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1 4 > 4 T r â-  •4 -4 •r 4 -r r >- » * â- < 4 ♦ â- < 4 4 ♦ r » ft 4 JUST IN FUN :^ Nowhere First Irishman; "Which would yez rather be in, Pat â€" an explosion or a collision?" Second ditto: "In a collision, be- cause in a collision there yez are, bnt in an explosion where are yez?" Not His Coat "Ha, ha!" laughed Bingham. "Poor oW Henpecked! 1 taw you ycfterday sewing a button on your «oat. "You're a fibber," snapped Hen- pecked. "I tell you 1 did," said Bingham. "I saw you with my own eyes." Henpecked gave a superior smile. "You didn't," he replied. "It was ny wife's coat." STUFF AND THINGS "I Mt on it!" Very Very Slow As the master of the house smoked his pipe the old gardener was busy at his digging. Suddenly the old chap straight- ened up with a jerk, seemed to think hard for a minute, then gave the spade a vicious kick. "What's the trouble, Mac?" asked his employer. "Weel, sir, ye mind that Anme, who was maid here about twenty year ago? replied Mac, angrily. "I was standing at the back door wi' her one nicht and she said she was cault; so I gied her my muff- ler. Whiles, she said she was still cauld, so I gi'ed her my coat An' it's just struck me that the lass wanted me to cuddle her. I'm that mad I didn't think of it before." The Time Had to Come A friend of ours lunching in a crowded midtown restaurant broached to his waitress the sub- ject of a second lump of sugar and got sternly turned, and dressed down. When she had gone, he felt a tug at his sleeve and looked up into the eyes of a fragile-appearing old lady in a choker collar who had been sitting at the next table. "Here you are, young man," she •aid in a conspiratorial whisper, and pressed into his hand a lutap of sugar that she had undoubtedly dredged up from a large mesh reti- cule she had with her. "I always tarry some. In case 1 meet a horse, vou know." A Too Fast m A • 4 Johnny Mother: 'I fell in a mud puddle." "What, with your new pants on? Johnny: didn't have off." •Yes. I fell so fast 1 a chance to take them His Name The boy was being interviewed by the rector of a select Glasgow school with a view to his enrol- ment. "What's your name?" he was asked â€" and replied: "Pa'erson." "What did you say your name was?" the rector demanded severely. "Pa'erson," repeated tlie boy. add- ing, "with two t's." Partly Understood A young wife, wishing to an- nounce the birth of her first child to a friend in a distant city, tele- graphed: "'Isaiah 9: 6." Which passage be- gfins: "For unto us a child is born, onto us a son is given." Her friend, unfamiliar with the Scriptures, said to her husband. "Margaret evidently has a boy who weighs nine pounds and six ounces, but why on earth did they name him Isaiali ' No Chances A newspaper reporter was inviteo to take his first airplane trip with a stunt flyer for the films. He was filled with dismal forebodings, which increased when a parachute was strapped on to him and he was given careful instructions regard- ing its use. The' stunt man also wore a parachute, and when he put a heavy leather coat on over it the reporter asKed. nervously: "How can you use the parachute with that coat on?" "Oh," replied the pilot, nonchal- Ikntly, "I'd have plenty of time to lake the coat off when we fall." They went up and flew for sev- eral minutes, until, feeling warm, the stant man began to remove his •ccat. "Hot, isn't it?" he sa'd. genially, bnt there was no reply. The report- er had jumped overboard. louu I'uaxlr HOKIZONTAL 1 Pictured pub- lisher, Gordon . 