Ontario Community Newspapers

Markdale Standard (Markdale, Ont.1880), 15 Nov 1888, p. 3

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 (( ROUGHING IT IN VHt BUSH." -1- X ucre was some sur- form of his matter, and ow he had learned. He I the desk. vrKila nnnft.o. eep a poor horse than it one. for your horses often em relish it. is che caase of nine oat esa- among horses, orry your horses you nd days of usefulness, use the horse's shonlden iU-fitting collars. )f water for horses fa not :t as the purity of it ave the water cool, it is lave it free from all im be pounded in. Kind e affection of an animal, int is sure to cause its ug to other horses aii of a glandered hone, contagious, incurable e fdcal in the human iil.^ have exercise and under no circumstances ited to harsh treatment, be allowed to go where nger of being frighten- lar in disposition and ilop into a steady and !, while the other may IS and unsafeâ€" all be- in the men handling '3 Mistake. is a bird of wonderfully irper's Young People- r yards it can aee » and having once locM' woop down with tt« d rise with the victim CflAPTER XIII.â€" (Continued.) ^y husband was anxipoa to collect aome I the native Indian aira, as they all Bins •ell, aid have a fine ear for mtulc, bat aU hi, efforts proved abortive. " John," he -id to young Nogan (who played very cieditably on the flute, and had jnit oca- jlnded the popular air Of " Sweet Home",) â- (cannot yon play me one of your own " Ves, â€" but no good." "Leave me to be the judge of that. Can- not yon give me a war aong " " Yes, â€" ^bnt no good," with an ominoni ibake cf the head. •• A hnnting-Bom{ T" •' No fit for white man," â€" with an air of contempt. " No good, no good 1" •* bo, John, aing na a love-aonit," laid I, Ungbing, " if yon have snch a thing in yonr lungnage." " Oh 1 much love-song â€" very mnch â€" bad â€"bad â€" no good for Christian man. Indian gong no good for white ears." Thia waa very tantalising, aa their songs sounded very sweetly from the lips of their sqnawa, and I had a great desire and cnrioaity to get some of them rendered into English. To my husband they gave the name of "the musician," but I have forgotten the Indian word. It signified the maker of sweet sonnda. They listened with intense delight to the notes of his flute, maintaining a breathless silence during the performance their dark eyes flashing into fierce lisiht at a martial strain, or softening with the plaintive and tender. Ihe cunning which they display in their contests with their enemies, and in their hunting, and in making bargains with the whites rho are too apt to impose on their ignorance), seems to spring more from a law of necessity, forced upon them by their isolated position and precarioua mode of life, titan from any innate wish to betray. The Indiiui's face, after all, is a perfect index of bis mind. The eye changes ita exprea- sion with every impulse and paasion, and shows what is parsing within aa clearly as the lightning in the dark night betraya the coarse of the stream. 1 cannot think that deceit forms any prominent trait in the Indian's character. They invariably act with the strictest honour towards those who never attempt to impose upon them. It is natural for a deceitful person to take advant- age of the credulity of others. The c ennine Indian never utters a falsehood, and never employs flattery (that powerful^ weapon in the hands of the insidiona) in hia communi- cations with the whites. His worst traits are those which he haa in common with the wild animala of the forest, and which hia interconrae with the lowest order of civilised men (who, in point of moral worth, are greatly his inferiors), and the pemiciona effects of atrong drink, have greatly tended to inflame and debase. It is a melanchot) truth, and deeply to be lamented, that the vicinity of European settlers has always produced a very de- moralizing effect upon the Indians. Aa a proof of thia, I will relate a aimple anec- dote. John, of Rice Lake, a very sensible, middle-age Indian, waa conversing with me about their larguage, and the difiBculty he found in understanding the books written in Indian for their use. Among other things, I askea him if his people ever swore, or used profane language lowarda the Deity. The man regarded me with a aortbf stem horror, aahe replied, "Indian, till after he knew yonr people, never aworeâ€" no bad word Indian. Indian mnat learn yonr words to swear and take God's name Jn vain." Oh, what a reproof to Christian men 1 I felt abashed, and degraded in the eyes