Ontario Community Newspapers

Flesherton Advance, 3 Apr 1946, p. 2

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JUST IN FUN AU the Answers There was the usual charge oi •truggling humanity when the bus pulled up But the conductor was behind time, and didi/t want to lose any more. Mrs. Slammer di. not know any- thing ybout that â€" and if she had h wouldn't have made any dilfer- ence with one foot on the step, and the other on the pavement, •be put the harried conductor through a sort of catechism. "Now I don't want to go past my daughter's house. Will you •top when I ring the bell?" "Yes, ma'am!" "Do you go round by the free Hbrary.''' "Yes, ma'am I" "How long will i. take to get to Laurel avenue?' "Twenty minutes, ma'am.'' "Are you sure we shall get ihere in exactly twenty minutes?" "No, ma'am." "How much is the fare?" "Twopence, ma'am, and I'm not married. But the driver, who is called 'Snip' for short, has got a wife, three children, and a motor cycle." Why Brag He was one of those fathers who believed in trying to answer any question put by his son. So he did his best when the youngster asked: "What are ancestors, daddy?" "Well, my boy," he replied, "I'm one of your ancestors and your grandfather is another." A puzzled frown marred the childish brow. "Then, daddy, why do people brag about them?" It's Not New At the circus a girl demonstrated trick-riding, by circum-i.avigating the ring I'irst on the horse's neck, then practically on its tail, and wound up underneath the horse clinging to the girth. Wt. were not impressed We did all that the very first time we ever got on a horse. THE SPORTING THING A(uch More "This used to be one of my old haunts!" The Works I'ill kept hens. Une night he had two stolen. The next night he •fayed up in the hen shed with liis friend Joe to wait for flic thieves. After tlicy had been witing for a •horf time a storm blew up and the •hed started swaying in tlie breeze. After an hour's waiting Joe, fed up, announced that he was going home, sayiuK "They'll not come tonight, liill." He steppiil out of the shed and found liiniself on a motor lorry moving shjwiy along a country lane. They were faking the shed, too. Dangerous Craft Dr. Tchyi llsich, Chinese scholar and resident of Boston, was one •lay conversing with a native of Aberdeen on the subject of his favorite diversion â€" boating. 'â-  Doctor," inquired the Scot, "how do your Chinese canues com- pare with Srotrh canoes?' "Oh," replied the genial Hsieh, "they are pretty much alike. But," he added, with a sly grin, "the Chinese canoes give a little trou- ble â€" they tip." A Report Jack, the sailor, had broken with his girl. After ignoring several kttrrs re(|ucsting the return of her photograph, he received one threat- ening to complain to the captain. Deciding to silence her for all time, he borrowed all the pictures of girls available on the ship from his pals, and sent them on to her in a parcel with flic following note: "Pick yours out. [ have forgotten what you look lik?l" His Reason After a long lalt. on the value •f peace, good will and disarma- ment, a Riverside feaclirr asked the class if they ohjccled ft war. "Yes, sir, I do'" said one buy. "Goodl Now tell us why." "Becai'sc," -aid thi' boy, "war? make history and I hate history." The bride of a struggling young writer was the big success of the evening, and all the men at the party elbowed each other to dance with her. "She's charming, old boy", the host said enthusiastically to the 1 usband, "and her dress is a poem." "Not a poem", answered the young writer gloomily, "si.xteen poems, five short stories, and nine articles." He'll Find Thoni Gerard was Aunt Matilda's fav- orite nephew 'nd she was planning to send him a birthday gift. "What did you give him last year?" asked her compar^ion. "A cheque," said Auntie, "and poor boy, he told me he couldn't find words with which to thank me." "And what are you giving bim this year?" "A dictionary!" VUICE OF THE PRESS Eat the Cru«ti LATE JURIST HORIZONTAL 1 Pictured late jurist, George 10 Parts of the ankle bone (zool.). ' nwe. 13 English wrea 14 Color. 16 Margosa. 17 Siamese coin. 19 Move smoothly on water. 21 Symbol for radon. 22 Function. 23 Kite end. 25 Small candle. 27 Thus. 28 Vegetable. SO Indigo. 32 Oleum (abbr.). 33 Small bottles. 36 Scrutinize. 38 Markers. 40 Paid (abbr,). 