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 ippw"wp c ll I I THE LIllE-KlUr OLtr "Am PkidM Smith in d« hftU to-night t" Mxioiuhr faqoind th« Prmidmt m flMaotn of thetriaaffia dlad Mray. "Ta*. Mih," WM tiie WMopt napoiiM. '*Yoa will plaaw Hep fonrud^ I hey* law words to ny to too." Brother Smitli walkod forward In bd on- cortala way, wondeiing whethar ha wm to ba compUmantad for "'*^"*«g tiia aaow off the â- idewalk, or oanmredfor trading off an old wheelbarrow for a rixth dog, and tiia President udd " Bmddar Smith, it am oome to my hnow- ladge dat yoo believe yoa htM a iti#hn« on airth. Yon beUava it am yonr aolemn dooty to be on hand at ebery fnneral in yonr nay- borhood, whether frienda or sferangera, an' offer yonr sarvioea an' conaohtahnn. Ton stand ready to knock off work in do day time, an' to root out of bed at night, an' it seems a long week to yoo when somebody isn't on hia dyin' bed or on de mora to'rds da graveyard." "Yea, sah," hunbly replied PIcklea. " I'm not gwina to ax you to quit, Bmdder Smith, but Ize gwine to toll yon dat, of all pnaaona on airth except orimiaala, de man ar de"woman wid a mishnn am an enemy of mankind. De woman who emaginea d«t de Lawd put her on airth to relieve de poo' an hungry will do mo' harm by feedin' lazy loaf- era and prof eahonal tramps for a y 'ar, dans he kin i.ffdet in five by relieving genuine deati- tooahnn. "1)3 man who emaginea dat hia mishnn am t • spread de light of de Ooap^l by sing- in' an' prayin' on de public streete, will be de cause of mo' ous-words, an' breed mo' ill- will dan his work for religun can cam- pensato. " Da wcmin whose mishnn am to carry from ten to thirty poo' fam'lies fren de win- tor may biy up credit fur herself in Heaben fur good intenshnns, but she am also layin' out work fur de poleece an' da courts. " Brudder Smith, you am one of our old- est an^ best members, an' I doan' want to hurt yer feeiln'a. Sinoe you took up dat mi- shun your woodpile has run abort, yonr rent gone behind, an' yonr fam'ly looks run down. If I were yon I'd drap it. I'd bring myself to believe dat de mishnn of a mar^ man wa^ to toke good keerof hia fam'ly and layby a few doUara fur a rainy day. Pull de atockin' off de feet of a woman wid a miahnn an' you'd find holea in de heela. Gro into de home of a man wid a miahun an' you'll find aaufferin' wife, half- fed children an' a hat full of dunnin' letters. Bmdder Smith, yon may return to your seat." NOT SUTEBTAIKXD. The Hdu. Whyfore Pillabnry sent to the Secetary's desk a resolution declaring it to be the sentiment of the Lime-Kiln Club that the United Statoa ahould purchase the Sand- wich i landa at once. " What would be de object of purohasin' dose inlands I" blandly inquired the Presi- dent. "I dunoo,aah." " Am you eber bin dar " "No, sah." " Am yon eber gwine dar I" "No, sah." D-|yon know de locality of dose islands T" "No, sah." " Yon may sot down. Your resolushun will not be entertained. When de time ar- roves fur dis club to advise Uncle Sam to buT- real estate we well telephone you." Wbyfore sat down, but ha was not cmsh- ad. He privately informed Elder Toota that it looked like a triok to deprive him ot prestige, and that he intended to writo the resolution on a postal card and fonrard It to Washington. HADK A BBFORT. The Committee on Ezplosivea made a re- port through the Chairman. Torpedo John- aon, which atartled even tiia 'oldest mem- bars. The committee had been asked to investigato and report en the query " Sup- pose that 100 pounds of nitro-glyoerine was exploded under Paradlae Hall What would bethcfiff'c^?" Tne report stated tuat, after a series cf careful expariments on .boxes, barrels and wood sheds, the committee had come to the conclnsion that â€" 1. The hall would ba lifted 200 feet into the air. 2. In striking the earth again the jar would knock down every stove-pipe, amaah moat of the relica in the muaeum, ana ahake off at least firty yarda of plaaterbag. 3. Tbe President acd other offioera occupy- ing the center of the hall would be Inatant- ly kUled. 4. Giveadam Jones, Samuel Shin, Shin- dig Watkina and the Hon. Cabiff would be blown into Canada and probably more or less irjired. 