The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

En On We- November THE ERA Serving Sine CARTER John Readers Adventures in assessment land Modem and sophisticated linn liven Comity Hospital in rapidly rcnciiltifi end Why has and why is the Provincial Government rope by these notes on my happy adventures i By great perseverance including long hours dragging its feet in providing adequate hospital facilities for the residents of northern York County There just doesnt seem to be an answer to this Queens Park is aware that York County Hospital Newmarket has one of the highest bed turnover records in the province York County Hospital has hospital beds per thousand population while the provincial average is 64 beds per thousand York County Hospital has been the scene of a per cent increase of new babies coming into the world York County Hospital showed an increase of per cent in patient admissions for the first nine months of York County Hospital has a minimum waiting period of eight months for surgery that is not of an emergency Officials and doctors at York County Hospital have managed to provide excellent hospital care despite the bed and facility shortage They have managed to do this by increasing the num ber of doctors and nurses on the staff York County Hospital has one of the highest doctornurse to patient ratios in the province I promptly blew the anticipated tax refund on winter underwear and oilier forms of riotous living My rejoicing over my long underwear was short lived My assessment for arrived Flat black and cold it was the same as before revision Did I have to go through it all again Well what is life What is time This is for we are born Even maybe why we die And I had won a great victory arms I filed no ice of appeal Last week the assessment review court sent me notice to appear at 2 pm on Dec The nest day I received notice to appear also on Dec at 10 am Im going to be tar- The hospital simply must more beds and more room to accommodate the increasing number of new residents entering the area who require mid rightfully demand the boat in hospital care The Provincial Government has been repeatedly warn ed of the approaching crisis The Provincial Government has been repeatedly warned that the crisis is here Why cant the Government act now by releasing the necessary funds to build an addition to York County Hospital immediately before its too late Its public business The newlyelected 197172 town council is mnking a determined effort to streamline the procedures by which it must handle the towns business and we say high time In the past for instance too much time was spent Newmarket by town councils hearing letters and other documents read tremendous support you verbatim when it would have been just as easy to supply Committee councillors with their own copies before the meeting and let the past year Decorating them read for themselves direct However we do hope that the streamlined procedures will not mean that more public business will be conducted out of the public view than has been the case The day after that received my revised tax bill for from the Town of Aurora I had come out with a credit of No After the emergency oxygen squadhad left I sat up and phoned the York Assessment Office Mr Big was la a meeting Mr NotSoBig was away The lady sM could she She couldnt- Yes they would call me tack They didnt I phoned the Town of Aurora and learned that my big credit of was due to the way remedial Bill l works Yon get the works My tax relief had been demolished under Its formula for bringing tax relief to taxpayers I fully understand at last why my inert Canadian- born friends eye me with silent pity when I make revolu tionary British noises They that whatever the law whatever they are going to get beaten by the political Charlie McCarthys who play dumb And do SID H BRITTON Dear editor mention this The Santa Parade Committee would you the lownsp themselves fund- Eras back- many donations from the I by town council and other Scott Young renovating the kitchen When we bought the house were in now we had no money left over for renovations However we made a few silent resolutions for the fyture- My wifes most fervent hopes involved the kitchen It is a small kitchen about 9 feet wide and feet long and it has not been altered substantially since the house was built in Not many people have such things as flour and sugar bins any more each with a 75- pound capacity When I see cleanser commercials on television I chuckle at those pretty sinks that knock out the back wall of the house and make are used as horrible examples in the deep clean- the kitchen bigger We havent that kind of action tests the pores alone in our old sink money would swallow a quart of cleanser in one gulp Night after night my wife stared at and suck the plumber down too if he didnt color photos of glorious kitchens She would find refrigerator a peekaboo stove a dishwasher a telephone and its chair two cats a dog and an other chair which we borrowed once and its own ers wont take back They say THEY have no For a year though we knew that this winter would go down in our family history as the winter of the new kitchen We consulted with kitchenbuilders There was a strong sentiment among them to do away with the back stairs to make more room like the back stairs Then they wanted to hold on something solid Also painted wooden slabs slightly with the air of a man trying to figure out how slanted toward the sink are not