ta the editar and friendly critics: tbat's not the autbor, despite the stunning resemblance. This guy will turn out ta be the villain, just wait.) . She: Vivaciou s. beautiful, understanding but talerant of no nonsense; tbekidnd of smile that makes gentlemen want te change tires that aren't even fiat yet. Numerous others, including a teenaged gas bar attendant wbo bas a runny nose and no kleenex. Action: The damsel (the vivacious one with the smile) stands beside ber late-model Japanese import. The hood of the car is open, se the vehicle resembles a new-born hippo trying to yawn. The damsel wrestles with the top of a plastic container. A man exits from the booth of the gas bar. He is stuffing bis credit card back inta bis wallet. He sees the danisel, looks once at bis own car ta reassure himself that bis wife bas stayed at home, and marches over. "What seems to be the trouble?" lie asks. The darnsel looks up. "What hasn't been, " she replies. 'Thfat bad?" "Start witb a fiat tire." 'Most inconvenient." "Yeah. But this is a borrowed car. Have you ever WITH OUR FEET UP by Bill Swan tried te figure out wbere they keep the spare tire in these foreign jobs?" He scratches the back of bis neck, the way some men do wben perplexed. (I mention tht' for some student who would someday like a topic for a doctoral thesis: Back-of-the-neck scratching enid Maie Menopause.) "Under the bood, right?" (Maies have some of these answers taped te tbe back of their collars. Somte scientists claim this explains ail neck scratching.) "You would know. Do you realize it took me fifty five minutes by ýthe side of the Expressway to figure that out?" "How frustratingi" 'Then I drove around for two hours Iooking for a gas bar that was open." "Here?" he replies. "So I fix the fiat. Myseif. Ever patch a tire in the open bay of a self-serve gus' bar? And I reinstail the tire and stow the spare. Under the hood, of course." "You bave had quite an evening." "Or morning, depending on which end you're counting from. And I filled up with gas. And that brings me ta, my problem." 'rHe designed it! He designied it!". the crowd shouts. Hundreds now jostie the would-be! hero, laugljing. "Givel'm room. Give lim a fair chance!", But the speil is broken. With a kick at the bumper, he plunks the container on top of the fan beit. 1 "They weren't designed to pour!" he shouts. "They were desipned to market well. Don't you people know, anything?' The damsel throws him a glance of disdain. She inverts the container and manages ta pour 'the remainder down the proper spout. "Marketing," she says, Isn't everything." 35 fail ALRT tests Durham Regional Police char- ged two motorists last week with failing ALERT tests, bringing the total to date to 35. Police aiso charged two drivers witb exceeding the legal amount of alcohol while driving and one other with impaired driving. Durham police have stopped 10,537 motorists since the incep- tion of the program and have issued 597 ALERT tests. Police have issued 110 12-hour suspensions and have charged eight motorists with refusing the AIERT, or breathalizer, test. Police have laid 22 liquor charges and 116 Highway Traffic Act carges. A final tally on the RIDE program will not be available until the end of February. Break-ms at restaurants Two separate break-ins to businesses on Dundas St. E. last Saturday night are being investi- gated byjpolice. a h Prince Restaurant at 1009 Dun- das St. E. Police say a front door was broken to gain entry. A small amount of money was stolen from the restaurant. The seçond break-in occurred at Subway Sandwiches at 1017 Dundas St. F..R Rtrv was Lyained in a similar way and again police report a small amnount of cash was stolen. Yacht club theft A small amount of money was stolen from the Whitby Yacht Club during the weeken d. Police say entry wvas gained to the club through a rear door. Police are investigating. How two 100-year-olds* manage to stay young at heart. The secret is technological innovation. With a dash of romance for good measure. Introducing Bail Packaging Pruducts Canada, Ine., a joint venture of Onex Corporation of Toronto and Bail Corporation of Muncie, Indiana. The new company recently acquired Onex Packaging Inc., Canada's largest and most techno- logically advanced manufacturer of metal containers whose roots date back to the early 1880's. Bail Corporation, another centenarian, has an unexcelled reputation as a highly efficient manufacturer of metal containers of superb quality. The courtship led to marriage. As the managing partner, Bail now offers leading edgc technical support in the manufacture and developmnent of its wide range of metal and plastic packaging products. Bail Packaging Products Canada, mnc. The namne may be new to Canadians, but the two founding companies share the samne time-tested values and goals: Superior quality, performnance and service. And like any good marriage, we're working at it to make the future even better for our customners. Packaging Products Canada, Imc. CORPORATION 0F THE TOWN 0F WHITBY ANNOUNCES Bellwood Communîty School Opening Celebration Saturday, January l4th, 1989 10:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. At Bellwood Public Sohool 30 Bellwood Drive, Whitby There wilI be avariety of demnonstrations, refreshments and door prizes. Corne out and enjoy the celebralion! Winter Program Registration Bellwod Comimunlty Sohool 30 Bellwood Drive, Whltby TuLesday, January 10th, 7 -9 p.m. Thursday, January 12th, 7 - 9 p. Saturclay, Januaty 14h, 10 arn. - 1 p.rn. Pringle Creek Commnunlty Centre Sohool 80 Rlbbesdale Drive, Whitby Mnbday, January 9th, 7 -9 p.m. Thursday, January12th, 7 - 9 p. Saturday, January l4th, 10 arn. - 12 noon REGISTRATION IS IN PERSON-ONLY AT THE SCHOOLS For more information about programs and registration, cal! 668-5803, extension 229 '9 She incicates the plastic container in her banda. "Al I wanted to do was top- up the windshield washer 'That?" he says, nodding at the container. 'That," she replies. With a maie smirk he takes the container. 'You're not going ta believe this," lhe says, twisting, off the top with one fiick, "but I an the person who designed these containers. No one in the wiorld knows more about them than I do." With another superior maie fiick, he plucks out tbe little aluminum shield on the spout. "And now," be says, "Iwo pour."l (Remember, this guy bas said be designed these -:ontainers. Wasber fluid containers are used ta pour. Have you ever tried ta pour with one? Watch- what happens.) Fluid blubbers ail over the engine, trickles across the battery, raine on the radiatar bose. It'1l corne in a minute," ho says. "And you designed that thing?" she asks, loudly. M~e what?" shouts the attendant. "Tis I gotta see!" shouts anotber customer, running over. A crowd soon gathers, laugbing at the attempt ta, pour windshield washer fluid into tbat'little-bitty spout. Haif the container bas by now drained ta the ground. 1 L