5 Every almanac in the library would be totally destroyed, the new two-ahUling water pail blown to atoma and serious doubts ex Utod if the lamp chimney would bear the strain. Several members startod for the door be- fore the report was fairly ended, but the President rapped in a vigorous manner and calle(^ out "Ebery one o' yoa' uns sot dovmJ De fust man who tries to evade bein' blown up by 100 pounds of nitro-glyoerine will re- ceive mort^ injuries from another sanroa I Da report am 'oepted an' 'dopted. " THBT ABX "sot." The Rev. Penstock wanted to inquire, on behalf of 6 000 000 oolorad paopla, if the two beur trapa owned by the dab ware night- ly sat at the lower doors and in rasdineaa to protect the hidl from arll-disposad people. Samuel Shin, on whom this doty dev olvas, was happy to bfonn tiia Baverend that tha tranwara nightly "sot" and baltad with plngtoMeao. AioraDKD. On motion of Waydown Baliaa by-law No. 1IM63 SMamendadsoaatorsad "Any par- MB ooiniBg bafora ttiis olab Willi a slaYa ar P,tiinMt liMiMMmt*' to oora o fallbl a i Ba riullBatbaMmlttad to azpailmaut nntD ha Ima giraa Mods in tlia som of 925, and tha first ezperbMBto shall be made on tha l^gl of namban wIm h* Ib ancan for OAK^ DO n. Ciumoety Jonaa, Atfeoniav-Ganaral far tha dnh. than aanooaoad that ha had looked up Shakwte tha eaM aad saAfaflad hiiMalf thirt â- ava^Aarwbot by aoeldant or mirtaka, Atitmmi m rfivar qnartsr into tta oootaiba- ^^^^fSmM*d«f abattoa. ooold not •- sBoaptl^ baig^aririag Iha HOUSEHOLD; 'DOirflOBWIYEB D.u' datorb yaur h«abaad whOa Im b raaAiw baa soanSag m araniDg paper by aauiut foolUi qasatlrms Ha may bs on^ nag tha lattak aeaadal or dWoroa smt,bntliaia jnst aa mntt iBtarasfead M liunigh it were foreign aawa ar markat r*: porta. Ba patiant. and when ha ooaaa aoroas aoytiting ha tlilnks yoa oan oompra- hend parliaps ha may read it to yoa. Don't communicato unpleasant news or ask a favor before eating. The heart is not aadly tonohad when tha stomaoh is empty. Don'^ever tell a man he ia 'good-looking. Someother wo nan probably mil aometime andintliat case he won't .know that her opinioh concurs with yours. He carries a pookei;hand glass, and he will shortly be- come addicted to pjamas. 'Djn't ever toll a man he has pretty legs Men who have been known to bear up under facial ocmplimenta fail.oompletcly when they realise their legs are n'otloeably good. Don't put' the mornbig paper at the bot- tom of the pile, and don't have more thtm a dozen different places for the button-hook. Don't impose upon your husband just becanae he ia gcod enough to aaaiit you a little in your houaewoik D3n't leave Ihe stove handle on tbe red-hot atove.aad don't aak him to empty tbe a«h-bod Draw a line on the aah-hod, and doa't run a free horse to death. Dm't gather all his reoeipte and notes that he has put cate!«lly away on the ait- tinx-room table, â€" and tuck them in the fire the moment his back ia turned. Don't moi^oplize every hook in the closet. Graciously tender bim one nail for bis very own â€" and then, in mercy, hang your "Mother Hubbard," your pelerine, yonr shopping-bag and yonr bonnet some other place Dan't be inexplicit in giving directions. When you ask him to go up stairs for your portemonnaie, toll him it is either on the table, or in the further corner of the left- hand side of the upper bureau drawer, or in the pocket of your brown dress in the closet. He will have no trouble in finding it â€" if you can tell him jnst where it is, aspeoially the pooket. Don't aak him where he has been the mo- ment he enters the house, or where he is going if he starto out for a walk before breakfast. It nettles him, and men hate to have such pointed questions sprang upon them. Besides that, we live under a free flag. f Djn't ask him to walk the floor with the baby half the night. A man who tramps indnstriou-ly around the billiard table throe nighto in the week or buys an admission ticket to the opera can't be expeotod to be on duty at home the other three nighto. Have msroy on him and give the man an opportunity to reonperato. Don't wasto your breath in useless vitn- peration asidnst his favorite chum. Galtl- vato the daum yourselfâ€" ostensibly â€" when your husband is not around, and mattors will asaune a different aspect. Don't put pins in year curl papera or let yonr crimping pins dangle on yonr forehead. They are abominations and feminine imple- ments of warfare that men despise. Don't leave hair in the comb or your neck curls where they will stick to his hair brush. Ddn't put a long hair in the soap or in his tooth'bmah