really considered to inscribe The Lords Prayer on the head of a the latest thing any more as drainboards pin The linoleum floor has had several I believe that even our daughter caught coats of paint all easily identifiable at points of the general spirit of the affair One afternoon wear she spent nearly an hour trying to climb into an empty cardboard carton She would get her feet in and then try to sit down She couldnt make it T want a place where even a couple of people could sit down for a sandwich without using the dining room my wife would say Sure sure I would say You cant be serious visiting car penters would say I am my wife would say There are six people in our household We all went on diets Even the cats stayed thin The dog kept bringing home and New foundlands and Great Danes and would parade them on the lawn looking meaningfully at the house as if to say Think how lucky you are efforts on the that I am a tiny loyal behalf to date Finally we found two carpenters to we only hope that take on the job They laid out plans that would during the coming year leave the back stairs as they were but would get your enthusiasm will not rid of the swinging door to the dining room and leave you and that we can replace it with folding doors on you again to plans showed lots of new counter port wholeheartedly our September i capacity crowds To start to say thank you individually to the many many volunteers who worked Saturday would be an impossibility- From the Jolly Gent himself to the Par ade Marshall and his many aides to each industry school club to everyone who designed decorated or even rode on a float to ev ery clown each Is a volunteer and to each we extend our thanks for mak ing the Nov parade one of the biggest and best of these could pos sibly be a success We as a a couple of hours In the lives of the Newmarket children managed to trying the Gray smoking But the smiles people are dropping cigar which appear on their faces cigarette ashes aU thing and tramp- out on the while believe Thank you again NEWMARKET SANTA I wouldnt be afraid to bet my last dol lar that there are more nonsmokers than smokers I know that is the case in our apartment building Smokers answer to Mr Gamble of your paper and now I would like to add my two cents worth I have never expelled that smoking was beneficial to ones health or that not smoking for an half would damage his blow good idea and hand it to me I would regard it space The builtin ironing board would have to future There is a builtin ironing board which occupies most of one wall Back stairs from the second floor take up the rest The swinging door to the dining room is great for knocking loose ar ticles out of the way and making the whole floor go- An area could be hollowed out under the back stairs to take the dishwasher on its nights off A big oldfashioned radiator would he replaced by a small one to be placed different ly The only possible place to put it would block I off the milk chute Hut the milk chute anyway We told them to go ahead When we were signing the agreement Editor sincere thank I heard anyone say that he was glad he started smok ing but have heard many people say they were sor ry they started and wished they could quit 1 also know I hare beard smokers ell another ti er they like faxs blown smoke in their I genially asked spare time build ships I believe him penter what he did bottles he said Q Bill Smiley Crier by BILL GAMBLE Buttonphobia Iff sugar and spice Young people of today as we all know dont want to do anything the way their elders did it This includes getting married- Most still stick to the traditional ser vice hut many modern wedding ceremonies are completely different from the timehonored and timeworn ceremony that most of us endured Nowadays instead of hearing the or gan triumphantly booming Here Comes the With Bride you may be startled but shouldnt be groom only She took it the to hear someone belting out Hey thought it a perfect example of I had the devil our nuptial vowj She wanted the obey deleted from the phrase love honor and obey and fought me right up to the altar where she muttered it only to avoid a scene And of course she has never obeyed me since Another bit that got her back up was body I thee honor spoken by the at me and asked Would you care to salute the bride was an Anglican ceremony and was a bit at sea anyway In addition I was just out of the air force where salute just that with guitar accompaniment Instead of the comforting traditional and often anachronistic passages in the orthodox ceremony you may hear an erotic poem by Leon ard Cohen Any day up to kiss the groom hands with the bride In many ways I agree with the trend In sickness and in health is another howler that could be jettisoned When Im prac tically dying with the flu she has less sympathy than she would have for a rattlesnake mnking its death rattle And if theres anything I cant stand its having a sick wife malingering around the place and not getting the meals The last bit of farce at our wedding was when the preacher being a little coy looked have been we bad last Saturday Transport There probably wouldnt nave been par period without hit kindness and generosity And I know fcei gain to be mad at me for writing all this because Jin expecting any should bnt I felt after all should publicly thank Jim his drivers and warehouse men for all the lime and rouble they went to this year to make the New market Santa Parade t of the last Saturdays parade