The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

JUST IN FUN â€" Real Funny Ht wti telling her his family kldory. "My grandfather wat a poor, hard-working dockmaker. When he died he left his estate, which consisted of two hundred clocks, to my father." "How interesting," the said. "It must have been real fun wind- iog up his estate." Woman A woman may put on a riding kabit and never go riding. She may doll up in a skiing out- Bt and never go skiing. We have seen women don swim- King outfits and never go swim- â- ling. But when a woman puts on a wedding gown â€" she means busi- ness. "Mra. McGillicuddyl Are you hav- ing an affair with the superinten- dent!" Let's Be Explicit The couple were on one of those three-week cruises to the West Indies. While the wife was enjoy- ing herself to the utmost, her hus- band was most unhappy. An ob- acnring fellow passenger comment- ed; "Your husband appears to be a poor sailor." To which the wife frigidly replied: "My husband hap- pens to be in .the real estate busi- ness." Protection "According to the evidence of the witnesses you were caught jnst as you were getting out of the window with the contents of the till in your pocket. Now, what excuse have you got?" and the Judge leaned back in his chair very complacently. "I knew it," answered the pris- oner, "and I shall always be grate- ful to the men who caught me. When I have these somnambulistic fits I am in danger of falling out of windows and hurting myself." "That idea never occurred to me," remarked the judge pensive- ly. "It has occurred to me," remark- ed the prisoner with ' unconscious humor. "That being the case I will dir- ect a warder â€" " "To release me?" "No, but to see that an c.\tra bar is put across your cell window for fear you may fall out." Sidewalk Scene It was one of those c.\.T<perat- ing sidewalk situations when a man and a woman, coming in op- posite directions, jockeyed to the right, then to the left, together, in an awkward effort to pass each other. When the snarl was finally unraveled the man politely tipped his hat and said: "Well, good-by. It's been fun knowing you." Prize Rookie Lee Carey, 17, U. of Arizona freshman, is the Clevelnnd In- dians' prl7.e rookie of 1947. He p!ays ouificW. and wos given the hirhest briius for signing ever paid by Cleveland, reportedly $15,0C0. He'll continue his col- l:-"? worl: n;icl play bnll the rest •'. t.hc lime. He's 5-il, weighs 175. An Englishwomon in The Jungle By Enid Fernandes Miss Enid Fernandes, a British Red Cross worker, spent a year travelling in Malaya tak- ing aid to the sick. After a short leave in England she re- turned to take the post of State Rural Welfare Officer in Pahang. Writing as she was about to go back, she relates some of her experiences. My leave in England is drawing to an end and within a few weeks I hope to be back in Malaya, to take up work in Pahang as State Rural Welfare Officer under the Social Welfare Department of the Government of the Malayan Union. I am eager to be back, for there is still a good deal of sickness among the people wlio live deep in the Malayan jungles, and aftcc a year's work among them I feel I have gained their confidence. 1 know 1 have learned to love and respect them. • 1 arrived in Singapore from England on September 6th, 1945, when the Japanese were still in the town and as I walked down hot country roads I saw many hundreds of displaced Malayans, Javanese, Chinese and Indians, most of whom were starving and ill. The British Military Admini- stration was already working won- ders for the relief of these unfor- tunates and gradually they were collected into improvised camps where, for several weeks, I helped to look after the sick. Embarrassing Faith At the end of November 1945, 1 was asked by the Director of Medical Services, British Military Administration, Malaya, to go to Kuantan on the East Coast of Pa- hang to undertake welfare work in that area. Barbara Lomas, a Brit- ish Red Cross trained nurse who could speak Cantonese and Man- darin, went with me and- took charge of the hospital in Kuantan which was overflowing with suf- ferers. The District Officer, him- self a Malay, asked me to try and ease the districss among the sick and needy in the surrounding villages, the neglected rubber est- ates and the jungle hamlets. I fixed up a British Red Cross 15- cwt. truck as a travelling dispen- sary and the Hospital lent me a Tamil dresser and a, Tamil attend- ant, and we set out. Tlie monsoon was at its height and we worked under considerable difficulties, but by the end of three months we had a weekly program covering 29 kampongs, seven rubber estates and several isolated settle- ments, and had dealt wit'n thous- ands of sick people with very marked success. Indeed, I was much embarassed by a widely spread rumour that "Missie" could cure illness and pain in three minutes. "Go to Missie slie will cure you'', they told each other and people who had been blind and crippled from birth were carried to me in baskets. But all I could do was to give them aspirin and treat- ment for tlicir tropical ulcers, sores, skin diseases and other ailments. I had a small tent made and fixed to the side of my truck in which I tackled their skin diseases; in this I scrubbed the bodies â€" ])efore applying healing lotions â€" of han- dreds of Malays, Javanese and Tamils and a few Chinese and Sakais who had wandered into the camp. Awkward Situations Averted .