Ontario Community Newspapers

Whitby Chronicle, 25 May 1888, p. 7

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Witt ad Humour. The boast ooru remoyer. the Ov. Aà spring garmet--he wire hostie. & peaceful exprospoe-Give niq I reet. Ego" kïM is ociy a we3kne8ssef the &ny man would macoh rather bu a foel than look like one. 1There la one consolation in being poor-Yoù don't recelve auy begging I -ttere. la lower New York yen muet cat beof hasi to beofhashionablQ. A. firm r.eolve-an agrE ement te, go into partnership, Notbing e vividiy reminde us cf th. brevity of life ais a tiirty day note. Yelliug a% a street car fer a hasten. ing lady je a ort of a cbarity bawl. Man loues faiti in the edonnai fitneee of things when bis wife makes hie §bist. Wabiting for the latter that nover omme-the British fer an "lh." Chicage dlaime te have diseovered a coaI dealer who gives good weight. 0f lte vast arrny ef doaloru only fuel do il. Yenu eidomn hear a man singing "Romo, Sweeoî Home" on the night be. fore rent day. An apartment house. wich doos flot yield any profit muet be olaseed among the "1fiat tailureg." Love is an eld, old stery, yut few of the girls murmur "ohosîtnut" when they hear it. Some on. saye "a dollar goes further now titan il uod ho." Yeu, and con- iderably quiokor. What mince pie is mnade of is a dsrk and gloomy myuteny tb evorybody ex- cept tie cook and the hiver pili. Biumark is reported siok. Ho ie ai. ways ailing whenthie Pruesian diet dis. agrees with him. When an Arab in the desert wantu ta enquire if hie eteter is going to leave horne for a whule, ho says. -Are yoa geing oasis ?", TLe poot'm power it3n't altogether gene. "Hlail gentle upring," b. wrote ia eoul fl sonnet, and it not only hailed belorte ngkut, but it sheeted and enowed. Tsventy yearu ego ladies in the thea. tres htâd watertalle behind their lheude, but ini this year of higihaâs there ir, fre- quently a dtam bolhind thein heade- only iis nuDotspehbod fiat w&y. Sinaîl boy (wbouo ideauet beaven are nettIotaily dieconneoted wilb a tul e tomeh)-Papa wihl we have tire. meals a daày in lb. neit wvend ? "No, MY lson ; but we will gel our' deserte Newdealer-6"I bavent the change yen ean pay me Io-morrow." Gentle- man---But suppose if I eieuld gel killed to-day 1" Newsdeler-"O0h, il vwon! n'I be a very groal loue." -v Br dder Benson-Will yer tae up der 'leclion, Brudder Samnsn? Brnd- ' der saeo& (viao is a nov couver)- ;'00se eBrudder Beuson ; but I bard - y don. goue dere trus' mysel' at pro- sen. H. liaI oonqnerethhirnuelf ijuRreater titan one vie teketi a city. But botui have la give away ho the mani vie cen it behind one cfthi e pning bonnets in a theatre witbout t1hinkuug uthorable tbinge. Wifo (wie bas had lte foreigu Ian- paege ",spes") -John, do yen know 1 amn getting aleng apleudidly wiih my Frenchi? I amn really beginnmng te tiink in hie language. Husband (iu- terested)-Is ltai se? Lot me heur yen tiink a 11111e wyl. lu Frencht. Sanday sohool lachers in Penusyl- S vama puus beir unghly 11111e boy pupils by maklug thein ail wiih girls. Laler on lu lfe-bat thera, thal'a no û9 ose etdodd.rninrte poeli. sud 1dl feet <aomelhing of a musiumn, Who la entertaining a country fri.ad aIdir- u.r)-,"Would yen 11k. a go"tsa beTore dinner, 'equire ?" The 'oquire-Weli I don'î mimd. I had two on my way hero but I eu stand another. Stranger (te Kansas Oity citizen)- "4Do yen kuov if the. Ivo Saunshaie been suncesef iluin he"r evangelistio labons itero 2"V I ie-eair ; ihey have met vitit glorion aseu. I board both have beau iooking et corner lots."' "What ?" saidthie ltoeher ho a boy' witi a slow msrnory, vite had trrod lu Valt ult.1eli.Daine oet lt. oool master : "Gu't yen remember yeur teseiter's name 1"' "N-ne ir." M naine le Smith bboekhead," 'Yesui." "I'Well, now, Se. if yen eau repeat il. 