rasde there seemed to he f trucks with Mg red cabs hauling colorfully de port provided five tractor machines got on the road warehousemen had to strip the workaday equipment off them so that they could he be replaced so that these machines could deliver the goods they were designed Boyd or how much money this east Jimmy Walker Theyll probably never know because they dont I gawked at him as he repeated the question Well I thought if this is the way these Anglicans do it OK made a smart loft turn and was about to whip up snappy when my bride who knew the damn Fool wits telling me to kiss her solved the situation by grabbing me around the neck and kissing mi It Wits a beautiful kiss I got a mouthful of her veil and thats about alt Hut with my personal experience and in view of the divorce rate today Id go further than the modern kids do Not only would I bring the setvice up date Id built on con tract to be signed by both parties before hoy swore lo anything Theres not nearly enough space hero to set out the contract in full but Ill give you a J L skeleton and you can fill in the flesh aave ITEM If either party suffers from cold feet he or she will refer to a hot water Groves who was tIe than shock treatment to party of Santa Clan I ever ITEM It will clearly be understood who is to put out the garbage who will get up to close the window who will get up to shut up the baby who will get the car on opening day of the trout season ITEM Neither partner shall spend more than ten minutes during eueh hours tell ing the other partner what a hell of a day had at workhome ITEM She will not say more than mice a week You never any you love mo any more And ho will refrain from replying tuinly I love you now will you unit bugging me ton ami they just have to have It I know because you see my wife Is a collector She has millions upon miliums of buttons alt kinds of buttons brass buttons glass buttons leather buttons wooden but tons buttons pearl buttons nil kinds of them thin she just collects them Not only that If she happens to have a bad week you know the kind of week when there are no lost buttons lying around lo pick tip shell snip one or two off my shirts jus to keep her button collection from show ing a loss In fact if you ever our place youll have to knock Wo used to have ii doorbell but alter she had stolen the button out of it I ripped thing out mid threw It away None One Utile lion though thats been nagging at the back of my mind Is why there has to be two separate parades the Why couldnt big parade or Jim is Me of these rots graft I think the heroes represents piece were but of there were others I who did so wham reeelv- At fling NX- I Aad before Uses them And of t the SI Johns Newmarket In the could he alternated a each community each year as well Anyway Its a thought In the meantime heres one daddy who preciateslhe men of Boyd a he it full of of buttons accident like this Is inevitable bursts into tears To pacify I imve to kneel down am pick them all tip dont ever sell these female button collectors short They certainly l nil iMiltturi When I in tinned her the possibility that thou to 1st of- these wh mtni t paid for the it who sat on then- and walked beside God there Tiny Jim ITEM Neither party will promise the kids something ridiculous then confront the part ner with a fait accompli ITEM The male partner may Invito anyone for a drink or dinner regardless of curlers the house a mess theres not a thing in house to cat or you might have a little consideration for me ITEM Males will refrain from shout ing violently Why Is there never any peace around here will not hit except in the Hindi have Carry on chaps Ive just begun Theres money jealousy sulking teasing nag ging backseat driving decorating There have been far too many books written about sex and marriage Let get down to the realities to keep them from being arrested for gone far indecent exposure she replied with poignant In butlonless half of their billions arent used for fast ening their clothes anyway but are was about to say did continued And anyway me had buttons long enough wait until the century And believe me 1 intend tit have my share of buttons to make up fur those five centuries we lost at she said of the days when they but toned back their long cuffs before fight i duel And did you know that men used to button their coats on the left instead of tho right which Is the cus tom until one fool who was about to fight a duct got the hilt of his sword caught in the flap of his cent and before you could say Doug Fairbanks Jr bo was leaking blood all over the place Its the same old slory it lakes blood to teach you men anything end one day when I arrived home and found myself up to my kneecaps in buttons I decided to In the midst of my- admonition she whined I need an button Ail might have been well might even have helped her search of one If at that moment the milk man hadnt called Do I have to re mind you that milkmen wear uniforms My embarrassment was agonizing Look I said this thing has ugh Youre sick Youre going to have to the button habit sending you to a psychiatrist idea of going seemed to Intrigue her no She gave In without not understand it that la called He merely decorative And besides she added if you think Im Just consider that your place In tho course of a year a man does up black about buttons And if it takes two seconds to fasten one button this means that he spends almost two yean of his life just doing up buttons pried all