\t first the idea of being pcr- sonall scrubbed by "Missie" was greeted with considerable appre- hension, but I explained that this was .iccessary before applying the lotions sent to me by the State Healtli and Medical Officer. (Those lotions were extraordinarily effec- tive, by the way, disinfecting and healing at the same time.) The shyness quickly wore off and witli- in a very short time whole families would arrive and ask for treatment and wliat might have been an awk- ward situation passed off with con- siderable humour. On sevctat occasions I came across very sick people lying in their houses with maggots dropping from their sores and ants actually streaming in and out of holes in their limbs. One of these cases was a poor old man in an isolated village. The ants had eaten two large holes in his leg, and when I arrived he was semi-conscious; I attended to him and with the help of two young men we slung him in a kind of hammock attached to a bamboo pole and carried him to my car. When I left for my leave he had been in hospital for 3'/4 months, but his wounds were almost liealrd and he was in very good spirits. Deep in the Jungle It was not only sickness I had to deal with; there was also apall- ing poverty and need. One day wfien I had was visiting a village I was told of a family who wished to come and see me but could not because they possessed only one garment between them and that was being worn by the manâ€" the head of the family. When I went to thrir home they covered them- selves with their floor mats. I made a garment for each of them and they were touchiugly grateful. On many occasions I penetrated into the jungle to visit remote ham- lets, some of which were reached either on foot, with the headman of the area or a relative of the sick leading the way, or in a small native boat on one of the winding rivers. On these occasions my im- pending arrival would be announced to the surrounding country by the beating of a drum. The Malays told me I was the first white wo- man to enter some of these settle- ments, and certainly I was an ob- ject of considerable curiosity to the «#(hildren. Hazardous Journeys During the monsoon period these journeys were particularly hazard- ousâ€"or at least they felt so to me when crossing crocodile-infested rivers on long, thin palm trees, or swinging by ray hands over pieces of damaged bridges with medical supplies slug around me. I think c.ie of my worst* moments came one day when the Malay leading my column stopped in the middle of crossing a river on an attenuated felled tree to enquire how I was getting on. His bare feet were curled nicely round the trunk, but my leather shoes slipped danger- ously. Had he not responded to my cry of "Hurry" I should have fallen in. After this experience 1 discared my shoes and took to flexible sandals. VOICE OF THE PRESS Originality Wanes Perhaps it is a sign of decadence, but some of the women's Spring hats now on display actually look something like hats. â€"Windsor Star Reason to be Careful Autos killed 3:!,0U0 people in the United States in 1946. That's ex- actly 33,000 reasons for dr'ving carefully. â€" Saskatoon Star-Phoenix Too Much Laziness Work has never been so un- popular as it is today. It's be- ginning to appear that the human race will soon have to learn to live without working or it will perish from the face of the earth. â€" Kitchener Record Thounds Thilly! Hear about the young couple who played kith and kin every evening? He said: "Can 1 kith you?" And she said: "Yeth, you kin." â€" St. Thomas Times-Journal Still Best System With all its faults, democracy is the only political system under which people can get rid of Gov- ernments of which they disapprove in a peaceful and orderly manner. â€"Kingston Whig-Standard Another In Error In Montreal a business manager gave a 15-year-old boy $12,000 to take to a bank for deposit. The boy got on a train, but was taken off with the money he had planned to spend somcwhera somehow. Whatever he was guilty of, he was not the only one at fault in this case. â€"Port Arthur News Chronicle. Peace Motive Perhaps we need a better motive for peace than fear of war. â€" Vancouver Province And Now? In the old war days our only enemies were our enemies. â€" Quebec Chronicle-Telegrapli In Other Words President Truman told Congress that the main threat to a high volume of housing is "the high level of current housing prices rel- ative to the volume of consumer income." He meant houses cost too much. â€" Grit Education Education is not learning; it is the exercise and development of the powers of the mind; and the two great methods by which this end may {)e accomplished are in the halls of learning or in the con- flicts of life â€" Princeton Review Future of Island '^^ Bases in Pacific By implication, if not by direct word, the United States has %dl- cated Pacific islands she now holds will be turned over to United .Vations trusteeship as soon as that organization sets up effective world security machinery. It If well understood these islands will be retained only so long as they arc necessary- to American, and therefore Pacific, defence plans. These islands are weapons of Am- erican security every bit as much as the atomic bomb. It would be insanity to surrender either the A- bomb or the islands to the care of the "llnited Nations without iron- clad assurance their use will be safeguarded. y -â- *.• f rrcH CHCCKCO] In a Jiff 1/ ' •or Money BacK Vor quick relief from ItcUnz auKd by ecz«m% â- thlete'tfoot, icablei, ISmiiTei and otherltchlng KDdtUons, UMj}ure, cooling, medicated, llauld , D. O. hlESCR^PTION. Guaieleu iSk. •talnlese. Soothes, comforts and fateiue Itching. iKlar for D. thei. comfort! end Qulckljr ealisa :. Don't mifier. Aekyour dntsgw , D. o. PROCHirrioii.^^ Remember the story of the monkey who tried to withdraw a fistful of nuts through the narrow neck of a jar? Because he wasn't content with getting one luscious nut at a time, he ended up by getting nothing instead of something. That story is worth remembering today. Greedy grabbing of goods still in short supply can have the same result â€" nothing instead of something. Inflated prices, hke the inflated paw of the monkey, can as surely prevent each of us from getting his fair share of available goods. Canadians have had the wisdom to be content with a moderate "something," knowing that as production increases that "something" will grow larger and larger. This is good sense, and is founded on the principle that MODERATION is the key to CONTINUED ENJOYMENT, a principle to which the House of Seagram has always subscribed. V \y^^ wA/> ^i/nA <^ ^cmcrrcuf ^wc^ice ^^y^i)€gmi/fm S^/fdof* (^^^^ THE HOUSE OF SEAfiRAM ^~~^ I MI19 r POPâ€" Fish Story BY J. MILLAR WATT 'Wo'recatchino 1 Pl.eNTVC)P FISH, VBS WAKIT IS A PAIR OF boots'. â- f A â- â€¢*