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 m Whbh you fall down and bnmp yonr head •eriouslj just laugh long and heartily. This will take the wind out of the sails of the bystanders anfl make them mad. Fo3 rou^h qwoditions of the skin, sham- pooing the head, piroples, ernption and skin •diseases, use Prof. Low's Sulphur Soap. Brown â€" What! smokine? I thought you swore off." Fogi^â€" "Sol Hi, and i got ah'ng bravely until it came to me that this wae leap year. I hadn't thought of this extra day. A fellow might be able to keep from smt)king 866 days, but the man's got to draw the liuB somewhere. You can't expect impossibilities from a fellow." John R. Vert. Hamilton, says "Mc- Gregor's Speedy Cure for Dyspepsia and In- digestion la cheap at fifty times the price asked for it. I am a commercial man, and travel continually, and would no more think of leaving home without a bottle of Mc- Gregor's Speedy Cure in my valise than I would ol leaving my team at home and going on foot." Free trial buttle at Hill Bros. i;eueral store. Regular sixe, fifty cents and one dollar. One more unfortunate Mamma (a widow of considerable personal at- tractions) â€" "I want to tell you some- thing, Tommy. You saw that gentle man talking to grandmamma in the other room. Well, he is going to be your new papa. Mamtna's going to marry him." Tommy (who recollects something of the life his old papa used to lead) â€" "Dd-does he know it yet, mamma " CRUSHED BY THE CARS. A little Son of John Spinks, Toronto, had his foot crushed by a G. T. R. express tram some time ago. Two doctors attended him without benefit, and amputation was proposed but Hegyard's Yel'ow Oil was tried, which gave prompt relief and effected a speedy cure, eyen removing all stiffness of the joint. At a recent party Anxious joung manâ€" "Miss B., may I have the sixth -dance with you " Miss B. â€" "As we have no pencil I cannot mark it," A. Y. M. â€" "0, well, leave a space there and, you'll understand." Miss B. â€" "Very well, tlien when I see a vacant spot I shall know it is you." Exit anxious young man. HASXARps YELLDWOIL CURES RHEUMATISM FREEMAITS WORM POWDERS^ An pleasant to take. Contain their ov, a Pozgative. Is a safe, sure, and ettectaal tfM(J0/er «/ worm* in Children or Adoltft An eagle cwried off a small boy at Waco, Texas, and the city author- ities are agitating the qaestion of hatching eagles as an important loeal industry. Fbkeman's Worm Powdkbs destroy snd re- move worms without injury to adnlt or infant. Unprepossessing old bachelor â€" "And why do you think I ought to get married. Miss Mable?" Miss Mable (aged tweive)â€" "Oh, you look a though you needed somebody to take care of you andâ€" Oh, goodness, you didn't think I said that to lead you on, did yon?" KRAM'8 FLUID LIGHTNING Cnrcs Toothache and Neuralgia quick m flash, relieves any pain instantly, the cheap- est and quickest application known. "Why suffer with toothache. Neuralgia, Headache, Rheumatism, Lnmbagc Sciatica, Sore throat ar acute pains of any kind if hen you can g.) to Hill Bros, general store and get a perfect and instantaneous cure for twentyfive cents. Ask for Kram's Fluid Lightning. De wise man an' de fool doan quar- rel, but two fools or two wise men kam't get along so well. De man that marries a 'oman case she's Hot more sense den he has is neber allowed ter lose right o' dat fack. De chile dat too soon shows signs of smartness doan turn to be de smartest man. De fus' cotton dat opens is neber de best. THOUSANDS SAY SO. Mr. T. W. Atkins, Girard. Kan., writes: "I neyer hesitate to recommend your Electric Bitters to my customers, they give entire satisfaction and are rapid sellers." Electric Bitters are the purest and be^t medicine known and will positively care Kidney ard Liver complaints. Purify the blood and regulate the Ixiwels. No family can afford to be without them. They wUl save hun- dreds of dollars in doctor's bills eyery year. Sold at fiftv cents a bottle by A. Turner Co. 3 "backward, turn backward, Time!" Papa â€" "According to this new standard, Minnie, we must set the clock back about ten minutes, eh?" Minnie (stilt in the market) â€" "Four minutes 1 Put it back lots, papa. Nothing less than ten years will do me any good!" A DOUBLE BENEFIT. James Moore, a prominent resident of Leamington, writes that he cured himself of dyspepsia of a year's duration by one bottle of Burdock Blood Bitters, and two bottlei cured his wife who who had been for years a sufferer from the same disease. He con- scientiously recommends it to all suffering from similar troubless. New Customer â€" "I don't so much care what the things are made of, you know. All I want is to look like a gentleman." Tailor (with uncalled- for diffidence) â€" "Well, sir, I can assure you that