'Whal ia my naine V" "Smnith Bboek-' bon heair." "Hore ie a letler fon u usl." The mistreis lo.k it andf1"ked-sail "Il looku iiké a bih," sald ah.. 'Axârh. DoI, madam ît ean't b. a bu. 0u'. lhey dout oud bille ibrougi thle Pont offic." "Whal niakea yoï tfi0k ltaI 1' Weil, madain, dovu aIiteh pat oMfl oeeea sign, su od tu o prntned on il, 'lPoil no bil."' Seevwuau menantu husvte -your 'vife A'RoOd bhooke.pirl" "(lit-.'1 ltunly wity t Oh rmmtgr S been brougiti np in luxury nev«r*mo"i4 b ue l thal fiae." "W,1l, n Ivy eeu rying te moilgage our bouge forîvro Montha but ste won Pt sigo t1h.' pape". Sr eIylook is siusOpa Three large w VOlvos bàviug madeý h&voo AMOUR Ibe train do gl of a Party of fur hanIers, a Pries vas set upon their heade. Au old, experienced wolf ia not easy to estch ; indeed, h. shows great cunning in avoiding ail trapu 'set for him. But an old Canadian, hoping te gain the. reward, set some upning trapu, wbich b. fa9tened by a chain te a large pieceocf wood. A. terrible etorm kept the old trapper at home for tire. dave, but At Ien&gth b. vieited bis trapu, and fnund on. wohf caught and dead. The second trap had beeu set off withont eatchingit is prey, while tho third trap had disappeared. Afteir long and vain searching the -old JCanadian gave up aIl hope cf diecover- îng his lest trap, and uelaoed himself by having gained one prize fer th. one welf h. had enarod. A mont-b afterwards the. people cf Green Lake, about ninety miles dis- tant from the @pot wbere the trapu havi bien set, saw a Wolf walking on one of their lakes apparently with muoh diffi- culty. It was pursned and kille4d, andi then digeovered to be the very woif which had stolon the trap, for the ouoe- brous steel wae stili attaohevi te hie ieg. The wretcbed animal muet bave suffered mub s ho wanuiered tbroueb the foreet for a whoie mnth, draReing th. heavv trap ithe. midet cf the most intense ceold. Ho wae reduceci ho a more ekeleton from bunger, and thit; trange oocourrenee proves a ténaoity of tifs in the Wolf diffionit tb underetand. Rules of Oourtship. Don't dieagree witb the-girl'ç s tlio ini poliep, or ber mothpr in religion. If you havea àival keep an oye on him ; if ho ià a widower, keep Ivo eytee on him. Don't put toc mnuch twpfet. tuif on peper. If you do you ay bear it read in %fler yeere. Go homoe t a neasonable heur in the If on the occasion et vour tirot oalI eh.e lonoke 11k. an iebtàrg and @%t'esike pa cold wave, tae your lenve Aanly, and stev nwav some time. In cold weather finiçlh savicg good. niRil in the bouse. Don't stretch it ait the wav te the front pgale, end Ihuis bey the foundation for future atîbina, bronobitis, nouraigia and obronie catarrh, b bhelp yen worrv the girl <o deeth after she bsq marriAd yen. Hlow te Reduoe Yonr ExWes. You eau do il easily, and you wilI net have le deprive yourself of a Ringle comf ort; on lhe contrary, yon will onjoy lita more thazi over. How can yon accomnplish Ibiq result ? Easly- ont- down your doctor'u billg. Wben yen hosie your appelite, and bocome bilions and constipabed, and there- fore low spiritedl. dont rush off te lhe fauily physician for a prescription, on, on lis olier band, wait tilh yon are sick abed bofore doing auiythiug at ahi; but just go te thie druggisit's and for twenty-five cents gel a supphy of Dr. Pieroe's Ploasant Purgative Pelots. Take them as dfreoled, and - our word forîil, youn nuploasaul mymptens yl disappear as if by magie, yen wil have ne big doctor'. bill te pay, and everybody in- terested ýeocept lie docter), tr'uU