of this poor savage â€" who, ignorant as he waa in many respects, yet possessed that first ^eat attribute of the soul, a deep reverence for the Supreme Being. How inferior were thousands of my cauntrymen to him in this important point The affection of Indian parents to their ciildren, and the defference which they pay to the aged, is another beautiful and touch- lag trait in their character. One extremely cold, wintry day, as I waa huddled with my little ones over the stove, the door softly unclosed, and the moooaam- ed foot of an Indian crossed the floor. I r*ia- ed my head, for I waa too much occustomed to their sudden appearance at any hour to feel alarmed, and perceived a tall woman standing silently and respectfully before me, wrapped in a large blanket. The moment she caught my eye she dropped the folda of her covering from around her, and laid at my feet the attenuated figure of a boy, about^twelve years of age, who was in the last stage of consumption. "I'apooBe die," she said, mournfully clasping her hands against her breaat aad looking down upon the suffering lad with the most heartfelt expression of maternal love, while large tears trickled down her dark face. " Moodie's tquaw saye papoose â€"poor Indian woman mnch glad.' Her child was beyond all human aid. I looked anxiously upon him, and knew, by the pinched-up features and purple hue of his wasted cheek, that he had not mwiy hours to live. I could only answer with tears her agonising appeal to my skill. " Try and save him All die but him." (She held up five of her fingers. "Bronght him all the way from Mntta L^e* "PO" â„¢y back, for white squaw to cure," " I cannot cure him, my poor fnend. Me is b God's care in a few hours he will be with Him." ^, „^ The child was seized with .a dreadful Ht of coughing which I expected every moment would terminate his frail existence. I gave bim a teaspoonful of currant jelly, whioli he took with avidity, but could not retain a moment on his stomach. "Papoose die," murmured the poor Woman " aloneâ€" alone 1 No papoose the mother all alune." She began re-ad justing thoBOor sufferer in her blanket. I got some food, and begged her to stay and rest herself Mt she was too much distressed to eat, and too lesuess to lemab. She said BttU, tat h" «»•• ex- pressed the keenest anguish ;^Ae took up W mournful load, pressed for a mommt hu wasted, burning hand in hers, and left the room. My heart f oUowed her a long way oa h« melancholy ionmey. Think whi* m woman's love must haTO baw finr that dying *^ when she had oarriad a bd of i!i«^ P nfles, throudi the deep now, upM am *ck, on audi a day, in *• k«fo ti «y being able to do him some good. Poor heartbroken mother I learned from Joe Muskrat'a squaw aome days after that the boy died a few minutes after Elizabeth Iron, his mother, got home. They never forget any Uttle act of, kind- ness. One cold night late in the fall, my hoapitalK^ waa demanded by six iqnawa, and puzzled. I was how to aocommodate thaaalL I at last determined to giro tbea the use of the parlour floor during the night. Among these women tiiere waa one very old, whose hair was as white aa snow. She was the only gray-ludred Ind^ I ever saw, and on viat aooouns I regarded her with peculiar interest. I knew that she was the wife of a ohief by the scarlet em- broidered leggings, whioh only the wives nd daughters of chiefs are allowed to wear. The old L qua w had a Very pleasing counten- ance, but I tried in vain to draw her into conversation. She evidently did not under- atand me; and the Muskrat squaw and Betty Cow were laughing at my attempta to draw her out. I adminiatered anpper to them with my own handa, and aaked if I had satisfied their wants (whioh is no very easy task, for they had great appetites), I told our setvant to bring in several spare matresaea and blankets for their nae. "Mow mind, Jenny, and give the old aqnaw the beat bed," I said " the others are young, and can put up with a little inconvenience." The old Indian glanced at me with her keen, bright eye but I had no idea that she comprehended what I said. Some weeks after thu, aa I waa aweeping over my parlour floor, a slight tap drew me to the door. On opening it I perceived the old squaw, who immediately slipped into my hand a set of beautifully-embroidered bark traya, fitting one within the other, and exhibiting the very beat sample of the porcu- pine quill-work. While I stood wonder- ing what this might mean, thd good old creature fell upon my neck, and kissing me exclaimed, " You remember old squaw â€" make her