I will do my very beat." Hi 14 AH "WHO W UNACQUAINTED WITH THE MEOGRAPHY OF TH:S COUNTRY, WILL SEE BY EXAMINING THIS MAP, THAT THE M*Bie]r-UM«4 Drettses. HOW AN OLD lODT BTOBSO AWAT TUnKKH THOUSAND DOLLAItai {From the Toronto News.) Dbtboit. March 1. â€" Isabella Mc« Wean, an elderly woman living at Essex Center, Ont., for the last thirty years died. It was rumored that the old lady was the possessor of a large amotinl of money. She never associ- ated "with any of the neighbors. Alter her death the dwelling was searched, when the drawers of the bareau wer^ found to contain a number of parses filled with bill. Bills were also found in her trunk and pinned to the lining of dresses. Hard lamps were felt in her bed, and upon cutting open the tick several bags ol silver were found. When all the money was counted it was found that she was worth about $15,000. Most of this fortune will go to John McWcan, a cousin of the old lady, who came from IScodand about a year ago. General Nenrs. The Methodist Union Bill passed the Private Bills Committee of the House of Commons without amend- ment. Orangeville has passed a by-law separating the liquor trade from gro- cery stores. And Mount Forest is moving iu the same direction. The Spring Assizes for the County of Grey will commence at Owen Sound on the 16th of April, Chief Justice Wilsou presiding. A Hanover girl left her shoe out m the back yard last spring. The rain cnme and after a while the shoe was 611ed with water. Twelve faraihes have since been supplied with solt water, and now that it is frozen over a company has been formed and money subscribed to roof it over for a skating rink. The new post office at Tara lias been completed, and is a credit to the vil- lage. The total size devoted to Her Majesty's mails is 82x16 feet; the wait- ing or delivery office is 16x18 feet. The whole office is lighted by large plate glass in the front. There are 250 boxes in all â€" 80 of which are sup- plied with patent lock. Good r»r Owen fSonnd. Ottawa, Feb. 27. â€" The assistant traffic manager of the Canadian Pacific railway announces that lake steamers owned by that company will make Owen Sound, and not Algoira Mills, their eastern port. Traffic is to pass over the Ontario and Quebec road to Toronto, thence by the Toronto, Grey and Bruce railway to Owen EiJouud, where it will be placed on steamer for ' Prince Arthur's Lauding. Chicago, Rock Island PAcaPGc R'y, Being the Great Central Line, affords to travelers, by reason of Its unrivaled geo- graphical position, tha shortest and best route between the East, Northeast and Southeast, and the West, Northwest and Southwest. It Is lltaraliy ^nd strictly true, that its connections are allot the principal lines of road between the Atlantic and the Pacific. By Its main line and branches it reaches Chlcas(0, Joltet, Peoria, Ottawa, L3 Sails, Ceneseo, Molina and Rocic Island, In Illinois Davenport, Muscatine, Wvishington, Keokuk, Knoxvills, Oskaloosa, Fairfield, Den. Molnos, West Liberty. Iowa City, Atlantic, Avoca, Audubon, Harlan, Outhrlo Center and Council Bluffs, In Iowa Gallatin, Trenton, Cameron and Kansas City, In Missouri, and Leaven- worth and Atchison )n Kansas, and the hundredi of cities, villages and towns Intermediate. The "GREAT ROCK ISLAND ROUTE," As It is familiarly called, offers to travelers all the advantages and comforts Incident to a smooth track, safe bridges. Union Depots at all connecting points. Fast Express Trains, composed of COMMODIOUS, WELL VENTILATED, WELL HEATED\ FINELY UPHOLSTERED and ELEGANT DAY COACHES a line of the MOST MAGNIFICENT HORTON RECLINING CHAIR CARS ever built PULLMAN'S latest designed and handsomest PALACE SLEEPING CARS, and DINING CARS that are acknowledged by press and people to be the FINEST RUN UPON ANY ROAD IN THE COUNTRY, and In which superior meals are served to travelers at tho low rate of SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS EACH. THREE TRAINS each way between CH4CAOO and the MISSOURI RIVER. TWO TRAINS each way betVi^een CHICAGO and MINNEAPOLIS and ST. PAUL, via the famous ALBERT LEA ROUTE. A FAVORITE EVERYWHERE. Wlierever introduced Hagyard's Y«rflow Oil finds friends. It is the old reliable household remedy for external and internal use in all aches, pains, lameness and soreness of the flech. A. L. Green, a prominent drugj^st of Belleville, says "It is a great favorite here and has a good ssJe." monthly Fairs. Markdale â€" Saturday before Flesh- erton. Chatsworth â€" Monday before Dur- ham. Dundalk â€" Tuesday before Orange-*^ ville. Flesherton â€" Monday before Orange- ville. Orangeville â€" The second Thuriday in each month. Durham â€" Third Tuesday in each month. irect Line, via Seneca and Kankakee, has recently been opened, art News, Richmond, OincinnatI, Indianapolis