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The following is a retelling of the story of Peter Pan, with modern footnotes and asides: Wendy, John and Michael were two boys and a liberated girl. One night Peter Pan flew in the window and woke them up. "Why are you crying?" Wendy asked. "Because I'm a quiet, sensitive type," replied Peter. "But mainly because I can't get my shadow to stick on. Will you sew it on for me?" "You gotta be outta your skull," Wendy replied. Sew it on yourself. rm nobody's servant." Peter did, and then taught everybody to fly. He asked Wendy to come with him to Neverland and be a mother to the Lost Boys. "A mother!" replied Wendy. "You are outta your skull. 'Or outta the last century. I'l go, but lil fly my own way, pay my own fare, and be nobody's momma." Peter didn't like that, but he said okay. Then he let Tinker Bell out of the dresser drawer. Tinker Bell was an old .fashioned fairy, nQt the kind you read about today; and she was therefore straight. But because she was old fashioned she was also a little bitch, and hated Wendy and would have liked te lead her to her doom. But Wendy would have none of that. "Look, rewrite the script and Tink becomes a soul sister," she said. "Or ma ke her into a modern fairy. But none of this feminine stéreotyping, okay?" So Wendy and Tink became fast friends and éverybody flew to Neverland. Neverland is a wonderful island, with a pirate ship in the lagoon, red Indians living along the cliffs,; mermaids swimming in the sea and Lost Boys living in an underground cave. "Great locale," said Wendy as her flight was landing. " I wouldn't change hardly a thing." "Me and the Lost Boys will build you a wonderful house right'on the ground, and every night you can tel us bedtiime stories,' Peter said. "Get it right, buster," said Wendy. "No bedtime stories. And Tink and I will build our own yuppy WHITBY FREE PRESS, WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 5, 1988, PAGE 5 SWITH OUR FEET UP by Bill Swan Wendy hesitated. "Okay," she said finally. "That's an acceptable non-violent solution. Then next time, it'll be my turn." "But that's my fight with Captain Hook!" "Used to be your fight. Where do you see it written that males get all the fun while women darn all the socks? We're sharing all the housework, get it?" So Peter rescued Tiger Lily. But instead of swimming away, Tger Lily swam over to the rock. Hi," she said, climbing up with a knife between her teeth. "m seeking aboriginal rights and land settle- ment claims and retroactive damages for demeaning scripting." 'You got My support," said Wendy. 'Mine, too, said Tinker Bell. 'hats going on here?" bellowed Captain Hook. "I think we're in the middle of a revolution," said Peter. 'They're after eqùlity." "You don't say!" replied Hook. "Can't blame them. rm awfully tired of being dark and swarthy myself Seems to be something rcist about that whole description. Do you think that just for once I could be blond with blue eyes?" 'Whoever heard of an evil pirate with blond hair?" asked Peter. 'Well, I oculd then be a littie bit good, too. Perhaps then I might even win once in a wbile."L e "That's a good idea, "said Wendy. "Lets vote on Suddenly Peter found himself outvoted four ty one. "That does it," said Peter. "Fin now a minority in nly, own Neverland. Im going back to the real world and grow Up." So he did. And Wendy and Tinker Bell and Captain Hook and all the Lost Boys and Indians and reclaimed pirates stay in Neveriand and eventually voted Tory and exploited the mermaids and started fighting among themselves again. But thats another story. the end ~rf Peter Pan: revised castles right by the cliff, overlooking the lagoon and the beach." So they did. Then one day, Peter and Wendy and the Lost Boys were all swimming in the lagoon when, Peter hauled himself up on a rock beside Wendy. "Look," he said, "I don't mean to be picky, but in the original version you are supposed to be up here darning socks. I mean, that's a reasonable thing to do. Would it be asking too much?" Wendy jabbed Peter between the eyes with a sea shell. "I told you, forget the traditional role crap. If you and the boys can be Lost Boys, then Tinker Bell and I can be Lost Girls." "Somehow it doesn't carry the same connotations." "That's your burden. But now here comes two of th6 pirates with Indian Princess Tiger Lily as a prisoner. Let's rescue her." Peter began to pout. "That's my job. rm supposed to imitate Captain Hook's voice and they'll let her free." Whitby council will reconsider code of conduct A code of conduct drattec tor Whitby councillors by the clerk's office is too vague, operations committee members decided Monday night. Committee decided not to recommend the code to council, suggesting instead a special meeting of council to discuss the meaning of certain terms con- tained in the code. - In presenting the code to committee, Town clerk Don McKay said he reviewed the code recently passed by the City of Toronto and adapted it to Whitby. "I subtracted provisions where I thought they were inappropriate (to Whitby) ," said McKay, who had been instructed to draft a code by council at an earlier meeting. McKay said the Whitby code is a mini version of Toronto's but it was open to interpretation. Regional councillor Tom Ed- wards noted that while Toronto's code gives a solicitor power of prosecution for anyone who contravenes the code, Whitby's code leaves prosecution to council. "Prosecution is then left to sheer politics," said Edwards. "The limits of this thing really scares me," commented councillor Marcel Brunelle. The code states that no mem- ber of council shall use influence of office for any purpose other than his or her official duties. Brunelle questioned if he would be unable to ask a staff member a question on behaf of a resident. Councillor Joe Bugelli ques- tioned the financial aspect of the 433-1113 code which states that no Bugeili was also concerned te council," said Brunelle. member shall accept a gift or with the definition of a financial Committee decided to hoid a hospitality which may have an statement and the lack of special meeting of council te undue influence on the exercise of strength in the maimum fine for discuss the code, and have in his or her duties. any councillor that violates the attendance a iawyer and an "What gifts fall under that code - $2,000. accountant. category?" asked Bugelli. "The code can be a benefit but "I can't answer," responded it has te be fair and do the job No date was given for the MCCEka.s being a real pain in the butt meeting. COSTUME RENTALS 1 1 NOW A