comfortable 1 Old squaw no for- get you. Keep them for her sake," and before i could detain ber ahe ran down the hill with a swiftness which seemed to bid defiance to years. I never saw this in- teresting Indian again, and I concluded that she died diuing the winter, for she must have been of a great age. My dear reader, I am afraid I shall tire you w.th my Indian stories but you must bear with me patiently whilst I give you a few more. The real character of a people can be more truly gathered from sush seem- ingly trifling incidents than from any ideas we may form of them from the great facta in their hiatory, and thu is my leaaon for detailing eventa which might otherwise ap- pear insignificant and unimportant. A friend was staying with na, who wish- ed mnch to obtain a likenesa of Old Peter. I promiaed to try and make a aketoh of the old man the next time he paid us a visit. That very afternoon he brought us some ducks in exchange for aome pork, and Moodie asked him to stay and ti^e a glass of whiskey with him and his friend, Mr. K The old man had arrayed himself in a new blanket coat, bound with red, and the seams all decorated with the same gay material. His leggings and moccasins were new, and elaborately fringed and to cap the climax of che whole, he haid a blue cloth conical cap upon his head, ornamented, with a deer's tail dyed blue, and several cock's feathers. He was evidently very much taken up with the magnificenc^f hisown appearance, for he often glanced at himself in a small shaving glass that hung opposite, with a look of grave satisfaction. Sitting apart, that I might not attract his observation, I got a tolerably faithful likeness of the old man, which, after slightly colouring, to show more plainly his Indian finery, I quietly handed over to Mr. K Sly as I thought myself, my occupation and the object of it h^d not escaped the keen eye of the old man. He rose, came behind Mr. K 's chair and regarded the picture with a most affectionate eye. I was afraid that he would be angry at the liberty I had taken. No such thing He was as pleased as Punch. ♦• That Peter " he grunted. " Give me â€" put up in wigwam â€" make dog to I Owgh! owgh 1" and he rubbed his hands together, and chuckled with delight. Mr. K had some difiSculty in coaxing the picture from the old chief so pleaaed waa he with thia rude representation of himself. He pointed to every particular article of his dress, and dwelt with peculiar glee on the cap and blue deer's tail. A few days after this, I was punting a beautiful little snow-bird, that our man had shot out of a large flock that alighted near the door. I was so intent upotimy task, to which I was putting the finishing strokese that I did not observe the stealthy entranc- (for they all walk like cats) of a stern-look- ing red man, till a slender, dark hat d was extended over my paper to grasp the dead bird from which I was copying, and which as rapidly transferred it to the side of the painted one, accompanying the act with the deep guttural note of approbation, the unmusical, savage " Owgh." My guest then seated himself with the ut- most gravity in a rocking-chair, directly fronting me, and made the modest demand that I should paint a likeness of him, after the following quaint fashion. " Moodie's tquaw know mnch â€" make Peter Nogan toder day on papareâ€" make Jacob to-dayâ€" Jacob youngâ€" great hunter give much duck â€" venison â€" to fquaw." Although I felt rather afraid of my fierce- looking visitor, I could scarcely keep my gravity thcore was such an air of pompous self -approbation about the Indian, such a sublime look of conceit in his grave vanity. " Moodie's squaw cannot do everything she oannot paint.young men," said I, ridng, and puttfaig away my drawing-materials, upon whi^lie kept his eye intently fixed, iHdi a hungry, avarioiona luprsasion. I thought it best to plaoe the oaveted objeots beyrad his reaoh. After dtting for some time, and watdiiag aD n^ moTcaiant^ ho withdrew, with a sullen, dkappohiled air. IhisauviWM iMUMlsoMifij but nil toiqpns- don'was vne. Thouj^ he often caino to tiie boose, X novor oonld reooacile myself to htt Late one very *urk, stormy ni?ht, three Indian boned to be aUofmd to aim by the kitchen stoT*. 3** «»?