and La Fayette. A New and Dii between Newport and Council Bluffs, St. Paul, Minneapolis and intermediate points. All Through Passengers carried on Fast Express Trains. For more detailed information, see Maps'and Polders, whieh may beobtalned, as well as Tickets, at ail principal Ticket Offices in the United States and Canada, or ot R. R. CABLE, B. 8T. JOHN, VIce-Pres't A Qen'l Manaser, Oen'l T'k't Pass'r*Ac*to CHICAGO. FACT STRANGER THAN FICTION. It is a fact that Alonzo Howe, of Tweed, had a lever sore that afflcted him for thirty- five years. Six bottles of Burdock Blood Bitters cured him, which he considers almost a miracle. It was hut the natural result of the remedy restoring pure blood and perfect secretion. OuB Patrons who wisli to subscribe, or ronew their subscaipticn for any of tbe following publications will do us A favor by handmg the amount in to us at the Standaiid office, viz. Weekly Mail, or Globe, Family Herald and Wefkly Sta^, monthly Farmers 4d- vocaU, Amrricau AgricuHurixt, any of the above With the Standard for $2.00 or singly for one $1. except the Agri- eulturist which is $1.50. CRUELLY MURDERED. In the Province of Ontario every year thousands are being slowly murdered by taking unsuitable, untried nostrums lor such w)mplaints as Costiveness. Indigestion Liver Complaint. Kidney Troubles, etc., who miffht easily regain lost strength and enenw bv Mmg McGregor's Speedy Oure. Tocoi^ them that such M the ease we will give them and»l. See testimomala from peraons in your own town. 'JT^ jj TAILOR, SYDENHAM S'l'EEBT, W M. HOGG, FLESHERTON STATION, Respectfully announces that he has received a larjje supply of I N Dry Goods, Winter Clothing, Boots and Shoes, M o As these Goods were bought to tile best advantage they will be sdd vetj low in price, and will be found well worthy of an inspection by the geuernl public, also on hand a full stock of Fresh Groceriefe, Provisions, Crockery, c., all of wliich will be sold cheap for cash or farm produce. I ofFtr for sale or to lei my water power Faw Mill at Little Falls with about 400 acresof timber land. A good man liberally dealt with on either purchasing or leasing the place. vm:. HOG^o, "F'lejsliertoii Station. I Nov. Ist, 1883. Good Work Guaranteed -AT- Mmers Pholoppli Galerj FLESHERTON. OgV1 1. S."t CX^C© a-nd see samples of work which vre areo not ashamed to show. I All kinds ol Framing done cheap at T-^S. BTTlL,3is/£E::EB'S, FLESHERTOLJ New FALL Imoorlaioffi -arriving daily at- R. J. SPBOULE PLESHBETON. 'S! Opened this week large stock off Ladies' Coats and Mantles in all the latest designs and patterns and very cheap. Also in large variety Black and Colored Silks, Velvets, and Velvet- eens from 35cts. up, also Ladies' Clouds, Bonnets and Hats. Trim- mings and Shapes, Ladies Collars in all the latest styles. In Boots and Shoes our stock is complete and selling fast and cheap Another lot of that Famous 20ct and 50ct. TEA just received. Also a full stock of Nails, Putty, Glass, Hinges and builder's hard] ware of all descriptions selling at| the lowest possible prices. A full stock of Preserving Sugai' cheap, als© preserve and Grem Jari in endless variety. Notwithstanding the incessant grumbling of merchaH' generally, of dull times ||^ J, SorOUle of FleshertoJ s?ys hia businesses increasing daily, having more busioe than he can possibly get through with with his large s of hands. VOL. The Mari Is issued evesy 1 .St; TrisM-â€" 51 p; not i-aii within 1 Piofes--ioiial I space and aaJcr, Wiio^e C'llumn 3irJf column. •Quarter column T\To iucli spaco. 'iliitje fT.'-li spact Casnai aJvc-iti insertion, 3 cen insertion. i;oniaj Editoiial iioti nmn 10 centr pc each subsequent ytray animals 151, the advertis lines. No p.iper disc are paid except a â- JOB The Stanhabd ment of po.-,tc" ,\i cial attention tc tilled with dispat EDIT OK Fro BAErasTKi;, Law, Solici rtncers. v â- ., 0-Vfi i'leshertou, ()f!i hereto fore. Alfred Fkust, County Crox' AEPJSTER. in Cliancery cer, c Offices â€" (Jv.l;: PoTllett .St.; Biaiu iloFarlaud's Sinn every week. B Ci'casoj ARR]" .-- anfes, At. ,â- . c Offices in C)w. over W. r. Vy".]f- Over W. J. Mci ai and Friday of e;ul Cs"Fuivl.s to l.-i John Ckkasou. iJ. Markdale, Mart- Alexai ISSUER of SiM Life In.surain »a B. R. Ac. (_ Anctioneer for thr Merchants, and L tended to and cha Priceville, Sept. Wm JSSUER OF MJ Commissione Conveyancing ii attended to and ca N. B. â€" Monev tt cnrity. REVER JOHIV PRC THIS popular I and the abov of the public. Go hostiers. The be cigars, good meals **i^e commercial CHAT5W( (IjATE ji TUCK Mc] The best inan,! "^ys in stock (ii iTDoms guaranteed. *«ltiTe hostler. GOMMERl PBICE- Large and com «ood Bed Koom-s *eu supplied wit »ord8;goodStablL THOS. MARKD. ^tAEKDALE %JJUTL£C V