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IIALTON HILLS OUTLOOK July Entertainment Outlook Why God likes to talk to TV evangelists It sounds as If Gods been talking Oral Roberts again Now far be It from me to try to eti God whom He can talk to and whom He cant The Almighty is certainly free to call up whomever He pleases person to person or collect And to be quite honest you can see why God likes to talk TV evangelists If I were God Id talk to TV evangelists too Id talk In very loud tones and their ears would be very red by the end of the conversation Still do kind of wish that Got would stop talking to Oral Because whenever He does Oral starts saving rather alarming things Weirs someone who reveals that he coming back to rule the world Let me rephrase that Under normal circumstances wed know exactly what to say Wed say Really Youre coming back to rule the Isnt that nice Urn orderlies But If Oral has received word directly from Above we obviously cant dismiss his claim so lightly Which means that on lop of all our other cares and woes we must resign ourselves to the strong possibility thai on le Day of Judgment we wilt be col ltd lo before Oral Roberts This Is a distressing thought And ail we can do Is try to take some scant solace in Imagining on that dire day Ihe look there will be on Jimmy iwaggarls face And then there Is this revelation that Oral has raised the dind We know this extraordinary claim must be true since It was reported on Ills son TV show A few months ago as we recall Oral reported that God had ordered him to raise million on pain of death This was a startling revelation and one which perturbed many theologians who pointed out that there is nothing in the Bible to indicate that God Is or ever was an extortionist And the Lord spake unto the people saying Fork over da cash or da evangelist gels It No Just doesnt ring true somehow The Bible makes It clear that the Almighty desires many things of ills people But no one before Oral had ever suggested that this list Included IB million In smalt unmarked bills In any case Oral raised the cash and went on living and we more or less tried to forget about the whole incident But all of a sudden Oral Is back in the headlines with a new sel of revelations which leads one to believe thai he has again been in contact with a High Authority Oral now claims that he lias to ear from death since he Is destined to return from dead to rule alongside Jesus And he adds that he himself Oral that Is no Jesus has raised the dead Well lets begin with that first claim In Ihe first place t really cricket to ask people lo give you million to save your life and hen to reveal that youre coming back from the dead anyway I mean fairs fair If were going to pony up million we at least want o believe that we re saving someone who would have stayed dead fn the second place honestly dont know what one says to Luxe i ipvriiKos it l Oil Ml It been a standard oke J comedians for Hut happens does km is jam and cold drinks and it imp shirt or job is those out To do this tic has more than 5 different potting chemicals Hi also know ixaitly wlwt iin ami cannot be done but dim I to ihi gunnel or If iln what caused tin And fresh problem with grav jam coffee or put BARRAGERS CLEANERS LAUNDROMAT Dry Cleaners Shamrock Cleaners Erin 166GuelphSL Georgetown HELLS DRIVING SCHOOL Next Course Sept 7th 30th Monday Wednesday 630930 Course or Private Lessons PHONE Approved by Ontario Safety League Oral claims categorically that he has raised the dead Well almost categorically After his initial claim raised a few eyebrows he hack tracked slightly and admitted that these people might not have been clinically dead The healings he concedes took place at services yean ago when we didnt even understand medical definitions of death hi maintains that lie has Indeed revived people who appeared to drop dead during his services Only Ihe most shameless cynic Mould suggest that Oral might in have revived people who nodded off during the Still it tempting to believe that kcips gelling bad connection when the Lord calls and as such misunderstands a few of the things that art said And it tempting to believe when he speaks of raising the and coming back to rule the world hi gitllng himself mixed up with it Someone Else Afler all this is happens to politicians all the On the other hand I suppose we to concede the possibility that Oral Is absolutely correct about his healing powers and his grand and that he will one day compost a remarkable farewell note lo faithful Gone to die Hack soon Sincerely Oral work In ways Iheir wonders per lor in Face in the crowd GEORGETOWN CINEMAS GUELPH STREET 1 STARTS TODAY General Junior Children 13 Under 2 2nd HILARIOUS WEEK 3rd GREAT WEEK tjgSil Evenings at Only STARTS TODAY Evtnlngtl DO Dull ALL SEATS ANY SHOW ON TUESDAYS