11 Beverage 12 Space 13 Female deer 14 Tangle 15 Howl 16 Tavern 17 Erbium (symbol) 19 Doctor of Science (ab.) 20 Near 21 Therefore 23 Egyptian suti god 24 Accomplish 2&. Print measure 27 Give credit 29 Make speech 31 Kitten's calls 35 Guide 39 Biblical pronoun 40 Indian army (ab.) 41 Symbol for gold 42 Behold! 43 Notary publi' (ab.) 44 Pair (ab.) 46 Doctor (ab.) 47 Seed container 49 Fuel 51 Bom 54 Upward (comb, form) 55 Nevada city 56 Anger 67 His Journal 1 Jelly 2Wioglike part 3 Units of length 4 State 5 Brought up • Lampreys 7 Short sleep 8 He was a famous 92000 pounds 10 Five and five 18 Rodent 20 Excitement 21 Street (ab.) 22 Either 25 And (Latin) 26 Myself cloth 28 United Service 38 International Organization (ab.) 30 Dined 31 Mine 32 Electrical en- gineer (ab.) 33 Aperture 34 Tree fluid 35 Sorry 36 Vegetable 37 Measure of language 44 Equal 45 Position 47 Kitchen utensil 48 Individual 49 For 50 Uppermost part 52 Before 53 Ever (contr. rHE SPORTING THING " Br utN6 onMsraoNO -1 VOICE OF THE PRESS Gettting Better Calgary Herald thinks that by the time the government returns our compulsory savings, one third of the recipients will be dead, one third in jail, and the rest will have spent all their's in advance. Tliai'.i better than the last estimate we saw, which had 'em all dead. â€" Ottawa Citizen. "Striking" Fact It is a "striking" fact that the standard wage of John L. Lewis's soft coal miner is Jfi:i »'• per week. â€" St. Thomas Times-Journal. Sombre Thought In those planets where hfe is now extinct, the scientists prob- ably got just a little farther than ours have got. â€"Dublin Opinion. They Also Ran Most people who follow the horses bet on the horses who follow the horses. â€" Timniins Press. 'Momin' "Mornin', Hi." "Mornin' Si.' "How's tliat city feller you hired fer the summer gittin' along?" "Ain't got him no more â€" he went back to the city." "Fire him?" "Nope; he quit." "What'd he quit fer?" "Guess he was afeared I'd work the Daylight Savin' outa him." "Mornin', Hi." "Mornin' Si.' â€" Hank in St. Thomas Times- Journal. Waste of Flour Because restaurantsâ€" and many housewives as well â€" think that the only way in which to make a pala- table sandwich is to cut off all the crust, vast quantities of bread are being wasted every day throughout the length and breadth of this country. â€" Brockville Recorder and Times. THEY'LL ALL HURRY HOME if you aerre Max- well House. This extra- delicious coffee is bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee IB the world. "You ol' cut-up!" Made in Canada NEW Faster Acting ROYAL Ends Overnight Botiier-Risl(! NEW Fast Rising Royal Is herel The modem baking discovery that lets you do all your baking in m few houra ... by daylight! No "setting bread" the night beforeâ€" no baking dirappointments because dough spoiled during the night when the kitchen tem- peratur* changed. New Fast Rising Royal is ready for action 10 minutes after It's dissolved In water! And the rich, home-baked flavor of bread tmkcd with New Fast Rising Royal will make your family brag about your baking more than ever. You get 4 packets in each carton of New Fast Rising Roy«Iâ€" 4 large loaves to a packet. Stays full-strength, ready for Immedi- ate use, for weeks on your pantry shelf. At your grocer's- nowl STUFF AND THINGS 'Oh â€" it's some fool stunt iM picked up in the army!" POPâ€" Forced Labor By J. MILLAR WATT '•rt-iene WILL 'VOU FIMPTWB MAN -roPAv WHO - -ReFUSBS TO MELP Ml« WIPE V/ASW PISMEG ^ OUT iH TWe ::iTCHEM- -WASMINO TUS •You're new here, aren't youi MUTT AND JEFF â€" It's Either An Early Siunmer or a Late Spring REG'LAR FELLERSâ€" Standing Order By GENE BYRNES /""wHAT'i X^ _ f YOUR BROTHEC ( ' 4 1