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PAGE 24, WEDNESDAY. JLY 22, l98I. WHITBY FREE PRESS CLOCA o has live traps The Central Lake On- tario Conservation Authority is acquiring a number of live traps. These traps will be available to the public for the purpose of removing nuisance animals from residen- tial and other areas. The Authority is providing this service as part of its Fish and Wildlife Management Program. To request the use of a trap, contact the authority office at 579- 0411 or write: The Cen- tral Lake Ontario Con- servation Authority, 1650 Dundas Street East, Whitby, L1N 2K8. A refundable security deposit of $10 will be required. "Language is a form of organized stutter." Marshall McLuhan. "If careless thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought." George Orwell. "In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots un- derstand their own language." Mark Twain. THEY'RE MURDERING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE! Yesterday noon I heard a kid say to his com- panion, "Didjueetyet?" "Watchawannanofer?" came back the reply. Did you notice how there seems to be an American conspiracy against pronouncing the letter T?! A professional-looking gentleman in a TV commercial says, "This tooth decay prevennative was invenned by a dennist." Of course, some Americans say, "hut put" for "hot pot", and "barn in a born" for "born in a barn", but we Canadians are not blameless, either. Most people seem convinced that the use of English requires no thought at all, yet if they try to compose a sign of twenty words or less they make an awful mess. A Regina restaurant painted a hugp sign on its facade that said, "half fried chicken", (personally I prefer my poultry well done!). There are traffic signs all over Durham that read: "Advance green when flashing"; I've seen many newcomers stymied by that one! Why couldn't the traffic masterminds just shorten it to , "Turn left when flashing"?! Speaking of 20-word essays, read the following sentence to any highschool graduate and bet her/him dollars to donuts that she/he can't repeat it accurately at first try (you'Il make a fortune, just don't tell her/him that the sentence is illogical). Here it is: "Whisky, when you are ill, makes you well, but when you are ill, whisky makes you well." (It takes a Mensa Master to beat this one!) I keep noticing stupid-sounding signs all over; perhaps it's just my fault that I have a zany men- tality. Every time I see the sign "slow men at work" on the highway. I wonder why the Depar- tment of Highways insists on hiring incompetents. Any my heart often aches for Messrs. William Posters and William Stickers; all over the continent they keep threatening that Bill Posters and/or Bill Stickers will be prosecuted. Driving on the 401 I see some doozy prose em- blazoned on cars. One station wagon has "show dogs do not tailgate"; maybe these dogs should teach some of our Whitby drivers how to drive? Then there's the restaurant sign that reads "Please wait for hostess to be seated". What is she's in the mood for standing up all night?! There are some trucks in our area that have "Lark Distributing Ltd." on them; one day 'Il phone them to ask if they'll distribute me a bird (just for a lark). There are some signs that get me in a tizzy, e.g.: "eyes examined while you ait" (scary!) or "watch your speed, we are" or "disabled cars required to pull off the roadway". And why do those "soft shoulders" signs always make me think of sex? Did the signwriter at the bank study Kama Sutra when he coined the phrase "next position please"? The city of Perth, Australia boasts what is probably the largest area of "virgin" land enclosed within a city's perimeter. The area is criss-crossed with roads that would be a blessing to any nocturnal Romeo motoring with a girl. Some preverse spoil sport, however, was determined to put the girls in a cautious mood with all those fink road signs that read: "Chastity Drive, Caution Crescent, Ruin Road, Virgin View" etc, In San Francisco they have bumper-stickers designed to gall the religious fanatics with signs like "Jesus is coming and boy is He browned off!" Or "I have misplaced it". I tried the "... browned off" sign in Toronto the Good; it was mutilated at the fir- st parking lot (I guess the KKK is strong in T.O.). That same parking lot had a sign reading "No dogs - eating - bicycles" (I always knew that dogs have an exceptional digestion!). I once saw a vehicle with "This van is driven by a blind man". I became con- cerned until I read the fine print "roller or venetian". I also became concerned when I received a postcard that said, "Sweetheart, come to me soon or I may kill myself" until I noticed it was addressed "to occupant". Long ago I sent a post- card to a girl who jilted me to tell her, "Having a wonderful time, wish you were her." To top it all, a friend swears he iead this hand-lettered sign displayed at the doorway of a N.Y. city college saying: "Mailman please leave book which was dropped in here yesterday with the elevator man". Pity the poor elevator man! Perhaps some of my readers have discerned similar looseness in language of late; I'd like to hear about it unless it turns out to be a blemish of my own purple prose. New.vaccine available to treat stray animal bites Anyone who has been bitten by a stray animal that cannot be found should immediately be treated with a new type 3 DAYS ONLY DURING DOWNTOWN WHITBY SIDEWALK SALE INFINITY SPEAKERS - MODEL RSE - 100W PER CHANNEL RSB - 3 WAY 200W PER CHANNEL - MARANTZ - SR2000 - 60W RECEIVER BELT DRIVE - SEMI AUTOMATIC TURNTABLE WITH CARTRIDGE SUPER SPECIAL M.S.L. SPECIAL $670. 00S500.0° PR. PR. 14000, s459.°°0 $700. $349.00 OTH ER IN STORE SPECIALS ON TAPES ASTATIC MOVING FLUX CARTRIDGES RECORDS & SMALL ACCESSORIES. CEnsOUUD 118 Brock St. S. 6 WHITBY CAl us South o! the 4 Corners Durh ii Regional Police Force SERVE YOUR COMMUNITY as an , AUXILIARY POLICE OFFICER of the DURHAM REGIONAL POLICE FORCE Candidates serve on avoluntary basis, 'without rernuneration Interested persons should call 579-1520 ext. 270 for further information of anti-rabies vaccine. That warning was issued last week by Durham Region's medical officer of health, Dr. Jean Gray. To date, this has been a "normal" year for reports of animais suspected of boing* rabid, howover, Gray said that "it's the strays we worry about bocause we often can't find them." Gray said that 19 people have. been vac- cinated with RHDC (Rabies Human DiPloid Cell) vaccine this year. RHDC has only been in use in Canada for the last year. "Unlike the old type, which had to be injected into the abdomen, the new vaccine can be in- jected into the arm, and we find that people are far more receptive to the new type than the old," the doctor noted. Gray said that five shots plus a booster are needed with this new vaccine. Last year, she said, the Durham Region Board of Health investi- gated 1,945 cases of sus- pected rabies, most of them in the spring. "So far this year, we've had about a thousand and I expect that by December we'll be about the same as last year," Gray added. Both of these years are considered to be "average" as far as rabies goes. "The great majority of bites can be traced to animals that we can check out, so that no vaccinations are nec- essary." However, if- the animal cannot be found the vaccine should be given immediately. "It's just not worth it to take a chance, especially with the type of vaccine we use today," Gray said 1119.115