puipoaely. Don't mend hia hosiery with cotton hay- log knoto in It larger than a pea. Don't scold him because he leaves ashes luihis pipa. One of the privileges of a mar- ried man is to leave an old pi[e full ashes in jnst the a position to empty the oontento on the window sill or the mantolpieoe the moment it is tonched. Don't indulge in flighto of tamper when yonr husband saggeats how his mother did. If be objects to having egga boiled in the tea kettle, and prefera them waahed previ- oua to cooking, endeavor to pleaae lum by indulging him in hia fanciea. In the mean- time bring your sons up aa carefully aa you can, and when they are married, you your- aelf will donbtleaa be held up aa an example of virtaa and revenga ia aweet. Don't be too prodigal in the uae of kind- ling wcod. There ia no fruit of his toil that a man guarda.as jealously as'he does his kind- ling wood. He wonld fain pnt it where thieves break not through and steal. So, j oat becanae you have free acceaa to it, don't onm up enough to last a week in one day. Tha Ghoioa Becipes. Jumbles â€" Halt a pound of butter, half a pound of augar, half a pound of flour, two egga. Cream butter and sugar together, then add the eggs without having been beat- en stir all well together, then add the flour. Boll out with your handa in round atrips half an inch thick and two inchea long, and join the two enda tegether, forming them into linga. Bake in a quick oven in bnttor- ed tins, keeping them a good distance apart. They are very nice. Cbbau Puffs fob Daisy. â€" The following is very nice for a family of four I uae but half Stir into a pint of boiling water three cups oi flour and one cup of batter rubbed smooth. When cool stir In five egga and bake in small tins, half-fillad, about fifteen minutes. Cream Two *egga, one cup of augar, a small cap of flonr boiled with a pint of milk until thick. Flavor to tha tasto. Splitthe pnffi and spread the oream between. Will soma oaa pleasa give ma a goad raoipa for ohiohan salads I To Maks Ysast.â€" Taka three ar foar goodslaed potatooa, para and m^ tham in a ooaraa grator; have a katHa of balling water, paor it on tha mnsh antO yea have two qcarto vl the potato ataroh thoa add ana tablaapoflBfalaf salt, the aama af sugar Lat it oool, tiisB pat a cup of goad yaasL m dissolve one oaka of oompraaaad yeast. Su. and piaoa h whara It will ba warn, but not llOAa Sbukfast BoLLs.-Ona quart of floor Into whioh a littU sah aad^thsTtaasM^! fnla baldnc powder have been rifled, half a taUoapooaOal aaoha«di al batfearTind laid INVALIDS' HOTELeSURGICAL INSTITUTE No. 663 Main street, BUFFAI,0,N. Y, Not a Hospital, but a pleasant Remedial Home, organized with A FULL STAFF OF EIGHTEEN PHYSICIANS AND SURGEON^ And exclnsiyely deroted to the treatment of all Clironie Diseases. This ImoosiDR Establishment was deslgrned and erected to accommodate the largre number of invalids who visit Buffalo fâ„¢ every State and Territory, as well as from many foreim lands, that they may avaU themselves of the Professional senicZ the Staff of sloUed specialists in medicine and surgery that compose the Faculty of this widely-celebrated institution. NOT AI^^WAYS NECESSARY TO SEE PATIENTS. By our original system of diagnosis, we can treat many chronio disuses just as successfully without as with a personal con- sultation. While we ate always glad to see our patients, and become acquainted with them, show them our institutions, and familiarize them with our system of treatment, yet we have not seen one person in five hundred whom we have cured. The per- fect accuracy with which scientists are enabled to deduce the most minute particulars In their several departments, appears almost miraculous, if we view it in the Ugiit of the early ages. Take for example, the electro-magnetic telegraph, the greatest invention of the age. Is it not a marvelous degree of accuracy which enables an operator to exactly locate a fracture in a sub- marine cable nearly three thousand miles long? Our venerable " clerk of the weather " has lecome so thoroughly familiar with the most wayward elements of nature that he can accurately predict their movements. He can sit in Washington and foretell what the weather will bo in Florida or New York as well as if several hundred miles did not intervene between him and the places named. And so in all departments of modem science, what is required is