The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

OAKVILLE BEAVER Thursday, May 21, 2009 · 14 A life lost to schizophrenia Michael's delusions were imaginary, but his nightmare was all too real By David Lea OAKVILLE BEAVER STAFF His torment was unimaginable. They burned his feet, pulled at his limbs, hit him and told him over and over again that he was worthless and a terrible burden to his mother. Christina Jabalee notes that this was the nightmarish reality her brother Michael had to cope with during the final years of his life. Afflicted with Schizophrenia, Michael's brutal assailants may only have been delusions, but for him they were every bit as real as the world itself. In the end, Michael was so desperate to escape this torture that on July 24, 2008 he took his own life. He was 25. Today, Jabalee is an early intervention family worker with the Halton/Peel chapter of the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario. As part of her duties, she visits schools to raise awareness about what Schizophrenia is and also helps families cope with relatives struggling with the illness. "I'm using my experience and my understanding of the personal side of it to help other people. It is difficult at times, I'm not going to lie, it's definitely difficult, but I can't really picture myself being anywhere else," said Jabalee. "I'm extremely passionate about this because I'm involved with these programs now and I see all of the great things they are doing for these families and all I can think of is how great it is that that is there now because that wasn't there for our family." Schizophrenia is defined as a mental disorder that can cause a person to see, hear and feel things that are not actually there. Jabalee noted the disorder carries with it a terrible stigma that is often associated with violence. This is undeserved, she said, because, statistically, people with a mental illness are more likely to be the victims of violence or harm themselves than someone else. In her classroom visits Jabalee explains to students they have a better chance of being struck by light- SUPPLIED PHOTO HAPPIER TIMES: Michael with his sisters Christina (left, holding her niece Isabel) and Jennifer (middle, holding her daughter Amanda) at a family gathering for Easter 2006. ening than being attacked by someone with Schizophrenia. Jabalee also pointed out that the perception that Schizophrenia cannot be treated effectively is untrue. "Recovery is possible," she said. "Recovery can mean a hundred different things to a hundred different people, but it is about getting back into life and having a quality of life. Recovery is a very personal thing and it's about the person feeling comfortable in their environment and comfortable in society. Treatment is part of that, taking medication and having the psychosocial rehabilitation and having people to talk to and being part of groups." Michael was not fortunate enough to enter into such a program. Jabalee said Michael began showing signs of his disorder in his mid-teens, although no one knew that at the time. His increasingly erratic behaviour was chalked up to the normal pitfalls of adolescence. Eventually, however, it became impossible to ignore that something was wrong with him. "When he was 17, my mom came to me and said she had had a conversation with him and he was disclosing these really weird and bizarre thoughts to her," said Jabalee. "He'd said something about being able to read playing cards and he'd also said something about receiving messages from the cat." Jabalee noted Michael soon began losing control of his emotions to the point that he was unable to eat or sleep. He had a deep fear of the world around him, which led to extreme depression and even suicidal behaviour. With no one to explain to them what was happening with Michael or how to deal with him, Michael's family became frightened of him and called the police. At this point Michael began a roller coaster ride of inconsistent treatment as he moved in and out of hospital psychiatric units, detention centres, group homes and jails. One of Jabalee's most vivid memories of her brother revolves around visiting him at one such detention centre. "You can only speak to them behind glass, so there I am talking to him, trying to carry on some kind of normal conversation and then we had to get off the phone and I followed him across the whole glass wall to their exit and he just kept staring at me and by the time he got to the end he was crying, in front of all these other inmates, and he was mouthing to me `Don't leave me here,'" said Jabalee. "He was petrified." Having received training in the social services since Michael's death, Jabalee now has a better insight as to what was going on in her brother's mind during this period. She said, Michael put it best in a suicide note he left for his family in which he stated, `This whole world was too much for me.' On this particular occasion police found Michael before he could hurt himself, but that overwhelming feeling he described never went away. "He was trying his hardest to fit into this world, but he just couldn't make it happen," said Jabalee. Walk of Hope at Coronation Park this Sunday In memory of Michael, Jabalee and her family will be participating in the second annual Walk of Hope for the Region of Halton/Peel, which will take place on Sunday, May 24 at Coronation Park. The walk, which begins at 1:30 p.m., will raise funds for the Ontario Schizophrenia Society of Ontario allowing them to carry on the important work of early intervention. For more information visit www.walkofhope.ca or call 1-800-449-6367. Anyone interested in contacting the Oakville office of the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario can call 905-338-2112. "He wanted to get his driver's licence back and he couldn't. He wanted to keep a job and he couldn't. He wanted to maintain a steady girlfriend. He wanted to be loved by his family. He wanted to be included in his family and the illness made this very difficult. If he got manic or the treatment wasn't working appropriately, as a family you're frightened, you don't know how to help that. You want to love the person, but you're afraid of the illness at times." This story reached its sad conclusion in July of 2008. At this time the delusions that were plaguing Michael's mind had gotten so bad that for the first time ever Michael attempted to check himself into a hospital, but was only provided some medication and then was sent away. Over the following weeks, Michael's condition deteriorated and it was not long before he was at the hospital again, this time presenting signs of extreme paranoia, said Jabalee. In the end Michael was released, but no family members or other designated contacts were called and Michael went home to an empty apartment. At around 5 p.m. on July 24, Michael called his mother begging her to come to his Toronto apartment, but as his mother lived in Oakville and it was currently rush hour, she asked him if he could wait until the following day. The conversation steadily escalated with Michael finally stating he was going to kill himself before hanging up the phone. Police were called, but would arrive at his apartment too late. "It's frightening to think of his last moments. He was babysitting his girlfriend's dog and he locked the dog in the bathroom," said Jabalee. "I don't know what he was thinking up until that moment and I just feel immense sorrow and pain for him because at those last moments all he wanted was somebody to be there, but his illness and his mind took over and he couldn't handle it anymore." Jabalee takes some comfort in the believe that her brother is now at peace after so much suffering, but notes the story might have had a different ending had there been more compassion and awareness in Ontario's mental health services. `This is why I'm here," she said.