**J^ "V^^ ed out of bar wits at the si^^ cf Asm JZ^^mt^iAo WW* MdMk^Hu from the j^Simaanma «• Bay of ^Ua, »d cutter. The night was so stormv, that, after consulting our manâ€" Jaoob Faithful, as we usually callel himâ€" I oonsented to grant their petition, although they w«e quite strangers, and taller and fiercer-look- ing than our friends tiie Missasaguas. I waa putting my children to bed, when the girl came rusliing in, out of breath. " The Lord preserve us, madam, if one of these wild men lias not pulled ofFhis trouiers, and is a-sitting mending them beldnd the stove 1 and what shaU I do T" " Do iâ€"whj stay with me, and leave the poor fellow to finish his work." The simple girl liad never onoe thought of this plan of paoifying bar outaraged sense of propriety. Their sense of hearing is so acute that they can distinguish sounds at an incredible distanoe, whfen oannot be deteeted by a European at alL I mysdf witnessed a sin- arular exemplification of this fact. It was mid- winter the Indians had fritolied thdr tent, or wigwam, as usual, in our swamp. All the miJes were absent on a huntii^ expedition up the country, and had left two women behind to take can of the camp and its contents, Mrs. Tom Nogan and her children, and Susan Moore, a yoiug girl of fifteen, and the only truly beautiful squaw I ever saw. There waa aometliing interest- ing about this^l's history, as well as her appearance. Her father had been drowned during a sudden hurricane, which swamped his canoe on Stony Lake and the mother, who witnessed the accident from the shore, and was near her confinement with this child, boldly swam out to his assistance. She reached the spot where he sank, and even succeeded in recovering the body but it waa too late the man waa dead. The aoul of an Indian that haa been drowned ia reckoned accuraed, and he ia never permitted to join on the happy hunt- iug-grounda, but hia apirit hannta the lake or river in which he loat his life. His body is buried on some lonely island, which the Indians never pass without leavug^ a small portion of food, tobacco, or ammunition, to supjply his wants but he is never interred with the rest of his peoj^Ie. His children are considered unlucky, and few willingl} unite themaelvesto the females of the family, lest a portion of the father's curse should be visited on them. The orphan Indian girl generally kept aloof from the rest, and seemed so lonely and companionleas, that ahe aoon attracted my attention and aympathy, and a hearty feeling of good-will aprang up between us. Her features were small and regular, her face oval, and her large, dark, loving eyes were fnll of tendemeaa and aentibility, but aa bright and ahy aa ,those of the deer. A rich Vermillion glow burnt upon her oUve cheek and lipa, and aet off the dazzling whiteness of her even and pearly teeth. She was small of stature, with delicate little hands and feet, and her figure was elastio and graceful. She was a beautiful child of na- ture, and her Indian name signified " the voice of angry waters." Poor girl, she had been a chUd of grief and tears from her birth 1 Her mother was a Mohawk, from whom ahe, in all probability, derived her su- perior personal attractions for they are before the MiHsaaaguas in this respect. My friend and neighbour, Emilia S the wife of a naval officer who lived about a mile distant from me, through the bush, had come to spend the day with me and hearing that the Indians were in uhe swamp, and the men away, we determined to take a few trifles to the camp, in the way of presents, and spend an hour chatting with the squaws. What a beautiful moonlight night it was, as light as day 1 â€" the great forest aleeping trauquUly beneath the cloudless heavens â€" not a sound to disturb the deep repose of nature but the whispering of the breeze, which, during the moat profound calm, creepa through the lofty pine tops. We bounded down the steep bank to the lake shore. Life ia a blessing, a precious boon indeed, in such an hour, and we felt happy in the mere consciousneaa of existenoe--the glorious privilege of pouring out the silent adoration of the heart to the Great Father in his universal temple. 'On entering the wigwam, which atood within a few yarda of the clearing, in the middle of a thick group of cedara, we found Mra. Tom, alone with the elfish children, seated before the great $re that burned in the centre of the camp she was busy boil- ing some bark in an iron spider. The little boys in red flannel shirts, which were their only covering, were tormenting a pup- py, which seemed to take their pinching and pommelling in frood part, for it neither at- tempted to bark nor to bite, but, like the eels in the story, submitted to the infliction because it was used to it. Mrs. Tom greeted us with a grin of pleasure, and motioned to ns to sit down upon a bufUo-skin, which, with