the knowledge of certain 8(0718. From these scientists leduoe accurate con- clusions regardless of distance. So, also, iu medi- cal science, diseases have c?rtain unmistakable signs, or symptoms, and by re ason of this fact, we have been enabled to originate and perfect a sys- â-  tem of determining, with the greatest accuracy, the nature of chronic diseases^ without seeing and personally ezaminhisr our Mtlents. In recognizing diseases without 1 personal examination of the patient, we claim to cosBew nJ miraculous powers. We obtain our knowledge of the dShS disease by the practical application, to tbe practice of iS cine, of well-established principles of modern science, jbdii is to the accuracy with which this system has endowed ustte we owe our almost world-wide reputation of skillfully traaJ lingering or chronic affections. This system of praeticeiS the marvelous success which has been atM thnough it, demonstrate the fact that cten display certain phenomena, which, being mii. jected to scientific analysis, furnish abundu and unmistakable data, to guide tbe judmot of the skillful practitioner aright in detenniniar the nature of diseased conditions. The most ample rmm for treating lingerinf or chronic diseases, and the greatta skt are thus placed within the easy reach of every invalid, howna distant he or she may reside from the jphygicians making the tm. ment of such affections a specialty. Full particulan of ouroiti. nal, scientific system of examining and treating patients atifr tance are contained in "Tlie People's Common Seme medical Ad-vlaer." By R. V. Pierce, M. D. 1000 pages and over 300 colored and other illustrations. Sent, post-paid, for |11 Or write and describe your symptoms, inclosing ten ceilte in stamps, and a complete treatise, on your particular dis(a«e,til be sent you* with our terms for treatment and all particulan OUR FIZaUD OF SUGCiaSS. TmoAT AND Lung Disuses. Recognizing the fact that no great Institu- NiSIL THMIT '°° dedicated exclusively to the treatment IM«Mi| I nniMI of chronic diseases, would meet the needs of the affiicted of our land, without the most perfect, complete and extensive provision for the most improved treatment of diaeaaes of Cite alr-pasaagea and lungs, such as â€" â€" â€" Clironic Nasal XSatarrb, Xiaryna- itis, Broncbitis, Asthma, and Conanmption, we have made this branch of our institution one of the leading Depart- ments. We have every kind of useful instrument for ezamming the orgaiu involved, such as rhinoscopes, laryngoscopes, stetho- scopes, roirometets, etc., etc, aa well as all of the most approved kinds of apparatus for the application of sprays, fiunigations, atomizatlons, pulverizations, inhalations, and aU other fonns M approved medicinal applications. We publish three separate books on Nasal, Throat and Lung .diSMses, viz.: A Treatise on Consumption, Laryngitis and Br^ "^hifas; pnce, postpaid, ten cents; A treatise on Asthma, or Phthisic, giving new and successful treatment; price, postpaid, two cento.' '***** °° Chronio Nasal Catarrh, prioel pos^d. Dyspepsia, **IiTer Complaint,** Ob. atlnate Coustlpation, Cbroulc Diar- rhea, Tape-worma, and kindred affections are among those chronic diseases in the suo- c^mi treatment of which our spccialiste have attained unparalleled success. Many of the dis- trihnHno. i„ ,„«, «8es affecting the liver and other organs con- tributing in their functions to the process of digestion, are verv obscure, and are not infreqently mistaken bvK laymen and physicians for other maladies. anS treatment is CMloy^ dlrert^ tottie removal of a disease which does not cxi^T^urCornDl^ rfteatise on diseases of the Digestive Orgmis vrtll besent toMv address on rec eipt of ten centsln postage stamps. ^â- â- 'â- '^n t^i*!.®™?'^* DISEASE, DIABETES, and KinNPV "kindred maladies, have been very largely tinted "'" and cures effected in thousandsofcaroswl^^ S^?HKr°S?"S'^- ^y^f^^, hope. The study and «^reSff£!ii!S^SF--- gn«iS^iV"P"^^?"lu?ldro'S|»th' |.«.SF1."3?*^ES AND vnisAmr wm. Ikmn iBUtEt. I _^lP'!