feel happy. The. steamaship Sarnia arrived aI Quebee Tuesday and handed titre. handred pas- sengors. Itchi« ng es. SYXu'voIS-MoimlUre; intense ÏtChing and stinginir; meut aI nigitîi worse by scratch- ing. If allowed te continue. turnors forai, which cf ted bheed and uheerate, beeomlng very ore. SWÂYSE'S OINTEENT Stops th. itciing and bioeding, hoals ulceralion, and in many cases remnoves tbe tumors. Itlal equally eMeiccouis iu curîng aHi Skin Dia- esses. DR. SWAYNE & SON, Proprieoers, Philadeiphia. Swayue'. Qinîmeul eau b. oblaieêcfdnggists. Sont by mail for 50 Cents.-16-iy. Belloville Kulgitts cf Labeur wil petition 'th Govorument te stop sassst.d immigra- To &H1 viteare suforimg from 1h. errons ai nd srlofetyoulh, zervous weak- neus, o4nldesay, luo f manhood, &o., 1r WM sul arecipo Ihal yul coure yen, PUEB 0F CHARGE. The groat remedy vas diaoovered by a missionary intita Amenica Send a sei-addresse enyeid> toe i ey. Josrn'z T. IniuA, StAton b New York Cu!v. nei establsbment in Noutroal cf a feundlings' home is beiug urged. TIi. perfect purity cf Imperlal Gream Trartar BakSg owden ie acknowbedgod by leadlng PhysiiensaMd Cheiitoies. Rin& Milan vas mot sa he.station oibie arrivai et Vienne by Qn..n Natal. ,aud tem rson. A sev Home Tremeut f«r the Cure « Oaatrh. CatafthUalh>eafessand IR"- 21vtr.- Thermlîorooo s. prcved Is bU hudis esss a ent"aie3à4 an&th« tbvarn dit o A WORLD- J-, TEUTTERMOBT PAÈtB or B ARTH -PRAS WARNER'S ý'SAF-E'ÇURE. Menit wins!1 In the past decade H. H. Warner, Who has restoired te health from an Incurable Kidney 'iseeaae 'lby what is now known ais Warner'if Saie Cure, and made a vow that he WOul spread itseret. before the ent~re world of 'sufferers-has seen the most signal Priesf of th~e world's 'wed of a Soientiflo Kidn'w qpe0jfi0, Al nations recognize and wel. corne Warner's Medioine@ as standards of the higbest, excellence because their curative effeots are PERMANENT-a sure proof of p.>wer and merit. RBead a ew of-their volun- tary testimonials. Thtiy speak a varied laziguage but tell a common story: FRANK. STUART, 28 Free Scool Street, CALCUTTA, INDIA. «'Iu 1875 was pros- trated with a sudden attaok ef iver trouble. From '75 to '811I liad twentv of these ter- rible attacks. On the wasy t Sapan, Capt. Connor of the "Genkaî Maru" reoomnmend- ed me to use Warner's Safe Cure- After neing 15 bottles, I had a sound,hearty ap- petite, through enjoyment of life, thin-es te whieb 1 had been a strangor for six long yeans." GEOGE BICKNELL, Editon Daily Tel- egraph MELBOURNE, AUS., trie greist Austral ian Daily, Marci 8Oih, M~86, wrote: "Work of a sedsntary obaracter for 20 years developed unplessant syrnptoms o! ihîness, ef the Liver and Kidneys. I usod Warner'e S&de Cure, whic h, peedily relieved me of the unpheasant symptoms. remedied rny Dys. pepsia, bettered b.? appetite, inoreased rny enjoyrnent of lite and work. It is a most valnable medicine and I have no hoitation in recornmending it." DR. GUSTAV WEBER. of Dessau, Ducby of Auhalt, GERMANY, May 8ti, 1887, wites: "For several years 1 have suf- fered with Inflammation of the Kidneys, Rhenmabie pains. oe, f or which I go everv sutumer to Carlsbad, and Sud a little relief. To this sifering iis added a Diabolos Molli. tus (sugar diabetes>, which appears aller- natoly with Rh'.umgitism. With the using of the 15th bottie of Warner's Sçife CureI have completed ny cure, for whicb I amn greatly indebtod to von. Mv general bealti liasapparently beenrestored. I repeat wibh this my sincere gratitude." REV. HIENRY PLU\I1E, Y. A., Arcli- deaeon, TowmRville. NORTH QUTEENS- LAND, Oct. 15tb, 18$7,writes - During my long u eh tours I havt, corne acrose many