a courtesy so natural to the Indians, she had placed near her for our aooommoda- tion. ' "You are all alone," said I, gkndng ronnd the camp. " Yes Indian away huntingâ€" Upper Lakes. Come home with much deer." " And Susan, where is she " " By-and-by," (meaning that slie was coining). " Gone to fetch water â€" ice thick â€"chop with axeâ€" take long time." As she ceased speakins, the old blanket that formed the door of the tent was with- drawn, and the girl, bearing two pails of water, atood in the open space, in the white moonlight. The glow of the fire stareamed upon her dark, floating locks, danced in the black, gliatraing eye, and gave a deeper blnah to the olive cheek I She would have made a beautiful picture Sir Joahua Rey- nolds would have rejoiced in such a model- so simply graceful and unaffected, the very btau tdecU of sayare life and unadorned na- ture. A smile of recognition paved be- tween us. She put down her burden beside Mrs. Tom, and noiselessly gRded to hwseat. We had scarcely exchanged a few words with our favourite, when the old squaw, her hand against her ear, exclaimed, _jtlwblstr' "What is itr cried Bmilia and I, atai^jting to our feet. **Is there any danger T" 'A deer â€" a deerâ€" in bosh I" wUspsrod the squaw, raising a rifle tiiat stood in a oomer. "I hear stieki orack a great way ofL Stay here 1" A great way off the animal must have been f or Am^ JnsiUa and I Ustsned at the open door,'an advantage whioh die squaw did net enjoy, we ooaldwot hoar thalaaife sound: aUseooedatBlMidaaA. IheaqmwwhiM ed to an old Iwuid and wwt onfc " IKd yon haarioyAing, Snaaa T" aii»Mil«d.airinodd«d. "Liatssi,tiMdorhaafoud thotraok." Thajant bobm* thps diieiMtffs ti « M», nd ite daop bayiMtiaFlh* d^, w«k»«| 4ha attfted off to help the squaw to bring in the game that A» had shok The Indians are great imitator*, and pos- sess a nioe tact in adopting the customs and manners of those with wliom they aasooia'e. An Indian is Nature's gent'eman â€" never familiar, coarse, or vulgar. If no tifke a meal with yon,, he waits to see how you make use of the implements on the table, and the manner in which you eat, while he imitates with a grave deoorum, as If he had bmn ao- oustomra to tlie same usages from ohildhood. He never attempu to hdp himself, or de- mands more food, but wuts patiently until you peroeive what he requires. I was per- fectly astoniihod at tids inttate politeness, for it seems natural to alll Uie Indians with whom I have had anydealinga. Tliere was one old Indian, who belonged to a distant settlement, and only visited our lake oocaaipnally on huntinr parties. He was a strange, eoeentrlo, meriry old fellow, with a skin like red maliogany, and a wirjr, sinewy frame that looked asuit oouldbid defiance to every change of temperature. Old Snow- storm, for such was his signifi- cant name, was rather too fond of the wiiis- key-bottle, and when he had taken a drop too much, he besama an unmanageable wild beast. Ht had a great fancy for my hus- band, and never visited the other Lidians without extending the same favour to us. Once upon a time, he broke the nipple of his gun and Moodie repaired the injury for him by fixing a new one in its place, which little kindneaa quite won the heart of the old man, and he never came to aee us without bringing an offering of fish, duoka, partridges, or venison, to ahow hia gratituae. Oue warm September day, he made hia appearance bare-headed, as usual, and carry- ing in hia hand a great checked bundle. " Fond of grapes " said he, putting the said bundle into my hands. " Fine crapes â€" bronghc them from island for my friend's squaw and papooaea." Glad of the donation, which I oonaidered quite a prize, I hastened into the kitchen to untie the grapes and put them into a dish. But imagine my disappointment, when I found them wrapped up in a soiled shirt, only recently taken from the back of the owner. I called Moodie, and begged him to return Snow-storm his garment, md to thank him for the grapes. The mixchievoua creature waa highly di- verted with the circumstance, and laughed immoderately. " Snow-storm," said he, " Mra. Moodie and the children are obliged to you for your kindneaa in bringing them the grapes but how came yon to tie them up in a dirty shirt. " Dirty " criel the old man, astonished that we should object to the fruit on that score. " It ought to be dean it has been washed often enough. Owgh 1 You see, Moodie," he continued, " I have no hat^ never wear hatâ€" want no shade to my eyes â€" ^love the sun â€" see all around