*Vtte 0«MtT«lalOHa. A» VI*- whioh one of onr TtmSm tosrai^ ^^ wenuiiytaOTr iseuu usa ueam ui |BumiRE.Hi home physicians) has the benefit of a full Council, oompoaedof skilled specialiste. Our Department and rooms for ladies in Ike Invalids Hotel and Surgical Institute are so arranged as to h very private, and free from the annoyances so common hiotta institutions. Send ten cents m postage stamps for our Ittp Complete Treatise on Diseases of women, illustrated with duii» rouB wood-cuts and colored plates. â- ^^^H PILES, FIST1TIA IN ANO. and other ft |i„ eases affecting the region of the lower bowelut riLL largely treated, and with marvelous success, Ij specialists, who give their whole time tothestur and treatment 01 this class of fiffcctions. We new fail to cure pile tumors, however large. Whra* patient can cxjme here for treatment, we will irnaraatee a cure. .w Fortunately for suffering humanity, a method of treatnent nj been perfected and thoroughly tested m our institutions, by wM in from six to fifteen days radical and perfect cures of the »(» forms of piles are effected without causing any severe suflmj Send ten cents in stamps for our large illustrated TreatBeonna Hernia (Breach), or Rnptnre, no m^ « how long standing, of what size, or what tueip of the patient may be (if not under four jtanii ipeedily and radically cured n"«2 case undertaken by onr ,«P""i'" witbont the hnlfe, witbont dependence IP** trasses, nrlthont pain, and without danger. TuDfllU llUIV There is no longer any need ol wMriBg« I HnUW AWAl awkward, chafing, old trusses, which, at beftP" TDlieece only partial relief. wTiich never cure, but ofteninw I NUo.otS. great injury and induce inflammation and Btraup" tion, from which thousands annually die. IIat There is no safety in depending upon any kjnd of nUI though, no doubt, every man who Iw^^'^^'If J^Jfafc blR of a strangulated hernia, and died, thought him^aj OlrL Both the rupture and the truss keep up a mentamiTO^ induce nervous debUity and various organic weafinetfo " kidneys, bladder, and associate organs. riAo, CUBES GUARANTEED in every case ""is Can any sufferer ask for greater inducements than tn^- j^ jk Notwithstanding the great number of ruptures trMiâ„¢,, three years past, many of them of immense «zf.«"i.iiirii»it character that no other plan of treatment coV'°,PT:!^tB8l succeeded, every case to which this Frleeted syHem w ^|^ has been thoroughly lapplied, has Det-n-PfrftStijc^e^ j few days resident at the InvaUds' Hotel and Surpcal mw^ iwelBj Abundiant references, by permission of t]io^,7°£^t)r «* cured, will be fiunished to any one wishing to cau upo" them. aAATfS op" An Illustrated treatise on Rupture sent to any aaonâ„¢ receipt af ten cents. " ^MMtv prem"'?^ Organic weakness, nervous debibty.^ decline of the manly poy^^rs, imoi^^j^j^ losses, and k.ndred affections are spenw oughly and permanently cured, .^^trrtsosi^^ •fo fiiose acquainted ,^'th our ln*K[B ^^^^ hardly necessary to sav that thcIn^au^i,Bi^* Surgical Institute, with the branch eeg^ located at No. 3 New Oxford Street, liondon, mpj^^ Unction of ban? t""",!,! for* for many years, enjoyed the distinction 1 fforldfwj iur iiuuiy years, enjoyea ine aiBuuuiiu" v.^ ".-"tupaamiiijj patronized and widely celebrated institutions 'n.tPVpnyoaOl* tr^tment and cure of those affections whi^anse uv- in^Boretions and pernicious, solitary practices. ^^g,t ftr oj ^We, many years ago, established a special De^Tof eco" teeatment ol^ these aSeases, under the man?«'l'Sr Staff. i» toe 'nost skillful physicians and surgeons on ow^,ip thf U who apply to us might receive all the ad^anuns Co. cU of the most expie^nced medical men. ^-.^0^1 Wc ncCCD We offer no apology for deyotiBgW^ ieB|jg nt yrrtn tion to this neglected cla« ofd^^w'J Hn inMIMV no condition of humanity is tM «» „oUee2 NO APOLOBT. the sympathy and best sen ic« « "tlK*25 fession to which we belong. Many w^o suffer iro«^ „« "J I dtaeases oontraot them innocentiy.^ Why a^y men ^^ on doing good, and alleviating suffering, fnoH/Scider tt^iri we oannot^lmagine. Why any one shoiiM ^°g,eBe *iS than most honorable to cure the worst cases "l^wWS'5. onmot understand and yet of all toe other ma^^ jg p mankind tbere are probably none about wlucn f« ^.j cndpraotioe know so little. tw ii«rUiolo». S?5»S We folly agree with tbe oelebiated ^iJ^l^m^Zt* tttok Ita tepnuOx to our profession that tt»^ ,^1JV ttea. In a measure by our own Ig^S^e jg?i»^ I the**" mdraistrated Treatise on t" 1 receipt of ten cents ^l^f^ft^^* mci DIBBASES A SPECI^oB (LTvC fsrtav from j^^ UMse delicate diseases. Omr Qompleteai to any address cm I 3»*»T«iinthe I»«««'^,Sg"?gJSPc^arattention»^^,, icn V^ Surgical JS;t*r MiinDiSPEISIRfMElUC^^ «es MWa Bttee*. VO** mm mmmM