Ontario Community Newspapers

Oakville Beaver, 26 Aug 1994, p. 8

The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Law unfair to oldsters who seek life of crime (Continued from page 7) age of 18 committing a crime is not a criminal, he‘s a social probâ€" lem. Now with Ye Olde Offenders Act, the government is going to have a bunch more social probâ€" lems to deal with and these more mature, nonâ€"criminals are not going to be a lot of fun to deal "SLATS appeals to the "SLATS appeals to the decorator in me. money manager in me. Think about it. We‘ll never have to worry about the governâ€" ment deâ€"indexing our pensions. Short of cash? We‘ll just get a bunch of boys from the bowling team and we‘ll rob a bloody bank! with because their prostates are overheating all the time. Please note â€" if you‘re going to 14"â€"20 20"â€"24 27"31 36"42 66"â€"78" *WDTH Instant Blinds! rrom CUSTOM CUT to your width free Aluminum Mini Blinds In Stock UP TO UP TO 45"LONG _ 64"LONG 8.95 14.00 18.00 23.00 29.00 15.00 16.00 23.00 $q.95 No, you won‘t have to worry about juvenile delinquents by the year 2000, it‘s the senile delinâ€" quents that you‘ll walk across the street to avoid. You and the little woman want to take a trip to Florida next winâ€" rob banks with other senior citiâ€" zens, bring a young person who can remember where the getaway car is parked. Then, pin the crime on him. He‘s young! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! UP TO B4"LONG 55.00 BLINDS MORE FOR LESS Choice of 100 Colours Double Valance Custom Controls F4 fi ul ter. No problem. You book a real cheap domestic flight, say Toronto to Ottawa, then pack light and pack right â€" i.e. a gun. Once on board, you place the muzzle of that gun behind the ear of the pilot and show him the map in the Dunedin brochure, so he can land on that long stretch of beach and you can walk to the ballpark from there. Oh sure, there‘ll be a real kerâ€" fuffle upon landing but what are We‘ll call ourselves "The Hole In The Wall Of The Heart Gang". no, no, "Grumpy Old Gunmen". no, "The Bad Bran Bunch". Yeah. that‘s it, and I‘ll be "Wiley OI‘ Willy", no, no, I‘ll be "The Prostate Punk". And the best is, we can use Ye Olde Offenders Act to override The Young Offenders Act. When a bunch of us old people see a couple of kids committing a crime, we‘ll just grab the little buggers and whale the beejeesus out of them. There‘ll be more of us and...that‘s right, we can‘t be charged â€" we‘re too old! they going to do? Extradite you back to Canada to give you a good talking to? They can‘t do anything â€" because you‘re not a criminal. You‘re a social problem who just can‘t seem to get enough bran. (Plus, we won‘t cost as much to control. If they keep the Young Offenders Act they‘re going to have to build more juvenile instiâ€" tutions. But not for old offenders. We already have those instituâ€" tions. They‘re called Sunset Havens.)

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