wotuderful cures affected bv Warnor'e Safe Cure. Fo>r.fe er,ro prevalent in tihebush, it seeipis to be a certain cure Frotu what I have. seen on mv lateotrip, I sbould neyer start on mv journey witho-ut my pack bo. ing furnished with a botthe." GRO. TIIORNE, Ei l'ramnier, QUF.ENS. LAND, at lptswicl-, 9'pp. 2nd, 18q7, writes: 11 have recommendt-d Warner's Safo Cure te many people who have suffered fro itudf- feront complaurîts, sund ini overv case a cure h-as been ee(ected. Pèri'onally I have used the medicine and derîved the greatoat ben- efit from it." CAPT. CONNOR, cf the Steamer "O-eu- kal Mari," JAPAN, "Suffered frorn Con- gestion of the. Kidneys and Liven, iosiug 4 stone in weight, detetmined ho give up bis steanuship, almost contemplaied 8uicide. Que day au Amonican passenger recoin- mtnded me te usne Warnor's Sa!. Cure. Iu *wo montha use ie recevered hie bast etrength anid was the per&onification of health and atrength. IlGod bies 1h. day 1 teok War- nen's Safe Cure," lie emys. G-EN. . F. NUTHÂLL, of 10 Edith Ter- race,-Brompton, .9. W., LONDON, ENO-., whoe ontraohed Kidney and Liver Diseasej Iu ýndia, Match lOth, 1887, wrote that ho "vima aIimes prostraled with theo eut agonising a'-tacks from passage e! Gravel. I was flrmnly o! the opinion liat I sbould- never recove'r my h.cz2tl, as lie lon g rosi- douce in India had oaused se muv.h diseaee o! the Liven and Kidney that 1 *as beyond permanent ielp._LIb tis desponding con- dition I began Wa&rner's Sale OCare, and in eighl mnnthe I/ully recovered my health, and to-day arn in ils full and perfect enjoy- mont, never having h.ad a particle of trouble since my remrnakable recovory. As this wu five Vearir ugo I can safely say liaI the wenderful cure was per.manent and ja ail te bo attihuted te Warner'a Sale Ofine," -[Author ef "Staff Corps Guide."] DR. WM. EDWARD ROBSON, laIe Royal Navy, ENGLA.ND, writes April l2ti, 1887, from New Egharn, Stains, Eng.: «'My attention was first oailed te, Warner's Safe Cure about a year ago, wien a patient of mine suffoning from Brigit's Disease was cured b1, its use. Since that lime I have prs'scribed il li hundreda o! cases, withhie most gratifying neaults, and I arn willing 10 ackuiowledge and comrnend thus frankly the value of thif' groat remedy." WILLIAM BEDE DAL LEY, Q.C-, Privy Counsehlor of lie Queen, Syd2ney. NEW SOUTE WALES, writes February 21s1, 1888:'"I eau bear wituiess tu lie ver-y gi-cat improvement i my health consequent upenx the persistent use of Warnor'm Safe Cure. The Hon. W. B. DaIley is lhe meut colo- brated lawyer in the Coiony and the most bnihhiant orator and greatest stalesman lu Auar-alie; be is Ex- Premier et the Cylouy cf New South Wales. t'r H. H. Warner & Co. point with pride te lte Wonid.'Round Fame of Warner'u Safe Cure. They nffe'r the above as gennine in ail resvects and true, s0 fan 4a they know, witb $5,000 for proof te tth. contary. Ak your frinds and neighbons bout WARNER'S 'SAFE'7 CURE. Ât[THORS & CO Xi Manufacturers of 'jIRUSSES4 ATIFICIAL Dr. Chase Hem a woend vide meutation sa aphysician and author. Hlm Ms.dnake Daudelion Liver Cure je a triumph of modical affl, curing &IU diseams of o!heb.idney and Liver. KIONY CMLAIJDislrossing aches basek a dguilpain or wolghl in 1h. bladdsr and beo!1,abdomen ; soalding urine citen eb- slruclsd; frequenl domino te urinaseespoci- ally ast niglil, amoug sged pensona - bet, dry skln.yele omlexionrouiand white deposite LIVR OMPAIIPain underou dico, shalcw complexion, a wooy, lirod bl- '0,n heo eo-y hadachéud7 10(W YURD. Maudrake and Dandlien are nalsro's Idyso cueadwheunobnedwlth Kl -~ome-. acte 11kea eharmi, sllmulatlng the loMd, 4yvon etrength«enng *e2kdneya, and Ivla r *6tingIho whco bey. 8014 iy all -doslineta 1, WilhBedeplBaobl4oJu a &loe te vorth, the uuoney. KIDNEY nI- han»y-LpemPu ame4e -LtVER jTh e et l otieffcttjJfý il l r - Ubay n ThPI ciJ e- doIL sion. Pbe'e25 dzum., bI4 &na Applianoes for aul Deformities -of the lin- man llody-.Spinal Dis-. ease, Diftafes cf 'the Knee and Anke, Knock Ree, Bow Legs Club ALSO ORUTCEES. 