mfr-^up and down â€" mnch better widout hat. Could not put grapes in hat â€" blanket coat too large, crush fouit, juice run out. I had notuig but my shirt, so I takes off shirt, and brings gnpoB safi over the water on my back. Pa- pooses no care for dirty shirt their lu td beliiea have no ejfea.' In spite of tus eloquent harangue, I eonld not bring myself to use the grapes, ripe and tempting aa they looked, or give them to the ohildren. Mr. W- â€" and hu wife hap- pening to atep in at that moment fell into anch an ecstacy at the sight of the irrapes, that, as they were perfectly unacquainted with the circumstance of the shirt, I very generously eratified their wishes by present- ing them with the contents of the larse dish and they never ate a bit less sweet for the hovel mode in which they were conveyed to mo I (to BB CONTIKVSB King Milan's Diyorce. King Milan of Servia at last haa obtained some sort of a divorce from his wife. Queen Natalie. The ordinary legal proceedings having been found either too slow or uncer- tain aa regarda the reanlt, the Servian metropolitan ,Archbiahop Theoodaius of the orthodox Greek church, " by virtue of hia eccleaiaatical authority" haa pronounced King Milan'a marriage dissolved. The Qneenhaa declared that thia act of the princi- pal dignitary of the Servian state church is illegal and void â€" as it probably is. But the queation for the preaent is one of power rather than of right. Servia is the least important of European states that ttear the title of kingdom, and has emerp^ed from semi-barbarism only in the present century. T£ie sovereign's authority is constitutionally restricted. The moral prestige and influence of the crown have been nearly destroyed by the king's weakness and folly and the domestic scandal that has divided the people into a party ot the king and a party of tne queen. The Obrenovitch dynasty rose from obscurity in recent times and its rights of sovereignty are still disputed by a pretender family. The king is only thirty- four years old but, if lus wife were dead, he oonld not expect to marry a princess of one of the old royal houses which do not recognize the family reigning in Servia as their cqnaL The ccuntry obtained full in- dependence only ten years ago. The mon- arw assumed the title of king in 1882 and ootained from it prompt recognition by the great European poweis. Milan's prospects of a long reign are by no means good. Revolutions have frequently occurred in Servia and sm unpopular ruler haa every reason to fear attempts against his life. The ki^g has one child. Crown Prince Alex- ander, twelve years of age, whose education is said to have been neglected in conse- quenoe of the estrangement between his parents. One Qnestion Settled. "Cjus a mistress of the house outer the Utdient" a question of domestio privflogo of tiia first importance, was legaUy settiod a wo^ airo tliroagh a sut institated by a oodk aaabnt bar employar. The oook teati- fled tiiat ahe did not tiiink «that Mrs. Fialdsn had any ridit to go into 'bn' UMunaadp^tld^abovt" "If lam oook," aha add, "pIooM go oatL" Msi. naldoa wonldn'l go^ so tin oook rafdaod to watk and WMdiinhargod that nii^t.wlMi siiahsld to bo UlogaL Ihe judao daaldad in favor of Mrs. Fieldsn, hoiSnff tha* a "" " *â-  M B lusB a rk(ht to m into Mr own jT and as^ug fmtter tlnrt tiM Ooo- lified to oOer assmbon of tiio lam- to 9W0cy room in Oo hooao. «y win aa lotoad IhO' of MUUmIbto aaatite in 0»rMr««haihl'i%. WO£TH A SKILR THK BESTAITBANT BELLE: She attenda on me oft In a oertain-cafs. And har.g^anoes so scfc .. Her^ilfeotiott betray^ No fine raiment hai she And no gems to bedeek But ahe beams upon me As she brings me my oheok. She is pretty smd pert But I'm sorely afraid With the dinem tofiirt Is a part of her trade. Ill not yield to her uiles Nor repine for her s^Jie, For the sweeter her smuos The more oallons bar stake I A man loses nothins by politeness, except posdbly a seat in the horae oar. The man who talks too much gets so lib- eral that he gives himself away. The author of the " Old Oikeu Bucket " evidently did not believe in " letting well enough alone." The fraudulent old bean who dyes his hair has no right to be writing to ahy girl about his undying love. Dogs are aaid to apeak with their tails. Would it be proper, therefore, to call a short- tailed dog a stump orator Young Manâ€" "Will you'give assent to my marriage to your daughter, sir " Old Man (firmly) â€" "No, sir; not a cent." " Jenny, do you know ^hat a miracle is " " Yes'm. Ma says if yon don't marry our ne w