42 Son of Seth (Bib.). Answer to Previous Puzzle 1, [y E R o N 1 c A L A K E H b Y N R B A T ^? A S K fl. 1 R V ^ D A T V M ^ A L T 1 c E T O O T A # E AR R E fe. R 1 E N T A T E ^ T 1 s E R 1 N ti y A V E R S E 1 M S ^ A ^ SB L M s o _ E E H mvi 1 T c H A N ^ H 1 T C H VERONICA m a F C T 5 M i L A o N E T R 1 P li^ H U M p E T s A P T 1 5 E Dia u S E 1 ^ ^J ^^ J ^ I 44 Clothing. 45 Copse. 47 Surpass. 48 Broad smile. 49 Variety of cloud. 51 Compass point. 52 Ages. 63 He was a U. S. Supreme Court in 1922-38 (pl.). 55 Get up. ee Adorned with crescents. VERTICAL Goads to action. Size of $hot. Strike. Black. Rhymer (var.). Concealed. Mohammedan religious teacher. 8 Insect egg. 9 Ambary. 12 Chair. 15 Dainties. 17 On the sea. 18 Sea swallows. 20 Falsehood. 22 Not down. 24 Prying device. 26 Be indisposed. 27 Slope. 29 Rationed item. 31 Frozen water. 32 Concession. 34 Like. 35AthleUc games. 37 Midday. 38 Wiser. 39 Wash lightly. 41 Rustic. 43 Make haste. 45 Judicious, 46 Leader (It,). 49 Mongrel. 50 Siamese measure. 53 Junction (abbr.). 54 Street (abbr.). What happens in one hotel hap- pens in tens of thousands. What happens in one home happens in millions. More toast is made than the people eat, and the surplus is thrown away. Anotheil source of waste, which is very cdmmon. Is that many people eat the softer parts and leave the crusty edges. Someone with a gift for figures might estimate that enough crusts are left on plates every day to make a girdle around tht world. â€" Stratford Beacon-Herald. If Russia Wishes If Russia really -etires to give •n effective answer to Mr. Chur- chill there is a very simple .'ay of doing this. All Moscow needs to do is to abide b> the pledge?, agreements and treaties it has made and the whole internation.-il tension will disappear overnight. â€" New York Timcf. Punishment Is Cure In Mine -la, N.Y. drunken driv- ers will be tested by making them say: "Around the rough and rug- ged rocks the ragged rascal ran. ' This is sheer foolishness. The only accurate test for alcohol is a blood test, as employed in Nor- way. And in Norway, we should like to point out, drunk ^n driving is virtually unknown because it is punished very severely. â€" Peterborough Examiner. Can't Hide It Some women stop felling their ages just about the time age starts telling on tVem. , â€"Kingston Whig-Standard. Goering's Alibi At Nuremberg it 's the Nazis' day in court. And in our mind's eye we see Fats Goering rising to his full width and explaining it was two other fellows. â€"Stratford Beacon Herald. Atomic A scienfiit studyi g bomb dam- age in Nagisaki examined a house which was fairly sound, except for a screen that showed an. inter- esting damage effect â€" the lower part was battered while t:.o upper part was intact. "Atomic bomb?", he asked the housewife. "No," sl.e said. 'Small boy." â€"This Week. 4 Takes It With Him When that old Arab used to fold his tent and silently steal away, he took his housing problem with him. â€" Quebec Chronicle-Teleyraph Who Cares? The crowning touch of madness in this cockejed world right now would be i'or Ilillci to turn up alive, toothbrush moustache and all. Allied officials in Germany are intrigued by ihe discovery of a secret passage which led from the Fuehrer's underground bunker at the ChancLllery to the Berlin sub- way â€" and perhaps a getaway; who knows? Likewise, who cares? â€" Hamilton Spectator. "We were rushing to the grocer's before closing time . . . Iittagine a week-end without delicious Grape-Nuts Flakes!" "I can't Imagine It brother I Step on It and I'll provide a police escort down to the store so you'll be siu-e of getting your malty-rlch, sweet-as-a-nut Post's Grape-Nuts Flakes I" "OKâ€" here we go! Bring on that Grape-Nuts Flakes' good nourish- ment: carbohydrates for energy, pro- teins for muscle, phosphorus for teeth and bones, Iron for the blood, and other food essentials." "They're good all right! That's because they're made of two grains â€" wheat and malted barley. And spe- cially blended, baked and toasted for golden- brown delicious crlspness and easy digestion." "I think I'll get a couple of those giant economy packages." THE SPORTING THING 'Hello, Honey!" MUTT AND JEFF â€" and there isn't a union card among the two of them By BUD FISHER THlSlS ARUSrtJOB.' VfoUANDl WILLHAVETo' WORK HARD TO(3ETrtERT0j T jSET ITD WE ONTIME.'^ " (mott.'J / rtEV, JETF.' here.startJh |/oeff^ C'MERE' I t REG'LAR FELLERS â€" Prince Charming Himself By GENE BYRNES POP â€" Pop's Remiss in His Reading By J. MILLAR WATT >WCLt,GOOD-BYE! RIKIG ME UP SOMETIME I â-ºâ- '^^*''''|P ^,.A^^^:l^<.i^^...s y*»y, AI?Ey0OON THE PHONE NOW 9

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