117Ohuch-Bt. -Toronito, Ont, ~ MBRCATI 105 SPA ,cuREis, "JD BPLINTB WEEN' FOBIUNG. FOR OVOB-REÂOHEB, OHAPPED HEELS, WniN FOR RHUM&TISM l ROSES. FOR BOUE TEROATS ANiDInfpLT3ENZÂ 103 BOMKNEES, ESUISES, OAPPMD ROCKS. FOI& BORE SHOULDEES, BoRE BÂCIS, FOR FOOT ROT, AND BORE MOUTHB M 813=PR à» LAMES, FOR SPBAINs, CUTS, BRUIBES IN DOGS. SPEOIMEN TESTIMONIÂLS. Prom Hlis Grace the Duke of Butland. "Belvoir, Gro.ntha.m, Lee. 1, 1879. "Slr,-Elllman's Royal Embrocation la used in my stables. I tim it very useful. "RuTLÂlxD, Master of Belvoir Hunt"- "Oe.stle Weir, Kingston, Ilerefordabire, "'Dec. Srd, 187& "Gentlemen,-I use the Royal Embrocation- in my stables and kennela, and have toundil very serviceable. I have also used the Universal Embrocation for lumbago and rheumatism for the last two years, and have suffered very littie since using it, "R. H. Pmoua, Lleut.-CoL, Master of IRad- norshire HnntY ELLIMAN'S ROYAL EMBROCATION,' Sold by Chemists, Stores, and Saddlers, Price 2s. Io ELLI MAK'È MBROCATION. RksuIv.A-ri 5N1LuM aQoo S PR RAIN SBRU JSES. S'r upu'S.~ e 1 CH EST C0 LODS3 Tbe Safiest QUI ckest most 11 rt-ain remedyý- .'l I C LOUC, E NGCLAN CD.]1 EXHAUSTED VITALITY, T HE SCIENCE 0F LIFE, the great Medical Work of the age on Manhood, Nervous and Physical Debihity, Premak- tare Decie, Zrnorg o! Youth, and lte untôld' miaeniesconsequent there. on, 800 pages, 8 vo., 125 ýprebocmPtious. for all diseases. Cloth, full gilt,-only $1.00 by mail, sealed. DI. sample free, te aI yong and middle aged men. 8.nd now. The Goid and Jawefle Medal awazded le, tho author by the National Médical Associa- tien. Âddness P. O. box 1895, Boston, Mass., or te Dr. W. H. Parker,,graduate, of Harvard Medicat Colege, 2Lears'practice lu Boston, mahqonsuted, confiden-- tiaU. Bp a scfMu fie 'o. 4,~Stree., ~EEDS!. The undersignod bas a full stock cf jIB Frosh F/o wer, Garden, and [ilid -Seods, M%"l.h h.laselhng M ahey Lowest. Prie. SEED CORN,& S--EEYOATS.- ffZST IB&8 0F We. Bý. P R1NGZL E. tcblng and stinig , most at nightr-wor" bw scratching--vOry dfre~: : alowe-d tocontinue tumors fornwhich SWAVNE'S OIt4TMENT- Stfps t'hveitrhing 2und h'ý)eding, - o0dZr, any es flret, ,oves C 0 uMo g.f5t ' The Won dors of Magiao When yon fiud that beautyis falling-awa&y Try "Deornewend'is Magie," To the eldonly man with hie locks in decay Try "Dornewend's M «.,s A nich head cf hair, [s aspreoious as rare, 80o1tell yon Try "Dornewends's Male* The lady's miufortune whÏeu losing hOn- hair Try, "Donnewend' Megxsu She an u q i d i0klY& 1yD 1&rep at# . Il impants strengil and- beauty, And it's the lady's plain duty, 80 1tehllyou Try "Doneend'e Miiia." Take lime by lte fcr.loc k and. .1111 keep yonn cwn,. Try 'Dornewnen'Mai" ThIs Tonfé, a failunehas nover yat knowïr, Try 'Doruewend'u Maii. Tny this motto lo-heed, Trytliiyen uoeed,. SoI tell yen Try "Dornewend'a Magie. This now fakiousWpn'panalion for invig.- ?Ltrnitand htioultath t Éowth oftiê eedor A iiit aud nsa low e! 1er judi ti lhit ilromains- cure lte deuirn DR@ DC, HAI is uold by &a iD 6 bottes for4$5 bocait, sa d 108 & 1 Sold byp W. B :Ej U : t - s arth oc do- every Id of are- cateagt of t b 0, etc, Atlan- of the ,Deep, 7gular 'aterop gethenr wing any o do Rn.1 et. ý'eat 1Ad- - ad- t, L Po ýe 4le

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