parson it will be a miracle." The average tramp doesn't take any in- trest in the " How to G^t Thin" advertise- ments which he sees in the papers. A wag has discovered a queer coincidence in the fact that while red ia made from mad- der, bulla are made madder by red. An English chiropodist advertiaea in a country paper that he haa " removed corns from several of the crowned heads of Eu- rope." Teacher â€" " Miss Inpenne, will you please give us an example of capillaiy attrac- tion " Miss Ingenue â€" " A handsome mus- tache." An old man pretending to be reading in a car does not mean to look over his glaaaea at the pretty girls opposite. If he doea it is purely an oversight on his part." Mra. Brown â€" " Now, jnat look at thoae flannela If anything will ahrink more from waahing I'd like to know what it is." Mr. Brown â€" " A boy will, my dear." Paator â€" "Thomaa I Don t you think your ^arenta would feel very aore if they knew you were fiabing on the Sabbath " Thomas â€" 'Yes, sir but not half as aore as I'd feed if they found it out." "Promue me, dearest, one thing â€" when I am dead and cremated, aa I will be, that you will not dump my aahes into the baireL" "James, I swear it. Yon shall be put in- to mother's beat pickle jar and laid away comfortably in tLe cellar." Ballroom Belle â€" "You would acarcely be- lieve it, Mr. Oldboy, but that lady aeated near the open window haa over two hundred dressea." Mr. Oldboyâ€" "la it politic? Why doean't ahe put one of 'em on? " A toad was recently dug out of a strat- um of clay in London which scientists aver mnat have been in its lonesome bed for more than three thouauid yeara. The toad look- ed aa loneaome aa a clerk in a atore that don't advertiae. A gentleman while in church, intending to scratch his head, in a mental absence reached over into the next pew and scratch- ed the head of em old maid. It is said he discovered hia miatake when ahe aiied him for a breach of promise of marriage. Mra. Pomp^no " Mary Ann, just run acroaa the street and ask that man with the whitewash bucket if he ia engaged." Mary Ann (returning after an animated conversation with Julitu Plumbob) " Please mum, he says he'a been married for twelve yeara." Viaitorâ€" " What a beautiful library you have 1 I really envy you." Retired Butch- er â€" *Yea and just look at the binding of them hooka." "I aee they are aU iMund in calf." " Juat to, and I killed all them calves myself what furnished the leather." "We will have tea, Bridget, if yon pleaae; and we will have a few alices of bacon with the tea," aaid a new miatress to her Irish aervant. Intervalâ€" at 'the termination of whioh Bridget brings fan the tea tray. "Where is the bacon, Bridget I" asked the mistress. "In the taypot. mum 1 Yer said ye'd have it with the tay, so I put it inter the pot." She had auburn hair, and he wanted to say something very cuttme, so he observed; "in some parts of the West I believe they light the streets with red-headed girls." "Humph 1 that never would do in our town," answered the girl. "Why, not T" aaked the youne fellow. "Why, you'd be hugging the la-up-poat all day, aa well aa half the night," was the crushing reply. An amiable young female pedtkgogne resid- ing in the Mohawk VaJley prides herself on the close relations of trust and confidence which exist between her (md the many little ones in tho primary department. One day last week » little fellow made his way to the teacher's desk, and, with many blushes and much embarrassment, finally manatred to say " You don't care, do yon Miss if my pants don't match my coat T" A rustic complimentâ€" One day the rector had been absent, and on his return naturally asked his clerk how he had liked his sub- stitude on the previous Sunday. ' Well, sir," was the unequivocal reply, "saving your honor, not very well he was a little too pline for me. I likes a preacher aa ioombles ther'ason and oonfoonds the joodg- ment and of all the bom preachers I've heard, tboro'O none oomea up to your revor- for that r m A oertain pr ea ch er, disooursins upon Bun- Saiid bia worka, oanaod a utter among liaanra by exclaiming, 'In tbese days, ny brothiran, wo want more Bunyans." Aaolhar elesvyman, pleading eanestiy wMi his pariamoners for tho ooostmotion of a ea ui oto ry i«r th«fr pariah, aakad them to oosisidsr oa " daplocaUo oondition of 30,- tNlO Ohilatian Bn^4ia|unon Ih^is witltout OBiklkk\mAL" MUmoiw onrioas waa A ivanitasaii aaid to do yo« «noot to m fi '.I (4 1:1. :i: riA acitiif ^^^^^^^^ ?«SS-

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